Today's Evil Beet Gossip

90210v2.0: Meet the Cast!

Ugh.

Look: When you have to run promos of your show that literally describe it as “cooler, sexier, and more provocative,” you’ve already lost. “Every character has a secret” and “nothing is what it seems”? These are things you should seamlessly hint at, folks, that should be shown in a teaser, rather than explicitly stated.

You people can’t even put together a watchable teaser! I gave up after the first minute!

This show is gonna suuuuuuuuuck.

I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if it doesn’t make it through a single season.

Deeeerunk!

A little shot just surfaced of Shia LaBeouf, taken the night of his infamous Walgreens arrest. I like the phone number written on his wrist. Classy!

Meanwhile, Danielle Fishel (aka Topanga), fresh off her December DUI arrest, showed up at some radio show in Boston, hungover as fuck, to chat about drinking liquor neat (“cranberry juice is what you have for breakfast”) and Lance Bass and some ex-boyfriend who used to kick her ass. Something tells me this girl spends a lot more time drinking than she’d like to admit. If you have the next forty minutes or so free, listen here.

Hooray for drunken child stars!

Who Wore It Best? [Baby Doll Edition]

On the left: Rachel Bilson.

And on the right: Shiloh Jolie-Pitt.

In fairness, Rachel was holding the doll for her little sister, who she went out shopping with this weekend.

Shiloh and her mom and pop hit up children’s store Bonpoint in Cannes on Monday.

And Shiloh is finally wearing shoes, and being allowed to walk on her own some.

Quotables

“I was offered lots of [reality] shows when I was making my career comeback against The Rock, but I kept saying no. But years later, it was my daughter’s career and son’s racing career that we were thinking about. We saw the Ashlee Simpson show and Jessica Simpson’s and Lindsay Lohan on the big screen and we just didn’t haven’t a vehicle to compete. But I considered it, because this time it was about the Hogan family rather than Hulk Hogan; they all wanted to do it and I tried to warn them about what they were in for. Now look what happened.”

Hulk Hogan, attempting to explain why the reality TV cameras led to his son’s jail time, his pending divorce, and his daughter’s faltering music career (and emotional health).

Fox News has some expert being all like “the constant attention, adulation and power can easily become addictive and overpowering and can lead to narcissism. The rush of the fame and power can prevent someone from stopping and thinking about the possible consequences of one’s actions.”

Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit.

Don’t blame the cameras for this, dude.

Everyone at Gossip Girl is Dating Everyone Else

We already knew that Blake Lively and Penn Badgley were an item, but now comes news that Leighton Meester has a new boyfriend of her own: co-star Sebastian Stan.

Both couples were spotted canoodling at the Armani Exchange dinner for Nylon magazine’s Young Hollywood issue.

Leighton and Sebastian “couldn’t keep their hands off of each other … they didn’t care,” said a source. “Blake and Penn were much more private.”

Hasn’t anyone ever told these kids that you shouldn’t fish off the company pier? I can’t wait until they all break up and the real fun starts.

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Kate Hudson’s Dating Lance Armstrong

I really don’t know why I haven’t been writing about the whole thing where Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson broke up and then she started dating Lance Armstrong. I mean, I was aware it was happening, it just wasn’t particularly interesting to me for some reason.

But it’s happening, and I should pass it along to you guys.

Kate spent the weekend in Austin with Lance, where they went to shows and ate dinners and did other generally couple-like things.

Whatever.

You know what?

I think I’m still bitter that things didn’t work out with Lance and Ashley Olsen. Gossip gold, I tell you!