2We Need More Kirsten Dunst Around Here

Say what you want about her candids, but Kirsten Dunst has a knack for doing really, really cool photo layouts. This one’s for the latest issue of W magazine, and I think it’s an intriguing set of pictures.

March 8, 2007 at 6:25 pm by Evil Beet

2Lane Garrison Charged with Manslaughter

I honestly don’t even remember what show this kid was on anymore. Oz? Prison Break? Kids Incorporated? It was something. Anyway, he got drunk with a bunch of teenagers sometime in December, piled the whole lot of them in his car, and drove one of them off into eternity. And then his lawyer was all like “Oh no he wasn’t drunk at all,” and then the whole entire world was like “Bullshit” and then it turned out he used to live with the God-fearing Simpsons as a teenager (I mean Joe and Jessica and Ashlee, not Homer and Lisa and Bart) and then eventually Brandy killed some married mother on the 405 and then Anna Nicole died and then Britney shaved her head and went to rehab and left rehab and went to rehab and then Jennifer Hudson won an Oscar and Anna Nicole was buried and … maybe he was on The Bachelor?

Anyway, they’re charging him with felony vehicular manslaughter, but they’re not alleging gross negligence. He’ll do a maximum of six years in prison. He’s planning to surrender to the court voluntarily this afternoon.

March 8, 2007 at 6:04 pm by Evil Beet

1I Heart Tracy Morgan

The YouTube title says Tracey Morgan is wasted here but I don’t think so. He’s just a crazy funny bastard. It’s about 30 seconds in when things get interesting, the interviewer clearly wasn’t prepped for who Mr. Morgan was and what he is about.

I love him and I love 30 Rock.

March 8, 2007 at 5:20 pm by Spiteful Lars

7Joe Simpson is Truly a Man of God

The former reverend exemplifies the qualities we look for in our men of the cloth: love, tolerance, and an awareness that life does not bend to our will. He’s really just all of this and more.

When asked about Britney Spears’ recent stint in rehab, Joe said the following: “I would never let that happen to my daughters. Hopefully, her family will take care of the situation.”

That’s right, Joe. You would never let that happen to your daughters, because you have complete and total control of their lives, which is healthy for all parties involved. At least Britney’s family realized there was a problem and pressed their child to get help. You’d probably just lock Ashlee or Jessica in a basement for awhile. Totally normal.

Hey, Joe, did you catch Dirt this week? It was totally about you. The actor that played you? He even looked like you.

March 8, 2007 at 4:27 pm by Evil Beet

4Guy You Don’t Remember Drives 111!

This story is about the guy from the band Blues Traveler, a band you probably don’t recall. But the story is too good to pass up. I would share this with you even if it happened to my uncle.

Here we go.

SPOKANE, Wash. (AP) — Blues Traveler singer and harmonica player John Popper was arrested after the vehicle he was riding in was clocked going 111 mph, the Washington State Patrol said Wednesday. Inside the black Mercedes SUV, officers found a cache of weapons and a small amount of marijuana, the Patrol said. A police dog searched the vehicle, finding numerous hidden compartments containing four rifles, nine handguns and a switchblade knife. Authorities also found a Taser and night vision goggles. The vehicle also had flashing emergency headlights, a siren and a public address system, the Patrol said.

“Popper indicated to troopers that he had installed these items in his vehicle because (in the event of a natural disaster) he didn’t want to be left behind,” the Patrol said in a news release.

This guy rules all! How did he only have one hit back in 1996? He’s clearly got the right stuff for either a comeback or the end of the world.

Godspeed big man.

March 8, 2007 at 4:19 pm by Spiteful Lars

1Late-Night Links

Here I thought we just had an inexcusable dearth of drinking fountains in the United States, but it turns out there’s another possible explanation for all the “dehydration” hospitalizations we’ve seen in recent months. [Agent Bedhead]

Columbia University students take a five-minute break from their Ivy League navel-gazing to complain about Matt Fox speaking at their school. [SOW]

Phew. Lindsay Lohan is back to being her old irresponsible, drunken self, and we can return to writing article after article about her puke-on-set antics. Sobriety may have been the better choice for her personally, but it was doing nothing for us gossip bloggers, and rehab programs certainly emphasize the importance of being of service to others. Good to see Lindsay is internalizing what she’s learned. [The Blemish]

The next-best thing to American Idol? Is Girls Gone Wild. [Celebrity Smack]

TORI TORI TORI!!! OMG I LOVE YOU TORI!!!! I can’t wait until your whole album leaks is released.[popbytes]

Guess who’s still crazy and possessive? [Yeeeah!]

Carmen Electra may not be important enough to be offered a role in the Baywatch film, but at least she can always shill for a no-name diet pill. [IBBB]

Dude, if I were Rosie O’Donnell, I’d be depressed, too. [Defamer]

March 8, 2007 at 5:27 am by Evil Beet