Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Britney Spears: Not Dead Yet

It’s just a matter of time, you guys.

But after surrendering her two children to K-Fed — who, in case you were drinking to blackout all day Monday, won full custody of their children — she went tanning, went to the DMV (to get a CA drivers license) and then checked into the Peninsula hotel, which will, God willing, not be the scene of her suicide tomorrow.

You know, I’ll be sad if I find out tomorrow that Britney spent Monday night getting drunk/high, but at this point, if drinking is going to keep her from doing something worse to herself, I say bring on the partying.

Don’t do something stupid, Brit!!!! Get your shit together and get your kids back!!!

A Celebrity Crashed a Vehicle Sober

Keith Urban Crashes Motorcycle on the way to an AA Meeting

Congratulations to Keith Urban, who actually managed to crash his motorcycle on the way to an AA meeting. I think that may be a first in the world of celebrity gossip — and we don’t have many firsts left — so this dude deserves a pat on the back.

Said Urban in a statement:

While out riding to an AA meeting, a time when my privacy is especially important to me, I felt myself being pursued [by paparazzi]. I sped up, and in an effort to elude an oncoming car, which was making an illegal U-turn, saw no choice but to drop my bike. In actual fact, my pursuer came to my assistance, without taking photos, and helped me from the road. I returned home, got my car, and continued on my way.

So it sounds like Urban was uninjured, and still went to the AA meeting.

Ladies and gentlemen, I think we’ve found Lindsay Lohan a sponsor.

Look, Ma! Not Naked!

Vanessa Anne Hudgens Bowling at Best Buddies And Lucky Strike Lanes Strike Up A Friendship

So Vanessa Anne Hudgens took a well-deserved break from photographing her vagina to attend a charity bowling event in Hollywood. And to demonstrate just how serious she is about wearing clothes in the presence of cameras, she brought along her kid sister, Stella, who totally got the shallow end of the gene pool in that family. (Is that crossing a line? Eh.)

You know what, though?

A month ago, I would never, ever, ever have run photos of some chick from High School Musical bowling. I’d leave that shit to Tiger Beat. (Do they still make Tiger Beat? Or did the final issue have, like, Corey Haim on the cover? Related: Am I eligible for a senior citizen discount at the movies yet?) But ever since she got all naked on the Internet, I care!!! Way to set an example for your kid sister, Vanessa.

Vanessa Hudgens and Her Little Sister Stella Vanessa Hudgens Bowling Pictures vanessa-bowl2.jpg

So Some Weird Shit Might Happen Around Here Tomorrow

Around 3 pm PST tomorrow, we are switching servers yet again. This really should be the last time, but what do I know? I’m the same person who used to watch TiVo commercials and think these machines could tell the future. I feel a little like Lindsay Lohan, always promising you guys that this time I’m fixed for good, and then I relapse.

Anyway, I do not think we should experience down time during this switch, but don’t freak out if that happens — I promise I’m working on it, or at least I’m making phone calls every five minutes to the people who are getting paid to work on it, which I sometimes think is more work than just, you know, getting a computer science degree and fixing the damn thing myself. But really who wants to do that?

What I do think might happen is that posts from the last five days or so will magically disappear. This will suck and I will then work to get them back. But don’t be surprised if all of a sudden a week of posts are missing. Technology kind of blows sometimes.

Also: thank you all for your support and kind words. It really means a lot. And an extra special thanks to Kevin, Becca and Saranden, my long-lost Phoenix pals, who have kept me laughing and worked wonders toward raising my spirits these past couple of days.


Britney Spears Loses Custody of Her Kids

Ohhhhhhhhhhh shit.

I suppose it was only a matter of time. Britney Spears has been ordered by a judge to surrender physical custody of her two sons to her ex-husband, Kevin Federline.

The straw that broke the camel’s back? It wasn’t the drug use, or the binge drinking, or the psychotic outbursts or the inability to hold down a career. No, it was her drivers license. Kevin Federline approached a judge with the new information that Britney Spears doesn’t have a valid California drivers license (she has one in Louisiana, her home state, which doesn’t matter since she lives in CA).

It appears Britney handed the kids over to K-Fed’s bodyguard a little after noon today, although she wasn’t required by the court to do so until Wednesday.

Without those kids, there will be NOTHING keeping B-Spears grounded. I hope someone’s keeping an eye on her, so we don’t have another Anna Nicole on our hands.