Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Jessica Biel Pulls a Britney

Jessica Biel Hits a Paparazzi with an Umbrella in Santa Monica

Jessica Biel Hits a Photographer with an Umbrella in Santa Monica

I guess all of Justin Timberlake’s girls are prone to this shit.

Yup, Jessica used an umbrella to shield herself from the paparazzi as she entered her yoga class in Santa Monica.

I guess one of the paparazzi got in her way, so she jabbed him with the umbrella.

Meanwhile, Britney’s somewhere celebrating the fact that “pulled a Britney” has meanings other than “showed the world your vagina.”

Gretchen Mol Has Pretty Much Assured Her Son Will Not Have a Drug Problem. Or Friends.

Gretchen Mol Named Her Baby Son Ptolemy

So one of my best friends has an older brother named Adam. When we were in high school, Adam used to get into all sorts of trouble with his friends, and his dad would be like, “You know, this never would have happened if I’d named you Orson.”

Gretchen Mol has embraced that line of thinking, naming her month-old son Ptolemy, ostensibly after the Greek intellectual about whom little is known beyond his written work. So, you know, he may have been a raging pedophile.

The “p” is silent, but little kids won’t know that.

I bet this kid gets called “Pot” for short.

Your plan has backfired, Gretchen!!! Mwah-hahahahahaha!!!