Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Ivana Trump to Marry for the Third Time

Ivanka Trump Engaged to Rossano Rubicondi, Pictures, Pics, Photos

The New York Post is reporting that the 58-year-old mother of Ivanka and Donald Jr. is wearing a “ginormous” pink diamond reportedly given to her by her 35-year-old beau, Rossano Rubicondi, who, as best I can tell, is some sort of Z-list actor/model, but feel free to correct me on that. She’s reportedly begun referring to him as her “fiance.” Her rep confirmed the story, stating that “it will be officially announced when she returns from the Mediterranean.”

When asked what he knew about the story, her son, Donald Trump Jr., responded, “You probably know as much as I do.”

Meanwhile, The Donald’s out finding trouble of his own. Responding the recent Lohanigans, Donald offered the following (unsolicited) advice to the struggling starlet:

“Find what you love doing (other than drugs and alcohol), work hard, stay focused, get a new set of parents!”

Lindsay’s mother, Dina Lohan, whose attention really needs to be focused on battling Donald Trump in the press right now, shot back with the folllowing statement:

“Donald, I’m really disappointed in the statement that was brought to my attention from The New York Post. I’ve always had a great admiration for your business sense and I’ve read all your books and learned from them! Your own brother died of alcoholism and you own Trump Vodka? You say Lindsay needs new parents? Such a rash statement without backing it with fact? I am a single mother of four children doing what I can during this difficult time! Do a background check of both parents and you will find the truth! Shame on you… so many families suffer from this, yours included. We need solutions not opinions! – Dina and family”

OMG Please Tell Me Scarlett Johansson’s Going to Star in the Jenna Jameson Biopic

Jenna Jameson Scarlett Johansson

This would just be soooo great.

The ever-enterprising Jenna Jameson’s making a film version of her autobiography, How to Make Love Like a Porn Star, and apparently she has her eye on Scarlett Johansson for the starring role.

“I tapped up Scarlett for the part,” she says, “and I’m very excited about the film.”

Asked why she wouldn’t be playing the role herself, Jenna responded, “You know, the truth is, I’m not really a very good actress. I do well on camera when someone puts a cock in my mouth, but otherwise I just come across with a fair amount of awkwardness.”

Nah, I’m kidding. Instead she came up with this little gem: “It was my decision not to play the role because I’ve lived that life already and anyone can play themself.”

Hey, Jenna? Wanna know what’s not a word? Themself. See, because “them” is plural, so you have to use “selves.” Never mind. Just trust me on this.

But never fear! Jenna Jameson’s cock-free film debut is not far away, as she plans to play a super-heroine in a movie spin-off from a new comic book she has written.

The Wonky Eye is Back!

Paris Hilton Wonky Eye

Paris Hilton’s making a comeback, baby, and the wonky eye is coming along for the ride!

The wonky eye has been in hiding recently — it was probably really traumatized by the jail stay and wasn’t quite as ready to face the public again as the rest of Paris’s body — but we can all breathe a sigh of relief, because it’s back! Paris has just announced that she’s working on a new film and a new album, so I just can’t think of a better way to herald the return of the wonky eye! Welcome back, baby!!!

At the Fergie concert in Las Vegas on Sunday night.

Paris Hilton Wonky Eye, Fergie Concert in Las Vegas, Pictures Pics Photos Paris Hilton, Macy Gray and Nicky Hilton at the Fergie Concert in Las Vegas, Pictures, Pics, Photos Paris and Nicky Hilton at the Fergie Concert in Las Vegas

Danica McKellar: Math Doesn’t Suck

Danica McKellar Writes a Book: Math Doesn’t Suck

Danica McKellar, who played adorable girl-next-door Winnie on The Wonder Years, is hoping to send a positive message to young women with her new book, Math Doesn’t Suck: How to Survive Middle-School Math Without Losing Your Mind or Breaking a Nail. Danica hopes the book will help encourage young women, who traditionally fall behind boys in the discipline around middle school, to stop hating math so much.

After finishing The Wonder Years, Danica pursued a degree in mathematics at UCLA, managing to co-author a paper with a professor that proves a theorem in mathematical physics.

“When girls see the antics of Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan, they think that being fun and glamorous also means being dumb and irresponsible,” said McKellar. “But I want to show them that being smart is cool. Being good at math is cool. And not only that, it can help them get what they want out of life.”

Meanwhile, widespread reports indicate that Lindsay Lohan has begun work on her rookie literary effort, Danica McKellar Sucks.

The Simple Life Got Canceled

Simple Life Show Canceled

Because, you know, when it was just one sex tape and one DUI, it was kind of funny to leave these two alone with small children and farm animals. But now we’re dealing with multiple recorded hours of drug use, racist rants, probable herpes infections, pregnancies out of wedlock, three DUIs and two jail sentences, and all of a sudden no one really wants their kids on TV quite that badly anymore.