Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Kathy Griffin Has a Boyfriend

Kathy Griffin and Steve Wozniak

Okay, so he’s not exactly a hottie, but, then again, he is Steve Wozniak, a co-founder of Apple.

So homeboy’s fucking loaded.

Rock on, Kathy. You marry that shit, and you’ll have the kind of money Paris Hilton can only dream about.

Wozniak’s been married twice before, and he has two sons from his second marriage. And I would like to meet them.

Foreshadowing

Okay, so I got really bored on my drive home from my crazy San Diego weekend, and I decided to put on Britney Spears’ In the Zone, for old time’s sake.

I came across this track, Early Mornin’, which I realize now basically foreshadows what was going to come in the following years.

Here’s the opening line:

“Alright, I was a little late last night. Got a little messy. Can’t be like that anymore …”

And by the end she’s like “Call all your boys, call all your girls, call all your friends. Let’s do it again!”

Oh, Britney. You warned us! I’m sorry we didn’t heed your cry for help. Then again, this was the same album on which you dedicated an entire song to masturbation, so it’s possible we all just got distracted.

(And, yes, I know this isn’t the actual music video for the song. She didn’t do a video for this one, so this was the best compilation I could find on YouTube.)

How Many Machine Guns Does One Person Actually Need?

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Mazel tov to T.I., who won two BET awards mere hours after being arrested for paying his bodyguard to purchase multiple machine guns for him, without registering them. T.I. cannot legally purchase the guns because he is a convicted felon. And no one in this country can legally purchase a gun without registering it.

T.I. was taken into custody in a shopping center parking lot where federal officials said he planned to pick up machine guns and silencers he had his bodyguard buy for him.

The arrest Saturday resulted from an investigation that began this month when a federal firearms licensee contacted the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives about a man inquiring about buying a machine gun without registering the weapon as required by law, according to a criminal complaint filed Saturday in U.S. District Court in Atlanta.

After trying to buy several machine guns from an undercover ATF agent, the unnamed person began cooperating with the government and said he was buying the machine guns and silencers for Clifford Harris, T.I.’s given name, the complaint said. According to the bodyguard, he had bought about nine firearms for T.I., and the rapper had given him cash to buy guns four different times, it said.

Harris brokered the deals through the bodyguard because he is a convicted felon, the complaint alleged. It is against federal law for a convicted felon to have another person get firearms on their behalf.

Okay, seriously, in my sheltered little LA Beach Cities life, I can’t imagine ever having a use for even a single machine gun. I guess I can understand how someone from a very different background — whose best friend was killed in a shoot-out last year — might want to have a single machine gun. But multiple machine guns? What on earth is one person going to do with multiple machine guns? I mean, could you really even fire them both at the same time? I know it happens in the movies, but in reality, wouldn’t the force of it push a grown man to the ground? And how could you ever use more than two? Are you going to fire one with your toes? Hold it between your thighs and hope your penis can reach? And who are you shooting at that you need, like, four machine guns? The entire cast of Tekken? I don’t get it, kids. I just don’t get it.