Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Robert Downey Jr. Thanks Burger King for His Sobriety

In a new interview with Britain’s Empire magazine, Robert Downey Jr explains how Burger King helped save his life.

Robert says he was driving around with “tons of fucking dope” in his car one day when he decided to pull over and order some Burger King.

“I have to thank Burger King,” he said. “It was such a disgusting burger I ordered. I had that, and this big soda, and I thought something really bad was going to happen.”

With that, he tossed all his drugs into the ocean (Seriously, isn’t there somewhere you can go to donate that shit? Goodwill Crack? I think they have one in Lawndale.) and decided he was done with drugs for good.

I for one am personally offended by this statement. I’m glad you’re sober, Bob, but Burger King has never in its history produced a disgusting burger. Everything from Burger King is a work of culinary genius. I love Burger King. Burger King loves me. Don’t fuck with my baby, Bob.

What’s This Mob Scene???

Why, these are photos of the packed scene outside Perez Hilton’s meet and greet for his new line for Hot Topic.

Except it’s not a mob scene at all.

Apparently hardly anyone showed up. These photos were reportedly taken at 6 pm, just as the event was beginning. And no one is there!!!

Says an eye-witness:

“Some freaky lil employee with a handful of wrist bands asked if I wanted to meet Perez Hilton at 6pm! I was like NO, I just ate. NO one wanted wrist bans it was kinda funny.”

Ahhhh ha ha ha ha ha.

I try to lay off Perez most of the time, but, like, it totally pisses me off that he spent YEARS making fun of celebrities for launching their own clothing lines and then he goes and launches one of his own. And no one cares. So this is hilarious and wonderful to me.