It’s 3:30 in the morning and I just checked into my hotel in San Diego.
Why, some of you may ask, am I in San Diego on my way from Phoenix to Seattle?
Well, Papa Beet decided that if we were going to go through the state of California, we should stop in San Diego to see my sister. I explained to Papa Beet that California is a large state, and San Diego is about four hours out of our way, and my sister is not really that interesting. Papa Beet did not see the merit in my argument.
Still, though, why are we just getting to San Diego at 3:30 in the morning?
Well. We’d planned to get on the road around 6 pm — after Papa Beet got off work — which would land us in San Diego around 11 pm. I went to get my oil changed before I left, and the good folks at Jiffy Lube informed me that there was a nail in my tire. So I went to Discount Tire and got my tire fixed. And by the time I’d gotten home and we’d packed up the car and loaded up all the animals, it was 7:30 pm. Then we’d driven about 45 minutes when Papa Beet realized he’d forgotten his passport, and Papa Beet wants to visit Canada while he’s in Seattle. So we go back. By the time we get back to the place where we’d first turned around, there’s a huge accident on I-10 and we’re stuck in traffic for 45 minutes. All these factors combined to result in me reaching San Diego (which is four hours out of our way) at 3:30 in the morning.
Oh and when we passed border patrol in California, Papa Beet decided to be really funny and tell me in a very serious voice that they might not let Leo past because he’s a chihuahua and therefore Mexican. And I was exhausted and believed him and got all upset. Not funny, Papa Beet.
Also: Papa Beet has made breakfast plans with Sister Beet tomorrow morning, so Evil Beet can’t even sleep in.
And did I mention that there are three cats and a dog in my hotel room? And the dog is eating the cat food and the cats are eating the dog food and it’s making my head explode. I swear I could feed my animals dirt and they’d be happy, as long as they’re eating something other than the food they’re supposed to be eating.
And also Max is crying and he’s going to cry all night, because Max always cries all night the first night he’s in a new place.
That said, everyone in Hollywood who was alive yesterday appears to still be alive today. Including Lindsay Lohan, against all odds. And I love you guys very much but I don’t have the strength right now to update further.