Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Leo Is Never Again Getting a Squeaky Toy

Last week, I went into a local specialty pet store to buy Leo his food. (I bought one normal-sized bag six weeks ago, when I adopted him, and he’s just now finished it.) They had this whole little rack of toys sitting there, and Leo was being adorable and polite, so I decided to get him a new toy. There was this furry yellow Big Bird-lookin’ toy that made a little squeak when you push on it hard enough. I never in a million years thought Leo would be big enough or strong enough to make it squeak.

So I bought the Big Bird, which was a very fortunate thing, because it turned out to be Leo’s soulmate. Seriously Leo has found his soulmate at the age of 14 weeks, and I’m still looking at 26 years. Not fair. But Leo freakin’ loves this thing. He totes it around the house in his mouth all day. He hates having to set it down. They’re BFF. Sometimes I get jealous of the Big Bird toy.

It’s also lovely because now my apartment has its very own soundtrack. The soundtrack goes like this: “squeak squeak squeak SQUEEEEEEEEEAK!!! squeak squeak SQUEAK squeak SQUEEEEEEEEEAK!!!” all day long. It’s horrifically annoying. And I can’t take the toy away because it’s Leo’s soulmate, and I’m afraid if he can’t keep it he’ll spend the rest of his life searching, like his mommy, and he’ll blame me and hate me for it and wear black lipstick and skip school and start smoking speed in his early teens. Parenting is so complicated.

My friend Marta and I had a lovely brunch in Capitol Hill this morning, and then we took Leo to play at a nearby park. The park was gorgeous, and he was in absolute heaven! They had this wide fountain thing with only a few inches of water, that Leo could play in, and he enjoyed skipping around and jumping in and out of the water. At one point, he stood up on the ridge of the fountain, got a running start toward the end, and sailed halfway across the sidewalk. It was probably the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. We all applauded. By the time we left, we’d attracted a full-on audience. People just stopped to watch Leo play in the fountain. He’s that cute. I should have set down an empty guitar case for tips.

Between “raising” Leo and watching a gazillion episodes of Jon & Kate Plus Eight, I am now officially obsessed with the idea of raising kids of my own. I mean, I’ve wanted kids since I was a teenager, but now I’m just in complete and total maternal instinct mode. I spent a bunch of this weekend researching the possibility of adopting a kid from overseas (from all I’ve read, it’s very difficult for single women to adopt in the US), and it’s still an option, but I think maybe right now I’m too young to commit to raising a child on my own for its entire life. So now I have a new idea: foster parenting. I know it’s really stressful, but it’ll give me a chance to be a “mother” without making the lifelong commitment, and maybe make a tiny positive difference for a kid. I know there a billion emotional issues involved, and I haven’t made a decision either way yet — I need to pray about it a lot still, but I’m definitely in info-gathering mode. Does anyone have any experience with fostering? I’d love to hear about it, pros and cons. I’ve done a ton of reading, but there’s nothing like hearing personal experiences.

Oh Hells Yes: Michael Lohan Weighs in on Living Lohan

The folks at OK! magazine have done something truly genius: they are getting Michael Lohan to write a weekly blog about Living Lohan.

Oh, oh, oh!!!


Sooooo wonderful.

I enjoyed the premiere on Monday night. Heh, I loved how Dina Lohan called that blogger and was all like “I’ve already talked to my attorneys” when the only person she’d talked to was Lindsay. Angry managers are so full of shit. And I like how Ali’s so ridiculously trusting of everyone and is totally going to get burned and then get drunk and then go to rehab.

Anyway, here’s what Papa Lohan had to say:

Soooooo, you want a comment on the first episode of Living Lohan?

Well, let’s see… If I were to look at things from a wordly perspective, I would probably have a lot to say about exploitation, hypocrisy and even deception — and maybe at a later date, I might just do so.

For now, let’s just say I’m still trying to figure out if this show is about managing Ali’s career and being a “real” mother, or reading tabloids.

I’ve had a sneak peek at some future episodes and I will say that some of the people Dina surrounds the kids with still concerns me — again, I can address that when they appear on the show. I just hope Dina takes the high road — like a Lohan would — and rights these wrongs.

If this show is about the being a mother and a manager, the most important thing is to set a good example by instilling positive values, and doing what’s right for the kid’s sake. Not for our own!

I wish Ali, Cody and Dina the best on the show and pray that they get what they want out of it.

NOT Filming!

So I don’t usually run them, but there are normally like 8000 photos of Gossip Girl filming on the photo services on any given day. That’s just what happens when you film on the streets on NYC. So I see this photo, I figure it’s from filming, and I’m like “Holy shit, Serena and Dan end up getting back together!” and I was all excited, and then I was like, “Wait, isn’t the show on hiatus?” and then I checked the caption and learned that this isn’t from the set and then I was REALLY excited!

This is just Blake Lively and boyfriend Penn Badgley walking down the street in New York together. How freaking cute are they??? And how freaking cute is her skirt??? I WANT!

[Image via Splash]

Work Out Much?

Melanie Brown shows off her rock-hard abs on Miami Beach, while on vacation with hubby Stephen Belafonte.

So my trainer is always talking about getting me my “Gwyneth legs,” since I’m so obsessed with how great her legs look. I’d like to add that I now also need my “Mel B stomach.” I guess that means I will have to stop stuffing my face with avocados and stop whining when we do ab exercises. And every time I take Leo for a walk and we go uphill for any period of time I’m like, “Yay, I did my cardio,” and that probably won’t cut it either. Getting in shape is hard. :(

[Image via Splash]

Happy Birthday, Kingston!

A very pregnant Gwen Stefani hangs out with son Kingston at his second birthday party. Guests included Kate Beckinsale and Courteney Cox. And apparently some manner of huge blow-up jumpy machine. Those are the best.

Seriously I want a kid just to throw the birthday parties. And what I plan to do is buy a ton of those fun jumpy machines, those little pools filled with colored balls, and especially those awesome Velcro machines where you wear the suit and jump off a trampoline and stick to a Velcro wall. And there will be like five different cakes, and ice cream, and hot dogs, and hamburgers, and lots of Cherry Coke, and then what I will do is get a babysitter for my kid that day and invite all my adult friends to enjoy the party. Kids don’t remember that shit at that age, anyway.

[Image via Splash]

Not Divorced Yet!

Mariah and Nick looked every bit the happy couple, as they arrived at Narita airport outside of Tokyo. Mariah’s in town to do the MTV Video Music Awards Japan later this month. I hope they make her say stuff in Japanese. That would be funny.

Awww … so cute!

Jessica and Tony: Spotted on a Date

I wonder how much Papa Joe paid him to do this.

Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo were spotted at N9NE steakhouse in Dallas on Saturday.

“They were holding hands, in a good mood and happy,” says a source. “They looked like they were on a date together.”

They shared a corner booth and left together. Tony then dropped Jessica off and went to Papa Joe’s house, where he was slipped a manilla envelope full of hundred dollar bills.