Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Preggers! Preggers! Preggers!

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Ms. Halle Berry showed up at UCLA Westwood Medical Plaza to visit a sick friend on Thursday, and brought some gifts along with her.

It’s a good preggers dress, but you can still see the hint of the baby bump. That is going to be such a hot baby. Maddox Jolie-Pitt is going to be banging that baby eight ways from Sunday in fifteen years. I mean, assuming it’s a girl. If it’s a boy, we’ll let Zahara take it on. Or Shiloh, since they’re closer in age.

Oooh, what if it’s a gay boy and Maddox turns out to be gay, too?

I wonder if they’ll hyphenate this baby’s name as Berry-Aubrey. And then when Baby Berry-Aubrey has a kiddo with Baby Jolie-Pitt, the kid’ll be Baby Berry-Aubrey-Jolie-Pitt. Actually, it would be best to do it in alphabetical order, like, Baby Aubrey-Berry-Jolie-Pitt.

I admit it is possible that I need to find something else to do with my time.

Vanessa Hudgens Cancels Leno Appearance

Vanessa Hudgens Cancels Tonight Show with Jay Leno Appearance

In what was probably a wise PR move, teen-queen-turned-porn-queen Vanessa Hudgens canceled an appearance on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, which was supposed to tape on Thursday.

The appearance was scheduled before the recent nudie pics of Vanessa hit the web. She canceled at the last minute, and her rep gave no explanation.

Say what you want about those damn pictures, but, before they hit the web, I couldn’t have told you what color hair Vanessa Hudgens had. Now I can tell you her hair color — on top and on bottom — and it’s fucking news when she cancels on Jay Leno. The next thing you know, it’ll be on CNN when her dog goes missing, Paris Hilton-style.

This is how you make it big, girls.

Paula Abdul Has a Million Dollar Flatiron

Paula Abdul Has a Diamond Flatiron at the Emmy Gifting Suite

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Well, she doesn’t have it, not in the long-term possession sense, but she’s showing it off at an Emmy gifting suite. Yes, those are actual diamonds encasing the flatiron. Because, you know, that’s necessary. Because it’s not like poor, deserving inner-city kids need things like computers and textbooks and winter jackets. No, no. Somewhere, there is a woman who really needs a diamond-encrusted flatiron.

If I were the people running that gifting suite, I would keep a close eye on Paula with that thing. She might trip over it.

OMG! It’s the Jolie-Pitts!

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Because Brad Pitt may get old, but photos of this family never, ever will. There have been a ton of photos of Brad, Angie and Maddox wandering around Manhattan lately, but none of the other kids. I wonder where they’re hiding.

Also: Angelina is a toothpick. I mean, she’s really just skin and bones.

I’d been hesitant about it for awhile, but I’m ready to say it now: there’s something really wrong with her. There’s an eating disorder or there’s a drug problem or both. She’s not okay.

Howard K. Stern: I’m Totally Not Gay with Larry Birkhead

Howard K Stern Says he’s not gay with Larry Birkhead

So I haven’t really been following this story on here, because the story’s retarded, but basically there’s some new book coming out alleging that Howard K. Stern was all gay with Larry Birkhead, and they videotaped themselves doing the nasty and Anna Nicole liked to watch it. HKS is, of course, denying it, because it is, as I mentioned, retarded.

“It’s ridiculous. I mean it’s absolutely absurd,” Stern said to ETOnline. “Dannielynn is gonna read this garbage and it’s almost like she’s gonna have to get counseling from the age of 3.”

Um, look. I’m as hopeful as the next guy about Dannielynn’s future, but, buddy, if you think this girl’s gonna be able to read at the age of 3, I have a bridge I wanna sell you.

Happy Rosh Hashana, Kids!!

Get out there to welcome the new year, and go easy on the Manischewitz.

I’m out for the rest of the day. Sorry for the relatively slow posting, but I’m on vacation, dammit, and it’s a freakin’ holiday! Sometimes even bloggers need a break.

Things should be approximating normal again by tomorrow.

I ::heart:: you all.

Top Chef Contestant Attacked in Apparent Hate Crime

Top Chef’s Josie Attacked in Hate Crime

Josie Smith-Malave, who appeared on Top Chef’s second season, and who is openly gay, was attacked at a Long Island bar over Labor Day weekend in what appears to be a hate crime.

Josie and friends were at Partners, in Sea Cliff, Long Island, for a birthday party. The group was initially asked to leave the bar because they were suspected of being with underage drinkers (they deny this), but a bar patron reported overhearing the bouncer saying that the crowd was “getting too gay.” When Josie and her friends did leave, they were beaten in the parking lot by a group of people who were screaming anti-gay slurs. According to witness, the attackers screamed: “I hope you die of AIDS.”

“I’ve never experienced something like that before where people are so angry I didn’t even know where it was coming from,” said Josie.

Nassau County Police Department says they will be investigating the assault as a hate crime, which is a felony in New York.

You know, when I read a story like this, I don’t even get angry anymore. I just kind of feel confused. Like, really? We’re still doing this shit? In 2007? Don’t people have anything better to do than be bigots? I mean, there’s so much free porn available online. Wouldn’t it be nicer to do that? And just how ignorant can you be, buddy? Screaming “I hope you die of AIDS?” At a lesbian?