Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Shia LeBeouf Is In High Demand

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At least with the folks at the Burbank courthouse.

Shia was busted for smoking illegally outside some stupid gift shop in Burbank. His arraignment was today at 8 am, but Shia was a no-show. His lawyer didn’t show up either.

The judge issued a $1000 bench warrant for his arrest. His current whereabouts are unknown, but I’m sure that, wherever he is, he’s laughing his ass off about this, like he probably was with the ticket earlier.

Like, seriously, smoking is bad, kids, but I think it’s total bullshit that people aren’t allowed to smoke on the fucking streets anymore. I understand banning it from restaurants, or even from bars, but on the street? Like I love how every time I’m walking down the Santa Monica Promenade smoking a cigarette some kind pedestrian stops to remind me that you’re not allowed to smoke on the Promenade. And I’m always like “Oh, yes, I’ll take that under serious consideration” as I puff away. If anyone ever tried to ticket my ass for smoking on the Promenade I think I’d be like “Take this ticket and shove it,” much like Shia did. Fuck, dude, I don’t even pay my speeding tickets; you think I have time to deal with smoking tickets?

No hard feelings about this one, buddy.

It’s Good to Be a Hooker

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We are all in the wrong line of work, folks.

The real money is in being a high-priced hooker.

That chick at the center of the Elliot Spitzer scandal, Ashley Alexandra Dupre, has been offered $1M by Joe Francis to do a photo shoot and tour for the Girls Gone Wild DVD.

“Her face is on the cover of every newspaper in the country,” Francis said in a statement. “It’s clear that the public wants to see more of her. This is a serious offer and I hope she gets back to me right away.”

Joe says she doesn’t have to pose nude — but you totally know she will — she just has to tell her side of the story and go on tour with him.

Ewwww … one million dollars, but you have to spend lots of time in close quarters with Joe Francis?

I’m not sure if I’d do it.

Halle Berry’s Baby Has a Name

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Halle Berry and Gabriel Aubry have named their little kiddo.

According to Access Hollywood, the baby’s name is Nahla Ariela Aubry.

“We didn’t have a name picked out until just before we left the hospital,” said Halle. “For us it was hard to name the most important person in our life until we met her.”

I think that’s a pretty name. Nahla must mean something in some language, but when I Google it all I get is the Northern Alberta Health Libraries Association. And I refuse to do any further research. Because I’m a lazy asshole.

Anyway, I’d go on and on about how this is going to be the most beautiful child in the whole world, but then I think about Rumer Willis and I decide I better wait a few years before making that determination.

Someone’s Conspicuously Absent from the Stop-Loss Premiere

Ryan Phillippe at Stop-Loss Premiere, Pictures, Photos

She may have a reasonable excuse, but it seems Miss Abbie Cornish was a no-show at the Stop-Loss premiere in LA.

Abbie met Ryan Phillippe on the set of that movie, and set in motion the series of events that would eventually end in the tragic dissolution of Ryan’s marriage to Reese Witherspoon.

I was really looking forward to running a photo of the two of them together.