Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Brace Yourself

It’s the Living Lohan trailer.

And the show, it appears, has very little to do with any member of the Lohan clan whose name doesn’t start with “Di” and end with “na.”

I hate that I’m going to watch this obsessively.

Word on the Street …

Is that Chris “Leave Britney Alone” Crocker has somehow landed his own TV show … co-starring RuPaul.

What?

OMG.

Please, please let this happen.

I will host viewing parties. We’ll even have Leo cross-dress for the occasion. I’ll put him in a puppy tutu or something. With a little hat that says “Fuck Perez.” It’ll be amazing.

Adorableness!!!

Total hottie Doritos girl Ali Landry hosts the first annual Hot Moms Party at TAO in Las Vegas, with her husband, director Alejandro Monteverde, at her side.

After what this chick went through with stupid loser Mario Lopez, I’m so glad she’s found what seems to be an amazing guy to support her. They’re so cute together, and she looks so happy. Hooray for happy endings after asshole guys!

I Am So Obsessed with Baby Names

Is this just me? Every year, when the Social Security department releases its list of most popular baby names, I, like, study it. Why do I care so much? I’m not pregnant. I probably won’t be pregnant ever, because men suck, and I’ll end up adopting a little Cambodian baby and naming it Maddox and waiting around on my couch for Brad Pitt to show up and leave Angelina Jolie for me.

But anyway.

The most popular girl names in 2007:

1) Emily
2) Isabella
3) Emma
4) Ava
5) Madison
6) Sophia
7) Olivia
8) Abigail
9) Hannah
10) Elizabeth

Come on, people! When are you going to start naming your girls “Beet”??? I’m waiting!!!

And the most popular boy names:

1) Jacob
2) Michael
3) Ethan
4) Joshua
5) Daniel
6) Christopher
7) Anthony
8) William
9) Matthew
10) Andrew

I, for one, am just grateful not to see “Perez” on that list.

For male twins, parents were most likely to combine Jacob with Joshua, Matthew with Michael and Daniel with David. The most popular combination for female twins was Ella and Emma. OMG that’s so cute! Okay, I have to have female twins now so I can name them Ella and Emma! Oh, who am I kidding? I’d totally name them Ashley and Mary-Kate.

The name “Shiloh” debuted on the list this year at #804. “Maddox” is at #226. “Jayden” is at #18. “Danica” is at #307. “Paris” is at #385. And “Miley” is at #278. My real name is at #350, which was very exciting for me. I beat out Paris!!! My little sister’s name made the list in both the male AND female categories. I am going to make fun of her for that. “Dakota” is at #239. “America” is at #462. “Rocco” is at #448, and “Melvin” is at #446 (Who is naming their kid Melvin?! Stop it!!!).

Thank goodness, “Apple” doesn’t appear to have made the cut. “Moses,” however, is at #464.

And the name “Elvis”? It’s at #676.

Man, you guys, I could do this forever. I’m obsessed with this stuff. I just want to spend hours and hours researching these trends. Someone asked me tonight what my five-year plan was, and I was like “Uhhhh. Probably to develop a five-year plan?” But if this whole celebrity gossip thing doesn’t pan out, I’m going to be a baby name expert! What the hell kind of degree do you even need to do that, anyway? I need to get it, stat!

For the full list, click here.

Man, I Am Such a Shallow Asshole

So I get an email on Facebook tonight. It was from a reader, begging me to help raise awareness about a cyclone that recently hit and devastated Myanmar.

The cyclone hit on May 2, devastated much of the area, and the final fatality count is expected to be around 100,000 lives.

You know what, you guys?

I had never even fucking heard of this cyclone.

And I think of how the entire world reached out to us to help after Hurricane Katrina, and I just think about what an awful, stereotypical American I am, and it kind of makes me feel sick.

And I hate to go all Perez Hilton on you guys and be like “Donate to this cause!” but I figured it’s kind of the least I can do to make amends for the fact that I know what happened on 30 Rock last week, because I came home and watched it after getting a pedicure and buying new heels, but I didn’t know that a cyclone killed 100,000 people in Myanmar last week and left an entire region in total devastation.

To read more about Cyclone Nargis and its impact, click here.

To help by supporting Doctors without Borders in Burma, click here or here.

To help by supporting Save the Children Myanmar, click here.

To help by supporting CARE International, click here.