Today's Evil Beet Gossip

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Amy Winehouse’s Back to Black has officially gone platinum. Amy, on the other hand, has officially gone batshit. [Bree]

Paris Hilton is wearing a shirt with her own face on it. They should make men’s pants with Paris Hilton’s face on them. That would make more sense. [Celebslam]

Diddy is having sex with everyone. [Bossip]

What’s your workout soundtrack? [Pajiba]

Star magazine doesn’t think Nicole Richie’s body can handle a baby, either. [popbytes]

Katharine McPhee: still way hot. [Glitterati]

Okay, I finally looked at these Bai Ling nipple slip pictures, and this chick has a ginormous nipple. That thing really does look like it could poke your eye out. [Drunken Stepfather]

Anne Heche: still motherfucking crazy, now with more property destruction. [Cele|bitchy]

Josh Duhamel says that Fergie would have been too hot for him in high school. Okay, Josh. Take that sentence. Reverse it. Apply it to today. Then call me. [The Blemish]

Lindsay Lohan’s Lesbian Love Letters from Rehab!!

Lindsay Lohan Sending Lesbian Love Letters to Girlfriend, DJ Samantha Ronson, Pictures of the Two of Them Together

Apparently Lindsay is spending her time at Promises trying to rehab her relationship with Samantha Ronson as much as she’s dealing with her drug problem, but hopefully she’s doing better with the drugs …

According to Star magazine, Lindsay and SamRo have been sending extremely charged MySpace and text messages back and forth ever since Lindsay checked into rehab. “Babe, if I don’t have you in my life then I should just go die,” wrote Lindsay one night. “Your [sic] all I have to live for, babe. I want to marry you and have children with you. I need you to live!”

Wrote Samantha: “You still have me. I’m here for you. With you.” Although Samantha was on-hand to spin the records at Lindsay’s recent 21st birthday party in Malibu, she has reportedly been encouraging Lindsay to find a partner who can help her stay sober, as Samantha struggles with drug problems of her own. Lindsay gets upset each time Samantha tries to end things.

“I love you,” said Lindsay. “You love me. Why don’t we fuck and make a family … Babe, don’t leave me like this I FUCKING LOVE YOU!”

Lindsay sends Samantha a “virtual kiss” each night from rehab. “Go to bed babe,” she writes. “I love you – [signed] Lindsay Ronson.”

Samantha’s part of the reason Lindsay’s even in rehab. They met on the club circuit three years ago, and their relationship quickly became more than just a friendship, and the Memorial Day weekend drunken car crash Lindsay was involved in came as she was having a drunk and loaded argument with Samantha, supposedly because Lindsay refused to call Samantha her girlfriend.

Richie’s DUI Trial Postponed for One Month

Nicole Richie DUI Trial Court Date Postponed Until August

Nicole Richie has won this round.

Nicole’s DUI trial was supposed to start today, but her lawyer effectively petitioned to have the trial date pushed back until August, when an expert witness would be available to testify. The expert witness, Dr. Terence McGee, will testify that urinalysis results are an inaccurate way to do drug testing, and that the cops should have used blood testing instead (notwithstanding the fact that Nicole admitted her drug use).

The new court date is August 16. Richie is currently around three months pregnant, so I’m sure it’s very important to her that she not do jail time for this offense, her second DUI in California.

Charlie Sheen’s Ready for Wife #3

Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller Wolofsky Pictures and Photos

Sucks to be you, Denise Richards.

Just a couple months after Denise’s break-up with Richie Sambora became public, her ex-hubby Charlie Sheen has gone and got himself engaged again. The newest future ex-Mrs. Sheen is Brooke Mueller, a 29-year-old real estate investor.

It seems Brooke’s investment in this relationship is already paying dividends; Charlie proposed with a $500,000 engagement ring on a Costa Rican beach.

This is Sheen’s second marriage. His first marriage, to Donna Peele, lasted about a year, and, most recently, he claimed Denise Richards as his bride. They divorced less than two years ago.

Denise and Brooke have reportedly forged a friendship of sorts, and have been spotted out and about together with Denise and Charlie’s daughters. “I really like her,” said Denise, “and that’s something people have a hard time with, too. I honestly want my girls happy and if they can have a harmonious environment at my house and at his house, that’s all I want. I really like her and I’m very, very happy for the both of them and I want my girls happy.”

See, guys? Happy. Happy! HAAAPPPPYYYY!!!!! EVERYBODY IS TOTALLY HAPPY. (Except those kids, every time Denise insists on dragging them to the red carpet events they hate so desperately.)