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23Fun with YouTube: Paris Hilton, “Screwed”

So my girlfriends and I went to the Missy Higgins show tonight. Missy was amazing — she looked adorable on stage, and she has such an incredible voice! It was so great to be there and to watch her. I hope she takes the U.S. by storm, as she deserves to.

Afterward, we started talking about giardia — because none of us has children, but we all have dogs. So we started talking about our “kids” and giardia and how it was transfered via fecal matter. And somehow Paris Hilton came out of that — go figure. And one of the girls was like “Did anyone actually hear that whole CD?” and I was like “Um, I wrote a review.” And she was like “Were there any other good songs?” and granted it had been a long night at that point but I was like, “Uh, ‘Screwed’ was actually pretty good” and then we came home and the girls were pretty trashed and we were trying to figure out how to score weed but we didn’t even know what to call it, because we’re old and everything, and so one of my girlfriends texted her 19-year-old cousin like “What do the cool kids call weed?” and the cousin was like “Mini-H” and we were like “What does that even stand for?” and her cousin was like “Why should I know? I just smoke it, I’m not running the goddamn marketing department,” but it turned out someone had a boyfriend who had weed so we scored that and the girls got stoned for the first time in like 5 years. And everyone was like “How are you digging that mini-H?” and it was very funny.

Does anyone know what “Mini-H” means? I’m such a senior citizen.

Anyway. Then we listened to Paris’s CD for like two hours and everyone was like “Man, her voice is even worse when you’re stoned. It’s, like, separate, and it’s awful.” And we talked about how awful Paris is when you’re stoned for like an hour. Or maybe 20 seconds. Who knows?

So, ladies and gentleman: Paris Hilton, “Screwed.”

May 18, 2008 at 1:21 am by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Uncategorized

8Ashlee & Pete: Together at Last!

“We’re delighted to confirm that Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson were married this evening in front of family and close friends,” says their publicist.

Shocker.

She’s soooo preggers.

May 18, 2008 at 1:04 am by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Uncategorized

16I Would Like to Sponsor Lindsay Lohan’s 22nd Birthday Party

Has it really been a full year since her 21st?

My, how the time flies.

Lindsay Lohan’s 22nd birthday party is currently looking for sponsors.

I sent the guy an email.

Let’s see how we can get involved here.

May 17, 2008 at 4:09 pm by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Uncategorized

40Britney Spears: Pregnant or Just Fat?

Here’s the first round of pics from Britney Spears’ Costa Rican vacation (with Mel Gibson!), and they have tongues a-waggin’ because she looks like she could possibly be pregnant.

She’s not pregnant, people. She’s just put on some weight.

I mean — she’s not pregnant, right? She couldn’t possibly be pregnant, right? I mean, she’s freakin’ smoking in these pics. Right???

[Images via Splash]

May 17, 2008 at 1:26 pm by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Uncategorized

25Angelina Jolie Somehow Forgot That There Are Paparazzi Stalking Her French Villa 100% of the Time

Preggers Angelina decided to change into her bathing suit on the balcony of her French villa.

Of course, the paparazzi and their long-range lenses decided to capture the moment for all eternity.

That’s right: blurry Angelina Jolie nipple.

Now, I’m currently being extremely well-behaved so that nice brands will be willing to advertise on my website (don’t worry, guys, this is only temporary) so I’m sending you over to my good friend at Celebitchy to see the actual [NSFW] pics.

May 17, 2008 at 1:16 pm by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Uncategorized

28How Domestic!

Lindsay and girlfriend SamRo carrying groceries back to Samantha’s house after shopping at a local market.

I’m sure those bags are chock-full of fresh produce and lean meats!

No liquor at all!

May 17, 2008 at 12:23 am by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Uncategorized