Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Meryl Streep’s Daughter Looks Just Like Her

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And she’s also hot. Her name is Mamie Gummer and I’m predicting good things from her. Of course it will help that momma is a 14 time Oscar nominee. Both mother and daughter are in Evening, and these are from the press conference of said movie. Evening, sadly, is a very horrible movie. It’s so sappy that you could make hard cider from it. It’s so boring that you’ll search for something sharp while you’re seeing it.

Still though, Mamie, let’s do lunch.

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How’s Sobriety Working Out for Ya, Jesse Metcalfe?

Jesse Metcalfe Drinking Again

The recently rehabbed hunk was spotted leaving Parc this weekend looking a little less than sober.

The New York Post reports that Jesse spent the weekend before partying it up in Miami, where he got into all sorts of trouble.

A spy at the Shore Club saw Metcalfe poolside last Saturday afternoon chatting it up “with three married women from New York. Jesse spent the afternoon ordering drinks with the ladies . . . and then walked out on the tab.” Earlier that day, a different source told Page Six, Metcalfe and his assistant threw a fit at the Hotel Catalina in Miami Beach. “The assistant went right up to the reception desk and said, ‘Let me see Jesse’s room before I decide if Jesse is going to stay in this [bleep]ing hotel,’ ” claims an eyewitness who was in the lobby. “Everyone was staring.” Metcalfe and an entourage of “blond girls” were spotted at the nightclub Suite on Saturday, and he continued his partying Tuesday at Blue in the Delano.

Sigh. A few months ago we were saying that rehab is the new black. Now I’m gonna go ahead and say that relapse is the new rehab.

[photo credit: Buzz Foto]

Japan Gets All The Premieres Ever

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It’s so unfair that everyone promotes everything in Japan, leaving us non-Japanese based writers out in the cold.

Well, check out the above picture and note that it’s going down again. Bruce Willis is over there promoting his new film, Live Free or Die Old right this moment. He’s enjoying good sushi with real Wasabi (I’ve been assured you can’t get “real” Wasabi in the states) while singing Karaoke and partying with Harajuku girls. And where the hell are we? At our desks.

I hope it’s all worth it Bruce. Stay away from the Yakuza.

I’m Against Paris Again! Whew.

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From People:

Paris Hilton made a phone call to the View host (BaBwa Walters) on Sunday to talk about her state of mind, ABC News reports.

See, I saw the crying face and my heart melted. If you’re a woman in my life, and you want something, just fire up those tears. I’ll get a second job honey, no problemo. But now, thankfully, Paris has gone back on the “pay attention to me” crusade. Yay!

According to ABC News, Hilton told Walters that her attitude has changed. “I used to act dumb,” she said. “That act is no longer cute. Now, I would like to make a difference. God has given me this new chance.”

Chances that Paris changes? Is negative infinity zero a number?

Walters is a longtime friend of Hilton’s mother, and in May, Kathy Hilton gave Walters a public statement in which she said she wished “young people who look up to people like Paris can learn from this.”

Hey. If you know a young person who looks up to Paris I want you to find them and and start a dialogue. They are clearly screwed up. Offer up an alternative, such as a pudgy gossip writer. Trust me, they’ll thank you in the long run.

Celebs Show Off Their Kids at Disneyland

Denise Richards and Daughter Sam at Finding Nemo

On Sunday, all the celebrities who weren’t at the Disney event for the Elizabeth Glaser Pediatric AIDS Foundation dragged their asses (and the diapered asses of their small children) all the way down to Anaheim for the opening of the Finding Nemo ride.

I’m primarily interested in these images because, once again, Denise Richards insisted on trotting her obviously anti-camera children in front of photogs again. This time she only brought Sam, leaving Lola at home in peace, I suppose. These children always look unhappy in photos. Why do you insist on doing this to them, Denise?

In stark contrast, Brooke Shields’ little daughters, Rowan and Grier, are absolutely adorable. Mariska Hargitay was there with her son August. Kobe Bryant brought his whole family. Courteney Cox and Lisa Kudrow were there for reasons that baffle me. (Actually, Courteney was probably there because David Arquette and his sister Patricia, who brought her daughter and goddaughter, were.) Leah Remini, Scientologist extraordinaire, brought her husband Angelo Pagan and her daughter, Sofia Bella (Pagan’s three children from his previous marriage clearly lost their invites in the mail). Melissa Joan Hart brought her cutie son Mason. And no event would be complete without the darling Sprouse Brothers, still pretending to be 15 years old.

Denise Richards and Daughter Sam at Disneyland Finding Nemo Denise Richards and Daughter Sam at Finding Nemo Denise Richards and Daughter Sam at Finding Nemo Disneyland Ride Picture Mariska Hargitay and Son August at Finding Nemo Disneyland Picture Melissa Joan Hart and Son Mason at Finding Nemo Disneyland Picture Leah Remini Sofia Bella Angelo Pagan at Finding Nemo Disneyland Picture Melissa Joan Hart and Son Mason at Finding Nemo Disneyland Photo Courteney Cox and Lisa Kudrow at Finding Nemo Disneyland Picture Dylan and Cole Sprouse at Finding Nemo Disneyland Picture Brooke Shields with Daughters Grier and Rowan at Finding Nemo Disneyland Picture Brooke Shields with Daughters Grier and Rowan at Finding Nemo Disneyland Picture ‘Kobe Bryant and Family at Finding Nemo Disneyland Picture

Okay Sorry I Have to Talk About The Sopranos

Sopranos Final Episode

WHAT THE FUCK???

I don’t know what sort of artistic statement David Chase was shooting for, but that was fucking bullshit. It’s really cute that he gets to end the show on his own terms, but we’re the ones who have been keeping that show on the air for the past eight-and-a-half years. We deserve something better than that bullshit ending. I’ll admit that those last five minutes were some of the most oddly suspenseful in television history, and in such a mundane setting, too. It was brilliant. Anything was possible. It could have been so good. And yet, it was so, so bad.

There had better be a movie.

What do you guys think?

Guess Jew

If you’re anything like me, you need a good laugh to dissolve the intense, intense anger you’re feeling after watching the final episode of The Sopranos. I won’t give away any specific plot details for those of you who recorded it, but suffice it to say: Fuck you, David Chase. Okay? Fuck. You. I think I understand what it feels like to have blue balls now. So, like, I’d like to offer an long-overdue apology to all those guys from back in high school. That was not cool of me.

Anyway, check out this short film, Guess Jew. It’s pretty funny.