Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Does Anyone Care If There’s a Lindsay Lohan Sex Tape?

Lindsay Lohan and Calum Best Holding Hands, Pictures, Photos

Thank goodness there have been so many sex scandals lately. I was starting to worry that you people were spending too much time reading about the election, and not enough time reading about gossip. But this week has been good to gossip.

Up now: the Lindsay Lohan sex tape.

Rumor has it that the still of Lindsay giving head to some dude was taken from ex-boyfriend Calum Best’s cell phone — but it isn’t actually Calum she’s sucking on. It’s the son of some famous sports guy.

Whatever. The thing’ll leak or it won’t. I do think that this is Lindsay in the photo, though. The NSFW pic is after the jump.

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This Made Me Feel Really Bad About Myself

So I spent a good portion of yesterday afternoon fighting with assorted parties regarding the pictures of a naked Audrina Patridge that I (illegally, and after being specifically told not to) ran yesterday. So much fuss over a naked nobody from a stupid reality TV show.

Then I watched South Park last night — where they basically poked fun at the insanity of the celebrity gossip obsession — and I was like “Shit, this is insane. And I’m totally a part of it.”

And I felt really, really bad about myself for a minute.

And then I remembered when I used to work a 9-5 job at an office and how much I hated it and then I was like, “You know, this is probably okay.”

Anyway. The whole episode’s above. It’s pretty disturbing, actually.

Quotables

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A GOODBYE LETTER TO MY DRUGS OF CHOICE

At this point,
All you fucking things are good for is dying. I’m not
ready to die. I’m ready to live. I’m ready to breathe
(properly, even). I’m ready to fall in love. I’m ready
to become ready to start a family. I’m ready to be
happy, fulfilled and meaningful. Maybe I’ll see you
fukkers if and/or when I’m ready to die.

Steve-O

From his most recent MySpace blog.

Pamela Anderson Is Spouting Lies

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After her third marriage failed — all together now — MISERABLY, Pamela Anderson tells Ellen Degeneres she is currently not dating anyone.

Her attention, says Anderson, the mother of two boys (Brandon, 11, and Dylan, 10, whose father is Anderson’s ex, Tommy Lee), is devoted to “just kids. That’s taking up a lot of time.”

Especially on her schedule. Says Anderson, “Usually I get in around 3 or 4 in the morning, and I’m up at 6:30 am with my kids making breakfast, 8 a.m. at school, and who washes their face?”

Congratu-fucking-lations, Pamela. Way to go two weeks without dating anyone. Way to focus on your kids for twenty seconds. You sure are getting your life back under control. Getting in at 3 or 4 in the morning every day? That sounds manageable. What the hell are you doing at 3 am, Pamela? Taking a business meeting? Everything sounds very much under control right now. Good for you.