Did you hear? Maybe, but probably not. I know a lot of you guys don’t go cray-cray over Justin Bieber, nor do you flip your shit over Mariah Carey, so you just may hear it here on Evil Beet first: Mariah Carey and Justin Bieber are – sob – teaming up to ruin one of my favorite Christmas songs, ‘All I Want for Christmas (Is You)’. I know, I know; it’s a Mariah Carey song and you probably think I should know better than that, but let’s put it into perspective: this song originally came out in 1994, when I was eleven years old. And I was a Mariah Carey fan back then, because come on. Who wasn’t? Um, hello, ‘Fantasy’? Jeepers. Anyway, even though I grew up and out of Mariah Carey, this is a song that stayed close to my heart Christmas after Christmas, and even when I hear it to this day, I’m brought back to shopping at the mall with my mom for friendship bracelets for my BFFs (with my own allowance, what what!) and hoping that my mom’d slyly try to buy something for me without my seeing (OF COURSE I’D SEE). It makes me think of Trapper Keepers ’round the holidays, Christmas breaks that seemed to go on for months, and dreaming about my crush, counting the days ’til I’d see him in Social Studies again. It makes me think of cheesy adolescents cheesily waving “See you next year!” on the last day before holiday break, handmade mittens, and the smell of turkey roasting and cookies baking.
But now? Mariah’s bringing Justin Bieber into the mix? This is probably a dream come true for today’s eleven-year-olds (who probably don’t even know who the crazy lady singing on Bieber’s new Christmas album is), but for me? My heavens.
“I am truly sorry for offending anyone in any way. I never meant to. It was a poor choice of words on my part in an effort to explain a feeling. I understand there is no comparison and I am very regretful. In an effort to correct my lack of judgment, please accept my heartfelt apology.”
This, in response to RAINN’s statement (RAINN, if you’re unaware, is the Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network) about Johnny Depp‘s rape quip:
“While photos may feel at times intrusive, being photographed in no way compares to rape — a violent crime which affects another American every two minutes. RAINN welcomes the opportunity to speak with Mr. Depp and educate him about the real life experiences faced by survivors every day, and ways that he can work with RAINN to help.”
Do correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t think even Kristen Stewart waited for this organization to make a statement before her publicist was wise enough to poke her and say, “Hey, girl, maybe you should rethink what you said.” I’m totally kidding about that last part, anyway, a lot of these morons, collectively, don’t generally take a minute for a second thought after words leave their mouths. Their publicists are paid to speak for them, and screenplay writers and directors are paid to put words in their mouths and make them move. I mean, why should they think for themselves, either?
And what better choice if you’re into cracked-out, dirty-fingered, hair-damaged former A-listers with both substance abuse and emotional issues? I mean, she’s a veritable treasure trove of sabotage if you’re into that kind of chick! The only thing that would make the package even more attractive is if said chick had massive family baggage featuring jailed, cooter-kicking fathers, disturbed little sisters, and mothers who just happen to be the town ho? Oh, wait! Never mind! DING DING DING FOLKS IT LOOKS LIKE WE HAVE A WINNER HERE!
Why, William Shatner? Why? Why? Ben Folds worked so hard to lend your ‘prose-poems’ real, mainstream relevance! And how do you repay his good faith? By rerecording “Rocket Man”! Ugh!
I don’t sing the way Freddie Mercury sings “Bohemian Rhapsody,” but I’m an actor, and I love the spoken word. I love the musicality of the word and I love the rhythm of the word and so, in a way, speaking can become musical—iambic pentameter.
There’s a record that you might laugh at, but I don’t mean you to laugh at. But it’s on the edge. In fact, it’s so on the edge that some people will laugh at it, mock it.
Indeed, Mr. Shatner: some people will mock your cutting-edge record. Watch this.
How hard will William Shatner's new album suck?
The full Nightline video—which is totally delightful and yes yes I must be some sort of big jerk and I’ll probably buy Seeking Major Tom on iTunes out of sheer remorse—below:
get a life haters,i know y’all wish 2 be kim but d bad news is no,u cant be kim and dis blogger should find something else to write and leave d kardashians alone.
I’m sorry for you. But I don’t like that you say “I feel outraged that celebrities are acting this way and claiming to be this”… I mean excuse me, but don’t you see “celebrities”...
When Gawker reported the bullying incident several people commented that were/were related to/befriended to people in Gaga’s class reporting that bullying as she described never happened. But, see, bullying was all over...
Thanks for the feedback – it’s definitely appreciated. We’re in the process of trying to make some of the ads less in-your-face and will hopefully have the situation resolved soon. :)
0
