Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Will Lauren and Whitney Be Out of a Job?

Lauren Conrad and Whitney Port Out of a Job? Teen Vogue May Close

Oh, say it ain’t so!

Jane magazine bit the dust earlier this year, but it looks like its parent company, Conde Nast, may not be done killing off publications.

AFTER yanking the plug on Jane, rumors are rife that Condé Nast isn’t done killing magazines in its stable. One insider said, “Teen Vogue could be the next to fold. Their ad pages are down and people are freaking out. A bunch of editorial staffers have recently jumped ship, including [editor-in-chief] Amy Astley’s assistant, and many more are looking for new jobs.” A rep for Condé Nast said, “Not true. Teen Vogue makes money.”

This is awful!!! What will become of Lauren Conrad?! And Whitney?!!!

Everything I’ve heard in the past six months indicates that Teen Vogue’s circulation numbers are up — in part due to its role in The Hills — but I guess that’s not necessarily a reflection of how their ad pages are doing.

Oooh, maybe Teen Vogue will fold and Lauren will have to go work for Brent Bolthouse with Heidi! Now that would be fun!

Kim Kardashian is a Beacon of Good Taste

Kim Kardashian Poses for Playboy, Attends Nicole Brown Foundation Event

When this bitch isn’t getting literally pissed on, she’s figuratively pissing on other people’s graves. From Page Six:

Kim Kardashian just loves to get naked for the cameras. The voluptuous daughter of O.J. Simpson lawyer Robert Kardashian recently stripped down for Playboy. “The photos have been already shot. I don’t know if they show everything,” a source tells us. Presumably, the snaps won’t show as much as the notorious sex tape Kardashian made with rapper Ray J. Meanwhile, Kim was partying Saturday with Denise Richards at the Playboy Mansion at a benefit for the Nicole Brown Foundation.

Who cares about Playboy. What I want to talk about it why the hell Kim thought it was in any way appropriate for her to attend anything with Nicole Brown’s name on it. For those of you who don’t remember who Kim was before she was the chick with the ass who was partying with Paris — she’s Robert Kardashian’s daughter. That’s right, she’s the daughter of the dude who got OJ Simpson off for the murder of Nicole Brown. Really, Kim? You can’t think of anywhere better to be on a Saturday night? And who the hell invited her to this thing, anyway?

Lindsay Lohan’s Personal Assistant Quit Hours Before Her Arrest

Jenni Muro, Lindsay’s Assistant, Quit Hours Before Her Arrest

Lindsay’s assistant, Jenni Muro, quit her job with Lindsay just hours before the starlet was arrested for DUI.

She called her mom to come pick her up (probably in Venice), and that’s the car Lindsay was chasing (in Santa Monica) when she was arrested.

Lindsay mentioned Jenni in one of her drunken emails late last year, stating that “[a]nyone that is willing to help and has a family member or friend, even co-worker that is in a position to be involved in any way, shape or form, please contact me, Jenni Muro, Leslie Sloane, Michael Heller, Jason Sloane, Jason Weinberg as soon as you can or are willing. Just ask them, it doesn’t hurt to ask.” (Remember that email? In the happy days, back when she was just batshit crazy and not constantly incarcerated?)

So here’s my question: was this assistant’s decision to quit related to Lindsay’s relapse? Something tells me yes.

Lohan’s Lawyer Issues a Statement

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“Addiction is a terrible and vicious disease. Since Lindsay transitioned to outpatient care, she has been monitored on a SCRAM bracelet and tested daily in order to support her sobriety. Throughout this period, I have received timely and accurate reports from the testing companies. Unfortunately, late yesterday I was informed that Lindsay had relapsed. The bracelet has now been removed. She is safe, out of custody and presently receiving medical care.”

Lindsay!!!

Please please please get better.

OK! is Going to Tell the Truth About Britney!

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The gossip world has been crawling at a snail’s pace since Paris got out of jail, but it appears that, while Paris is behaving herself these days, Britney and Lindsay are bringing gossip back.

Linds scored herself a jail-warranting DUI early this morning, and Britney’s mental break-down at an OK! photo shoot is apparently not going to be covered up!

OK! magazine released the following statement about the shoot: “OK! Magazine spent a heartbreaking day with Britney Spears and witnessed first-hand an emotional cry for help that will leave you shocked and sad. This week, on newsstands Friday, the truth will be told.”

Yay!!! I can’t wait!!!

Off the Wagon and ARRESTED!

Lindsay Lohan Mug Shot

Okay, people.

You know how I’ve been saying that I think LiLo has been staying sober these past few days?

I stick by that story, because Lindsay is an alcoholic, and when alcoholics don’t stay sober, this is what happens.

Lindsay was arrested at 2 a.m. Monday morning for drunk driving … and then it got worse …

Lindsay was taken to jail, and she had cocaine with her at the jail. Lindsay was busted for the following:

1) Possession of cocaine
2) Driving under the influence
3) Transporting a narcotic into a custodial facility
4) Driving on a suspended license

Lindsay was arrested because she was chasing another car. The car was reportedly being driven by the mother of Lindsay’s personal assistant, who actually placed a 911 call during the chase, which lead to the arrest.

She was released from jail around 6:30 am today.

Lindsay was reportedly planning to throw her friend a birthday party on Monday in Venice. Looks like it got a little out of hand.

This recent arrest will almost certainly carry jail time for La Lohan.

Sad.

Our Vice President Once Confused Jessica Simpson with Jessica Lynch

Jessicas Simpson and Lynch

Honestly, politicians know about none of the important things going on in the world. The Examiner did a cute little “what you don’t know about Dick Cheney” piece on Monday, and it included this little tidbit:

He once confused Jessica Simpson with Jessica Lynch … [W]hen the vice president threw out the first pitch before a 2003 game between the Cincinnati Reds and Chicago Cubs, Cheney was first informed that “Nick Lachey — a native of Cincinnati — would sing the national anthem before the game and would be accompanied by his girlfriend, Jessica Simpson. Cheney thought Simpson’s name sounded familiar. He asked his staff: ‘Is that the soldier who was captured in Iraq?’” (That would be Jessica Lynch).