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95Palin Quits, Father-In-Law Clueless

Everyone knows now that Sarah Palin is stepping down as governor of Alaska.  As The Last Frontier heaves a collective sigh of relief that is so deep it may sink the state into the Bering Sea, Palin’s father-in-law got the news a day late. 

Jim Palin was salmon fishing on Saturday, the day after Sarah’s announcement, when he read his email and learned that his daughter-in-law of the past 21 years had resigned.  ”We had no idea it was coming. Nobody seemed to know; they’re extremely private people.  Obviously, Sarah and Todd had thought it through and as far as the future lies, and based on what she said, I feel confident they have several options available to them and we will support them in whatever they do.”  

Sigh.  Can we just get down to the part where whatever the Palingate scandal is that’s brewing gets revealed?  Sarah Palin finally admits that Trig, her son born in 2008 isn’t really hers?  Footage of Sarah Palin at a Motel 6 in a passionate embrace with one of her aides gets released?  

We’re a strong people; we can take it.  Lay it on us, Sarah.

July 6, 2009 at 10:01 am by Wendie
Filed Under: Uncategorized

25Chris Brown’s Stupidity Never Ends

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Chris Brown dodged jail for beating up Rihanna.  Instead of learning his lesson and trying to live a somewhat drama-free life, he spent Saturday night making out with Kanye West’s on-again, off-again girlfriend Amber Rose.  

Don Juan Chris, 20, arrived at Sean Combs’ and Ashton Kutcher’s party with his Rihanna look-alike on his arm, but eventually ditched her in favor of a public make out session with Kanye’s 26-year-old woman.  What, I beg of you, what is the appeal of this man boy? 

Make no mistake about it, this will be resolved by Chris punching Kanye in the face and Kanye sending ALL-CAP EMAILS to Chris.

July 6, 2009 at 9:17 am by Wendie
Filed Under: Chris Brown, Kanye West

6Madonna Pays Tribute

Madonna performed last night at o2, the same venue that Michael Jackson was slated to begin playing at on July 13th.  She gave a shout out to the King of Pop as a Michael Jackson moonwalked and yeeeee-haaaa-haaaaed around the stage.  

There must be so much demand for MJ impersonators now.  May you all dust off your gloves and Jheri curl and get to work!

July 6, 2009 at 7:46 am by Wendie
Filed Under: Madonna, Michael Jackson

25Robert Pattinson Hates New York Women

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Robert Pattinson has taken a break from vampiring while he films Remember Me in New York City.  According to insiders, the pantywaist is troubled by all the attention his fame garners.  

“Robert is dying to get back home,” says an insider. “He’s so over everything. He’s overwhelmed by all the girls — they terrify him! He says girls grab his neck and clothing all of the time, and he’s not used to that. Fans don’t do that to him in London. Everyone there is a little cooler about the fame thing, which is what he’s used to.

He’s embarrassed by the way girls throw themselves at him. The girls here are stalking him. He stayed in two different hotels over the course of four days just to try to escape the fans who were following him. He’s afraid that if he gives a hand, they’ll take the whole arm. He’s being advised by security not to encourage the crowd, so he doesn’t even look up anymore.”

Who are these rabid women and where do they live?  I can’t even draft a profile in my mind as to what type of human being would be trying to jump on the dude from Twilight.  In my completely flummoxed state, I did find comfort in this comment made by the same insider:  ”Robert doesn’t understand why everyone is going so crazy over him.”  Neither.  Do.  I.

 

 

July 6, 2009 at 7:28 am by Wendie
Filed Under: Robert Pattinson

18New Leighton Meester: “Body Control”

So the first time I heard this new “leaked” track from Leighton Meester, I didn’t like it. I thought it was dumb. And then a strange thing happened: I really, really wanted to listen to it again. And then again. And then again. And now I’m on the sixth listen and I can’t stop.

Kudos, Leighton.

July 5, 2009 at 9:37 pm by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Leighton Meester

5Stalking Debbie Rowe

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While most of the world prepares for Michael Jackson’s television event memorial service, the photo agencies have not forgotten Debbie Rowe, who is going about business as usual at her Palmdale ranch. (Well, business as usual, except she’s being stalked by paparazzi now.)

Debbie spent the weekend feeding the animals (the sign above her in one of the pics says “Cowboy Wisdom: Never Kick a Fresh Turd on a Hot Day”) and taking visits from friends.

July 5, 2009 at 7:51 pm by Evil Beet