Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Is Britney Spears Peeing in Belgium?

We haven’t heard much from the pop tart in recent days, and now a newspaper in Belgium is reporting she stopped to use a public toilet there. Ha! That’s our Britney!

I am making the assumption that this is Dutch, and I tried to use Babel to translate, and this is what it came up with:

Britney Spears did Monday night plasje on the toilet of tavern Erasmus to the Berchem slate. That claims the kelners of the tavern. “she came with two large Mercedessen, had three bodyguards at itself and carried a zonnebril”, says to kelner Ronald Busschots. We are certainly of it: the wás Britney. It must between six and seven hours are geweest”, Ronald tell. For the door of the tavern two large Mercedessen 500. that stopped are of those large barges, which to dread you did not have all days moreover them a number plate with VIP017 and VIP018. From the cars three men and a woman stepped. The woman came in, with one of the mannen.`Waar is the toilet’, early the man in English with an American emphasis I indicated him the way and the woman entered the toilet. The man continued stand for the door of the wc. That found Ronald nevertheless strange. “I asked him in Dutch if he what wants drink, but he understood me niet.`Sorry ‘ early hij.`Do asked you because to drink something’ I then.” Ronald weet it certainly: the man was a bodyguard. “because he had oortje”, he says. But he wants nothing drinken.` It’s a more frosted or emergency, empty he from a need case, therefore. Then the woman ended up the toilet. She smiled to me and said ` thank you. Ronald recognised at that moment her. “Britney Spears!” were

The preceding paragraph is probably the funniest thing that’s ever been on this blog. I mean, that’s not saying much, but every time I read over it I giggle. I have no idea what it means, and if anyone actually speaks the language on that website and would like to translate, I’d be forever indebted. But I get the feeling that Brit and her bodyguards stopped at a pub in Belgium so Britney could pee. I love it.

Why is Britney in Belgium???

Let’s Play Spot the Baby Bump

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Christina Aguilera Baby Bump

Christina’s definitely put on some weight in the past few months, but she’s pulling a Nicole Richie and making it impossible to get a good shot of the baby bump.

Come on, Xtina! You’ve never hidden your bumps before — why start now?

Shopping in Beverly Hills yesterday.

Photo credit: Buzz Foto

BRING BACK JOAN AND MELISSA!!!

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What the fuck is this???

Backstreet BoyN*SYNC-er Joey Fatone (REMEMBER KIDS, IT’S FUNNY BECAUSE HE WAS THE FAT ONE) has signed on to co-host the red carpet for the TV Guide network. His partner in crime? Lisa Rinna. Who the fuck is Lisa Rinna?

“Joey is a top-notch professional with a natural likeability and great sense of humor, all of which are essential attributes of a red-carpet host,” said the president of TV Guide network.

This is going to be unwatchable.

BRING BACK JOAN!

BRING BACK JOAN!

BRING BACK JOAN!

Are You James Brown’s Child?

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Because you might want to check.

Yet another woman has successfully proven through DNA testing that she is the child of Godfather of Soul James Brown. She is the third person to do so since Brown’s death in December of last year. About a dozen such DNA tests have been performed since his death, either by people who genuinely think they’re his child, or who just want a part of his will. The will currently names six children, and is being disputed in court.

One of the newfound children is LaRhonda Petitt, a 45-year-old retired flight attendant and teacher in Houston. Another is a Florida woman who declined to be named.

The Bill Murray DUI?

Bill Murray Scores a DUI

While we were all sitting around waiting for Britney Spears to beat Hayden Panettiere to a DUI, Bill Murray was quietly tiptoeing his way back onto our radar. And onto the radar of the Swedish police.

The funnyman was spotted cruising around Stockholm, Sweden in a golf cart … drunk! Cops stopped him and smelled alcohol on his breath. According to the AP:

The golf cart had been on display for a week outside the downtown hotel where Murray and other VIPs attending the Scandinavian Masters golf tournament, were staying, tournament head Fredrik Nilsmark said.

Murray apparently drove the golf cart to the trendy Cafe Opera nightclub, less than a mile away, and was pulled over on his way back to the hotel.

Nilsmark said the vehicle wasn’t intended for guests but added: “I don’t hold any grudge against Bill Murray for borrowing our cart for a while.”

“He refused to blow in the (breath test) instrument, citing American legislation,” the police told the AP. “So we applied the old method — a blood test. It will take 14 days before the results are in.”

Murray was in Sweden attending a golf tournament. According to the AP, it’s not illegal to drive a golf cart in Sweden, but it is very unusual. If the blood tests come back positive, it is possible Murray would have to serve jail time, but authorities say it is more likely that a fine would be issued.

Coming next week: the Bill Murray crotch shot!

Links Links Links

Amy Winehouse leaves rehab … again … [Cele|bitchy]

And her mom has a thing or two to say about this mess. [popbytes]

Vince Vaughn is having a little bit of trouble with his jet ski. [Celebslam]

Finally! Someone tells the truth! Jenna Jameson: “Skinny’s a good thing!” [POTP]

Janice Dickinson is always happy to touch a penis for a good cause. [ >Celebrity Smack]

Kevin Federline’s finely honed acting skills have landed him a gig on the CW. [The Blemish]