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33Hugh Hefner’s Newest Girlfriend Feels Pretty

She hasn’t accepted my MySpace friend request yet, so this is all I can see of Kristina Shannon’s profile for now.

We need to talk about this, because it’s blowing my mind.

Here is her screen name:


What’s with all the missing letters?

Namely, what’s with the missing “H” in “WHENEVER”? I have all these theories. One, of course, is that she doesn’t know how to spell “whenever.” Is that a possibility at the age of 19, barring actual mental retardation? I don’t know. The second is that she ran out of space in the MySpace last-name field and had to remove some letters, hence the missing “T” in “TRUST,” because nobody actually thinks “trust” ends in an “s,” right? Okay. But if that were the case, why not remove one or two of those exclamation points to free up some space to spell words correctly?

Then I did something I am not proud of.

I used Microsoft Word to count the characters in her display name. There are 96 characters, including spaces. Next, I maxed out the characters in my own display name by entering a bunch of the letter ‘m.’ Once it was maxed out, I copy-pasted to Word and counted those characters. There are 50. So now I’m all upset that Kristina Fucking Shannon gets to have 96 letters in her display name and I’m only allowed 50.

What the fuck is up with that?

I also love that MySpace is begging me to join JDate. Like, who are you, my grandpa? Leave me alone! I am SO TIRED of Jew-boys! I’m gonna change my profile to say that I’m gay and Mormon. What kind of ads do you think I’d get then?

October 9, 2008 at 9:56 pm by Evil Beet

34Is Everybody SO PSYCHED for the Britney Spears Documentary???

OMG the end of this year is just going to be FILLED with BRITNEY JOY!

Her new single, her new video, her new album and NOW her new documentary, tentatively titled For the Record, scheduled to debut on MTV November 30. Here’s the trailer. It feels a lot like Chaotic, except with way, way, way less weed. So, ya know, not at all like Chaotic.

My love for Britney never faltered throughout these difficult years, and it’s so nice to see that she lived to tell about it. Rock on, Britsters!

October 9, 2008 at 5:51 pm by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Britney Spears

14VH1 Celebrity Rehab Season Two Trailer

I’d like to state for the record that I continue to feel it is grossly irresponsible and morally reprehensible for Dr. Drew — an actual physician — to enable these people to feed their addiction to fame in the name of their addiction to drugs and alcohol.

That being said, this trailer is pure rubber-necking bliss.

October 9, 2008 at 3:11 pm by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Uncategorized

53Hugh Hefner’s Latest Girlfriends Are Felons

Oh, yay!!!

TMZ dug up some dirt on Karissa and Kristina Shannon, Hef’s newest squeezes.

Karissa (left) and Kristina Shannon (right) — who have recently moved into the Playboy Mansion — were both busted by St. Petersburg, Fla. police for felony aggravated battery back in January. They both received probation and were ordered to pay restitution to the two victims.

Karissa also has a misdemeanor battery charge on her record from 2007. Atta girl!

Playboy had no comment.


I want more back story here. Who the hell did they beat up? And why? This could make for some very interesting television, indeed. I bet Holly’s having a good laugh over this shit.

Also, let’s do a brief before/after comparison of the girls with this photo taken this month:

Can you say chin implant?

October 9, 2008 at 3:00 pm by Evil Beet

8What’s the Rush?

Why does everybody insist on running everywhere these days?

It’s so annoying.

Ryan Reynolds has announced that he’ll be running the New York marathon on November 2.

He’s doing it to support people with Parkinsons Disease, like his own father, as he details in an open letter published in the Huffington Post, which, I have to admit, doesn’t totally suck and, for once in my life, I’m not going to be snarky about the writing skills of a Hollywood actor.

Seriously, though, I kind of have it in my head to train for the Rock ‘n Roll half-marathon in Phoenix in January. I’m kind of tiptoeing toward it. Right now, I’m just working on running three miles without dying. We’ll see what happens from there. My friend Trish and I are trying to train together, but every time we plan to run together, it rains. Winter time in Seattle is maybe not the best time to train for a half-marathon. But if I’m not going to have a baby out of wedlock like all the stars, at least I can run a lot of miles like they all do.

October 9, 2008 at 2:53 pm by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Ryan Reynolds

4I’m Trying Out Next Year

Here’s a lovely clip of tryouts for the Seattle Mist, a part of the new Lingerie Football League.

I heard about this early on the morning of tryouts, and was honestly thisclose to heading down there myself, if not to actually try out, then at least to watch and take amusing pictures.

But rumor has it that one of the trainers at my gym may have made the team. If that’s the case, I’m totally going to be BFF with all these girls and hold regular interview sessions with them. I may even make a documentary. In fact, I think that’s a brilliant idea. I’m going to make a documentary about the Lingerie Football League. It’ll be very hard-hitting. And by that I mean it will get guys hard.

October 9, 2008 at 2:41 pm by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Uncategorized