Today's Evil Beet Gossip

I Don’t Really Want to Talk About Britney Spears, But I Guess I Have To

Britney Spears Us Weekly Cover

Honestly, this whole thing strikes me as something of a non-story. Some jackass who was an extra on Britney’s most recent video shoot got invited to her late-night after-party at The Standard Downtown, along with some other extras from the shoot. Britney got topless and made out with him, and this is a cover story? Says the guy, 21-year-old Matt Encinias, who probably made a pretty penny in exchange for his story and pics:

“Britney was the first one to undress, and then everyone else followed. I turned around and saw that she was topless and she had fake tattoos of flowers on her nipples from the shoot. I was told all she wanted to do that night was kiss a boy, and that’s what she did. Mission accomplished.”

Spears also started a game of Truth or Dare. “I was dared to get naked and get out of the pool and walk as though I was on a catwalk in a fashion show,” says Encinias. “Britney was laughing really hard.”

So let me get this straight: a legally single 25-year-old woman decided to unwind after a long day of work by getting drunk and wild with some friends at a private party, and making out with a cute, single, adult, consenting man who agreed to take his clothes off and make an ass of himself?

OH MY GOD. Somebody stop the presses. This is total insanity.

Look, I’m usually the last person to defend Britney, but it’s not like she’s a married woman getting pre-teen boys drunk and convincing them to eat her out. She’s a single adult of legal drinking age kissing other consenting adults of legal drinking age, at a private party, and I really don’t see why this is Us Weekly cover material. If Lindsay Lohan weren’t in rehab, this sort of thing never would have happened.

Kim Kardashian’s Reality Show Boots Kelly Osboune and Kim Stewart’s

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I think I smell another C-list feud.

Kelly Osbourne and Kim Stewart were set to do a reality show together on E! next season. It was supposed to be a Simple Life replacement, except with less famous and less interesting people. Unsurprisingly, “the network just wasn’t into Kelly and Kimberly’s show.” Instead, it looks like they’ll be the mystery network airing the Kim Kardashian reality show I mentioned last week, which co-stars her gazillion brothers and sisters, including Brody Jenner, who has to win some sort of award for reality shows based loosely around his life (Princes of Malibu, The Hills and now this … even Lauren Conrad can’t top that). Poor Kim Stewart’s tried forever to get on reality TV … she was trying to be the Nicole Richie replacement on The Simple Life during the Paris/Nicole feud, but the network was like, “Um, it turns out that you’re not very interesting when you’re not toppling off motorcycles on red carpets, so no.” I guess she’s just not destined for reality TV stardom.

Explaining Mena’s Haircut

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When we ran this photo of a newly shorn Mena Suvari earlier in the week, one of the readers commented that it had to be for a movie role. That’s correct. Miss Suvari didn’t pull a Britney; in fact, the new look is for her role in the film adaptation of Hemingway’s The Garden of Eden, where she’s playing Catherine, the new wife of writer David. Filming wrapped recently in Spain, so I guess Mena’s waiting for her hair to hit the requisite three inches before she gets extensions put in.