Today's Evil Beet Gossip

More Blind Items: Five of Them, Even, Because I Like You

Faceless woman in a hot pink dress

Who broke up a marriage? Which pop tart is getting back into acting? And whose scar is penance for his cheating ways? None of the answers are inside, because it’s time for More! Blind!! Items!!!

Put on your Thinking Gloves and talk to me in the comments downstairs.

Here’s an especially juicy scandal:

What Oscar-winning actor is already being blasted as a deadbeat dad BEFORE his baby’s even born?! The brooding actor hasn’t ponied up for his baby mama’s prenatal care because he’s been too busy romancing a hot new gal!

The Internet already has this narrowed down to either Benicio del Toro or Sean Penn. Good work, Internet! Which is it?

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So It Looks Like Octomom Hates All Those Babies She’s Got

From the Daily Mail:

She is the mother of fourteen children, who gave birth to the longest surviving octuplets in U.S history. But in disturbing comments sure to alarm social services, Octomom’s Nadya Suleman has said she ‘hates’ her eight babies.

The 36-year-old single mother also calls her six older children ‘animals’.

‘I hate the babies, they disgust me,’ she told InTouch magazine. ‘My older six are animals, getting more and more out of control, because I have no time to properly discipline them.’

In a picture taking by the magazine, one child is seen eating dry-wall in her run-down home.

Suleman says that her dream of having a big family has now turned into her worst nightmare as she struggles to take care of her huge family.

‘The only way I can cope is to lock myself in the bathroom and cry. Sometimes I sit there for hours and even eat my lunch sitting on the toilet floor. Anything to get peace and quiet,’ she said.

The reality TV mother has even considered suicide.

‘Some days I have thought about killing myself. I cannot cope,’ she said.

In another breath, Suleman tries to insist that she still has love for her children, but says in hindsight she wishes that she never gave birth to any of them. ‘Obviously I love them – but I absolutely wish I had not had them,’ she said.

The mother says she has not got a penny to her name and cannot even effort to put food on the table. ‘My bank account is overdrawn by $300 and I have no money to pay for the children’s school, food or the mortgage.’

So yeah. There you have it. The Octomom is clearly a crazy, famewhoring bitch who has no concern for anyone other than herself.  This is no surprise. The babies have finally petered their fame out, and now she’s got nothing to do except raise kids. I give this, oh, about thirty-eight and a half more seconds before social services intervenes, takes the kids, and renegs on their food stamp and cash assistance agreement.

Seriously, though? This woman is insane. And dangerous. And GROSS.

Jordan Knight Says THIS is Going to be the Summer Anthem of 2011

Oh Jordan Knight. Let go of this business. It was cool that the New Kids came back for a minute, but this whole “let’s do a tour and allow our sweaty, premenopausal female fans grind up on us” is kind of embarrassing for everyone.

And Donnie Wahlberg? I’m sorry, I just can’t take the guy who played the “freak” in Sixth Sense as a serious rapper. All I can see is the dude standing in his stained tighty-whities, murmuring “Do you know why you’re afraid when you’re alone? I do. I do.”

Morning Wood

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J Woww is a beautiful athlete. [The Superficial]

Ellen Page befriending the Royal Couple? [Lainey Gossip]

Amber Rose has got an explanation for those nudie pics. [Bossip]

Kim Zolciak‘s newborn baby boy. [Starpulse]

Yup. GREAT IDEA that this trainwreck decides to adopt a baby. [ICYDK]

Diablo Cody to direct Lamb of God. [Pajiba]

So this is going to be the new Office boss? [Huff Po]

Turns out Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, though nice-looking, can’t act her way out of a bag. [CDL]

Adrian Grenier is a dog. [Caught on Set]

There is NO WAY that this is Rose Byrne. [Cele|bitchy]

Kim Kardashian‘s trying to grow as tall as her man. [Celebrity Rant]

Turns out Chris Hansen’s in some trouble. [The Blemish]

Quotables: Sarah Palin Knows What You’re Up To, Hollywood

photo of sarah palin at a book signing pictures photos pics

“It makes you want to reach out to some of these folks and say, ‘What’s your problem? And what was the problem? And what is the problem?’ What would make someone be so full of hate? What would make a celebrity, like you saw onscreen, so hate someone that they’d seek their destruction, their death, the death of their children? What would make someone be so full of hate and, I guess, a sense of being threatened that they would want to see that person destroyed?”

Sarah Palin, reaching out and trying to touch those celebrities who have spoken out against her in the past. Like Margaret Cho. And Rosie O’Donnell. Matt Damon. I could go on, but there’s no real reason to revisit 2008.

I get what Sarah’s saying, but that’s going to be with anyone. I know she’s made a serious effort of trying to be a politician in the past, but if girlfriend doesn’t realize that what she’s talking about is EXACTLY the kind of day-to-day stuff a Serious Politician goes through, she’s a little bit more naive than I thought. Likable, yes. Very. But she’s got a bit more to learn of the dark side than I originally assumed.

What would YOU do if Sarah Palin were to emerge and clinch the Republican nomination for 2012?

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Anna Faris, Just What Do You Think You’re Doing

Anna Faris in Sacha Baron Cohen's next movie

ANNA FARIS WHAT HAVE YOU DONE.

US Magazine wonders whether this is a wig, and that is some wishful thinking, US Magazine. It’s like, just, OK, this is not a wig; if only this were a wig.

Anna Faris is a natural blonde—I know, I know, not that natural, I do have eyes—and until a couple weeks ago her bobbed haircut was so pretty and glossy and, well, kind of wig-like. But we loved it, right? It was such fun, happy hair, for happier, funner times.

But this new look is… dour, somehow? Whose idea was this hair? It’s awful. It’s so brown. It’s so short, so brown. I can’t wrap my head around the wherefores, but her haircut somehow makes her look her age, and in the worst possible way (SHE’S 34). This is Mom Hair.

And I’ll tell you what else. I love short hair. Short hair is the best. I got my first pixie cut when I was 18, trying to cash in on my “elfin chic.” But I absolutely did not know what I was doing, what with the whole new world of pomades and sprays and gels opened up to me. And so I had a serious, retroactively-humiliating case of the Crispies. Every strand of hair was immutable. My hair was so crispy, I once leaned in for a kiss and poked the guy IN HIS EYE with my anime hair.

A few years slipped by before I really understood how to make my short hair not-crispy. You think it’s easy? It isn’t. I have trodden this path before, and it was a long, hard road.

So I think I can understand what’s happening here: Anna Faris woke up Monday morning, showered, pooled a dollop of expensive product in the palm of her left hand, rubbed her hands together, ran her palms through her too-short ‘do, picked at her bangs for a minute, and then shouted, “Good to go!” And then Anna Faris high-fived the mirror, leaving a smudgy little handprint made of Pureology residue.

NO, ANNA FARIS. NO. You were not good-to-go! Contrary to whatever your liar stylist told you, this is not “wake up in the morning and go directly outside” hair. Short hair is an entirely new language. Learn your hair, my beloved Anna Faris. LEARN YOUR HAIR.

I am only telling you this because I love you. I will check in from time to time to see how you’re doing.