0ProjRun is Totally Willing to Lower Their Standards

Remember how no one showed up to the first round of Project Runway auditions in LA? The production company figures, I suppose, that is was just a bad weekend for designers? Maybe it rained the whole weekend? (It didn’t.) At any rate, they’re giving it another go: TODAY. So get your butt downtown! This showed up on Bravo’s website:

LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA
Due to the overwhelming response an additional
half-day has been added!
Friday, April 13
12pm to 6pm
453 South Spring Street, 7th Floor
Los Angeles, CA 90013 (Between 4th and 5th Street)

Hee hee. “Overwhelming response.” Right. What this means, really, is that they’re are looking for people who are attractive and will fight with each other on camera. If you can sew, total bonus, dude. Head on out there, kids!

P.S. The photo? Don’t ask.

April 13, 2007 at 1:39 pm by Evil Beet

0Can We Please Be Done with Anna Nicole Soon?

It hurts. Oh, God, it hurts so bad. I feel like I’m limping, crawling, dragging myself toward the mythical Anna Nicole Finish Line, and every time it’s in sight I blink, and it was just a mirage. When will this be over? When? Mommy, make it stop.

The Virgie Arthur custody battle took place today in the Bahamas. You know when you’re in a really long work meeting that just keeps dragging on and that one annoying person in the room keeps asking stupid question after stupid question and finally someone says those magic words: “Let’s take this offline.” What that means, of course, is let’s postpone this until we can discuss it outside of the formality of this meeting and stop watching the salaries of the 18 very qualified people in this room slide down the corporate drain while we deal with your retarded retardedness. I think Virgie Arthur’s lawyer was finally merciful enough to suggest they take it offline. After the court day ended without a decision, Arthur’s lawyer announced that Dannielynn’s grandma would meet privately with Larry Birkhead “to figure out what they believe is in the best interest of this child — and try to get it done.”

Oh, please, Lord, let’s get it done. Let’s just be done with this. Please.

April 13, 2007 at 12:44 pm by Evil Beet

17Courtney Love Should Have Been a Journalist

She missed her calling. Her true genius lies in the written word. Responding to reports that she had gastric bypass surgery, Courtney responds, and I quote:

oh perez got it from pge six nd ots bullshit
i couldnt get that suregry iof i begged for it
FDA says you have to have a BMI of above 40 and that equals at least being 100 pounds overweight at least other wsie its ILLEGAL.
I know spmeone who troed to get that shit and no dr would give it to her an dhse was pudgier than i was, its total utter shite, i lost weightthe hard way and people cant accept it,whwnever ANYONE loses weight by determintaion and grit fast its suspect i got muyinspirationf rom Oprah losing so much weight on Slim Fast,. thats how i did it

Now, I got out my 4th Edition Courtney-Love-to-English dictionary, but I still couldn’t piece together all the grammatic constructs, so we had to dig into our Evil Beet budget and hire a translator. Here’s what Courtney said:

Oh, Perez got it from Page Six and it’s bullshit. I couldnt get that suregry if I begged for it. The FDA says you have to have a BMI of above 40, and that equals at least being 100 pounds overweight — at least – otherwise it’s ILLEGAL. I know someone who tried to get that shit and no doctor would give it to her and she was pudgier than I was. It’s total utter shit. I lost weight the hard way and people can’t accept it. Whenever ANYONE loses weight by determination and grit fast it’s suspect. I got my inspiration from Oprah losing so much weight on Slim Fast. That’s how I did it. That and cocaine. Bllaaaaaaaaaargh.

Honestly, Courtney, are you typing in the dark or are you just that high on diet pills? We ran out of cash for the translator, so I’ve included the rest of the entry in Courtneyese after the jump if you want to take a stab at it yourself.

(more…)

April 13, 2007 at 12:30 pm by Evil Beet

3New Larry King PICS!

Doesn’t Larry look like he might die any minute? Do you think CNN already has the obit video ready? I bet they do. Bastards.

Also, the interview was to announce that Oprah just opened a school in Senegal for any child named Harpo. Renaming your child is allowed, so it’s actually pretty inclusive.

April 13, 2007 at 11:43 am by Spiteful Lars

15DUUUUUDE JOE FRANCIS IS SOOOO FUCKED

I’ve wondered time and time again how someone like Joe Francis sleeps at night. I guess I have my answer now: Lunesta. When I heard Francis got his ass caught with drugs in prison — the guards became suspicious after he tried to bribe one of them for a bottle of water — I wondered what it was he had smuggled in. What pill could be worth that risk? Lunesta, it turns out, and anti-anxiety med Lorazepam. There were 16 different pills in all. Turns out tough guy Joe was scared he wouldn’t get his beauty sleep in prison. Francis was charged with bribing a jail guard and having prescription sleeping pills in his cell. The president of his production company, Scott Barbour, brought him the pills; Barbour was charged with introduction of contraband into a detention facility. That’s what you get for being a friend to Joe Francis, buddy. And here’s the thing: I’m sure these white-collar criminal types do this all the time, smuggle cash and sleeping pills and anti-anxiety meds into prison. It’s probably par for the course, and the guards probably look the other way. But not with Joe Francis. He just reeks of jackass. They must have been like, “Oh no, not you, buddy. We’re going to make this as hard on you as possible.” And I love that. I want to write those guards a thank-you note. I want to send them flowers and bake them cakes. I want to bake them Funfetti cakes. And I don’t do that for very many people.

But we’re not at the best part yet! The best part requires no additional commentary. I’m just going to let you read what came across the AP wire this morning. I have bolded the only important part.

When he learned of the new charges, Joe Francis waived his right to a bond hearing for the contempt of court charge that had led to his being jailed. Francis cried as his mother blew him a kiss while he was led from a federal court room back to his cell.

“I didn’t do anything,” he told his parents as he was led away.

Awww. Poor baby! Jail is so awful. It hurts and it’s scary and it makes you want your mommy. It’s kind of like being raped by a spoiled, narcissistic, heartless porn magnate, except it’s not nearly that bad at all and this is your fault. Take it like a man, Joey.

April 13, 2007 at 11:19 am by Evil Beet

0Really, Kato, Thanks for Taking the Time to Walk the Carpet

We know you have a lot going on these days, and you must be so tired of paparazzi constantly prying into your private life. You just want to be off the radar for a little while, you just want to get inside to enjoy the party, we understand that, but it’s really important to our editors that we get one or two good pictures of Kato Kaelin tonight. You don’t have to answer questions if you don’t want to. This’ll just take a second. Please, Kato, we’re begging you. Just go ahead and stand in front on the carpet for thirty seconds so we can get a few shots. We’d be forever indebted to you. Oh, you’ll do it? Oh, thank you, Kato! Thank you ever so much!

April 13, 2007 at 8:52 am by Evil Beet