OMG you guys.
It’s almost 5 am and I still can’t sleep.
I think it has something to do with the fact that I slept most of the day on Monday, but I can’t be sure of that. And the bummer about Seattle is that the days are super-long — meaning the sun is already coming up. The birds will start chirping soon and I will have to remind myself that I have, in fact, not done cocaine in a really, really long time, let alone last night. But the whole experience will perturb me exceptionally.
Anyway, I’m sure well-rested me would have a TON of funny things to say about the fact that former Home Improvement child star Zachery Ty Bryant is suing a San Diego hotel for tasering him when he drunkenly attacked the staff because they wouldn’t let him up to his hotel room because the room was in his wife’s name. Zach is suing for damages in excess of $25,000. Unfortunately, tired and soon-to-be perturbed me has nothing more to say than this: Honestly, Zach, do you need the money bad enough that it’s worth 8000 gossip bloggers and tabloids making fun of you for the next week? Is it worth having the fact that you got shit-faced drunk and acted like a huge boner broadcast to the world? Do you plan to grant exclusive interviews to OK! magazine now? Is this really what it’s come to?
Honestly, you would never see this kind of bullshit out of Jonathan Taylor Thomas.
Also: Zachery Ty Bryant is hot now. I’d do him.
Now you guys be funny about this in the comments while I go to bed.