Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Links Links Links

You can’t legally sleep with half the people who showed up at the Teen Choice Awards, but it sure is nice to look anyway. [Drunken Stepfather]

Paris Hilton and Kid Rock are getting a little too close for comfort. [Celebslam]

Things are still happening with Madonna’s adoption of David Banda that happened 100 years ago. Seriously this kid must be old enough to be legally emancipated by now. Why does anyone still care? [Cele|bitchy]

Breaking: Renee Zellweger is skinny! [Holy Candy]

Having successfully kicked off the careers of eight zero supermodels, Cycle 9 of America’s Next Top Model is ready to get started. [popbytes]

Jennifer Aniston’s bikini, much like her career, is just hanging on by a thread. [Agent Bedhead]

Nobody liked The Nanny Diaries. [Pajiba]

I don’t know who Sarah Harding is but this is one amazing nip slip? [SOW]

There Are No Words

Miss Teen South Carolina’s list of topics to mention in her Q&A session during the Miss Teen USA pageant, regardless of the question:

1) The Iraq
2) South Africa
3) U.S. Americans
4) The Asian countries

Miss Teen South Carolina’s list of optional topics to mention in her Q&A during the Miss Teen USA pageant, should the question so incline her:

1) The glaring, and tragic, shortage of maps in this country.

Uh-Oh, Britney’s Being Investigated for Child Abuse

Britney Spears Being Investigated for Child Abuse

I don’t know how she could abuse those children.

She’s never with them! When would she find the time???

Via TMZ:

An unscheduled hearing was held today at L.A. County Superior Court. Present — Britney’s lawyer, Dennis Wasser, K-Fed’s attorney, Mark Vincent Kaplan and a lawyer from the Los Angeles County Counsel who is assigned to the dependency court.

We do not know the specifics of the allegations but we’re told the L.A. County Department of Children and Family Services is conducting an active investigation.

A hearing in the custody case has been scheduled for September 4, which will be a follow up to today’s appearance.

The most recent pic we have of Britney is above, leaving a Beverly Hills tanning salon Sunday night. No kids around to abuse!

Photo credit: Buzz Foto