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Britney Spears and Assistant Cousin Allie Picture

After all that happy frolicking with her sons in Mexico, Britney Spears shares a tender (and, I’m sure, sober) moment with cousistant Allie at Joseph’s last night.

Hey, at least she’s not driving in the car photo. Way to be responsible, Brit!

[photo credit: Buzz Foto]

Britney Spears at Joseph’s

Now We Know Where Nicole Richie’s Getting Her Adderall

Apparently Paris Hilton’s “mystery” illness is … drum roll … ADD.

ADD?

AD fucking D???

Attention. Deficit. Disorder.

That was the serious medical issue that prompted the Sheriff to release her from jail early?

Look, folks, I’m not a doctor, but I’m not under the impression that Paris Hilton was being asked to, you know, take geometry in the slammer. And I know about one billion people with ADD, many of whom have decided voluntarily not to take their medication for it, and they all survive just fine. Many of them are, in fact, far more productive (although less economically impactful) members of society than Ms. Hilton. This is complete and utter bullshit.

Is the L.A. County jail system just going to make a habit of releasing everyone with ADD now? Is that the new plan, guys?

Jesus H. Christ.

L.A. Girl!

Victoria Beckham Throws Out Opening Pitch at Dodgers Game Picture

Recent Angeleno Victoria Beckham throws out the opening pitch at the Dodgers vs. Mets game on Monday. I hate to admit it, but this is actually pretty cute. Ms. Beckham sure is working hard to make her mark in the States, paving the way for her husband to start playing with the L.A. Galaxy in August. They’re already enormous stars all over the rest of the world, so I guess we’ll see if they can take on Hell-Ay. If anyone knows how to craft an image, it’s Posh Spice. I’m not sure if the same can be said for her ability to throw a baseball …

She also chatted and posed with Dodgers owner Jamie McCourt. Ms. McCourt took the time out of her very busy schedule to teach a course at UCLA’s business school this winter, and I was lucky enough to take it. She brought in the most incredible speakers — we got to have some very personal conversations with Sherry Lansing, Victoria Jackson, Mary Hart, Marcy Carsey and Gloria Steinem, to name a few, all close friends of Ms. McCourt. It was such an inspirational course and so very cool of Jamie to take the time to the teach it.

Victoria Beckham Throws Opening Pitch at L.A. Dodgers Game Photo Jamie McCourt Victoria Beckham Dodgers Picture Jamie McCourt Victoria Beckham Dodgers Photo Victoria Beckham Throws Opening Pitch at L.A. Dodgers Mets Game Picture

Links Links Links

Sorry links are so late today. I was busy all day studying for and taking my very last final of graduate school. Somebody give me a motherfucking cookie. Or, you know, a job. A job would be cool too. (Who am I kidding? I don’t want a real job.)

Anyway, here goes:

Looks like Whoopi Goldberg’s going to be replacing Rosie on The View. The show was able to attract her because their demo will continue to ensure that no one born after 1990 will ever have heard of Whoopi Goldberg. [A Socialite's Life]

Lily Allen does Elle. [popbytes]

Paris Hilton chats on the phone with Barbara Walters. Apparently she really wants to get involved with humanitarian causes, which I’m sure will last every bit as long as Hyde continues to throw those Save Darfur parties. [Jordan]

Did X17 steal those photos of Lindsay Lohan with the knives from a camera she left in her car? God I hope so. [Celebrity Smack]

Rihanna claims that Jay-Z wants to screen all the guys she dates. I bet Beyonce wants to screen them, too, and toss out all the ones who don’t have herpes. [Bossip]

Serena Williams’ ass gives Kim Kardashian’s a run for its money. [Celebslam]

Is Britney getting back together with K-Fed? Dude, I’m almost rooting for it. [F&C]

Carmen Electra’s half-naked and dancing. Act surprised. [Derek Hail]

Elliot Mintz Gets All the Best Drag Queens

Paris Hilton’s publicist hit the town in LA this weekend with a bevy of … um …

If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.

I’ve enlarged the faces of the two women on the right, just so you can see for yourself the extent of the fugly we’re dealing with here.

Look, if he were just with one, I’d be like, “Oh, okay, she’s probably a very smart and special girl, and he’s really into her personality.” But if you’re gonna be whoring around with a ton of women, Elliot, at least find some hot 20-somethings. Come on, dude.

[photo credit: Buzz Foto]