Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Um, Did Anyone Else Notice That Lindsay Lohan’s Line of Leggings Have, Uh, Kneepads?

I mean, I know it’s difficult to find ways to make your black leggings stand out in a crowd of wannabes, but, really, Lindsay? Kneepads?

Other features considered for the line of Lohan Leggings:

- Crotchless variant
- Built-in lube injector
- Hidden “Valtrex” pocket
- Vibrating pantyline

Any other suggestions for how Lindsay could better differentiate her line of leggings?

Penelope Cruz and Scarlett Johansson Making Out

Here’s the teaser for Woody Allen’s new film, Vicky Cristina Barcelona, valuable only in that it contains about three seconds of Penelope Cruz and Scarlett Johansson sucking face in what appears to be a photography lab.

And I like how Scarlett Johansson doesn’t even have to speak a damn word for you to know that she is playing the exact same character she always plays.

It’s a Slow Enough News Day That We’re Going to Talk About Al Reynolds

Sigh.

I held off on this forever.

But there’s nothing going on today, and between this and that Remy Ma nonsense (seriously, if you don’t want to go to jail for eight years, don’t shoot at people with a gun), I’m gonna go with Big Gay Al.

Al’s updated the “About Me” section on his MySpace page (on which he has three friends, one of which is Tom), to this:

Dear Friends: If you think you are having a tough day, may I propose you walk in my shoes for a few hours. In my mind, it feels like “Dump on Al Month.” And I’m not having fun yet. I have been called a gigolo, a freeloader, unemployed, a sham and many other things that don’t bear repeating. People on television, radio and the internet have spoken disparagingly of my life, my sexuality, my career and my integrity. The media has barraged me (at my home), my friends, my family(including my 79 year old mother), my college classmates, my students and my professional colleagues. Yet, despite this intense level of provocation, I have said nothing. My Publicist has put out a one sentence statement: “We’re taking the high road.” And we have and will continue on that path. As much as I want to defend myself, it seems like a silly and futile exercise. It’s clear that the media doesn’t want to let the truth get in the way of a good story. I hate to ruin their fun. I take great comfort in the fact that my loved ones and those people who really know me continue to love and respect me. Thank you “all” for the endless emails, phone calls and words of encouragement. I know in my heart that I entered my marriage with love and the best of intentions and leave it with great sadness that it didn’t work. What the world doesn’t know about me would fill a book, but I know who I am and what I have achieved in my life. Before I met Star Jones I was a successful Wall Street banker and since then I have become an entrepreneur, an educator and soon, an author. I grew up in a working class home, a mobile home in fact. I understand the struggles of the working class. My mother was a teacher and my father was in the military. I was given values, integrity and a strong moral upbringing (thanks mom and dad). In these hard economic times, I am working to take my knowledge and experience of the business world and use it to empower and enlighten working class Americans who are often ‘left behind’ by traditional financial advice. I educate inspiring young men and women at Florida Memorial University, a historically black liberal arts university in Miami, Florida. I continue to follow my entrepreneurial spirit in the world of business and investment while completing my doctorate in Organizational Leadership. So I indeed work very hard as a professor, business owner, doctoral student and author. I play hard too. I make no apologies for that. A guy is entitled to a little fun, after all. What I want people to know is that I am not the caricature portrayed by the media. I am complex, contradictory and capable of great intelligence but also remarkable stupidity. In other words, I am a human being. To me, labels are for clothes, not people. So…..Please don’t try to define me; don’t try to categorize me; and most of all, don’t label me. Instead, JUST GET TO KNOW ME. And if you see me, just call me Al.

OMG.

So boring.

Is Lindsay Lohan dead yet?

Did Ashlee Simpson Cheat on Pete Wentz???

Meet TJ Swartz, the swashbuckling young man who reportedly banged Ashlee Simpson on and off for two solid months, while she was dating Pete Wentz.

Says TJ’s friend:

So my buddy TJ is the guy I was telling you about who hooked up with Ashley Simpson while she was with Pete Wentz. He’s just some normal dude -no industry connects. He met Ashley at some club in West Hollywood a little over a year ago and they shacked up a few times over a two month period or so. We used to give him shit about her taste in guys because she was dating that tool box Pete Wentz. TJ never admitted to sleeping with her, but when I asked him about her pregnancy he said “I did the math dude, trust me, it’s not mine.” haaa, I hope not!”

Not sure if I buy this. If these pics were really taken while Ashlee was with Pete, I don’t think she’d be looking so happy in the photos (they’re obviously paparazzi pics) and I think we would have caught a whiff of this story earlier. We could probably get a solid sense of this time frame using a complicated forensic procedure called an Ashlee Hair Color Analysis (AHCA), but I’m too tired and lazy.