Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Happy Harry Potter Day!

It’s time, you guys. In just a few short hours, I’ll be getting in my Hogwarts uniform and going down to the Mexican restaurant for pre-Hallows margaritas (how else are we supposed to handle all the pain of a double feature, ok?). And you know what? It’s a big deal.

We’ve been talking about our Harry Potter emotions pretty consistently for the past couple of weeks around here, but on this very special day, words are not enough. No, we have to turn to music:

Oh, I’m sorry, you didn’t realize I was nerd enough for wizard rock? Guess again, fools!

Ok, that one was a little harsh. Let’s brighten it up a little with a happy song about my favorite character, Remus!

And that wasn’t entirely happy either. I know that, ok? I’m aware. So, in closing, I’m going to stop with any pretenses and share with you my very favorite wizard rock song, the one that can make me break down in the most emotional fangirl fit you’ve ever seen. It’s called “Open at the Close,” so, uh, that should give you a little bit of a hint:

Are you now a sobbing, messy puddle of grief and tragedy like me? Excellent! Now pull yourself together, go get in your costume, and have a glorious time! We’ll meet back tomorrow to talk about our feelings!

Listen to A Bunch Of Doctors Call Shenanigans on Megan Fox’s “No Botox” Photos!

A photo of Megan Fox

Last week, Megan Fox posted those pictures to her Facebook, remember, the ones that prove that she’s never had Botox? I know, I thought they were ridiculous too, and apparently, so did several doctors:

“Looks like Megan is just as talented with Photoshop as she is in entertainment,” said plastic surgeon and blogger Dr. Nicholas Vendemia of New York. “Those lines on her forehead are totally fake. … Muscles in the forehead and brow simply don’t create curved wrinkles like that. The wrinkles Megan is showing us don’t coincide with brow anatomy, nor do they match the facial expression she is making.”

Dermatologist Dr. Vince Afsahi of Tustin and Newport Beach said, “The photo looks altered. The muscles in the forehead do not usually create an arc-like pattern seen in the photo. … Anatomically [it] does not make sense.”

Dermatologic surgeon Dr. David Sire of Fullerton said, “I have never seen the frontalis [forehead] muscle do this unless the muscle was surgically cut. It appears as if she is frowning and elevating her brow at the same time. Quite a feat!”

“This photo [top] is totally consistent with the wrinkle pattern you will see in someone whose Botox has begun wearing off,” said plastic surgeon Dr. Terry Dubrow of Newport Beach. “When you have Botox to the entire face, different parts wear off at different rates and can give you a strangish-looking pattern of wrinkles until it all wears off. I bet this photo was taken the day before her Botox appointment.”

Foiled again, eh, Megan? Well, just like I told the girl I went to college with who made a fake account for Tom Felton so they could be in a relationship and leave each other loving comments, bad things happen when you’re lame enough to lie on Facebook.

Quotables: You Know You Wanted to Know What Charlie Sheen’s Like in Bed

A photo of Bree Olson, Charlie Sheen, and Natalie Kenly

“He’s intelligent, he’s charismatic, he’s super funny. And he’s good in bed. I mean, he’s had a lot of practice… [he was] gentle and considerate. He’s just a rock star. He’s a powerhouse. He is a very sensual and sexual person, and when I was with him I felt as if we became one together, because he’s just so enticing sexually.”

- Bree Olson, one of Charlie‘s former goddesses, describing the man’s sexual prowess.

I’m trying to think of something more gross than having sex with Charlie Sheen right now, and it’s hard. I’m actively going through activities in my head – getting spanked by Octomom? No, I could do that. A meth date with Lindsay? I’m all over it. But becoming one together with Charlie Sheen? Game over.