Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Memo to Alicia Keys: LOSE THE SHORTS.

photo of alicia keys shorts pictures weight gain new york city pics

Alicia Keys is a notoriously beautiful woman who NORMALLY has some pretty keen fashion sense, but girlfriend here was photographed wearing …. I don’t know what. Apparently the shortest, tightest, ROLL-UP jean shorts ever (I’m sorry, never a good idea on ANYONE; cuffed jean shorts? Please) coupled with gladiator sandals, all which make her legs look about a foot long.

Girl, I love you to pieces, and you’re gorgeous no matter what you wear, but this whole outfit here (gestures wildly)? Has just got to go.

Images courtesy of Splash News

I Just Really Don’t Get This Chris Brown Thing

photo of chris brown and fans in new york city pictures photos pics

I know we’re supposed to be all forgivey-forgivey in this life, but this? This picture of many young women all excited to skulk up to Chris Brown and have their photo taken? It really makes me scratch my head. Are we, as a society, so enamored and fascinated by celebrities that we’re willing to overlook absolutely everything that’s happened in the past (even OJ Simpson had his fans after his trial, and though I said I wouldn’t speak of this horrible bitch ever again, Casey Anthony‘s been receiving donations from male “admirers” since her verdict was reached)?

I know what Chris Brown did was supposedly small potatoes compared to the other two examples, and I know a lot of you guys are going to say “ugh, give it up, move on with your life, EVERYONE THAT’S ACTUALLY INVOLVED HAS,” but it’s stuff like this that really makes me shake my head. Maybe I’m of a different mindset than the young, unsuspecting girls in the photo above, but I’d be damned if I’d let go of my principles just to indulge a brief star-struck whim.

Have I “forgiven” Chris Brown? Nah, I guess not maybe. But I don’t matter in this thing. But do I think that having mindless adoration from people who don’t even know the real you may only encourage you to justify that kind of behavior: “Well maybe what I did actually wasn’t all that bad, maybe, was it?” And I? Well, I just don’t think that this dude is a very nice guy, even aside from the whole Rihanna thing.

Who knows. Maybe I’m talking out of my ass, but hey. That’s what these damned blogs are for.

‘Tabloid’ Premieres in NYC; Everybody Wants to Be Joyce McKinney

The IFC Center on July 11, 2011

Tabloid premiered at the IFC Center in New York a few nights ago, and everybody is freaking out over it.

And you should freak out, too, because this movie is maybe the Next Big Thing. You have to watch the trailer for Tabloid, below; you just have to. The video might not be safe for your workplace, not because of any single explicit thing, but because it hints at titillating, tantalizing, awesome subject matter. And then there’s its adorable whackjob star, Joyce McKinney.

Tabloid, the new documentary by Errol Morris, tells the incredible “true” story about Joyce McKinney, a wild-eyed beauty pageant queen who, in the 1970s, allegedly abducted a Mormon missionary, shackled him to a bed, and deflowered him for three long, sordid days. (And then again, it isn’t about that at all—it’s about the ensuing media frenzy, and about how we’ll never really know what happened.)

The premiere attracted kind of a weird crowd, including artists, hip young filmmakers, Spike Jonze, some actresses from Gossip Girl, and an unrecognizable Horatio Sanz. And according to Page Six, celebrities—especially the crazy blonde ones—seem to really identify with Joyce McKinney’s scandals.

At the premiere, Courtney Love told other audience members she had also been a recent victim of tabloid shenanigans. And, Page Six adds, Kirsten Dunst was overheard saying she wants to play Joyce McKinney in the inevitable bio-pic.

McKinney is reportedly basking in the audience’s response: “I gauge peoples’ reactions when I go to the screenings. …I still watch people’s faces as they come out, and I look at them and I think, ‘Well, are they being nice to me ’cause I’m a star? Or do they really know that I’m innocent, that I never raped a 300-pound Mormon?’ Am I still battling to clear my name? Yes, I feel I am.”