9Caption This: This Week’s Photo

Hello, beeters! It’s that time again – a new photo, a new chance to caption for some awesome Evil Beet prizes. Remember guys, luck is like having a rice dumpling fly into your mouth. Therefore, take a look at the photo above and give us your funniest, most unique captions below, then check back next week to find out if you’ve won.

As for last week’s Royal Family photo, here’s the winners below.

Winner: Justthinkin’ with “Look, Harry, here’s the deal. I get to be Harry Potter because I’m the future f-ing king, and you have to be Ron Weasly because you’re the ginger.”

Runners-up: Pita with “William: “Listen, guys, I’ve told you already. Not even magic can get rid of Camilla, I’ve tried. But fine, have it your way!””

So come on guys, get captioning on this week’s photo!

May 7, 2013 at 10:00 am by Jennifer

3Brooke Mueller Is Definitely In Hospital for Drug Abuse

No one really knew where in the hell Brooke Mueller was after authorities took her and Charlie Sheen‘s two kids and handed them over to Denise Richards for a nice long babysitting spell. Well, now we have a bit of an update – Brooke’s in hospital for drug abuse issues… again. After detoxing, she’s due to hit a residential treatment center, which I’m sure will totally be successful and not at all another massive f-cking waste of time as per usual.

From US Weekly:

“Despite reports to the contrary, Brooke is currently at UCLA Medical Center where she has been since being admitted May 3,” a rep for Mueller, 35, tells Us Weekly.

Rumors circulated that Mueller — who has struggled with substance abuse before — had been admitted to a psychiatric facility. Clarifies her rep: “Brooke will be [at UCLA Medical Center] for several more days, and will likely transition directly into a residential treatment facility to get help for prescription drug abuse.”

In a talked-about arrangement, Bob and Max are currently staying with their father’s second ex-wife, Denise Richards. “Brooke misses her children, and wants to get healthy so she can resume her life and get back to being a mom,” the rep continues.

I’d just like to mention that this is Brooke’s 20th time in rehab. TWENTY. This woman has had TWENTY times to get her shit together for the sake of her children, if she didn’t give enough of a shit about herself (which clearly she didn’t). What in the hell is wrong with people?

May 7, 2013 at 9:30 am by Jennifer

0theAMlinks

Shots are fired at J.Lo’s video shoot but don’t worry, her butt’s okay [ICYDK]

There’s no escaping it: Charles Ramsey is your new hero [The Superficial]

Raven Symone used to be Lindsay Lohan’s roommate?  [The Frisky]

Someone please tell Renee Zellweger she’s doing it wrong [Lainey Gossip]

Olivia Munn likes showing off her wares, so what? [Taxi Driver Movie - NSFW]

Alanis Morissette doesn’t care what you think about her bikini body [Drunken Stepfather - NSFW]

Eva Longoria looks good at some event for Lays chips?? [Splash News Online]

Lana Parrilla from ‘Once Upon a Time’ is engaged! [Starpulse]

Chris Pine is on the cover of ‘OUT’ and looks good there [Socialite Life]

Carey Mulligan did sort of a weird photoshoot for Flaunt magazine [Yeeeah]

Reese Witherspoon’s Atlanta PD hat was a fake, but God knows why [Amy Grindhouse]

Madonna really needs to know when it’s time to throw in the towel [Bohomoth]

Miley Cyrus looks like she stuck her finger in an electrical socket [Celebitchy]

Lindsay Lohan really loves her rehab selfies, doesn’t she? [Celebzter]

Taylor Swift warns against texting and driving in her new video [PopCrush]

Anne Hathaway looks like a Tim Burton character come to life [IDLYITW]

Shakira proves why The Voice is way better than American Idol could ever be [I'm Not Obsessed]

Earth to Vanessa Hudgens, we can see your underwear! [G Celeb]

Here’s the season six trailer for ‘True Blood’, in case you missed it [Hollywood Backwash]

Martha Stewart is narrowing down her online suitors [StarCrush]

May 7, 2013 at 8:30 am by Jennifer

2Helen Mirren Gets Cranky With Drummers, Wants Them To Get Off Her Lawn

Helen Mirren is one of Britain’s national treasures. She’s classy, sassy and is even down with the latest fashion trends. Still, she’s no spring chicken and we’ve all seen Grumpy Old Men. What I’m trying to say is, once you start receiving your pension, you’re free to tell people exactly what you think of them with impunity, because who – besides a total asshole – is going to yell at a senior citizen? No one! That’s why this story is nothing other than great.

Let me set the scene: a drum troupe interrupted a performance of The Audience last Saturday at London’s Gielgud Theatre and Dame Helen was none too pleased about it. So she did what any sassy nan would do: she launched into a profane rant and then marched off the stage in full Queen regalia.

From The Mirror:

A group of noisy drummers were told to “shut the f-ck up” during a foul-mouthed rant – by the Queen.

For one terrible moment, the gobsmacked street musicians must have thought it really was Her Maj letting rip at them.

In fact it was Dame Helen Mirren dressed as the Queen for her role in West End play The Audience.

Dame Helen – who won an Oscar for her stunning portrayal in the 2006 film The Queen – was wearing her trademark royal outfit, complete with tiara and pearls.

She stormed out of the Gielgud Theatre, in London, in the middle of Saturday night’s show to give the band a right royal rollicking.

Band organiser Joe O’Leary, said: “This little old lady came running out in a green dress, pearls and a tiara and headed for the conductor.

“She was saying, ‘shut the f-ck up, people have paid f-cking a hundred pounds for their theatre tickets’. She said the F-word about 20 times. I kept saying, ‘we didn’t realise’ and she was like, ‘just shut the f*** up’. You couldn’t get a word in edgeways, she was proper on a rant.”

Uh, first of all, this is amazing. Get ‘em, Memaw! No one else was going to speak up, so Dame Helen had to show ‘em how it’s done.

Want to know something more amazing? There’s video of the incident. HELL YES!

May 7, 2013 at 7:30 am by Jennifer

0One Direction Is Getting Obama’s Security Team For Their US Tour

One Direction are about to embark on a tour of terror across the US and since teen girls are batshit insane, they’ll need some good security to protect them from flying training bras and notebooks with “I <3 Liam” written 500 times across the cover. Not just any security team will do, either – instead, they’re hiring some of Barack Obama’s former security personnel to accompany them across the country. Oh, f-ck off.

From The Sun:

Beefed-up security to combat crazed fans also includes crack troops who served in Iraq.

Tour chiefs fear Liam Payne’s split from dancer Danielle Peazer will make the heart-throb, 19, top target for besotted teens.

The tour kicks off in Florida on June 13 — and fan websites have already posted details of the boyband’s hotels.

Last night an insider said: “Liam becoming single has made things even more fraught. Some of the security staff have worked with Obama and in war zones.”

May 7, 2013 at 6:30 am by Jennifer

0Lindsay Lohan May Try To Switch Rehab Centers AGAIN

Lindsay Lohan stressed everyone out by bouncing around rehab facilities hours before getting slapped with an arrest warrant before landing in the Betty Ford Center. She’s been there since Thursday and she’d like to go now. This is how I picture her:

Radar has an exclusive.

This is Lohan’s second stay [at Betty Ford] — her sixth in rehab overall — but apparently she isn’t very happy with her situation.

“Lindsay is already begging to switch out of Betty Ford,” a source close to the troubled actress tells RadarOnline.com.

“She has been complaining to everyone that will listen that she doesn’t want to be there and that it isn’t the best place for her.”

LiLo was originally slated to attend Seafield in New York, and then pulled a switcheroo and spent only two minutes in the Morningside Recovery center in Newport Beach before firing her lawyer Mark Heller and re-hiring Shawn Holley, who brokered the deal for her to go the Betty Ford.

“Lindsay says she wants to go to either a treatment center in Hawaii, Crossroad Centre in Antigua, or even Lukens Institute in Florida.”

It’s not supposed to be a goddamn vacation, Lohan. You need to get help for the “5 times” you’ve done cocaine in your life. Perhaps she wants to leave because the Betty Ford Center may take away her Adderall? TMZ has ~~the scoop~~.

Sources connected with the rehab queen tell TMZ … Betty Ford is allowing her to take the powerful drug, Adderall. The reason — she has an Rx and says she’s been diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder.

Lindsay has made it clear over the last month — she would only go to rehab if she’s allowed to take the med.  BUT … sources tell us doctors at Betty Ford are currently evaluating Lindsay’s diagnosis and the efficacy of the drug.  If doctors disbelieve her diagnosis or the usefulness of Adderall, they will cut her off.

If they think it’s necessary to cut her off, it’s for a good reason. And she’ll whine and stomp her feet and try to get transferred to a center that will cave give in to her. Like how she couldn’t smoke cigarettes at the first rehab place, so she demanded a transfer, using the bullshit excuse that she didn’t feel safe because of paparazzi. Am I too harsh? I don’t care. I don’t think there is anyone left who feels sorry for her. If you do, please tell me why.

May 7, 2013 at 5:30 am by Catherine St. Ives