Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Quotables

Isla Fisher Gives Birth to Baby Girl

“There is no way I am going to worry about missing out on work or the pressure to lose weight. At the moment I am not even planning any work. As far as I am concerned I am fully booked up in my personal life and I can’t see beyond that. I plan on just colouring in books. I’ll focus on that for the next few years.”

Isla Fisher, who gave birth to a baby girl on Wednesday night. The baby daddy is her fiance, Sacha Baron Cohen (aka Borat).

Chloe Sevigny Is Running Out of Ideas

Chloe Sevigny at Opening Night of Pygmalion on Broadway

Chloe Sevigny at Opening Night of Pygmalion on Broadway

Are those shorts?

Are they, Chloe?

Are you just running out of ways to be weird?

Chloe Sevigny wore a lovely pair of shorts to the opening of Pygmalion on Broadway on Thursday night.

I think we need to help Chloe out here. Does anyone have suggestions for her?

What if you showed up to your next event with a boa constrictor wrapped around your neck? Too Britney Spears? Have you considered wearing scrubs? I hear Katherine Heigl has her own line of them now. What if you wore a bikini as underwear? Still too Britney Spears? Purple lipstick? Pleather? I dunno, Chloe, but please never wear those shorts again, dear.

Hey, Jared Leto, Remember When You Used to Be Hot?

Jared Leto at MTV Latin America Awards in Mexico City, Pictures, Photos

Ah, those were the days, weren’t they?

I mean, don’t most people go through the angsty, black-eyeliner, goth phase in high school? I just think it’s funny — and kind of tragic — that you’ve decided to do this in your 30s. You sure are sticking it to the man, aren’t you?

Will we never get our Jordan Catalano back?

At the MTV Latin America Awards in Mexico City on Thursday night.

Okay, The Weirdest Fucking Group of People Showed Up to the Victoria’s Secret Party in Beverly Hills on Thursday Night

Paris Hilton at Victoria’s Secret Phi Beta PINK Party in Beverly Hills, Pictures, Photos

I don’t even know what to make of this. My head’s kind of exploding right now.

Paris Hilton.

David Hasselhoff.

Matthew Perry.

Lauren Conrad and Audrina Patridge.

Rumer Willis.

Lacey Chabert.

Tila Tequila.

Lydia Hearst.

Aubrey O’Day.

Aubrey O’Day’s extensions.

Cory Kennedy. (Everyone’s favorite teenage heroin addict!)

I don’t even know which joke to make first. It’s overwhelming!!! I want to write an entire short story about this night!! Or film a season of The Surreal Life!

Were they holding an AA meeting afterwards? Are you even allowed to attend AA meetings if your last name’s Tequila? Honestly, the only thing this all-star team was missing was its group counselor.

Or did attendance count as some manner of community service?

I just don’t understand!

A couple other points:

1) Paris Hilton needs to never wear a jumpsuit like that again. In fact, the whole world needs to never wear a jumpsuit like that again. We need to start flying planes over third-world countries and dropping pamphlets with a variety of pictographic instructions informing them that no one, anywhere, ever, is to wear a jumpsuit like that ever again.

2) Rumer Willis’s hair is back to brunette. And it’s curly now. Not, like, a luxurious curl. More of an I-didn’t-realize-I-wasn’t-supposed-to -have-the-blow-dryer-in-the-bathtub curl.

Aubrey O’Day at Victoria’s Secret Phi Beta PINK Party in Beverly Hills, Pictures, Photos Tila Tequila at Victoria’s Secret Phi Beta PINK Party in Beverly Hills, Pictures, Photos Rumer Willis at Victoria’s Secret Phi Beta PINK Party in Beverly Hills, Pictures, Photos Rumer Willis at Victoria’s Secret Phi Beta PINK Party in Beverly Hills, Pictures, Photos Lydia Hearst at Victoria’s Secret Phi Beta PINK Party in Beverly Hills, Pictures, Photos Lacey Chabert at Victoria’s Secret Phi Beta PINK Party in Beverly Hills, Pictures, Photos Lacey Chabert at Victoria’s Secret Phi Beta PINK Party in Beverly Hills, Pictures, Photos Matthew Perry at Victoria’s Secret Phi Beta PINK Party in Beverly Hills, Pictures, Photos Lauren Conrad and Audrina Patridge at Victoria’s Secret Phi Beta PINK Party in Beverly Hills, Pictures, Photos David Hasselhoff at Victoria’s Secret Phi Beta PINK Party in Beverly Hills, Pictures, Photos Cory Kennedy at Victoria’s Secret Phi Beta PINK Party in Beverly Hills, Pictures, Photos Cory Kennedy at Victoria’s Secret Phi Beta PINK Party in Beverly Hills, Pictures, Photos