I’d title this post “Britney Spears with a Sucker” but I’m saving that title for when she gets back with Kevin Federline.
Photo credit: Buzz Foto
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What’s the state of the universe you ask? Taaaaaa-da!
David Hasselhoff Gets Full Custody of Children
Yes, this David Hasselhoff:
Actually that’s not near as bad as this… talk about ABUSE!
We’ve always wondered, is this Lohan kid going to make it as an actress? The answer becomes more cloudy by the day, but one thing is for certain — the gal is great at getting sued. Check this noise out: Lohan Sued Again Over 2005 Car Crash.
Now that’s just sad. It’s the “again” that really chokes me up here. The really bad news is that this lawsuit isn’t for a measly $3624. Oh no, my friends, she’s looking at a bill of (drumroll please):
The lawsuit, which seeks at least $200,000 in damages, also named The Ivy restaurant as a defendant, claiming its staff gave Lohan alcoholic drinks even though she was under the legal drinking age.
Delightful! I don’t believe a third lawsuit can come out of this, but you never know. We’ll keep you informed either way.
I know Beet did her best to frighten everyone that we’d all be without Friday entertainment. But we won’t. Because Spiteful Lars is on the case, and I plan on posting like a dervish. I’m talking hot blogging action here, stuff you won’t find on all those other blogs. So let’s start you off with the first story of the day:
Kathy Hilton and daughter Nicky are still reeling from their visits to Paris in jail, they tell PEOPLE.
Smell that? Yep, it’s Paris news, people. And here you thought it was Sulfur mixed with Poo.
“It’s tough. It is,” said Kathy, who saw her daughter on Tuesday. “It’s just one hour a week: 30 minutes on Sunday and 30 minutes on Tuesday. We talk through glass.”
The Sunday/Tuesday thing throws me and makes me think that the jail system doesn’t understand there are seven days in a week. Guys, how about a little Sunday/Wednesday schedule? That way Paris won’t have to go four straight days without some “through glass” loving.
“And this one” â€“ gesturing to Nicky â€“ “left in hysterics,” Kathy added. “Nicky tried to keep the brave face but â€“ I never see Nicky cry.”
Clearly she’s never seen The Notebook with one Ryan Gosling. It’s a horrible movie but girls seem to cry in it. C’mon, Nick, get in touch with that old sensitive side. Nicky added:
“It’s sad. It’s like right out of the movies,” she said. “The glass partition, the orange jumpsuit. Everything.”
So we’ve established that you at least see movies. It’s under “N” in the drama section. Fetch, girl, fetch. Also, please note that the above photo was taken after this traumatic experience. Ahem.
“What’s annoying is all these people are going on television saying that she was drinking and driving,” said Nicky. “She’s not in jail for DUI. That’s a big misconception. She’s in jail for driving on a suspended license, just like the D.A.’s wife was. … She got a $186 fine.”
Well.. I don’t know about that. Isn’t the root of all this the DUI? So if she hadn’t gotten that her license wouldn’t have been suspended ergo she’d still be strolling around Sunset Ave looking for johns? It’s like the butterfly effect theory in action. To take this back even further I blame her being born. You’ve got to admit she wouldn’t be in jail if she didn’t exist in the first place.
“There are no appeals â€“ as Paris said. But the point is that I hope this will shine a light on everybody (in those jails). That’s the positive,” said Kathy. The jails, she said, “need financial help, and it’s very sad to see what’s going on in there.”
You have a billion dollars. Be a buddy and build the Paris Hilton L.A. County Jail. It will be hot!
PS- I won’t be using any “more” jump buttons today because I need to break at least one posting rule while Evil Beet is away.
PPS – Feel free to drunk dial me Beet’s friends, I’m great on the phone. It’s real life that sinks me.
Is this a Miley Cyrus upskirt photo??? It hit the Internet this week. To me, it looks like she’s wearing underwear. You can view the uncensored version and the close-up thumbnails below to decide for yourself. Or, to check out some real celebrity upskirt photos, click here for our gallery.