If there’s anyone in Hollywood I love with a deep, all-consuming love, it’s Emma Watson. Truly, I do. She’s so adorable and fresh-faced and real, and you just know that she’s going to do *something* big in her time here on Earth, whether it’s film-related or otherwise. Smart girl, hot girl, definitely going places. Love this bitch.

And here she is, once again the face of the Elle UK cover, and she looks positively marvelous, and even if she does have a shady boyfriend, it’s OK, because Hermione Granger would never ultimately do anything reckless, feckless, or otherwise stupid, you know?

This is Katy Perry‘s latest endorsement, GHD Hair. From what I gathered on the website, GHD carries a full range of haircare products, but really, really prides themselves on their ‘Scarlet’ flat iron. But what I want to know is who the hell uses a flat iron these days, aside from maybe Pete Wentz or Ashlee Simpson? I mean, I still have my flat iron from the days when flat irons were the thing to own, but I sure as hell wasn’t dropping two hundred bucks on something that I was able to pay fifty for back in 2004. But hey. Everyone’s gotta make money, far be it for me to judge for what, Courtney Stodden.

Poor, wonderful Maurice Sendak. The author-illustrator of countless, timeless children’s books (Where the Wild Things Are, say, or Chicken Soup with Rice) is, at age 83, still hard at work. His latest, Bumble-Ardy, was published last month.

Last month, NPR broadcast a poignant interview with Maurice Sendak on Fresh Air and, at least among his friends, he’s jovial and lively. Listening to Sendak, it turns out, is a perfect way to spend 20 spare minutes. Only near that interview’s end did Sendak become even remotely gloomy or dour. He spoke of loss: “I cry a lot because I miss people. They die and I can’t stop them,” he told NPR’s Terry Gross. “They leave me and I love them more.”

But he recently gave a very, very different interview to The Guardian (via Jezebel and Vulture). It isn’t an altogether dour interview; Sendak maintains a certain conviviality, I guess, even as he describes the contempt he has for, um, pretty much everybody.

But by the Guardian interview’s brutal conclusion—and “brutal” is the word, because most of his insults are lobbed rapid-fire, right at the end of the conversation—Maurice Sendak has become so cartoonishly cantankerous, I was genuinely flicking little tears away from my eyes:

And with that he’s off again. Of Salman Rushdie, who once gave him a terrible review in the New York Times, he says: “That flaccid f—khead. He was detestable. I called up the Ayatollah, nobody knows that.” Roald Dahl: “The cruelty in his books is off-putting. Scary guy. I know he’s very popular but what’s nice about this guy? He’s dead, that’s what’s nice about him.” Stephen King: “Bullsh—t.” Gwyneth Paltrow: “I can’t stand her.”

Whoa, hey now! What?

And then that’s it! No further explanation! Why, Mr. Sendak? Why all the cattiness for Gwyneth!

Image via the Guardian.

Do you guys know who that is up there? The reason I ask is because I seriously had to look at the photo’s caption to find out who the hell it was. It’s not Diane Lane, and it’s not a younger sister who looks uncannily like Kate Winslet herself, it’s actually Gwen Stefani. Which, of course, leads me to wonder “What the f*ck did she do to her face this month?” Maybe some of you automatically realized who it was, but I had the damndest time. I even looked at her face section by section, and the only way I was able to even consider the possibility that it might be Gwen Stefani was by the eyes. The eyes are the same. But the lower nose-mouth-chin area? Good Lord, sir, what went on?

Either way, though, I should have known that this photo here was going to cause me undue aggravation. I studied this photo for so long that the piece of shit battery on my notebook began to die and I thought, “No! Oh no! Please don’t make me start over,” so I jumped up, ran to the other room, grabbed the charger, plugged the bitch in, and then promptly tripped over the stupid wire on my way back to the table. Which, of course ripped the plug out of the outlet, that I then had to reset and plug the charger back in. It was about that time that I realized I had a NOSEBLEED (not from tripping; my allergies demand Super Zyrtec and it gives me random nosebleeds). It was just a super experience to have so early in the AM, and by the time I re-situated myself in front of the computer, I wanted to punch good old Gwen Stefani (?) here in the souped-up face.

But I guess that’s just how some things go certain days, huh?

By the way, that photo above is from October 1st. Do you see any telltale signs of Jessica‘s alleged pregnancy? Personally, I could go either way: yeah, I could buy that she’s making a baby in there, but we all know that this girl’s weight fluctuates, and I’m not about to hate on her for that.

Anyway, here’s a fan’s account of a recent Simpson spotting in which Jess eats her feelings (or maybe enough food to sustain another life?):

In the past week, multiple sources and media outlets have reported that Jessica Simpson is pregnant. Now an eyewitness tells Life & Style that that’s exactly the way Jessica’s acting!

The fan, who spotted the singer having lunch with fiancé Eric Johnson in LA on Oct. 2, told Life & Style exclusively, “I definitely think she’s pregnant.”

After watching Jessica wolf down chicken-fried steak (which is 2,084 calories, according to the restaurant’s menu), a pizza and a “pizookie” (a big chocolate-chip-cookie dessert clocking in at 887 calories) at BJ’s Restaurant and Brewhouse in Century City, the onlooker admits she could draw only one conclusion.

“She ordered a ton of food. She has to be pregnant,” said the onlooker, adding, “She didn’t have any alcohol to drink, either. There looked to be a cocktail on the table, but I didn’t see her drink it. She was sipping a Perrier and nibbling off her fiancé’s plate — the cocktail was obviously Eric’s.”

So does that sound like a pregnant lady or a girl who might have an unhealthy relationship with food going through some stuff?

Oh, Lindsay, bless your heart. This isn’t going to happen, honey. We’re not going to put you in the same class as Marilyn Monroe, we’re just not. I hate to be the one to break this to you, but you need to stop, sweetie, because you’re just starting to look ridiculous.

Guys, you remember last month when I showed you an excerpt from the forward Lindsay wrote for that new book about Marilyn? Well, we have the whole thing now, and, well … Lindsay’s just as deluded as ever, let’s just say that.

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