Um, so the British media is reporting that the Hells Angels planned to kill Mick Jagger back in the ’60s. They were going to attack his house by sea, but a storm tossed them all overboard from their little attack vessel.
Clearly the Hells Angels should stick to motorcycles. Sailing doesn’t seem to be their forte.
“Let me make this as plain as possible â€“ Benji did not leave me for Paris Hilton. Benji and I did not break up badly or anything like that. We both decided, as adults, our relationship had run its course and decided to move on. I feel no animosity towards Benji and Paris at all and am very happy with life at the moment.”
So, per usual, I’m having an awful day. When I feel like I’ve finally lived through the worst of the awful days, it seems I learn there’s an even worse one on the horizon. I certainly hope you’re having fun here, God.
But just when I think that absolutely, positively nothing could make me crack a smile today, there’s Paris Hilton. And her frappuccino. And her shaman.
Thank you, Paris. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.
Prince Harry got back home today. He was met at RAF Brize Norton in the UK by his father and brother.
Glad you’re safe, buddy. And I’m also way sorry that the foreign media won’t let you live your goddamn life. You’re one of the few celebrities who can say “I didn’t ask for this” and really mean it, and I have a great deal of admiration for your determination to fight for your country alongside your friends. All the best, kiddo.
And a memo to Warner Bros: Fuck you and fuck your notices of infringement. I’m in no goddamn mood for this. If you don’t want your motherfucking shitty-ass Madonna track all over the Internet, take better fucking care of the masters, or develop a goddamn business model that works in the 21st century. Fuck you.