Today's Evil Beet Gossip

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HAPPY HANNUKAH!! J.R. Rotem is on JDATE!!!!

J.R. Rotem JDate Profile

AHHHHHHHHH HA HA HA HA HA!

Thanks to DListed for the tip on this one!

Apparently after things didn’t work out with Britney Spears, J.R. Rotem turned to JDATE!!

See? He’s a nice Jewish boy!

I actually have a subscription to the thing, thanks to my mom’s nagging (wanna date me? anyone? PLEASE?), so I signed on and sent him a flirt. We’ll see what happens. Maybe I’ll have a wild, sexy romance with J.R. Motherfucking Rotem and we can light the Hannukah candles together and then drip the hot wax all over each other and I’ll make him call me Britney while he slaps my ass. WOULD THAT MAKE YOU HAPPY, MOM?

Here’s what his profile says:

ABOUT ME:
Hey girls… Congrats for stumbling onto my profile – you just hit the jackpot! I am Jonathan, an established music producer who is having a challenging time meeting a hot Jewish girl with good values. The success and visibility I have earned in the music industry keeps me surrounded by the wrong girls (golddiggers, cheap chicks, wannabe artists looking to use a guy like me for a music career, money, fame, etc) Some personality traits that seperate me from most of the people I know in Los Angeles is a high moral code of honesty and loyalty. I would never cheat or lie to anyone I’m with as I believe in treating others as you would want to be treated. I think that those values are the fundamental part of establishing a meaningful relationship. That, and intense physical attraction…

My perfect first date:
Let me take control – trust me, you will like it…

Rest of the profile is after the jump.

I will personally make out with anyone who can find him on Match.com.

Read More

Links Links Links

Scarlett Johansson is mad that you think she looks that way on purpose. [MollyGood]

Debra LaFave is hitting on teenagers again, but this time it’s a girl. [FListed]

Jonathan Rhys Meyers makes a Very. Sincere. Apology. Through his lawyer. [DListed]

Heh. Live-blogging the Victoria’s Secret fashion show. [LL]

Mary Carey’s giving you a chance to get up close and personal with her tits. [Celebitchy]

If you can believe it, people don’t really want to pay Tara Reid to get wasted at their establishment anymore. [Celebslam]

Aaron Carter has a little fender bender with some very lucky ladies. [popbytes]

Dave Chappelle is back! [CityRag]

Lindsay and Stavros: Back On?

Lindsay Lohan Back with Stavros Niarchos?

Oooooooooh, Paris is gonna be pissed!!!

Word on the street is that Lindsay is back with her ex-boyfriend (and Paris’s ex-boyfriend), Stavros Niarchos.

Lindsay Lohan is now spending time with her ex, Stavros Niarchos, after she dumped rehab buddy Riley Giles a week ago. Niarchos, who used to date both Lohan and her frenemy Paris Hilton, this time is sticking with the newly sober star. Hilton showed up to a party for the anti-smoking lozenge Ariva at Crimson in Hollywood the other night and tried to hook up with Niarchos – who, spies said, “wanted nothing to do with her and seemed so annoyed by her, he left the party” to go hang with Lohan. Hilton, unaware she had irked Niarchos, was then seen wandering around “asking where Stavros had gone.”

Does anyone else think the funniest part of this is that Paris was at a party for an anti-smoking lozenge? Jesus, this girl will hawk anything. It’s really just a matter of time before she’s walking the red carpet at the Viagra launch party (heh, “launch” is funny in that context) and sipping martinis at a Valtrex bash.

I’ll Cover the Story About Dennis Quaid’s Twins Only to Tell You That They’re Doing Fine

Dennis Quaid’s Twins are Healthy Again!!!

This is one of those rare, rare stories where something truly awful happens to a celebrity and it is, honestly, through no fault of their own. On those occasions, I peer out my window to check for the flying pigs, and then get a gnawing feeling in my evil little gut that says, “Don’t exploit this.”

So I haven’t been covering the story of Dennis Quaid’s twins around here, because it sucks and it’s sad and it’s not his fault, but today I am happy to report that the twins are healthy and doing fine!

“The twins are back home,” said Quaid’s lawyer. “Their condition is fantastic, they’re smiling. Zoe looks like her mom, and Boone looks like his dad. They’ve fully recovered from the accident and it’s doubtful they’ll suffer long-term effects from the overdose.

Hooray!!! Much love to you and the twinsies, Dennis!