I know Beet did her best to frighten everyone that we’d all be without Friday entertainment. But we won’t. Because Spiteful Lars is on the case, and I plan on posting like a dervish. I’m talking hot blogging action here, stuff you won’t find on all those other blogs. So let’s start you off with the first story of the day:
Kathy Hilton and daughter Nicky are still reeling from their visits to Paris in jail, they tell PEOPLE.
Smell that? Yep, it’s Paris news, people. And here you thought it was Sulfur mixed with Poo.
“It’s tough. It is,” said Kathy, who saw her daughter on Tuesday. “It’s just one hour a week: 30 minutes on Sunday and 30 minutes on Tuesday. We talk through glass.”
The Sunday/Tuesday thing throws me and makes me think that the jail system doesn’t understand there are seven days in a week. Guys, how about a little Sunday/Wednesday schedule? That way Paris won’t have to go four straight days without some “through glass” loving.
“And this one” â€“ gesturing to Nicky â€“ “left in hysterics,” Kathy added. “Nicky tried to keep the brave face but â€“ I never see Nicky cry.”
Clearly she’s never seen The Notebook with one Ryan Gosling. It’s a horrible movie but girls seem to cry in it. C’mon, Nick, get in touch with that old sensitive side. Nicky added:
“It’s sad. It’s like right out of the movies,” she said. “The glass partition, the orange jumpsuit. Everything.”
So we’ve established that you at least see movies. It’s under “N” in the drama section. Fetch, girl, fetch. Also, please note that the above photo was taken after this traumatic experience. Ahem.
“What’s annoying is all these people are going on television saying that she was drinking and driving,” said Nicky. “She’s not in jail for DUI. That’s a big misconception. She’s in jail for driving on a suspended license, just like the D.A.’s wife was. … She got a $186 fine.”
Well.. I don’t know about that. Isn’t the root of all this the DUI? So if she hadn’t gotten that her license wouldn’t have been suspended ergo she’d still be strolling around Sunset Ave looking for johns? It’s like the butterfly effect theory in action. To take this back even further I blame her being born. You’ve got to admit she wouldn’t be in jail if she didn’t exist in the first place.
“There are no appeals â€“ as Paris said. But the point is that I hope this will shine a light on everybody (in those jails). That’s the positive,” said Kathy. The jails, she said, “need financial help, and it’s very sad to see what’s going on in there.”
You have a billion dollars. Be a buddy and build the Paris Hilton L.A. County Jail. It will be hot!
PS- I won’t be using any “more” jump buttons today because I need to break at least one posting rule while Evil Beet is away.
PPS – Feel free to drunk dial me Beet’s friends, I’m great on the phone. It’s real life that sinks me.