Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Plenty O’ Lohan News

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It’s been at least six hours since I’ve reported or thought about Lindsay Lohan so my internal bell is going off like crazy.

Luckily I have not one, but TWO Lohan related stories to impart to you today.

First off, Kelly Clarkson was approached by her record label to cover a Lindsay Lohan song. Now if that’s not a bad sign for your career I don’t know what is. I mean, it’s not like Lohan has set the pop charts on fire has she?

“My label literally sent me a Lindsay Lohan track from her last album and wanted me to record it for my new album,” Clarkson, 25, tells MTV News.

I’m not a Clarkson fan (too much Guarini in me for that) but I can see Kelly’s point here. She’s already really toeing the line as far as street cred goes, I can’t imagine the fun DJs would have had with her covering a LL song. Oh wait, I can imagine. It’s a lot of fun they would have been having. Kelly wisely vetoed the notion.

Next up, Lindsay Lohan has topped Maxim’s Hot 100. This is certainly good news for her career as it again proves just how seriously people take her looks, body, et al. One funny blurb about the list:

Ashley Olsen, half of the mogul acting twins, placed 37th, while sister Mary-Kate didn’t make the cut.

Nice! Mary-Kate, you are well on your way to being that other Hilton sister. Which, all things considered, is not a bad thing at all.

See you in a few hours Lindsay!

Ty Pennington Launches Magazine

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Ty Pennington was in New York Monday night to help launch his new magazine: Ty Pennington Is Gay At Home. Yes, Ty, “at home” is a good place for you these days. A much better place than, say, behind the wheel.

To add to the randomness that is the most recent month of Ty Pennington’s career, the second-most famous person present, after Ty, was Aida Turturro of The Sopranos. Figure that one out, kids.

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Links Links Links

The Governator on Paris’s plea for clemency: “I have many more important things to think about.” [Agent Bedhead]

Gisele Bundchen sends the very pregnant Bridget Moynahan some gifts for the baby — despite the fact that the daddy is Bundchen’s current bf, Tom Brady. So, basically, this bitch gets to steal your man while you’re pregnant and still manage to score some good PR for it. Isn’t life sweet, Bridget? [Celeb Slam]

Britney decides to pull over on the side of the road, get out of the car, and change her son’s diaper. She’s just full of good ideas. [Cele|bitchy]

Evan Rachel Wood’s a screamer, and Marilyn Manson’s got the video to prove it. [Ninja Dude]

Jessica Alba. Wet t-shirt. It’s white. Go. [Derek Hail]

Ben Affleck plays with his little girl. Ben Affleck was way more interesting before he got sober. [A Socialite's Life]

Huh. Turns out Paris Hilton’s a Catholic. I don’t think even she knew that until she was facing jail time. [Warship]

Lindsay Lohan nipple slip. Just in case you somehow didn’t already know what it looked like. [cityrag]

It’s Lily Allen’s turn to have a nervous breakdown, dammit! [The Bosh]

Brittany Murphy is pretty adorable now that she eats and stuff. [The Grumpiest]

Michelle Rodriguez in a bikini. And lest the little bit of extra fat around the stomach dampen your interest, remember, guys, she’s a lesbian. [Drunken Stepfather]

Um, even TV Guide already knows who’s going to win American Idol. [GTS]

4 Out of 5 Doctors Agree: Joe Francis Is an Asshole

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The Smoking Gun got their hands on a letter from a psychologist, hired by Francis’s defense team to meet with Francis and determine his general condition. In general, he’s miserable and he wants to kill himself, and that makes me happy. Also, according to the doctor, he’s a pathological narcissist. AHHHHHHHH ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!!!!

Loves. It.

“Girls Gone Wild” boss Joe Francis has been having such a rough time in a Florida jail that he recently told a psychiatrist that suicide was a possibility if his imprisonment was prolonged. The porn impresario, who this week finishes a 45-day sentence for criminal contempt, also told Dr. Ronald Markman that he was being housed with “all murderers” in his section of the Bay County lockup. “I started freaking out and screaming, I couldn’t breathe,” said Francis. “I don’t think I can handle this on a long-term thing–I’m not a criminal.” Markman, hired by Francis’s defense team, interviewed the 34-year-old late last month and drafted the below report, which was filed Friday in U.S. District Court in Nevada. Markman concluded that while Francis was “clinically stable,” he demonstrated “significant psychiatric issues” for which he has shunned treatment due to embarrassment. During a two-hour interview, the inmate appeared to minimize his drug and alcohol use, Markman concluded. Francis denied using pot, claimed to have tried cocaine only a few times, and said he had one drink per week. He also copped to trying mushrooms.

All three pages of the letter below.

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Candy Spelling is My Hero

candy_spelling.jpgTMZ says that this really is a letter Candy sent them to post on the internet. I knew that Candy was sassy but never this awesome. I’m glad she and Tori made up because I bet Tori is so proud of her mommy right now.

Dear Paris,

As someone who has known you for most of your life, I pay special attention to your press coverage. (Apparently, I’m not alone, based on the responses every word about you creates on TMZ.com and elsewhere.)

Paris, I’m very worried about you. The last week has not only been an obvious roller-coaster for you emotionally, but your strategy went from blaming employees and stating silly excuses like, “I don’t read,” to your new lawyer’s tactic to have you sound mature and take some responsibility. In between, the paparazzi continue to follow you shopping and taking self-defense classes (to protect yourself in jail?), and some over-zealous friends staged embarrassing protests (three people?), and wasted taxpayer funds with a petition to pardon you.

People who are rich and famous are not treated like “regular” people, even though you claim to now be just like everyone else. In most situations, your privileged life works to your benefit. You have opportunities, access and resources like few others; and frankly, you can get away with more bad behavior and excuses than most people could even imagine. However, as the real possibility of jail approaches — whether it’s 21 days or 45 or whatever the latest report is — it’s time to get real. It’s time to find “a Paris” somewhere between “heiress” and a character on “The Simple Life.” I know she’s there, and I know she can be a good citizen and maturely face consequences other people would have to face under the same circumstances.

I am sorry you have been sentenced to jail. I can’t think of too much that would be worse. But since you let this happen, use the next couple of weeks preparing not only by publicly learning to fight (not a good message to fellow inmates), but by looking around, realizing that you are not as truly entitled as your money implies. You are a young woman who can add more to her community than establishing new definitions for infamy.

Best,

Candy Spelling

Money can’t buy class but oh it can buy sass.