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233Motherhood Has Not Matured Nicole Richie’s Fashion Sense

Nicole Richie Shopping with Necklace with Letter H on It for Daughter Harlow, Pictures, Photos

Whatever. I’m not gonna act like parading around LA like you own stock in Hippie Gypsy makes one a bad mother; it does not. I guess I just had this secret hope that motherhood was going help Nicole stop dressing like a teenaged cokehead on a four-day bender.

Oh well.

She’s got a little necklace with an “H” on it, I assume for daughter Harlow, and not to help her remember which last name belongs to her and which belongs to Christina Ricci. Although we can never be sure.

Nicole Richie Shopping with Necklace with Letter H on It for Daughter Harlow, Pictures, Photos

March 11, 2008 at 1:47 am by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Nicole Richie

11Looking at Chloe Sevigny Is Making Me Itchy

Chloe Sevigny hosts the MSG Plus pre-party for the NetJets Showdown between Pete Sampras and Roger Federer at Madison Square Garden in New York City, Pictures, Photos

I don’t think I have to reiterate how much I hate Chloe Sevigny’s sense of “style.”

Here’s how I feel about Chloe’s ensemble choices: you know how, when you’re really sad, those “deep” people in your life are all like, “Look, you need to feel sadness every now and then. If you didn’t feel sadness, you’d never appreciate happiness. Sadness is a blessing.” And you want to fucking smack those people across their smug little faces and be like “That is such bullshit. Couldn’t I just feel fine the rest of the time? I’d still appreciate happiness, wouldn’t I? I’d just move seamlessly between the realms of A-OK and fucking elated, and I’d notice the difference, and appreciate it just fine, and I’d never be sad. You didn’t think that far ahead, did you, Buddha? So why don’t you be helpful by packing the bowl and then meditating somewhere far away?”

Okay, I know that didn’t make sense.

But I feel like Chloe sees herself as the anti-fashion. Like, if we didn’t have Chloe to showcase everything that could possibly be awful about fashion, how could we appreciate good fashion?

We’d be just fine, Chloe. Just fine.

Anyway.

Everything about this outfit makes me feel itchy. It hurts me just to look at her.

March 11, 2008 at 1:35 am by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Chloe Sevigny

22I’m Famous, Bitches!

Madonna Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Induction, Pictures, Photos

Madonna, Iggy Pop, Justin Timberlake Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Induction, Pictures, Photos

Madonna was inducted into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame in NYC on Monday night.

She posed on the red carpet with Justin Timberlake and, inexplicably, Iggy Pop, who, like, needs to wear a shirt. I have no idea which of the voices in his head implored him to go topless in front of the cameras, but you know Madge is just sitting there like “Dude, my stomach puts yours to shame. But people will run my picture even with my clothes on. That’s where we differ, you famewhoring nobody.”

March 11, 2008 at 1:24 am by Evil Beet

5Brooke Hogan’s Getting Her Own TV Show

Brooke Hogan Breasts in Purple Dress, Pictures, Photos

Presumably because the pending parental divorce and near-certain jail stay of son Nick mean that Hogan Knows Best is on its last legs, VH1 will be launching a spin-off series focusing on the life of the woman who is, tragically, the sanest member of the Hogan clan at this point.

That’s right: Brooke’s getting her own show.

The series will follow Brooke as she “strikes out on her own in Miami.”

Well, we’ve certainly watched Brooke strike out on countless red carpets, so let’s see if Miami’s perhaps a better fit. Honestly, what does Brooke Hogan even do all day? We’ll find out, I guess.

I mean, this was probably the long-term plan anyway. When Hogan Knows Best first started filming, word on the street was that Hulk only agreed to do the series because he thought it would help Brooke’s recording career. Brooke’s 2006 release, Undiscovered, sold only 127,000 copies (insert your own “undiscovered”-related joke here). Those are actually not awful numbers considering the album was released via Scott Storch’s indie label, Storch Music Company.

My guess is she’ll be back to making records. What else does she have to do?

March 11, 2008 at 1:14 am by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Brooke Hogan

8I Want Kathy Griffin to Marry Me, Too!

Kathy Griffin Presides over a Wedding

Kathy Griffin presided over the wedding ceremony of a New York couple this weekend.

“The request came in, and how could I say no?” she said. “I love that this couple just want to have fun. They’re my kind of people.”

Griffin led the 10-minute wedding ceremony of Brian Anstey and Elka Shapiro by making off-color jokes about the couple’s sex life and forcing the bride to recite the menu.

OMG, I soooo want Kathy Griffin to preside over my wedding. I would totally do it right now, if I had anything even remotely resembling a boyfriend. But I don’t. Anyone want to marry me? We’ll have Kathy Griffin there! Come on! I don’t cook or clean or sew or anything, and you couldn’t fit my emotional baggage into an entire Louis Vuitton store, but over time I have learned to compensate for these shortcomings by being fucking incredible in the sack. Like you know how blind people compensate by having exceptional hearing? Or how ugly girls compensate by being really nice no matter how shitty you treat them? Oral sex is my exceptional hearing. Give me a shot, guys!

Kathy became a minister through the Universal Life Church, who will ordain damn near anyone.

My college boyfriend did this shit and ended up presiding over the wedding of two of our best friends.

In fact, I just did it. No joke. I’m an ordained minister now. So it’s official: EVIL BEET DOES WEDDINGS NOW! If you’re in the LA area and you’d like me to preside over you wedding, just drop me a line. I’m so in. And I PROMISE to make off-color jokes about your sex life. I’m so, so good at that sort of thing.

March 11, 2008 at 12:55 am by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Kathy Griffin

229Britney’s On a Budget

britney_shu.jpg

So a judge ruled today that Britney’s dad could put her on a budget of $1500 a week. She’ll have a debit/credit card to use that maxes out over that amount.

$1500???

That’s hardly enough to support her Starbucks habit, let alone her shopping habit! Come on, Pops, if the most manic thing Britney wants to do is go on a shopping spree, let her! Lord knows that Sane Britney (circa 1999) worked hard enough that Crazy Britney should get to shop now.

Britney didn’t show up at the hearing — she was busy on the set of How I Met Your Mother, where she’s filming a small guest spot. It’s an obvious ratings ploy on the part of CBS, but, hey, at least homegirl finally has a viable reason to skip a court date.

Here’s a pic of Britney heading out to dinner at SHU in Beverly Glen last night.

She’s wearing a bra. Her extensions look — dare I say it? — good. I don’t know what it is, but when I was flipping through this set of photos, I actually felt relieved. Like, I experienced a physical change in my body as a result of the physical change in Britney’s. I can’t put my finger on it, but this looks like a human being again. I mean, her nails are still shot to shit, and she’s wearing these ridiculous bright blue contacts, but still. I feel like I’m looking at a person and not a disease for the first time in a very long time. Our darling Britney may be being nursed back to mental health. I truly hope so.

Britney Spears Eyes with Blue Contact Lenses, Pictures, Photos

March 11, 2008 at 12:36 am by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Britney Spears