Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Barbara Walters Just Sucks

So, here at Evil Beet, we didn’t cover the story about how Barbara Walters had a torrid affair with a married U.S. senator back in the ’70s, because I think it’s appalling that she would put him and his family through that, thirty years later, just to sell her stupid memoir. But now it’s time to bring it up, because, ladies and gentlemen, we have a catfight.

Babs went on Oprah recently and started talking shit about Star Jones and her weight loss. Said Barbara: “She decided to have a gastric bypass operation, but then she decided not to tell anybody. Then we had to lie on the set every day because she said it was portion control and Pilates. Well, we knew it wasn’t portion control and Pilates.”

This is so shitty of Barbara. I mean, I’m no Star Jones fan, but WTF is up with Barbara just throwing people under buses left and right to sell her goddamn book? It’s classless, classless, classless.

Of course, Star had something to say about that. She tells Us Weekly: “It is a sad day when an icon like Barbara Walters, in the sunset of her life, is reduced to publicly branding herself as an adulterer, humiliating an innocent family with accounts of her illicit affair and speaking negatively against me all for the sake of selling a book. It speaks to her true character.”

And you know what? I agree with Star Jones! I never thought I’d say that!

Shut up, Barbara. You’ve accomplished so much in your lifetime. There are so many other, distinguished parts of your life to recall in interviews. Why are you pissing it all away by acting like a shameless, fame-whoring jackass now? Just stop, woman.

Mariah’s Wedding Confirmed!!

People magazine has confirmed that Mariah Carey did, in fact, marry Nick Cannon on April 30, and they have the exclusive pics in their upcoming issue.

Oprah has some pics too. Click here to see the video of Oprah showing them. (I’m not embedding the video because RedLasso’s embed code always messes up the site … and, despite the fact that their CTO has sent me multiple apology letters, I’m still not going to run the damn things on here.)

Amy Winehouse Arrested Again

Sigh.

Amy Winehouse was arrested in London last night on drug-related charges relating to a video sent to police earlier this year.

She’s reportedly been fully cooperative with authorities.

Will someone just stick this girl in a rehab for three months or so? Please? I think it’s time for Amy’s family to pull a Jamie Spears and just take control over her life. She’s clearly in no position to manage it herself.

I’m Back and Ashlee Simpson is TOTALLY Knocked Up

Sorry, it’s been a crazy morning. Little Leo got sick this morning, which of course basically sent his mother into epileptic seizures and we had to rush him to the vet. He’s fine, thank goodness. He just has little parasites, and he doesn’t even seem to notice that he’s sick. His energy level is fine and he’s eating fine, and we just have to give him special medicine for the parasites, but we spent the morning at the vet, asking again and again “Are you sure he’s going to be okay? Can you just check him once more?” while the vet patiently tried to reassure me that everything about him was healthy except the very treatable parasites. So anyway. On to less important matters.

Ashlee Simpson is completely, totally knocked up.

Reliable sources are reporting that Ashlee’s scheduled to get married next weekend, at an undisclosed location about an hour outside of LA. The invitations have already been sent out for the weekend of May 16.

Preggers. Preggers. Preggers.

OMG Paris Hilton Is Exhausting

So, most nights I stay up until 3 am or so, waiting for the morning edition of Page Six to come out and all the late-night paparazzi pics to trickle in, so you guys can have them all when you arrive at your desks the next day.

However, tonight I am going to bed early. I am exhausted.

Wanna know why?

I spent tonight watching The Hottie and the Nottie DVD.

Yeah. It’s true.

I was doing a favor to the guys over at Film.com, none of whom were willing to bear the brunt of actually watching the flick. It would probably send their refined film-critic sensibilities into panic mode. So I watched the DVD and the special features tonight, and wrote a review (I’ll link you guys to it when it runs), but OMG can I just say that despite being a motherfucking executive producer and star of the film, Paris Hilton couldn’t find the time in her busy schedule of being a goddamn waste of space to do the commentary on the DVD? Instead there’s like a ten-minute clip of her putting female makeup on her male costar. She’s such a fucking self-obsessed flake. I hate her so much, and I’m exhausted by my sheer hate for her, and I’m going to sleep early tonight and I meet with my personal trainer tomorrow morning so updates will be slow until late morning/early afternoon.

OMG I hate her so much.

But I love you guys sooooo much.

Happy Birthday, George Clooney!

George Clooney’s friends didn’t have to get him a hooker to help celebrate his 47th birthday — he’s dating one!

George and Sarah “Hooker” Larson showed up at a restaurant in NYC on Tuesday night to celebrate his birthday with friends.

And, yeah, that is a hole in her dress. Like, an intentional hole. At first I thought it was some sort of strange belt buckle, but, no. That’s just how the dress is made — with a hole. I guess it’s just one more access point for George to use when he fingers her under the table, because she’s classy like that.

Your Daily Lindsay

On Tuesday, Leggings Lohan got coffee.

The end.

But this photo is especially exciting because, if you look closely, you can see the little clasps where they put in her hair extensions. And this is exciting to me because I am a huge loser with nothing else going on in my life so I have all kinds of time to carefully inspect every inch of a Lindsay Lohan photo. And you guys are the beneficiaries! Yay for you! Sad for me. :(