Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Ke$ha Loves America, What About You?!

A photo of Ke$ha

If I can think of a single image that our forefathers would be proud to see as a representation of all their hard work, it would be this photo of Ke$ha in torn fishnets, a ripped American flag shirt, and a look of patriotism on her face the likes of which I’ve never seen before. I just know that on this very day, 235 years ago, when Thomas Jefferson was gazing proudly upon the Declaration of Independence, he also had just a sliver of pride in his heart for the future of this great land.

I bet that our girl Ke$ha is celebrating this fine Independence Day out in the sun with her BFF, Jack Daniels with a good old-fashioned money shot to close out the day, so, as I’m sure Thomas Jefferson would have wanted, I wish the very same to you!

#TeamSheen Hires a Summer Intern

Team Sheen internship ad

In March, Charlie Sheen launched a campaign to hire a “social media intern” who could further the Tiger Blood brand and hone Sheen’s Violent Torpedo of Truth. RumorFix reports that a pool of 82,149 applicants vied for the paid summer internship. And the position has just been filled!

In round three of the application process, one of the questions competitors could answer was, “If you were the Social Media Director for a major humanitarian aid organization, how would you create awareness and raise money via social media in the aftermath of a global disaster?”

Here’s oddly-stoic, totally overqualified Josh Burnstein of Tulsa, who answered that question with his #winning video application:

Jesse James Is Totally Cool, You Guys

Jesse James poses with the love of his life, Jesse James

I woke up last night in a cold sweat. I sat up in the pitch-black darkness, pressing my clammy fingers against my damp brow. I dabbed at my forehead with the sheet—Egyptian Pima, 300-count—as I tried to catch my breath. Oh! Oh, God! I thought to myself. Oh, God! I hope Jesse James is okay.

I needn’t have worried! According to the NY Daily News, Jesse James phoned into Australia’s Kyle and Jackie O Show, as part of his American Outlaw promotional rounds, and assured the radio hosts he is doing just fine:

When asked whether or not he forgave himself for cheating on Bullock with reportedly seven women over the course of their marriage, James, 42, replied, “Oh yeah. I’m cool.”

Wow. Jesse James is so strong. It must take an entire catalogue of moral virtues—like acceptance, mercy, resilience, and emotional generosity—to be able to forgive himself so quickly, and with such certainty!

James also said,

Yes, I cheated on my wife, but so do a lot of other people. Does that mean I’m the devil? Or that I’m Satan? I don’t think so. I made a mistake and I’m sorry for it, but I owned up to it.

Something about that quote rings jarringly familiar…! Ah, yes. From May of this year: “I never shied away from anything I did. I took full responsibility. I cheated on my wife. Guess what? So do millions of other men.”

Oh, Jesse James! If only everyone else could stop self-flagellating over itty-bitty mistakes and learn, instead, to rationalize a total lack of transcend ordinary human crutches like guilt, restraint, fidelity, and integrity.