Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Not Broken Up!

Sadness upon sadness!

I was SO SURE that after Isabel Lucas was caught in a car with a drunken Shia LaBeouf at 3 am on a Sunday morning, Adrian Grenier would dump her ass.

But no!

The two were spotted having lunch together at Urth Cafe in WeHo on Tuesday.

What the hell is she wearing?

This looks like something my five-year-old cousin would throw together. If you left her alone in a Salvation Army store. After putting LSD in her Cheerios.

She’s #1! She’s #1!

It seems all the racy photo shoots — professional or not — have done little to hinder Miley Cyrus’s burgeoning career as the next teen queen. Her debut solo album (as Miley Cyrus and not Hannah Montana) is #1 on the charts this week, selling 371,000. It’s the second-best week for a female artist so far this year (Mariah Carey’s E=MC2 did relatively better with 463,000 copies).

So congratulations, Miley. I couldn’t be more pleased to have you and your unapologetic YouTube cattiness on the scene.

I would, however, like to have a discussion about what the fuck is on your jeans in this album cover. And in your hair. Did you go swimming in Spaghetti-Os?

The Sisterhood of the The Traveling Lohans

So … why exactly did Dina Lohan leave the after-party for the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 premiere in a huff?

Depends on who you believe.

Most people say that Dina, drunk as hell, threw a fit when she, Ali and a friend of Ali’s sat down at a reserved table and were later asked to move by a staffer. Dina “went apeshit,” says a source. “It so wasn’t cool.” Dina was then asked to leave the event.

However, in an email to Mark Malkin, Dina says she left voluntarily because the staffer was raising his voice to them. “He made the girls uncomfortable,” she wrote. “At that point, the girls wanted to leave.”

Um … why was he raising his voice? Because you were being an asshole about being asked to leave a table that was reserved for someone else? Yeah. Were you so hungover when you wrote this that this explanation made sense, Dina?

Another party-goer insists that the staffer was perfectly polite. “Dina was so awful,” said the source.

Shia LaBeouf Actually Made a Good Decision

I know, I know. It’s all Shia all the time this week. We could move on to something else if somebody would just plant a tiny bag of heroin on Miley Cyrus and make an anonymous phone call to the LAPD. Hell, I’d do it my damn self if I still lived in LA. Selena Gomez, if you’re reading this: I will pay you back for the heroin if you want to jump on this idea.

Anywho, Access Hollywood has been stalking anyone who was even remotely involved in Sunday’s DU-Shi incident, and they found some eyewitness who said the driver of the other vehicle actually told Shia to take off. Shia, however, decided to stay.

“Shia was tending to the other people in the car, signing over information, like insurance and stuff and basically, I overheard the guy tell him, ‘You should just get out of here and go,’ and Shia said, ‘Nah man. I gotta deal with this. My license plate, it’s my car. I don’t wanna go, I gotta deal with this.’”

“The guy Shia hit told him, ‘You should get outta here,’ and ‘I never saw you.’ He said, ‘I never saw you,’ and Shia said, ‘No, man, I gotta stay here and deal with this. It’s my problem.”

The driver of the other vehicle, strangely, hasn’t been identified yet. Why would he tell Shia to take off? Of course the cops would eventually track him down. Was this guy hoping Shia would be like, “Oh, thanks, man. Here’s my number: call me and I’ll totally get your script produced. Catch ya later!” Good to see Shia was at least not a complete idiot about the situation.

Jennifer Lopez is Going Back to Work!

Question: How much did you guys miss seeing Jennifer Lopez on the big screen?

a) OMG so much!
b) Not at all.
c) She used to do movies?

I guess raising children wasn’t quite as fulfilling as Mrs. Marc Anthony hoped it would be, as she’s signed on to do the romantic comedy The Governess. Or maybe she likes the kids just fine, but she’s looking for any excuse to get away from her Crypt-Keeper husband for as much time as possible.

Here’s the plot:

Story centers on a professional thief who, in order to pull off a major bank heist, poses as a nanny to the three unruly children of a wealthy widower. When she starts to fall for the kids and their father, she must decide if she can give up her past for a chance to start over.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: the woman-as-bank-robber plotline never, ever, ever works. I challenge anyone to name one time it has worked. I know Katie Holmes can’t think of one. So, please, Hollywood, stop trying.

Actually, I’m noticing a pattern here: maybe women only do bank-robber movies if it’s the best excuse they have to spend some time away from their creepy husbands. Hm.

Jon Voight Has (Stupid) Opinions

Is there anything more wonderful than when totally unqualified celebrities weigh in on matter that are actually important? Jon “Angelina’s Dad” Voight may not be able to have a relationship with any of his six grandchildren, because of what a psychopath he’s been toward Angelina in the past, but that’s not going to stop him from spewing vile political nonsense in the Op-Ed pages of the Washington Post. I don’t talk politics on this site a lot, because I’m probably more informed about the exact shape of Lindsay Lohan’s labia than I am about politics (I can draw it from memory now!), but I have to say I think Mr. Voight crossed one hell of a line with this scathing, presumptuous epistolary. I mean, I don’t know much about Senator Obama’s platform, but I have a feeling he doesn’t plan to create a socialist America. Plus, any established actor who read the script for National Treasure 2 and thought to himself, “Yes, this is something I want to be a part of” clearly needs to rethink all of his opinions.

Some quotes:

Sen. Barack Obama has grown up with the teaching of very angry, militant white and black people: the Rev. Jeremiah Wright, Louis Farrakhan, William Ayers and Rev. Michael Pfleger. We cannot say we are not affected by teachers who are militant and angry. We know too well that we become like them, and Mr. Obama will run this country in their mindset.

The Democratic Party, in its quest for power, has managed a propaganda campaign with subliminal messages, creating a God-like figure in a man who falls short in every way. It seems to me that if Mr. Obama wins the presidential election, then Messrs. Farrakhan, Wright, Ayers and Pfleger will gain power for their need to demoralize this country and help create a socialist America.

If Mr. Obama had his way, he would have pulled our troops from Iraq years ago and initiated an unprecedented bloodbath, turning over that country to the barbarianism of our enemies. With what he has openly stated about his plans for our military, and his lack of understanding about the true nature of our enemies, there’s not a cell in my body that can accept the idea that Mr. Obama can keep us safe from the terrorists around the world, and from Iran, which is making great strides toward getting the atomic bomb. And while a misleading portrait of Mr. Obama is being perpetrated by a media controlled by the Democrats, the Obama camp has sent out people to attack the greatness of Sen. John McCain, whose suffering and courage in a Hanoi prison camp is an American legend.

This is a perilous time, and more than ever, the world needs a united and strong America. If, God forbid, we live to see Mr. Obama president, we will live through a socialist era that America has not seen before, and our country will be weakened in every way.

All together now: Shut up, Jon Voight!