2Chris Rock Is No Eddie Murphy

Thank God!

STATESBORO, Georgia (AP) — Chris Rock has asked a Georgia court to start paternity proceedings to determine if he’s the father of a 13-year-old boy whose mother tried to file a paternity lawsuit against the actor and comedian last month.

Now realize Rock didn’t have to do this. The court had thrown out the original claim by the mother because Rock is a New Jersey resident. So he could have waited until the justice system finally hunted him down, as they will Ed Murphy, but he decided to be pro-active on his possible children. Weird, eh? Actually wanting to know if the kid is yours, and wanting to provide financial support (emotional support, at this point, 13 years later, seems far fetched) if it is. This is almost like an adult decision, and I don’t know what to make of it.

Chris Rock, we salute you!

April 19, 2007 at 7:37 am by Spiteful Lars

13Joan Rivers Should Die Soon

I hate Joan Rivers with an absolute passion. She’s just worthless. She doesn’t ever watch the films that the stars are in, she makes pointless comments, she gets tons of money for having zero appreciable skill. And hey, now someone is on my side!

NEW YORK (AP) — Joan Rivers is being replaced by Lisa Rinna as TV Guide Channel’s leading red-carpet host.

TV Guide had this to say:

“TV Guide Channel is very appreciative of Joan and Melissa Rivers’ contributions to the success of our red-carpet programming over the past three years,” Ryan O’Hara, president of TV Guide Channel, said in a statement. “We wish them the best in their future endeavors.”

That’s industry-speak for “Don’t let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya.”

April 19, 2007 at 7:30 am by Spiteful Lars

1THE TORI ALBUM LEAKED!!

Oh happy, happy day!

My money was on April 5 or earlier, but whatever, I’ll settle for April 18.

I’ll send you over to my friend MK at Popbytes, the only Toriphile to whom even I will defer, for the details and the video for the first single, “Big Wheels.”

I mean, it’s not like I have a copy that I’ve been rocking out to all night — that would be stealing — but suffice it to say that it’s been a very wonderful evening in La Casa Beet.

April 18, 2007 at 10:26 pm by Evil Beet

120Now I Understand Why It’s Taken So Long for Kelly Clarkson to Release a New Album

Clearly, she kept eating the master tapes.

At the ASCAP Pop Awards in Hollywood on Wednesday night.

April 18, 2007 at 9:46 pm by Evil Beet

0New Background

The cute-patootie (sp?) on our background is Allyson, the 2-year-old daughter of Beet reader Leslie. Everyone say hello to Allyson. If you’d like to submit a photo or image for use on our background, check out the rules here.

April 18, 2007 at 7:51 pm by Evil Beet

2Late-Night Links

Angelina Jolie willingly lost her virginity at fourteen, then promptly got a knife and cut the guy she’d slept with. I believe — correct me if I’m wrong — that there’s a certain species of grasshopper which does the same thing. [The Blemish]

Jessica Simpson is dressing as my seventh-grade English teacher to go to Winston’s. That’s okay, because Mrs. Crabtree was awesome. She once told a boy in the class to “stop masticating.” We still make fun of him for that. [Celebslam]

Christina Ricci takes on the role of Trixie in Speed Racer. “She already looks like an anime creation, so the casting here is appropriate.” Ha. [Pajiba]

Meet the next Cindy Crawford. [Grumpiest]

Oprah hosts a panel discussion about the Don Imus controversy — remember the good old days when that was the big news story? [Concrete Loop]

Lindsay Lohan feels her friends aren’t safe without her. Because, you know, then who’s paying for the blow? [Celebrity Smack]

If Paula Abdul isn’t famous enough to pre-board a Southwest Airlines flight, who is? Oh, right. Sanjaya. [Warship]

The tabs continue to punish Angelina for those People exclusives. [popbytes]

Yes, of course we want to see pictures of Fantasia Barrino’s ass. [POTP]

Harrison Ford’s finally going to make an honest woman of Calista Flockhart. Now, I know what you’re thinking: who are Harrison Ford and Calista Flockhart? [Haute Gossip]

Matthew McConaughey’s new girlfriend is 22 years old. Recruiting them fresh out of college, are we, Matty? [Gabsmash]

Jennifer Garner celebrates her 35th birthday by dressing respectfully, and not getting drunk or stoned or flashing anybody. [ICYDK]

April 18, 2007 at 6:14 pm by Evil Beet