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4Kris Jenner is releasing a cookbook because she totally cooks all the time

kris jenner cookbook

Kris Jenner is so desperate for attention that she’ll try anything to get it. Besides being the ultimate pimp for her three daughters, she’s also tried her hand at hosting a talk show and now she’s trying to pretend she’s ever set foot in a kitchen and releasing her own cookbook this October, called In the Kitchen with Kris: A Kollection of Kardashian-Jenner Family Favorites. Please, try to roll your eyes back to the front of your head.

From The International Business Times:

Jenner states that the inspiration behind writing the cook book is the huge amount of requests that she gets from friends for her recipes. The Kardashans are frequently seen entertaining during episodes of their reality show. In fact, even Giuliana mentions during the interview that she had once been a guest in Kris Jenner’s home.

Jenner mentions her grandchildren and states that she makes a mean grilled cheese sandwich that has become a favourite among her young grandchildren.

Why do I not believe that anyone asks for her recipes (or that she even has any)? Also, making a grilled cheese sandwich does not qualify you to release a cookbook. Are you kidding me?

nice try jan

If you do want to buy this piece of shit because you’re a masochist, it’s available for pre-order from Amazon for $19.25, which is a joke.

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July 22, 2014 at 6:00 am by Jennifer
Filed Under: Kris Jenner

0Blake Lively’s lifestyle website, Preserve, is here!

blake lively preserve

Blake Lively has been teasing us with her new lifestyle website, Preserve, for a while now, but it’s finally here! The site had a quiet launch yesterday and looks so… cowboy. (I suppose that explains the Vogue feature!) It’s all very dark and makes me want to grab a Marlboro while I sip a cup of strong black coffee and look out over a prairie, but I doubt Blake would approve of smoking.

So far, there seems to be pieces on baby back ribs, the importance of bartenders (called “barmen”, of course), something called “Sex on Sundaes” that I daren’t click on, features on artisans and an editor’s letter from Blake herself. Here’s that joyous piece of writing in its entirety:

Sitting down to write this editor’s letter has been the hardest thing I’ve done yet on my Preserve journey. I’m more intimidated than I should probably admit. I’m no editor, no artisan, no expert. And certainly no arbiter of what you should buy, wear, or eat.

I am hungry, though… not just for enchiladas. I’m hungry for experience.

I’m comfortable with the knowledge that I’m not a teacher, but rather, a student. I don’t do any one thing perfectly. I do a lot of things though. Some well, some not-so-well.

I’ve been fortunate enough to travel. I’ve been all over the world and all over this country. There’s so much life teeming out of every pocket of this nation. There are people creating magic with their bare hands. Creating things which land at that amazing intersection between art and function.

I’ve found that when approached with a curious spirit, people are kind, they’re generous, they answer, if asked. They’ll often open their doors and hearts and let you in. Because people with wisdom have stories to tell, and want them heard.

Everyone has a story to tell. This idea is the cornerstone of Preserve.

So here at Preserve there are people, stories, essays, videos and goods which hopefully inspire your home, your style and your tongue. There’s expensive stuff. Inexpensive stuff. And everything in between. But their value, is up to you. We may romanticize it, calling it treasure. What we’re really saying is, we see worth on every level.

The function of Preserve is part magazine, part e-commerce hub, part philanthropic endeavor and above all, a place to showcase the power of imagination, ingenuity, quality, and above all, people.

Preserve is a creative space. A space which honors both tradition and innovation — a space which honors the future, while having a love affair with the past…

As for how we operate, we haven’t looked at Preserve as a new website, but rather as a new street. A sort of greatest hits of “Main Street, USA”. While the whole world races to keep up with technology, we tighten our laces, join the race, but our end goal is to preserve what’s already there.

A pretty lofty goal, a pretty lofty statement, but a group of determined hearts behind it.

As I wrap up, I have to recognize who Preserve really is now, before we’ve met you. “Preserve” isn’t me. It’s a handful of the most dedicated, soulful, wise, patient people I’ve ever had the honor of working alongside. People who’ve filled the pages of this site with a force of passion, talent and integrity. I’m grateful for our countless late nights building a home out of pixels, light and imagination.

We have a true team at Preserve, one that I acknowledge and thank my lucky stars for more often than I tell them. Although we may be tight knit, there will be no one more influential to the direction of Preserve, than you.

We’ve created this space to multiply our experiences. So Preserve.us isn’t just the U.S. It’s all of us.

Dear Christ, this really is Goop 2.0, isn’t it?

Have you checked it out? Will you? Will it rival Goop? Will it fail? Are baby back ribs really delicious? So many questions, so little time.

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July 22, 2014 at 5:00 am by Jennifer
Filed Under: Blake Lively

5Kim Kardashian is a dinosaur, Kanye West is a blowfish

kanye west

Don’t worry if you were as confused at reading that headline as I was writing it – it’s to be expected, considering who we’re talking about here. In Kanye West‘s new GQ profile, he spouts a lot of bullshit. Par for the course, right? But here’s something you probably didn’t expect: in the interview, he compares Kim Kardashian to a dinosaur (“in a good way”) and himself to a blowfish. I’ll let you read and enjoy:

Why’d you decide to get married?
Saying “Hey, I like Kim” isn’t as inspiring to people as us getting married. And anyone that’s in a relationship knows that in order to get to the point to get married and then to be married and to then carry on, it needs that work put into it. Right now, people look at it and it’s like, “Wow, that’s inspiring.” Meaning that love is infectious. You know, God is infectious—God flowing through us and us being little-baby creators and shit. But His energy and His love and what He wants us to have as people and the way He wants us to love each other, that is infectious. Like they said in Step Brothers: Never lose your dinosaur. This is the ultimate example of a person never losing his dinosaur. Meaning that even as I grew in cultural awareness and respect and was put higher in the class system in some way for being this musician, I never lost my dinosaur.

Kim is this girl who fucking turns me on. I love her. This is who I want to be next to and be around. And then people would try to say, “Well, you know, if you’re a musician, you should be with a musician, and if you want to design, you need to be with a girl from the design world.” I don’t give a fuck about people’s opinions. Because when a kid falls in love with an airplane or a bike or a dinosaur—especially if you’re an only child and it’s not because of the book that the sibling was reading—it’s like, fuck, you mean to tell me that the dinosaurs walked the earth and stuff like that?! That’s amazing! You mean to tell me that these giant multi-ton crafts can fly that fast and that loud, and they can flip, and there’s danger, the possibility of them exploding? That’s fucking cool! You mean to tell me that this girl with this fucking body and this face is also into style, and she’s a nice person, and she has her own money and is family-oriented? That’s just as cool as a fucking fighter jet or dinosaur! And just as rarely seen.

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA Sorry, I just had to interrupt for that. Kim is as cool as fighter jets and dinosaurs? I just… sorry, I’ll let you continue.

Does that kind of mockery feel like an effort to de-fang you?
But also, there’s no fangs. I don’t have fangs. I’m a porcupine. I’m a blowfish. Like, I’m a—what’s the fish that blows up?

A blowfish?
Yeah. I’m a blowfish. I’m not a shark, I’m a blowfish. So that perfect example about me hitting my head, it’s like a blowfish. I wasn’t coming out of my house going to a paparazzi’s house to attack them. I’m defending my family in front of my own house. I’m defending my name as someone’s screaming something negative at me. That’s a blowfish. People have me pinned as a shark or a predator in some way, and in no way am I that. I wouldn’t want to hurt anyone. I want to defend people. I want to help people.

Whatever, man. I’m always rendered speechless when I hear/read/see what comes out of this guy’s mouth. It’s a whole new level of insanity.

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July 21, 2014 at 12:22 pm by Jennifer

0The Daily Links

charlize 5

Will Charlize Theron really get her happy ending? [Romance Beat]

Emma Stone has two dates in one night [Lainey Gossip]

Here are your sexiest social media pics of the week [Celebslam]

Harper Beckham is getting so big so quick! [I'm Not Obsessed]

Jaime Pressly has a really nice ass [Drunken Stepfather - NSFW]

Good to see Selena Gomez is still enjoying herself… [Moe Jackson]

Lady Gaga slipped a nip on her private jet [Taxi Driver Movie - NSFW]

Surprise! Lindsay Lohan got sloppy and fell over again [Socialite Life]

Kanye West‘s GQ cover is kind of awful, right? [Celebitchy]

Kendall and Kylie Jenner hang out with Amber Rose [Celebuzz]

Linda Perry threw shade at Christina Aguilera [Too Fab]

Scarlett Johansson has stunt triplets and it’s amazing [Lainey Gossip]

Miley Cyrus is getting back to her fashion roots [Celebslam]

That’s a very short skirt you got there, Taylor Swift [Moe Jackson]

Michael Buble makes a very adorable father [Socialite Life]

RIP James Garner, who died at 86 [ICYDK]

Nicki Minaj is a very good rapper, in case we forgot [The Frisky]

LeAnn Rimes and Eddie Cibrian chill by the pool [The Blemish]

Is Jessica Simpson obsessed with selfies? [theBERRY]

Oh great, we can see up Selena Gomez‘s skirt [Taxi Driver Movie - NSFW]

The internet fooled us into thinking Miley Cyrus died [Celebuzz]

Jason Biggs joked about Malaysia Airlines crash, didn’t apologize [Celebitchy]

Elle MacPherson still looks amazing in a bikini [Drunken Stepfather - NSFW]

A Halle Berry by any other name would not be as sweet [Romance Beat]

Cory Monteith’s mother speaks out for the first time [Too Fab]

Jennifer Lopez & Leah Remini enjoy some girl time [I'm Not Obsessed]

Well, Leonardo DiCaprio looks handsome [The Blemish]

Even David Beckham isn’t too good to get slimed [Lainey Gossip]

In case you forgot, Kate Beckinsale is beautiful [Celebslam]

Celebs getting banged from behind – don’t ask… [Taxi Driver Movie - NSFW]

Chloe Sevigny still rules the streets of NYC [ICYDK]

Anna Kendrick is still the best at Twitter [theBERRY]

Here’s a little Megan Fox looking flawless [Moe Jackson]

We can see right up Abbey Clancy‘s skirt [Drunken Stepfather - NSFW]

July 21, 2014 at 10:00 am by Jennifer
Filed Under: Uncategorized

2What in grunge hell is Katy Perry wearing?

katy perry 2

Y’all know I love Katy Perry and I find it challenging to speak against her, but I will get ruthless if need be – and this outfit warrants it. I know Katy is in a bit of a grunge phase at the moment, but there is no excuse for this, to be honest. I don’t even have any commentary besides “WTF?!” so I’ll just let you enjoy this in all its glory. She’s obviously going through Some Shit at the moment. That choker? SMH…

katy perry

katy perry 3

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July 21, 2014 at 9:00 am by Jennifer
Filed Under: Katy Perry

3Kim Kardashian loves her ass more than her baby

kim kardashian ass

Alright, alright, I know I’m being a bit sensationalist here, but seriously, could the woman spend any more time photographing her own ass? The amount of time it must take to snap pictures of Kim Kardashian‘s butt and then Photoshop must really cut into her time with her daughter.

Of course, she’d like us to believe it’s all hard work at the gym that gives her that 100% “natural” backside, so she posted the above photo on Instagram with the caption, “Gym time while my baby is napping!” Yeah, okay.

I swear if she spent half the time parenting as she does admiring her own reflection, that kid might have half a chance in life. Or maybe not… I forgot who poor North West‘s mother actually is, for a second there. She’d probably do better being raised by wolves.

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July 21, 2014 at 8:00 am by Jennifer
Filed Under: Kim Kardashian