Today's Evil Beet Gossip

I Am a 10-Year-Old Boy

urmel_fart.jpg

Above, find cast members at the Berlin red carpet premiere of a German-language film called Urmel voll in Fahrt.

I laughed for like ten minutes. I’m still giggling as I write this.

Also, I drove through Beaverton, Oregon today, and got quite a kick out of that.

It’s a mystery why I’m still single.

I Am Totally Not Above Running the Emma Watson Crotch Shot Photos

Emma Watson 18th Birthday Pictures, Photos

Um, so, this is kind of a moment where I should pick up the phone and call my boss and be like, “Um … is it okay if I run photos of Emma Watson’s vagina?” Because, like, I’ve kind of gotten in all sorts of trouble for this sort of thing lately.

But I love you guys above all else, and I really think it’s important you have the opportunity to see Emma Watson’s vagina. Better to ask for forgiveness than permission, right?

And you know what’s even better? (And what my management will be very, very happy to hear?)

SHE TURNED 18 ON APRIL 15!!!

Emma hit the town in London this weekend to celebrate her 18th birthday, and, on her way out of the club, gave us a real gift. If this had happened a week ago, I would be HELPLESS here! Helpless, and screaming, and crying, and sitting on these photos and TOTALLY UNABLE TO RUN THEM!!! But today, oh, today I can run them. Thank you to Emma Watson’s parents for conceiving her precisely when they did.

Uncensored photos of Emma’s naughty bits are after the jump. Download them to your computer now, before I start getting angry phone calls from the Powers That Be. I’m like that neglected little child who figures negative attention is at least some attention. Like, they’re gonna be mad, but at least they’ll be paying attention to me!!!

Oh, I am gonna get in so much trouble for this.

Getting Out the Drunk, Gay Vote

Chelsea Clinton at at GLBT Gayboorhood Pub Crawl, Pictures, Photos

Here’s Chelsea Clinton at the GLBT Gayboorhood Pub Crawl in Philadelphia, supporting Hillary’s run for President.

It’s awesome that they sent Chelsea out to support this event. It’s cool to see the daughter of a Presidential candidate sporting an LGBT sticker at a campaign event, and it indicates that we’ve come a long way in terms of public support for gay rights.

Still, it would have been even cooler to have Hillary there wearing that sticker. We have plenty of room to grow, I suppose.

Happy Birthday, Carmen Electra!

Carmen Electra and Boyfriend Rob Patterson from Korn, Pictures, Photos

Carmen celebrated her 36th birthday at PURE in Las Vegas, with her current love, Korn’s touring guitarist Rob Patterson.

Guyliner. Yum.

Carmen reportedly got a tattoo of the letter “R” behind her ear. You know, I have to admit, that’s pretty smart. Like, if you have to get your man’s initial tattooed on your body, behind the ear is a good place to put it. I hope she got it put behind her right ear. That way, if they ever break up and people ask what the “R” is for, she can be like, “Oh, it’s so I know which ear is right and which is left.” And, coming from Carmen Electra, you’d probably be like, “Okay, that makes sense.”

Carmen Electra and Boyfriend Rob Patterson from Korn, Pictures, Photos

Two for the Price of One!

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The Hawaiian Tropic Zone in NYC hired DJ Samantha Ronson for Saturday night.

Little did they know they’d also be getting the services of DJ Lindsay Lohan.

Look, I think it’s safe to say that these two are a couple at this point. I know, I know, two girls can be close friends without being all gay together. For instance, I don’t think Oprah’s having sex with Gayle. But I do think Lindsay’s having sex with Samantha. I think they’re together.

For all the rumors about how Lindsay’s still drinking, and Lindsay’s back on drugs, which may or may not be true, you have to admit that there haven’t been many stories lately about Lindsay doing crazy drunk shit. There’s the occasional vague item here and there, but it’s nothing like it was a year ago, or two years ago. I mean, when’s the last time she sent a drunken, rambling, “adequite” email to Page Six? Or cussed out Paris Hilton to a TMZ videographer? Or was hospitalized for “exhaustion”? Or broke her ankle on a particularly slippery floor? Or, you know, got a DUI?

Something’s changed, and, if SamRo has a role in it, good for her.