Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Amy Winehouse Has TB Crack in Her Lungs

While my dad and I were driving up the west coast this weekend, the radio DJs on Sirius kept talking about how word on the street is that Amy Winehouse might have tuberculosis. I nearly spit out my Red Bull. “Amy Winehouse does not have tuberculosis,” I told my dad. “Amy Winehouse has crack in her lungs.”

And Amy’s own father agrees.

“With smoking the crack cocaine and the cigarettes her lungs are all gunked up,” Mitch Winehouse tells the Sunday Mirror in the U.K. “There are nodules around the chest and dark marks. She’s got 70 percent lung capacity.”

“She’s got emphysema,” he says. “It’s in its early stages, but had it gone on for another month they painted a very vivid picture of her sitting there like an old person with a mask on her face struggling to breathe.”

He also had this to say about Amy’s recent hospital visit: “Several doctors came in and checked to make sure she didn’t need any emergency treatment. They put her on a drip straight away because she was dehydrated. She said, ‘Don’t worry about me, dad. I know I’ve got to stop taking drugs now.’”

Yeah right. Because when drug addicts say they know they need to stop taking drugs, it inevitably results in them never taking drugs again. Right.

Chilli, Just Because

I love her and we don’t see enough of her.

I’m still kind of root for her and Usher to get back together.

At the Female Success Factor “Creative Success” seminar in Brooklyn. Look, she’s helping!

Anyway, I’m back in Seattle safely with all the animals. Posting will now resume as normal.

Giggle Giggle!

Aw, I’m sorry, but Samantha Ronson and Lindsay Lohan have totally won me over. I just don’t think there’s anything fake or bullshitty about this. They love each other, and they make each other so happy, and that makes me happy.

The gruesome twosome are still inseparable. Here they are having lunch in LA while Lindsay’s on a break from filming her new movie.

Redding Or Not

I’m at the Oxford Suites in Redding, CA. This is by far the nicest hotel room I’ve stayed in on this journey, but I really needed it tonight, and it’s money well-spent. Seriously when I get back to Seattle I am canceling all obligations and scheduling an emergency spa day. All this road-tripping has been so rough on my skin and my hair. After spending an entire day driving from San Diego to Redding, I can tell you with total confidence that nothing is larger than the state of California except for my pores. Awful, awful.

Leo is running from one end of the suite to the other and back again at full speed. He has been doing this for 45 minutes now. I think he’s been cooped up in the car too long.

This morning, we met Sister Beet, Cousin Beet and two Uncle Beets (Uncles Beet?) for brunch at Cousin Beet’s bar in San Diego (Players on Clairemont Mesa … swing by, ask for Michael, and tell him I said to give you a beer on the house). Sister Beet got to meet Leo for the first time, even though Cousin Beet wouldn’t let Leo into the bar (“Health Department blah blah blah…” — this is why he owes you guys a beer).

After eating, Papa Beet and I headed up to L.A., my former hometown. We stopped in Manhattan Beach to say hi to some of my friends. It was a gorgeous day, the ocean was sparkling, we drank Starbucks on the beach, and all the girls were running around in bikini tops and denim skirts. It brought back a lot of happy memories, and, for about an hour, I really, really missed Los Angeles.

Then we got back on the road.

After paying $4.60/gallon to fill up the tank, we promptly sat in traffic on the 405 for an hour and a half.

Then I didn’t miss Los Angeles anymore.

The rest of the day was uneventful. Just a lot of driving. Papa Beet dropped his cell phone without noticing at a truck stop. The guy who found it went to the trouble of going through Papa’s outgoing calls and reaching my sister, who called my cell phone, and then my sister got to describe me to this guy while he walked around a huge truck stop looking for me so I could get the phone and give it back to Papa Beet. You know, not all people suck. This was really nice of that guy, and it definitely saved our day from certain disaster.

While we drive, Leo sits up front between Papa Beet and me, and the three cats hang out in a (huge) soft, mesh crate in the back. About an hour south of Redding, I catch a flash of white in the back seat. It’s Josie. She’s executed a stunning escape. She has forced her way out of the top of the crate, somehow managing to loosen the zipper. She wants to come sit with Papa Beet and me.

Now Josie’s problem is that Leo occupies the space between me and Papa Beet, where she wants to be. Leo and Josie fight about this for the next half an hour, scratching and pawing at one another. I spent that entire time trying to get a photo that captured the cuteness of this cat/dog battle. I must have taken 20 photos. Since it was nighttime, each photo resulted in a bright flash. Sadly, I never got my perfect shot.

Five minutes after I gave up, a lightning storm began.

Papa Beet announced that now even God was trying to get a photo of Josie and Leo. They were that cute.

Anyway, I’m gonna get some sleep now. With any luck, we’ll be back in Seattle by Saturday night, and I’ll update again from home sweet home! Yay!

What’s the Rush?

Little Maddie Briann still practically has a toe in Jamie-Lynn’s vagina, and Britney’s back in LA already!

Britney got back on Friday and caused some paparazzi insanity at LAX.

She clearly had to hurry back to her busy life of filming cameos that won’t be included in music videos.

Seriously I’m open to all your ideas on why the hell Brit only stayed for like 24 hours after JLS had her kiddo. I can’t think of any huge work obligations she has coming up. I mean, Britney’s flaked out on work stuff for WAY less than the birth of her first niece. If my sister had a newborn baby, I’d stick around for awhile, if only to show up at her house every day around noon, looking well-rested, perfectly dressed and impeccably coiffed, sipping my Starbucks and laughing at her for an hour or so before announcing that I had to leave or I’d be late for my facial.

Is Britney a bit jealous?

Or does she just want to give Jamie the opportunity to spend some time with her baby without the Britney Spears paparazzi feeding frenzy outside the door?