21OMG, Who the Fuck Let Paula Abdul Do a Reality TV Show?

Whoever is managing this woman needs to be fired again and again and again.

I finally had the opportunity to watch an episode of Hey, Paula, and it is, to summarize, thirty minutes of Paula Abdul wasted. And I do mean for the entire thirty minutes. Seriously, guys, even the Real World kids tend to be sober for some measurable portion of the daytime. Not so with Ms. Abdul. The last time I saw a reality show about someone who was this ridiculously wasted all fucking day, it was called The Anna Nicole Show. And we all know how well that turned out.

Ratings for the show have been dismal, and rightly so. It’s mundane. It’s pathetic. It’s embarrassing. It’s not like watching a train wreck. It’s like watching the five-year-old you’re babysitting crash his Tonka trucks into each other. Over and over again.

But the blame for this extends beyond Paula. Someone pitched this show. Someone agreed to produce it. Bravo agreed to air it. And Paula Abdul herself must have been in at least one or two meetings with these people before any of this happened. So these people knew what they were getting into. It’s not like this woman is witty. It’s not like she’s insightful. It’s not like her day-to-day life is particularly interesting. Her staff obviously hates her, and everyone who has to interact with her does so in approximately the same tone of voice you’d employ with your young Tonka aficionado. So I have to figure that all these people were just betting on her being so fucking retarded all the time that it would make good TV. Paula, my dear, you may want to look for new management, preferably one who can focus on helping you conquer your drug problem rather than exploiting it.

I’ve included a clip of my favorite scene of this episode, in which Paula is touring the lab of a fragrance company producing the perfume to which she’s going to lend her name. She stumbles down the stairs to the lab, then drops a sampler on the floor, bends down to pick it up, and doesn’t see any pressing reason to stand back up again. She then says the word “sexpot” in much the same way I might, had I taken six Vicodin and polished off two tumblers of Scotch before 1 pm.

July 4, 2007 at 11:51 pm by Evil Beet

0Links Links Links

Victoria Beckham says her bra size is a 32B. [Cele|bitchy]

Britney Spears pens an apology letter for that whole incident with the umbrella. [Derek Hail]

Ashley Tisdale in a bikini. [Drunken Stepfather]

It is a distant possibility that Avril Lavigne does not actually write all her own songs. Honestly, people, how can she be expected to find time to be creative and still manage to be that much of a badass? [A Socialite's Life]

Al Gore’s son is arrested for possession of illegal narcotics. Let the “inconvenient truth” puns begin. [SOW]

Julia Roberts was much happier when Lindsay Lohan was drinking and National Enquirer had something to focus on besides the trouble in her marriage. [popbytes]

The Sex and the City movie is a go. [Celebrity Smack]

Scarlett Johansson’s been off the radar for awhile, but she’s resurfaced with the grossest nose ring ever. [cityrag]

July 4, 2007 at 10:09 pm by Evil Beet

17Nick and Vanessa: Hot Tub Lovin

Update: Pics removed because Nick and Vanessa hate me.

I really wish we could give you the uncensored versions of these photos but sadly they have not came out yet.

As you see what we do have, via Famous Magazine, is a lovely set of candids of Nick and Vanessa getting their freak on in a hot tub during a recent vacation to Mexico.

These photos are slightly amusing and my favorite happens to be the one where all you see is her leg up in the air. They enjoy various positions and really these only help us prove that Vanessa is a bit of a freak.

Enjoy these for now. We are on the hunt for the dirty versions because that is how we do it here at the Beet. All naked. All the time.

July 4, 2007 at 8:02 pm by EvilT

0HAPPY 4th of JULY!!!

While we do love our international readers, we also love the USA, and we love having a day off from everything. So we’re taking the day off to hang out on the beach and BBQ and hopefully not sunburn too badly. See you all tomorrow!

July 4, 2007 at 9:41 am by Evil Beet

12Yup, Christina Aguilera is Pregnant!

Feeling more than a little butthurt that InTouch beat them to the punch on Nicole Richie’s pregnancy, E! News confirmed today that Christina Aguilera is, as we’d been speculating, pregnant.

This will be the first baby for both Christina and her husband, Jordan Bratman. Having a baby after you get married? What will these crazy Hollywood kids think up next?

July 3, 2007 at 4:36 pm by Evil Beet

4Memo to WireImage: It’s Her Daughter

This is not how you get on Anna Wintour’s good side, guys.

July 3, 2007 at 1:33 pm by Evil Beet