As annoying as LC is sometimes on The Hills, I kind of wish I always had a little Lauren Conrad in my pocket to dole out sensible advice. Like, I went on this blind date on Saturday night. And the guy’s a total creepball. I mean, he’s just so obviously lying about everything. He says he’s some big M&A guy for some private equity firm — although he also mentioned, at one point, that he ran a hedge fund — and he tells me he’s in Seattle working to close the Microsoft/Yahoo merger. And I’m like, “Oh, didn’t you get the memo that that merger fell through last week? It was, like, all over the news …” and he was like “It’s still going on, just under the radar. I probably shouldn’t even be telling you this,” and I’m like, “It’s okay, because I don’t believe you.” And he won’t let me see his car. And he has a $50 cell phone. And I tell him like eighteen times that I’m from Arizona and he keeps asking me where I’m from. And I mention like four times that I walked to the bar we met at, because it was like a mile from my house, and he keeps saying shit like “So where’d you park?” Unbelievable. And then he tells the waitress that I’m his girlfriend of four years. Like, total pathological liar creep.
But here’s the thing, you guys: he waaaay hot. Like, model-quality hot. Like, absolutely freakin’ gorgeous. And he wants to come back with me to my apartment and I find myself actually considering this. I mean, I’m completely aware that this guy is a loser asshole, but, come on, he’s hot! And all of a sudden I have a little LC in my ear like, “Beet, he doesn’t deserve you! You need to respect yourself! I mean, he totally lied!” And I’m like “You’re right, LC!” And I tell him I think I’m just going to go home alone. And then he emails me at 4 am like “I MISS YOU ALREADY!” and then he texts me on Sunday like “Happy mother’s day from Leo … ruff ruff!” which would have been insanely cute coming from a guy who wasn’t completely fucking crazy but from him I was just like “Leave my fucking dog out of your crazy!” and I’m like “OMG I am so glad I didn’t sleep with this psychopath.” So, thank you, voice of Lauren Conrad in my head.
What was the point of this story?
So Lindsay Lohan was freaking out at an LA bar last night over a huge fight she’d had with girlfriend Samantha Ronson.
And who was there to console her?
Lauren Conrad, who comforted Lindsay as she sobbed.
LC should totally have her own daytime talk show. I’d watch that shit.