Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Off the Wagon and ARRESTED!

Lindsay Lohan Mug Shot

Okay, people.

You know how I’ve been saying that I think LiLo has been staying sober these past few days?

I stick by that story, because Lindsay is an alcoholic, and when alcoholics don’t stay sober, this is what happens.

Lindsay was arrested at 2 a.m. Monday morning for drunk driving … and then it got worse …

Lindsay was taken to jail, and she had cocaine with her at the jail. Lindsay was busted for the following:

1) Possession of cocaine
2) Driving under the influence
3) Transporting a narcotic into a custodial facility
4) Driving on a suspended license

Lindsay was arrested because she was chasing another car. The car was reportedly being driven by the mother of Lindsay’s personal assistant, who actually placed a 911 call during the chase, which lead to the arrest.

She was released from jail around 6:30 am today.

Lindsay was reportedly planning to throw her friend a birthday party on Monday in Venice. Looks like it got a little out of hand.

This recent arrest will almost certainly carry jail time for La Lohan.

Sad.

Our Vice President Once Confused Jessica Simpson with Jessica Lynch

Jessicas Simpson and Lynch

Honestly, politicians know about none of the important things going on in the world. The Examiner did a cute little “what you don’t know about Dick Cheney” piece on Monday, and it included this little tidbit:

He once confused Jessica Simpson with Jessica Lynch … [W]hen the vice president threw out the first pitch before a 2003 game between the Cincinnati Reds and Chicago Cubs, Cheney was first informed that “Nick Lachey — a native of Cincinnati — would sing the national anthem before the game and would be accompanied by his girlfriend, Jessica Simpson. Cheney thought Simpson’s name sounded familiar. He asked his staff: ‘Is that the soldier who was captured in Iraq?’” (That would be Jessica Lynch).

Kelly Carlson, Just Because I Have a Crush on Her

Kelly Carlson at Fox TCA Party, Pictures Pics Photos

I remember the first time I saw this chick on Nip/Tuck, I was like, “That has to be the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen,” and, with that, Kelly Carlson quickly kicked Keira Knightley out of that spot in my book. She doesn’t have the exotic, angular look that I usually go for in girls (I love you Jaslene, but please eat), but she’s so classically beautiful I think I’d totally have to sleep with her.

Anyway, she was at the Fox TCA party in Santa Monica, along with other assorted members of the casts of Nip/Tuck and House, including Joely Richardson, who I love but who decided to wear her very best toad costume to this event. And does someone want to help me do the count-down to when Lauren Ambrose and Parker Posey find themselves in some manner of on-camera love scene? Because it can’t be too long in coming, right?

Kelly Carlson at Fox TCA Party, Pictures Pics Photos Lauren Ambrose and Parker Posey at Fox TCA Party, Pictures Pics Photos Joely Richardson at Fox TCA Party, Pictures Pics Photos Jennifer Morrison from House at Fox TCA Party, Pictures Pics Photos Omar Epps and Jesse Spencer from House at Fox TCA Party, Pictures Pics Photos

Well Look Who’s Still Employable

Lindsay Lohan in Dance Rehearsals for Dare to Love Me Pics Pictures Photos

Lindsay Lohan and the invited group of photographers showed up at a Palisades dance studio on Monday while Lindsay rehearsed some dance moves for her upcoming role in the film Dare to Love Me. Production was just canceled on LiLo’s most recent film, Poor Things, but it looks like she’ll have yet another chance to prove that she can make a movie that won’t flop.

I’m telling you people, this girl’s staying sober. You can talk all the shit you want in the comments, but I think she’s sober right now. Look at her. She looks genuinely happy. She never smiled like that before. Who knows if she’ll be sober in a month, but, right now, I think she is.

Oh, and there’s totally a little nipple action beneath the white outfit, for those of you who get off on that stuff.

Lindsay Lohan in Dance Studio Rehearsals for Dare to Love Me Pics Pictures Photos Lindsay Lohan in Dance Rehearsals for Dare to Love Me Pics Pictures Photos Lindsay Lohan in Dance Rehearsals for Dare to Love Me Pics Pictures Photos Lindsay Lohan in Dance Rehearsals for Dare to Love Me Pics Pictures Photos

Big Thick Headbands Are Cool, Ya’ll

Britney Spears Causes Mayhem on Robertson Pictures, Pics, Photos

I like how Britney Spears’ awful extensions are sure to spur a trend of these really thick headbands. Look, she’s already got her newest BFF sporting the damn things. And that girl’s hair is real. But all of a sudden everyone has to wear thick-ass headbands so Britney can hide her gross extensions without looking like the only one on Robertson Blvd who felt the need to put on three headbands this morning.

Britney Spears Causes Frenzy on Robertson, Pics Pictures Photos

Britney Spears Is Not an Addict

Britney Spears Has Disastrous Photo Shoot with OK! Magazine

Really, ya’ll. She doesn’t have a problem. It’s just that during her recent photo shoot with OK! magazine, her eyes were rolling back in her head, probably as a result of her frequent bathroom trips, and execs are currently wringing their hands trying to figure out what to do about the awful pics.

According to multiple sources, Britney’s behavior during the interview was “nothing less than a meltdown.” She was, according to our sources, “completely out of it” during the shoot. The photos are “so bad” we’ve learned, that to publish them could “kill her career.” Apparently, Brit Brit’s eyes rolled back in her head at one point, causing her to look half dead. Her mood, we’re told, was extremely erratic. She took frequent bathroom breaks our source says, and each time she returned her mood would change. She was also completely paranoid during the entire interview, fearing at one point the ceiling was about to cave in on her.

You’re not hallucinating, Brit. In a figurative sense, the ceiling is about to cave in on you.

And it just gets better!

We’ve also learned that Brit had some issues with hygiene on the set as well. At one point, Britney ordered up some fried chicken to munch on. We’re told after she chowed down, she wiped her hands on a several thousand dollar Gucci
dress that she was wearing for the shoot, staining it with grease
. Yuck! One of her dogs also needed some assistance in the housebreaking department. Our on-set spy says that the dog pooped all over the floor, and Brit used (what else?) — a Chanel dress to clean it up! How trashtastic! As for how Brit looked for the photos, another nightmare. We’ve learned that OK! hired two of the best hair and makeup artists in L.A. to transform the once-bald beauty into something more presentable, but she wasn’t havin’ none of that. She refused to let the hired help touch her, opting instead for her “skanky friends” to do her hair and makeup. No wonder she always looks so fantastic!

Apparently even her cousin/BFF Alli has abandoned her, deciding Britney’s antics were just too much to deal with. Even her enablers are tired of enabling her!

But, just so you know, Britney absolutely, positively does not have a problem with drugs and alcohol.