Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Quotables: Sarah Palin Knows What You’re Up To, Hollywood

photo of sarah palin at a book signing pictures photos pics

“It makes you want to reach out to some of these folks and say, ‘What’s your problem? And what was the problem? And what is the problem?’ What would make someone be so full of hate? What would make a celebrity, like you saw onscreen, so hate someone that they’d seek their destruction, their death, the death of their children? What would make someone be so full of hate and, I guess, a sense of being threatened that they would want to see that person destroyed?”

Sarah Palin, reaching out and trying to touch those celebrities who have spoken out against her in the past. Like Margaret Cho. And Rosie O’Donnell. Matt Damon. I could go on, but there’s no real reason to revisit 2008.

I get what Sarah’s saying, but that’s going to be with anyone. I know she’s made a serious effort of trying to be a politician in the past, but if girlfriend doesn’t realize that what she’s talking about is EXACTLY the kind of day-to-day stuff a Serious Politician goes through, she’s a little bit more naive than I thought. Likable, yes. Very. But she’s got a bit more to learn of the dark side than I originally assumed.

What would YOU do if Sarah Palin were to emerge and clinch the Republican nomination for 2012?

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Anna Faris, Just What Do You Think You’re Doing

Anna Faris in Sacha Baron Cohen's next movie

ANNA FARIS WHAT HAVE YOU DONE.

US Magazine wonders whether this is a wig, and that is some wishful thinking, US Magazine. It’s like, just, OK, this is not a wig; if only this were a wig.

Anna Faris is a natural blonde—I know, I know, not that natural, I do have eyes—and until a couple weeks ago her bobbed haircut was so pretty and glossy and, well, kind of wig-like. But we loved it, right? It was such fun, happy hair, for happier, funner times.

But this new look is… dour, somehow? Whose idea was this hair? It’s awful. It’s so brown. It’s so short, so brown. I can’t wrap my head around the wherefores, but her haircut somehow makes her look her age, and in the worst possible way (SHE’S 34). This is Mom Hair.

And I’ll tell you what else. I love short hair. Short hair is the best. I got my first pixie cut when I was 18, trying to cash in on my “elfin chic.” But I absolutely did not know what I was doing, what with the whole new world of pomades and sprays and gels opened up to me. And so I had a serious, retroactively-humiliating case of the Crispies. Every strand of hair was immutable. My hair was so crispy, I once leaned in for a kiss and poked the guy IN HIS EYE with my anime hair.

A few years slipped by before I really understood how to make my short hair not-crispy. You think it’s easy? It isn’t. I have trodden this path before, and it was a long, hard road.

So I think I can understand what’s happening here: Anna Faris woke up Monday morning, showered, pooled a dollop of expensive product in the palm of her left hand, rubbed her hands together, ran her palms through her too-short ‘do, picked at her bangs for a minute, and then shouted, “Good to go!” And then Anna Faris high-fived the mirror, leaving a smudgy little handprint made of Pureology residue.

NO, ANNA FARIS. NO. You were not good-to-go! Contrary to whatever your liar stylist told you, this is not “wake up in the morning and go directly outside” hair. Short hair is an entirely new language. Learn your hair, my beloved Anna Faris. LEARN YOUR HAIR.

I am only telling you this because I love you. I will check in from time to time to see how you’re doing.

Lindsay Lohan’s Career is at its APEX, Guys

photo of lindsay lohan no h8 campaign pictures photos

How hard has Lindsay’s acting career stalled? If you really need an in-depth analysis with regard to the answer, just watch the proceeding video. Then? Watch it again. After that, for good measure, watch it one more time. Then, try your hardest to tell me that this “talented actress” deserves anything more than permanent duct tape over her mouth, let alone a comeback. Ready? GO.

No, I don’t think I do want to see a Lindsay Lohan revival. I don’t think I’m particularly interested in knowing whether Lindsay’s acting chops are up to the task of being respectfully employed again. Because this kind of stuff? Is the BS I live for. This is classic, cracked-out, self-entitled, look-the-frig-at-me Lindsay Lohan and after all of this time, we see it’s WHO SHE IS.

Honestly, who could ask for anything more?

Check out the gallery for another No H8 photo of Lindsay, and then a few of her carrying a box of muffins in stupid-ass shoes, just because.