Grammy rehearsals were underway yesterday at The Staples Center and if these wacktastical masks of artistic effort  are any indication of what ‘s in store for I might actually tune in. Grammies are happening this Sunday, February 8th, 8pm et/pt on CBS. For a complete list of nominees you can go here.

More unfortunate facial contortions from this year’s Grammy performers..

Woody Allen and his next wife *ahem* daughter attended the Knick’s game at Madison Square Garden Friday night.

Did anyone hear that?

That was the sound of me shooting fish in a barrel. 

I think I’m gonna let this one slide based on the premise that it basically writes itself….Also, I do not want to go to Hell.

Not to say that Hugh’s acting credits are insignificant so much as um….well….undiscovered? To his credit, he did just star in this year’s Alfred P. Sloan Award winner at Sundance (Adam) and now he’s engaged to Claire Danes! He will be appearing next in Confessions of a Shopoholic while Claire makes her next appearance in Me and Orson Welles. Congrats to the happy couple!

First Kellogg’s, now Subway. Apparently after his run-in with the wacky tobacky, Subway doesn’t want Michael Phelps’ foot-long anywhere near theirs. (Get it? That was a penis joke.)

Exclusive! Subway has officially de-linked Michael Phelps as they prepare to drop his recently announced sponsorship deal. Before Michael’s bong hits hit the headlines, Michael Phelps was featured on the Subway web site. However, since the swimmer’s pothead scandal, Subway has removed all links to pages featuring the Olympic swimmer (see below).

Confidentially, the Subway webteam gave us the heads up — Michael Phelps has been remmed out, de-linked, due to his recent one toke over the line. Other Subway “celebrity friends” are still listed, like Jared, Ryan Howard and Reggie Bush — but they have been told to officially de-link all references featuring Michael …

In an e-mail from Subway spokeswoman Megan Driscoll, she said: “Subway is not commenting or releasing a statement right now on Michael Phelps.” However, in de-linking all references to Michael Phelps, this is Subway corporate as they prepare for dropping their sponsorship. Our insider told us Subway execs are pissed off, talking to legal, want their endorsement money returned — and to “get rid of this embarrassment.”

I wonder if Phelpsy is sorry he ever even copped to this shit. He could have just been like, “Listen, I was smoking plain tobacco out of the pipe,” and it would have been total and complete bullshit, and we all would have known it, but, fuck, if Paris Hilton can go on Larry King and say she’s never done drugs, Michael Phelps can too, right? He probably could have saved his endorsements that way.

Oh, Michael. I’m so sorry you’re having to go through all this. You can pour your dressing on my roast beef any day, baby.

“I’m going vintage on the red carpet. I have lost 20 pounds, so now I can get into vintage, because the women back then were petite. They were very small.”

Fantasia Barrino, discussing what she’ll be wearing on the red carpet at the Grammys. Fantasia has recently announced that she is going back to finish high school, which is a good idea, because this is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. She makes it sound like humans as a species have evolved to be larger since the 1920s. You’re not wearing caveman clothes, Fantasia. Like she’s about to mention how gloves fit much better now that her thumbs are opposable.

Female celebrities back then were actually probably, on the whole, much larger than female celebrities today.

But congrats on the weight loss, Fantasia, and, yes, for the love of God, get back to school.

Nope, she’s not preggers — but Sandra Bullock will now be a full-time mom to the daughter of her husband, Jesse James. That’s because the mom of the little girl — a 5-year-old named Sunny — is a porn star who is heading to federal prison. That’s hot!

On March 10, Sunny’s mother, former adult film star Janine Lindemulder, 40, will head for federal prison to serve a six-month sentence for income tax evasion. While Janine is behind bars, an Orange County, Calif., court awarded temporary full custody of Sunny to Jesse.

Does anyone else think it’s really funny that a porn star is going to jail for tax evasion? Like, of all the reasons you’d expect a washed-up porn star to go to jail … she didn’t pay her taxes! It’s the same shit they keep getting Joe Francis on, too. Pay your taxes, people!

For her part, Sandra is already close with Sunny, and they’re often spotted hitting up the playground together.

“I don’t see the difference in having blood-related kids or children who come with your husband,” said Sandra said last spring. “I am very blessed.”

Awww, I love this attitude. I was just talking with a friend last night about how I really don’t care how I come by kids — they don’t necessarily have to come out my vagina and have my chromosomes — I just want to be a mom!