Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Matthew McConaughey’s a Daddy!

With the amount of time Matthew spends shirtless, the poor kid’s not going to know whose nipple to suck on.

He’s also probably going to know how to surf before he knows how to walk.

Camila Alves gave birth to a healthy baby boy on Monday evening.

Says Matty in a statement:

“A healthy baby boy was born. Camila and I were side by side the entire time. We are both tired and elated, and are so happy to have created the greatest miracle in the world — Having a child and making a family. Now comes the greatest adventure — raising one, together.”

The name of the little kiddo hasn’t been released.

Congrats, you crazy kids!

My Brief Bitch Session

Okay, so I have to tell you guys this story.

When I was in New York City with my sister, we got spray tans. I think I mentioned this previously. We were just wandering around the West Village, and we saw this spray tan place called Color Tanning, and I was like, “Ooh, let’s get spray tans!”

We went inside and talked to the girl there, and she said it would be $90 each for the spray tans. Now, that was pretty steep, but I figured, hey, we’re in New York, and this would be a fun thing to do with my little sister. So I said okay, sure, let’s go for it.

So we get our spray tans, and we look damn good, not too orange, and I generally feel it’s worth the money. Plus the girl gives us these little kits of lotions for our face and bodies, and the lotions are awesome, and it’s all good.

Today, I check my credit card bill online, and Color Tanning has charged me for over $450. I figure there must be some mistake, so I call them up to explain the situation. I talked to the same girl who did our spray tans, and she was like, “Oh, well the tans were $90 and the lotion kits were $120.” I was like “WHAT???” There was NO FREAKING MENTION of those lotion kits costing me ANYTHING. She gave them to use like they were freebies that came along with a $90 freaking tan! Absolutely NO HINT that the fucking lotion kits cost MORE THAN THE TAN. I mean, in fairness, I guess I did sign the credit card receipt without looking too carefully, but still. That shit should be illegal. You should have to tell people when you’re selling them something and not act like it’s free so that you can get a commission on it.

I called my sister to tell her about it, and to warn her not to spill a drop of this precious, precious lotion, and she was like “You should report her to the Better Business Bureau!” And I was like, “Eh, that’s too much work,” and then she was like, “You know what? You should BLOG about it!” And I was like, “Oooh, I like that idea much better.”

So anyway.

COLOR TANNING.

IN MANHATTAN’S WEST VILLAGE.

SUCKS.

Who’s Been Entrusted with David Banda?

Before I begin, I would just like to take a minute to express my sincere admiration for the American paparazzi. When Madonna and her clan are in London, we get a good photo of the kids maybe once a month, usually even less often. It’s almost like the British photographers respect the private lives of her underage offspring. Here in the U.S., we are burdened by no such scruples. Since the Madge Clan has been in NYC, there are like 18,000 new photos of these kids on assorted photo services every single day. Every other photo set is “Lourdes This” or “Rocco That.” (And I’ll note that many of these photo services are actually based in England, so it’s not like they don’t have a presence in London.)

Now, this may be due to the heightened interest in Madonna because of the divorce rumors, but somehow I doubt that. I think American paparazzi are just a little more dedicated than their British counterparts. And they say we’re falling behind the other nations … maybe in math and science, but not in the things that count. Persistence. To the total disregard of all other people. That’s what America’s all about.

Anyway, time for you to guess which celeb is escorting David Banda and his nanny back to Madonna’s NYC pad.

Hint: It’s not Madonna.

Answer is after the jump.

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Shut Up Bill O’Reilly

Ugh. Normally I’m all about trashing Rosie O’Donnell, except when Bill O’Reilly is trashing Rosie O’Donnell, and then I’m all Team Rosie. O’kay?

And who the fuck calls anyone a “pinhead” these days? Are you gonna give her a “knuckle sandwich,” too, Bill? Show her what for? Stupid Bill. The 1950s called. They want their opinions back.

Trying the Winged Look!

Anne Hathaway probably wishes she could just fly away.

As her ex-boyfriend’s legal troubles mount, and it looks more likely that Anne will have to testify at his trial, Anne hit up Rome for the premiere of Get Smart (aka Agente Smart, apparently, which is a total downgrade from Mexico’s Super Agente 86) sporting the winged eyeliner look. We haven’t seen it on a lot of celebs lately.

What do you guys think? Good or bad look for Anne?

Sad! Drew Barrymore and Justin Long Are Over!

Dude, will Drew Barrymore never find ever-lasting love?

I want it for her so, so badly.

I feel like we all have a lot riding on this. I feel like Drew is a mirror of myself. Like, if Drew Barrymore can find true love, maybe I have a chance. If she keeps breaking up with dudes time and time again, I am totally fucked. And not in the good we’ll-cuddle-and-name-our-unborn-children-afterwards kind of way. Just fucked.

Anyway, Drew’s rep confirmed that she and Justin Long have entered splitsville, although she didn’t give a reason for it. The two met on the set of He’s Just Not That Into You, which I think was the initial problem with the relationship. They should never have made a movie out of that book. I said that all along. It’s like heresy. Now everyone involved is doomed.