Never has dry humor made me so wet!  Skipabeet and her lovely sister represented for EVIL BEET on Thursday night on the Lower East Side in NYC at the premier of Comedy Central’s new show ‘Important Things with Demetri Martin.’  The party was sponsored by Pabst Blue Ribbon which made the night even better.

What happened in our post-college years that the clever, dorky guy–who you barely noticed lives two doors down–is suddenly a DOOR bell (read: adorable)?!?!  A fox even!  Demetri Martin’s new show is not in-your-face, it’s not offensive, but it’s not like any comedy show you’ve ever seen before.  It’s sort-of a Wes Anderson movie meets The Chris Farley Show.  Watch it on Comedy Central, Wednesday February 11th at 10:30 pm/9:30 central.  Check it out!

Paul Walker’s friends deny that he is engaged to his 19-year old girlfriend, Jasmine, but they do not deny that the two began dating when she was just 16 to Walker’s 32.

Even creepier? The rumors started after pics of the two vacationing in Maui surfaced. Walker frequently goes to Hawaii to visit his 10-year old daughter, Meadow, from a previous relationship. So, basically, while Paul was gettin his willy wet and conceiving children some 10 years ago his girlfriend was learning to write cursive in second grade.

I have nothing against age differences – truly. But I do prefer that all parties are LEGAL before they start their generation gap shenanigans. I guess the good news is at least she’s old enough to vote.

Salma recently confided during a USATODAY interview that during her trip to Africa she felt a deep maternal need to intervene in the case of one child whose mother was unable to breastfeed.

“The baby was perfectly healthy, but the mother didn’t have milk. He was very hungry. I was weaning Valentina, but I still had a lot of milk that I was pumping, so I breast-fed the baby,” she says, her voice dropping.

“You should have seen his eyes. When he felt the nourishment, he immediately stopped crying.”

Well, she definitely has all the necessary equipment. 

This is decidely noble of her and I applaud Salma for her, uh….generosity, but the whole situation is somewhat awkward. I just imagine the whole thing with the interviewer going something like that scene in Meet the Parents where Ben Stiller’s character claims to have milked his cat. 

Tia Carrere, whom some of you may remember as Cassandra from Wayne’s World, stopped by the Grammy Gift Suite to play it up for some free shiz looking decidedly ‘schwing!’ worthy.

I haven’t seen her around much after Relic Hunter and then Dancing with the Stars, but from the looks of her credits she’s been doing alot of voiceover work.

More pics of Tia workin it for stuff I still have to pay for:

Despite the rumors swirling about Subway dumping merman Phelps, their rep came out and denied the story.

“Like most Americans, and like Michael Phelps himself, we were disappointed in his behavior,” Megan Driscoll, the rep for Subway, tells Usmagazine.com. “Also like most Americans, we accept his apology. Moving forward, he remains in our plans.”

Look at that devilish grin on Phelpsy! He knows what’s up! He’s going to be chillaxin with Tommy Chong and munching foot longs for the next 3 months. Except this time, he’ll do it in the privacy of his own basement.

Grammy rehearsals were underway yesterday at The Staples Center and if these wacktastical masks of artistic effort  are any indication of what ‘s in store for I might actually tune in. Grammies are happening this Sunday, February 8th, 8pm et/pt on CBS. For a complete list of nominees you can go here.

More unfortunate facial contortions from this year’s Grammy performers..