Today's Evil Beet Gossip

The San Diego Zoo

It’s 3:30 in the morning and I just checked into my hotel in San Diego.

Why, some of you may ask, am I in San Diego on my way from Phoenix to Seattle?

Well, Papa Beet decided that if we were going to go through the state of California, we should stop in San Diego to see my sister. I explained to Papa Beet that California is a large state, and San Diego is about four hours out of our way, and my sister is not really that interesting. Papa Beet did not see the merit in my argument.

Still, though, why are we just getting to San Diego at 3:30 in the morning?

Well. We’d planned to get on the road around 6 pm — after Papa Beet got off work — which would land us in San Diego around 11 pm. I went to get my oil changed before I left, and the good folks at Jiffy Lube informed me that there was a nail in my tire. So I went to Discount Tire and got my tire fixed. And by the time I’d gotten home and we’d packed up the car and loaded up all the animals, it was 7:30 pm. Then we’d driven about 45 minutes when Papa Beet realized he’d forgotten his passport, and Papa Beet wants to visit Canada while he’s in Seattle. So we go back. By the time we get back to the place where we’d first turned around, there’s a huge accident on I-10 and we’re stuck in traffic for 45 minutes. All these factors combined to result in me reaching San Diego (which is four hours out of our way) at 3:30 in the morning.

Oh and when we passed border patrol in California, Papa Beet decided to be really funny and tell me in a very serious voice that they might not let Leo past because he’s a chihuahua and therefore Mexican. And I was exhausted and believed him and got all upset. Not funny, Papa Beet.

Also: Papa Beet has made breakfast plans with Sister Beet tomorrow morning, so Evil Beet can’t even sleep in.

And did I mention that there are three cats and a dog in my hotel room? And the dog is eating the cat food and the cats are eating the dog food and it’s making my head explode. I swear I could feed my animals dirt and they’d be happy, as long as they’re eating something other than the food they’re supposed to be eating.

And also Max is crying and he’s going to cry all night, because Max always cries all night the first night he’s in a new place.

That said, everyone in Hollywood who was alive yesterday appears to still be alive today. Including Lindsay Lohan, against all odds. And I love you guys very much but I don’t have the strength right now to update further.

Goodnight.

And I’m Off!

I’m hitting the road again this afternoon — driving back to Seattle with three cats and a puppy. PLUS, a Papa Beet! That’s right, Daddy Dearest will be accompanying me back on my trip. Papa Beet will ward off the evil bed bugs, I’m sure of it! Like last time, I’ll be updating in the evenings from my hotel.

Oh, and for those of you who care, Jamie-Lynn Spears named her baby girl Maddie Briann.

Cute!

Robert Downey Jr.: Off the Wagon?

The Crazy Days and Nights blog has an interesting (and obvious) blind item today:

To me, this one was a little heartbreaking to hear. This once troubled actor who has peaked and valleyed between A and C list his entire career depending on his drug use was thought to be clean and enjoying some big success once again. However, it is just that success that may have caused his most recent slip. Oh, he slipped alright. Twice is what I hear. Separate nights. The question is going to be whether it was truly just a slip or if this is going to be another long, twisted spiral downward.

Commenters the world around seem to agree that this is none other than Robert Downey, Jr.

Oh, Robert! Say it ain’t so!

Perhaps Perez Hilton Should Go to Business School

Perez launched a new service on Wednesday: Gossip on the Go, where you can pay $5/month to use your cell phone minutes to hear Perez call and tell you about news that he’s going to report on his blog like 20 minutes later.

There are a few kinks in this business plan, and even the loyal readers of his site managed to figure them out.

Namely: no one’s going to pay shit for something they can get for free.

On the other hand, it probably costs him very little to do, so if anyone’s stupid enough to sign up, it’s all profit. But I think the (predictable!) backlash he’s getting from it cancels out any pecuniary gain. After his Hot Topic fiasco, he should have waited a little while before launching another dubious business enterprise.

The Gays: They’re Just Like Us!

They get divorced!

Comedian Matt Lucas and his husband — the couple were married in Britain a year and a half ago — have announced that they’re now divorcing, making this the first gay celebrity divorce in the history of gossip!

WOO HOO!

We don’t get many firsts around here these days.

Also, this gives me hope that I could one day be reporting on the Lindsay Lohan/Samantha Ronson divorce. Oh please please please let it happen!

Burger King Is Selling a $200 Burger

I WANT ONE!!!

Burger King has added a $200 burger to the menu of select stores.

So what’s on it?

Premium, prohibitively priced, Japanese-style Wagyu, flame-grilled, garnished with Italian truffles, Spanish cured ham, aged balsamic vinegar, Champagne onions and popped onto a saffron- and truffle-dusted bun.

The total cost of ingredients alone is $80.

BK is donating the proceeds to charity.

Oh, Burger King, I understand if you can’t give me your special credit card, but at least donate one of these to meeee!

Thanks Whitney!