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3Kids Just Love the Red Carpet

Brooke Shields and Husband Chris Henchy with Daughters Rowan and Grier at Premiere of Horton Hears a Who, Pictures, Photos

Brooke Shields and hubby Chris Henchy hit the red carpet for Horton Hears a Who with kiddos Grier and Rowan.

Grier doesn’t know what the hell’s going on, but Rowan just seems petrified.

March 8, 2008 at 8:27 pm by Evil Beet

9Not Quite Panties …


… but it’s still a huge step in the right direction.

Britney Spears wore denim cut-offs under her white baby doll dress when she went shoe shopping on Sunset on Saturday.

She’s getting saner every day.

March 8, 2008 at 8:15 pm by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Britney Spears


Suzanne Somers Touch Me Poetry Book Cover Picture, Photo

Organic girl dropped by last night

For nothing in particular

Except to tell me again how beautiful and serene she feels

On uncooked vegetables and wheat germ fortified by bean sprouts–

Mixed with yeast and egg whites on really big days–

She not only meditates regularly, but looks at me like I should

And lectures me about meat and ice cream

And other aggressive foods I shouldn’t eat.

Suzanne Somers, in her book of poetry entitled Touch Me, published in 1980.

Friday’s Huffington Post has an amusing piece on celebrity poetry. In addition to this Somers tour de force, they also showcase the poetic works of Leonard Nimoy, including this breath-taking stanza:

I love you

not for what

I want you to be

But for what you are…

I dunno. I’d talk shit about these poems, but I don’t know much about poetry; I didn’t major in English because I didn’t feel like going to law school. I actually kind of like the Somers quote. It’s not, like, super deep and dense, but I fucking hate poetry like that. It’s like, “Yeah, dude, you’re a big fancy poet. You smoke filterless Lucky Strikes. You wear fedoras. You don’t own a TV. Your girlfriend smells funny and you have a pet rat named Kerouac and you think football is barbaric and when I tell you what I do for a living you roll your eyes for so long that even I get a headache, then you promptly launch into a story about this one time you smoked out with John Stamos, which isn’t at all hypocritical and fucking annoying, but whatever. When you’re not working the afternoon shift at the moribund local record store, you juxtapose big words in a way that is meaningless even to you, so you must be very cool, and I should envy your bohemian existence and the sheer joie de vive that certainly comes with owning a car worth less than my purse. Yes. I’m right on top of that, Rose.”

I’d much rather read poetry like that one from Suzanne; it conjures a clear image with a clear message. I fucking hate organic girl already. And I get it. And I know her. She’s annoying. And she dates Big Important Poetry Guy. And they both suck and we’re all polite to them while secretly hoping that one day even the incense will get sick of hearing them talk and burn their damn house down. I’ll take that over the over-thought, pretentious, angsty bullshit coming out of the MFA classes any day.


Check out the full article for rhymes by Charlie Sheen, Viggo Mortensen and Wilco frontman Jeff Tweedy.

March 8, 2008 at 12:17 am by Evil Beet

7Jessica Sierra Talks About the Finer Things In Life

You know: alcoholism, drug addiction, rape, doing porn, working at Hooters. All the stuff that makes good daytime television. See, this is why I could never host a daytime television show. I could never look someone in the eye and be like “Tell me more about getting raped” when I knew full well that in my head I was thinking “This’ll be good for ratings.” And, frankly, shame on Dr. Drew for encouraging this shit. Jessica relapsed after Celebrity Rehab, so you know she’s just got a couple of months sober, if that, and what the hell business does anyone have putting her on television and asking her to talk about getting raped?

Normally I have nothing nice to say about the AmIdol alum, but it does seem like she’s making an effort to get sober and pull her life together. So, you know, right on, kiddo.

March 7, 2008 at 11:40 pm by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Jessica Sierra

13Guess Where Lindsay Lohan Is

Lindsay Lohan Shopping in SoHo at Charlotte Ronson, Pictures, Photos

Here’s a hint: it’s in SoHo. It’s a boutique. It’s owned by the sister of Lindsay’s rumored Sapphic love (and sometime dealer). Oh, and of all the shopping she’s done in NYC, this is the first place we’ve seen the photogs permitted to follow her inside.


And while you’re pondering that little brainteaser, how about someone also explain to me what the hell she’s wearing on her legs. Those don’t quite look like leggings and they don’t quite look like leather. I’m perplexed.

March 7, 2008 at 11:31 pm by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Lindsay Lohan

11Shia LaBeouf Is So Badass

Shia LaBeouf at Dulles Airport in Washington DC, Smoking Cigarette, Pictures, Photos

Here’s the Next Big Thing at Dulles Airport in DC, puffing away at a cigarette, and wearing a backpack and a set of clothing which I can only assume was purchased entirely at his local Goodwill. Hey, it’s kind of like contributing to a charity.

What’s with the spider on his hat? Does anyone recognize that logo?

March 7, 2008 at 11:24 pm by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Shia LaBeouf