Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Britney to Mom: “You Got Served”

Now that we’ve solved the Mystery of the Illness So Rare and Lethal Even the Very Best Doctors at Lynwood Correctional Facility Were Helpless in the Face of It (it was claustrophobia, and it turns out the elusive cure is to “deal with it“), we can move on to solving a new mystery: what the hell were the papers Britney Spears delivered to her mother yesterday?

Yesterday, Britney found yet another good use for the hordes of photographers who last year were helpful enough to support her dream of having her vagina invade more homes than any of her albums, when she used them to learn the whereabouts of her rehab-enabling mother.

Britney had tracked down her mom with the help of the paparazzi who are never far from her side.

The singer’s bodyguards had asked some of the fotogs who camp outside her Beverly Hills home if they knew the whereabouts of Lynne Spears.

When the shutterbugs said the elder Spears was holed up nearly an hour away at a TV studio in Valencia, the singer grabbed her two kids – Sean Preston, 21 months, and Jayden James, 9 months – and hit the road in her Mercedes.

After arriving in Valencia, Britney served her mother with a set of papers.

What were those papers? Word on the street is they were a strongly worded letter urging her mother to stay away from her two children. Other sources claim they were an actual restraining order, but, if that were the case, Britney could not have served them herself, and an L.A. Superior Court spokeswoman claims they have no such order on record from Spears.

You can check out video of Britney serving the papers to her mom here.

Isaiah Washington Is Really Tired of Being a Working Actor

Isaiah Washington Grey’s Anatomy

It’s like this guy is on auto-destruct.

After being unceremoniously dismissed from the friendly set of Grey’s Anatomy, Isaiah Washington continues to remind us that he’s still “mad as hell.” Mad like a hatter, folks. Totally batshit.

First and foremost, Isaiah opens our eyes to the sad reality that there is no such thing as Promises: Homophobia Edition, where otherwise well-adjusted men with an uncontrollable need to occasionally call other people faggots sit around in a circle and admit that they are powerless over same-sex anal penetration.

“There is no rehab for homophobia—that was just some crap being put out by the network,” he says. “I went into an executive counseling program which many people in this industry know about and go to. They knew what the program was but chose to call it what they wanted to fit their agenda.”

And if you, like me, have been kept up at night worrying that Washington would somehow manage to complete this career free-fall without once attempting to hold up the race card as a makeshift parachute, you can sleep again.

“Well, it didn’t help me on the set that I was a black man who wasn’t a mush-mouth Negro walking around with his head in his hands all the time. I didn’t speak like I’d just left the plantation and that can be a problem for people sometime,” he says.

“I had a person in human resources tell me after this thing played out that ‘some people’ were afraid of me around the studio. I asked her why, because I’m a 6-foot-1, black man with dark skin and who doesn’t go around saying ‘Yessah, massa sir’ and ‘No sir, massa’ to everyone?”

In other news, when fellow black, dark-skinned castmates Chandra Wilson and James Pickens, Jr. were asked to comment on whether they felt ABC had handled the situation appropriately, they responded, “Yessah, massa sir. Kin we go back outsahd in’ git back to our cotton now?”

Paris Hilton: Now With More Herb

Of course after Paris Hilton lied to Larry King and told him that she has never done drugs nor has a drinking problem (which is when both the Beet and I gave up on caring about her interview) various websites have come up with photos and videos of the formerly jailed heiress doing many illegal drugs.

Paris. When something is on the internet it kind of gets around. Sort of like you.

The Smoking Gun is on the case and boy to they have some awesome video.

* Paris Hilton saying that she is smoking weed and eating old burgers

* Paris Hilton trying to score “ludes” off some lovely man named Jose who Paris says is “like a pharmacy.”

* Paris outside the Mushroom Gallery of Amsterdam buying and eating shrooms with her former boyfriend Jason Shaw.

* Paris once again in Amsterdam smoking hash from a pipe in Amsterdam and attempting to figure out how to get quality weed back to the US.

* Nicky actually saying to her sister “Do you have herb?” and then going outside with Hilton and friends to toke up. I’m sorry but in all of the times I was around weed nobody called it herb except for serious stoners.

* Paris once again in Amsterdam taking hits off a bong.

I have to say that I “heart” The Smoking Gun. They were one of my first websites to waste time with when I was at my part time office job in college. Simply put…Paris you dumbass don’t say you don’t or haven’t done drugs when you have taped yourself doing them.

For videos of Paris doing drugs click [here]

OMG LINDSAY LOHAN DOES COCAINE!!!!

Lindsay Lohan Cocaine in DUI Case

SHOCKER! The toxicology report from the night she drove her Mercedes off the street and into the sidewalk indicates she was at twice the California legal driving limit and showed traces of cocaine. Because Lindsay was under 21 at the time of the accident, the true California driving limit for her was zero.

But Lindsay, unlike Paris Hilton, has been open about her struggles with drug and alcohol addiction, and recently opted to stay in rehab for an extended period of time.