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37Um, I Just Found Some More Pictures of Greg Plitt I’d Like to Share

Coming up next week on Work Out … Greg hooks up with hooker Trainer Renessa, and also he may be an alcoholic!


Oh, please, please, please let him be an alcoholic!

Then I can get him wasted and make him marry me!

And by “marry” I of course mean “have sex with.”

Okay, sorry, I’ll get over this crush soon enough and write about things that other people care about, I promise. I’m just very “Crushville, Population: Me” right now.

I hope the show comes up with some reason to put him in a fireman outfit.

No, no, that would probably kill me, actually.

May 14, 2008 at 12:42 am by Evil Beet
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34Janet Jackson’s Dress: Love It or Leave It?

At the Alexander McQueen store opening in LA.

May 14, 2008 at 12:33 am by Evil Beet
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Marcia Cross takes her twin daughters, Eden and Savannah, to a park in Brentwood.

Awww, they’re so cute.

I bet Greg and I will have twins. Twins with killer abs. Seriously they’ll just pop out of my vagina with six-packs. I’ll have to make them stop doing push-ups so the doctor can cut the umbilical cord. I’m so excited for my babies with Greg.

May 13, 2008 at 11:24 pm by Evil Beet
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15An Important Message for Chloe Sevigny

Never, ever, ever stand next to Jessica Stam again.

Here’s Chloe at an event for Women’s Health in NYC. Chloe really needs to find out when there will be an event for Women’s Mental Health and show up there instead.

May 13, 2008 at 11:16 pm by Evil Beet
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15Okay, I’m Officially Obsessed with Work Out

I’ve been watching the previews for this show forever, but I never actually considered watching it. But my (fabulous!) trainer always talks about it. Like, we do ten minutes of abs, ten minutes of upper body, ten minutes of lower body, and then ten minutes of Work Out recap. So I finally decided to tell my DVR to record it, and have been spending the evening getting all caught up. And it’s amazing. It’s like The Hills but with grown-ups with amazing bodies. So much drama! So many six-packs! And lesbians!

Plus, one of the trainers is my future husband. His name is Greg Plitt, and we are getting married in the spring. Or as soon as he becomes aware of my existence. Whichever comes first. Look at him:

OMG we are getting married STAT. Total, insane hotness. I’m in love. I’m happy whenever he’s on screen. I plan our wedding in my head. The color scheme will match his eyes, and instead of having a ring bearer he will just hold our rings in his abs. And instead of reading vows he’ll just flex. And I’ll have a gorgeous, long, V-neck Vera Wang gown, and he will not have a shirt on at all. And instead of driving off to our honeymoon he will just pick up the entire car, with me inside, and jog us to the airport.

I have got to get my body in shape for Greg. I’ve been being really, really good about my diet, but then tonight for some reason I totally broke down and ate half a pint of cookie dough ice cream with whip cream. And I mean whip cream. Like I just held the thing of whip cream in one hand, scooped out a spoonful of ice cream with the other hand, then drenched the spoon in a tower of whip cream and ate it. Lather, rinse, repeat. And then I felt disgusting and sad and considered throwing it all up, but then I remembered that I’m not 17 anymore, and, like, I really have enough adult issues in my life today that I don’t need to toss bulimia in the mix. So I’m sitting here, writing this, unhappily digesting my ice cream and whip cream and watching Work Out and being sad because I will never ever get a guy who looks like Greg because I will always have the body fat percentage of, like, a Beluga Whale. Sigh.

Anyway. It’s a good show.

May 13, 2008 at 11:10 pm by Evil Beet
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5Yeah, I’m Just Gonna Go Ahead and Run All the Pics from the CW’s Upfronts


Because there is nothing else going on.

And because everyone at this event is way hot, and basically my entire hope for the future.

And because Leighton Meester has her hand in that stupid purse in like every shot, and it just baffles the mind.

All the pics are inside. We’ve got Gossip Girl folks (Blake!!!!), we’ve got ANTM folks (Jaslene!!!!) and we’ve got 90210v2.0 folks (???!!! … um … Lori Loughlin?).


May 13, 2008 at 10:09 pm by Evil Beet
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