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11Quotables

“She is just going through a high school phase. You know dating the quarterback of the football team with Brad Pitt over there. She’ll be waking up from that dream in no time. Who knows if I’ll be there when she’s ready to come to her senses though.”

Billy Bob Thornton, at the launch of his new album with The Boxmasters.

I really can’t tell if Billy Bob was joking around or being serious. If he was being serious, then, damn, he’s the one who needs to wake up from the dream. Jennifer Aniston did a long time ago.

Side note: My grandfather’s wife today: “You know, I’d like you to talk to Jennifer Aniston and tell her she’s making a big mistake. That guy she’s wit now? He’s no good. No good at all. I don’t like him.”

I love that my grandparents have opinions on these things.

June 16, 2008 at 7:57 pm by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Uncategorized

22I NEED A BURGER KING GOLD CARD!!!

I didn’t even know they existed! But Hugh Laurie has one!

While talking about life in the fame lane, hottie Laurie has this to say: “[Being famous means that] you can get a table in a restaurant. But then you’ve got to go past a line of people who can’t get a table – and that’s a bad feeling. I’ve [been given] a Burger King Gold Card.”

A Burger King Gold Card entitles one to free Burger King, ostensibly for life. Click here to read a funny store Jay Leno wrote about his. I’ll post an excerpt here:

So I pull into a Burger King a few days ago and thought I’d try out my new Burger King credit card. So I order my food and the guy says: “That’s $11.” So I say: “Fine, here you go,” and hand him the card. His reaction was amazing: “Whoa . . . where’d you get this?”

He was not impressed that I was on The Tonight Show or even that I was driving a Porsche Carrera GT. He was more impressed with this piece of plastic. Now I can go to Burger King whenever I like anywhere in the free world because I’ve got my Burger King credit card. It’s crazy.

Listen up, Burger King. I have been nothing but glowing and free publicity for you guys since this website was started. I am your #1 fan. I deserve one of these damn cards, and I deserve it now!

I went to visit my grandfather and his lovely wife this afternoon, since I’m home in Phoenix. My grandfather made me spinach borscht, trying to get me back to my Russian roots. He taught me a funny thing to say about it in Yiddish, which I loved, but now I forget it. His wife, on the other hand, gave me three coupons for buy-one-get-one-free chicken sandwiches at Burger King. “I read your blog,” she said. Burger King is my roots.

COUGH ONE UP FOR ME, BURGER KING!!!

June 16, 2008 at 4:17 pm by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Uncategorized

10Lindsay Lohan Has Been Working for an Entire Week Without Totally Screwing Up

CONGRATULATIONS, Lindsay!

Your uncanny ability to make your call times and, you know, do your job with some level of competence have warranted you an entire article on People.com.

This is how slow the celebrity world has been lately. This is why I have to talk about my cats and my dog constantly. I wish this election would hurry up and end so that everybody can start focusing on what’s really important: documenting the moral demise of former Disney stars. Miley and Selena, I’m looking at you. Just wait until after November, girls. Just you wait.

“We were a little bit reluctant to work with her,” Lati Grobman, one of the producers, tells PEOPLE. “But she’s been amazing. She’s so natural at what she does. I’ve never seen one take where she’s off. The difference between her and the other girls that are naughty in the business is that she’s actually talented. It’s not [like] Paris Hilton and the rest of them. We took the chance. It’s good that we did. So far, so good.”

Ah, the one surefire way to get your sound bite published: call Paris Hilton untalented.

Ms. Grobman does have one complaint about working with Lindsay, though:

“Paparazzi are ruining my life,” she says. “This is the most insane thing I’ve ever seen in my life. They do things that are very, very aggressive. I’m not a producer anymore, I’m a police woman.”

June 16, 2008 at 3:58 pm by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Uncategorized

15Not Making Much Progress on the Sweater Front

Bill Cosby hosts the 30th Anniversary Celebration Of Playboy Jazz Festival at the Hollywood Bowl on Sunday.

I love Mr. Cosby with all my heart, but you’d think that, after twenty-plus years, he’d have found some sweaters that don’t look ridiculous. Sadly, this does not appear to be the case.

June 16, 2008 at 12:53 pm by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Bill Cosby

7Fun with YouTube: Ricky Martin, “La Vida Loca”

So this song came on my (beloved) Sirius radio yesterday, and I got really really excited. I forgot how much this song rocks. Remember when this song was, like, the biggest thing ever back in the late ’90s? I was a freshman in college when it was released, and I remember someone wrote all the lyrics, in huge chalk letters, across the walls of my dorm. I worked at Blockbuster that summer, and this song (and the corresponding video) was a part of the 60-minute teaser video that runs in the store over and over again. I eventually hated this song with all my heart. I associated it with all that was evil in the world. But I’ve had some distance from it now, and I was able to fall in love with it again this weekend.

Unfortunately, Sony has the music video on lockdown. I spent like half an hour scouring YouTube for a version of it that was embeddable, with no success. So here’s a version of it layered over clips of Will & Elizabeth from Pirates of the Caribbean. If you want to watch the actual music video, click here.

June 16, 2008 at 12:47 pm by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Uncategorized

24Let the Weddings Begin!

The ban on gay marriage is scheduled to be overturned in California at 5 pm today.

One couple in the state has scheduled their wedding for 5:01 pm.

They’ve tried to get married every year, on Valentines Day, for eight years straight, always unsuccessful, but this time will be different.

Congratulations, you crazy kids!

June 16, 2008 at 12:27 pm by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Uncategorized