Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Britney’s Comeback Tour, Stop Two: More Gum and Fewer Cameras


The second stop on the Britney Spears Comeback Tour 2007 was the House of Blues in Anaheim (really, Brit? Anaheim?). Security was super tight: no cell phones or recording equipment was allowed inside, and guests had to go through metal detectors to get in. Brit went on a little after 9:30 and performed for 12 minutes.

Brit was apparently so focused on her singing that she was able to chew gum for a portion of the performance.

So far, to HoB security’s credit, no photos or videos from last night have leaked. But I will, as always, be trolling the Internet, and, if anything shows up, I’ll post it. :)

Was Ryan Seacrest Doing Lines with Lindsay and Paris?


So, like, I think what this blog needs today is more Lindsay Lohan stories.

No, I’m kidding. Sort of.

Since we’ve essentially become (does someone own that?) these past few days, I’d like to skip today’s Lohan story, and I would, I really would, if only it didn’t involve Ryan Seacrest. Make sense of this oddball Page Six item:

LINDSAY Lohan just can’t seem to stop partying – and, unluckily for her, word on the street is that someone may have recorded her revelry with a cellphone video camera. We can’t divulge what Lohan was allegedly caught doing, but if true, it won’t sit well with her younger fans. Apparently, all the naughtiness went down last week at a party at a private house in Beverly Hills that was also attended by her frenemy Paris Hilton, shipping heir Stavros Niarchos and Ryan Seacrest. At one point, the party was disrupted by a huge rat that ran into several rooms, causing revelers to scream, drop their drinks and run, until Niarchos kicked the rodent out onto a balcony. A rep for Lohan told Page Six, “I have not heard of this.”

Okay, forget Lindsay Lohan. I really don’t care if someone has video of her doing cocaine. Her whole life is basically video of her doing cocaine. I want to see Ryan “Idol Gives Back” Seacrest doing some fat ass lines while Paris Hilton sits on his lap giggling. You know what I hope? I hope Lindsay puts on a fake British accent and is all like, “You know, Paris, your singing is like bad karaoke. It’s like … cheap cruise ship hooker music,” and then I hope Ryan’s all like, “Oh, Simon, is it really that bad?” and then Lindsay — still all British — is all like, “Ryan, you know you just want to have sex with me. In the anus,” and then Ryan’s like “That’s so true, Simon, I want that gigantic cock of yours so that I can …” and then I hope Paris falls off his lap, passed out. I hope this is all on camera and I hope it hits the Internet soon.

Lindsay Does Ellen

Oh, get your minds out of the gutter. Lindsay’s relationship with Ellen is nothing like her relationship with Samantha Ronson; it involves a lot less cunnilingus, I’d imagine.

That didn’t stop Ellen from basically giving her head anyway. Lohan did Ellen’s from-the-bed talk show on Wednesday, and she touched upon topics as far-reaching as the on-set drama of Georgia Rule (she’s sticking to that bronchial asthma story goddammit), Bill Cosby’s temper and her picks for American Idol.

In the second clip, Ellen pits her against the Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader kids, and LiLo gets to show off her impressive mastery of lunar properties, English grammar and hummingbirds. She gets total props from me for identifying an adverb without any prompting. Shit, I’ve worked with writers who can’t do that. Cocaine is an awesome study aid.

Second clip is after the jump.

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The Booze Bloat


You know in college when you are going through your photos of a night out with the girls? First you look rockin’ in your tube top and mini skirt. Then, as the evening winds down, you are downing red headed slut shots and snarfing up chicken tenders. You start to get that booze bloat and end up deleting a good amount of those post 2am photos. Sadly Lindsay Lohan can’t do that and she just looks beat here.

I don’t want to call her fat because she isn’t in any way. I will call her a bit of a drunken mess. I thought she went to rehab, what a waste of time and money. She just needs to put a sex tape out and be over with it. Homegirl is nuts and I think Hollyweird will be done with her soon.

Hayden Panettiere…watch out. You are all fresh faced now but after a few too many nights at Hyde and a secret drug problem this too could be you.

Rosie Cares About Babies

Rosie isn’t going to bother Elizabeth anymore about current affairs. The left and right wingers usually spar over issues such as abortion, the war in Iraq and Georgie B. in general.

Rosie today decided to call a truce on her crazy blog since Elizabeth is preggers and she doesn’t want to upset the unborn fetus.

on the view
u have seen my last hasselbeck spat
2 day was it
no more – its done
there is a new life
there – inside
and in the end -
what else matters

Touching Rosie. Just touching.