Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Jesus Christ, David Beckham is Hot

David Beckham Joins LA Galaxy Press Conference, Pictures and Photos

The LA Galaxy held a press conference today at the Home Depot Center to welcome David Beckham to the team, and the photos of him from the event look like the keepers from a Ralph Lauren campaign photo shoot. Seriously, this guy is so effortlessly gorgeous it’s ridiculous.

Victoria’s look, on the other hand, remains anything but effortless, and she still refuses to smile. I know she’s embarrassed about her British teeth, but you can smile without opening your mouth, Victoria. Just give it a shot.

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Kim Porter Says She Dumped Diddy

Kim Porter Says She Broke Up with Diddy

“After 10 years, I have decided to end my on-again/off-again relationship with Sean `Diddy’ Combs,” reads a statement released by Diddy’s baby mama. “In ending this relationship, I made a decision that was in the best interest of myself, Sean and our family. I look forward to moving on with my life and my career, and wish him prosperity, health and happiness in life and in love. We will remain friends and committed parents to our children.”

I find the first part of this statement so, so funny. Who refers to her ex-boyfriend and the father of her children as “Sean ‘Diddy’ Combs”? What she means is: “After 10 years, I have decided to end my tumultuous, dramalicious relationship with Sean ‘Fucks Anything that Walks’ Combs.”

I think we should all have to make formal statements like this to the press whenever we end any sort of a romantic relationship. Like, “After three weeks, I have decided to end my purely physical relationship with John ‘Allergic to Condoms’ Doe. In ending this relationship, I made a decision that was in the best interest of my ten-year goal of not getting herpes.” Or “After two years, I have decided to end my financially motivated relationship with Bob ‘Satan Drives a Beemer’ Jones, and I wish him the best of luck with the impending IRS audit.” Wouldn’t that be fun?

Aaron Sorkin’s Coming Back to the Big Screen

Aaron Sorkin to Write Screenplay for Film About the Chicago 7

If you wake up in cold sweats every now and then because you had this horrible nightmare that they canceled Studio 60 and then have to face the staggering reality that they actually did, there’s light at the end of this dark, Jordan McDeere-less tunnel.

Aaron Sorkin has been tapped to write a screenplay for DreamWorks about the trial of the 1968 anti-war activists known as the Chicago Seven.

The film is part of a three-picture deal Sorkin just signed with DreamWorks … and is being developed as a potential directorial project for Oscar winner Steven Spielberg, the studio said on Thursday.

DreamWorks said the two other Sorkin projects would be announced later.

“The Trial of the Chicago 7″ will focus on the high-profile conspiracy trials of anti-war protesters including Abbie Hoffman, Tom Hayden, Bobby Seale and David Dellinger, who were accused of inciting riots outside the 1968 Democratic National Convention.

Sorkin also wrote the screenplay for the political drama Charlie Wilson’s War, which will come out in December and stars Tom Hanks and Julia Roberts.

Everything is going to be okay, kids.

Did Paris Hilton Get to Use a Cell Phone in Jail?

Paris Hilton Had a Cell Phone in Jail

It appears as though all Paris Hilton’s claims that she was treated “just like any other inmate — no better, no worse” may hold about as much truth as her statement that she’d never done drugs.

The Sheriff’s Department yesterday opened up an investigation into allegations that Paris received all sorts of special treatment in the slammer.

The internal probe will examine whether the hotel heiress was given free access to a cordless phone instead of being forced to wait in line to use a pay phone at certain hours, sheriff’s spokesman Steve Whitmore said.

Also under scrutiny are claims Hilton received a new jail uniform instead of the recycled ones given to many inmates and that her mail was delivered by a captain instead of inmate trusties, Whitmore said.

Okay, the last one I guess I can understand. I can imagine there was a lot of interest in Paris Hilton’s jail mail, and it’s understandable that they wouldn’t want to risk one of the other inmates stealing a piece or two to sell to TMZ.

The other two are just bullshit. She couldn’t use a regular jail uniform? What the fuck, did she need the Orange Jumpsuit by Tom Ford for Gucci? Was she scared that there might be poor-people germs on the recycled uniforms? And if this bitch got to use a cell phone in jail …

Grrrrrrrrr …