Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Jennifer Aniston Goes to Couple’s Therapy …

A photo of Jennifer Aniston

Are you ready for this?  Are you ready for the end of that sentence?  Ok …

By herself. Jennifer Aniston is going to couple’s therapy BY HERSELF. Is that not just the saddest thing you’ve ever heard?

Heres’s the full quote:

“She’s been doing a really intensive form of couples’ therapy on her own. She’s conquered the crippling trust issues she had,” a source told British magazine Look.

“They [she and Justin Theroux] are so, so madly in love. He makes her feel happier than she has ever done in her whole life. Justin isn’t like the other guys she has met, he doesn’t pretend not to be into her, he tells her how much he loves her and all he asks for is honesty in return.

“Jen says Justin completes her and that if she hadn’t had therapy, she may have driven him away.”

Is this a thing people do, go to couple’s therapy alone?  If it is, then I’m sorry, I take it all back and I respect and admire all you do, Jennifer. But if it’s not a thing people do, then geez, what state do you have to be in to require that kind of action?

Helena Bonham Carter Is Crazy for Marc Jacobs

A photo of Helena Bonham Carter

And by “crazy for Marc Jacobs,” I mean that she likes him, or at least I’m assuming she does because she obviously agreed to be in one of his ad campaigns, but I also mean that she looks for real crazy in these pictures. To me, these pictures look less like a fashion advertisement and more like a serial killer’s scrapbook. But maybe I don’t totally get fashion.

Either way, Helena Bonham Carter, right? I love this crazy bitch!

Images courtesy of Socialite Life

This Douchebag from Big Brother Just Found Out That Dumbledore’s Gay

Ok, I don’t watch Big Brother. I never have, I don’t care about it, I’m not into it. But I saw that this douche canoe from the show, Jeff Schroeder, found out during a live feed online what the rest of the world already knew: our beloved Albus Dumbledore, headmaster of our hearts, was gay. And, as douche canoes tend to do, he reacted with a boatload (or a canoe load?) of ignorance:

It all went down inside the BB house last night  — during a live feed on the Internet — when Jeff and Kalia began talking about the fact J.K. Rowling wrote Dumbledore as a gay character.

Jeff — shocked by the revelation — says, “He’s in a school with little kids, you can’t make that guy gay!”

He added, “It isn’t right to have it in a little kids book, and have the head master locked away in this magical land, be gay. That isn’t the right kind of writing to do.”

Kalia responded, “Why? Gay men can’t work with little kids!?” … adding, “Just because he is gay, doesn’t mean there is a thing wrong with him.”

I’m telling you guys about this halfway because I haven’t talked about Harry Potter yet today and halfway because I thought this was the most ridiculous reaction to anything ever and sometimes I like to open up about my feelings to you guys. That’s ok, right?

Do any of you watch this show? Is this a surprising turn of events, or does this asshole Jeff talk nonsense all the time?

Ok, So I Guess Brooke Mueller Didn’t Have a Crack Pipe …

A photo of Brooke Mueller

Remember a couple days ago when I showed you guys that picture of Brooke Mueller with a crack pipe in her hand? I did that because TMZ called it a crack pipe, but it turns out that you guys were right, it was just a little ol’ thing for weed. Brooke says it’s totally legal weed too, she has a prescription for anxiety. Which is fair, I guess, I’d probably have to get high if I had kids with Charlie Sheen too.

Are Angelina and Brad About to Get Married?!

A photo of Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt

I know, I know, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt have been talking around the whole marriage thing forever, but this time it might be for real. See, this time it’s a little different – this time, Us Weekly reports, not one, not two, but THREE different sources have all confirmed that yes, these lovebirds ARE getting married, and they’re doing it within the next few months.

You guys know me, I’m always a sucker for weddings, so of course I’m hoping this is true. And could you even imagine what Angelina’s dress would look like? There’s no doubt this wedding would be a million different kinds of magic, right?

Afternoon Delight

hot black and white photo of meg ryan pictures photos

Ali Larter‘s big, glorious breasts. [The Superficial]

What Paris Hilton would look like with nine inches of her nose Photoshopped away. [theBerry]

Meg Ryan and John Mellencamp look like drug addicts in love. [Starpulse]

Cindy Crawford still looks hot at forty-five. [Bossip]

So many unfair reasons as to why I hate the Angels. [Socialite Life]

This is the Marine that’s got Mila Kunis going to his balls. Er, ball. [Amy Grindhouse]

13 Inappropriate celebrity rappers. [The Frisky]

Megan Fox looking … kind of different on the set of The Dictator. [Caught on Set]

Photos of a very, very pregnant Selma Blair. [Celebuzz]

Looking fondly back on a decade of Harry Potter. [Pajiba]

Renee Zellweger and John Stamos: for real? [I'm Not Obsessed]

OH PLEASE YES Bridget Jones 3. [Cele|bitchy]

Film’s dirtiest scenes. [Huff Po]

People who are famous for sleeping with those who are famous. [Bossip]

Paris Hilton’s baby bump. Or something. [INFDaily]

Charlize Theron Is Totally Boning Ryan Reynolds

Ryan Reynolds and Charlize Theron in early June

Wait, what? No. NO. Maybe. I mean, I can understand, but I am also pretty worried about that headline I just wrote. Can’t everyone just take some time off, do some soul-searching, maybe a little pilates?

Like, I ‘get’ why Ryan Reynolds and Charlize Theron would go for each other. They’re both funny. They both like privacy. They’re both kind of big and golden and bronze and athletic. They’re serial monogamists, too—Theron recently split from her boyfriend of ten years, Stuart Townsend.

From today’s issue of US Weekly, this month-old “breaking” news:

While the two haven’t been photographed together, a witness noticed Reynolds’ motorcycle at Theron’s home all morning on June 5, then saw the actor exit her house around 3 p.m.—and she left just minutes later.

Has Reynolds (who split from wife Scarlett Johansson last December) found a perfect match?

Er? Listen, Anonymous Eyewitness, “I saw Ryan at Charlize’s house mid-morning” is kind of the least salacious gossip ever. Ryan likely motored over to Charlize’s to replace a lightbulb, have some salmon on toast, and do a quick bong rip. I’m really not kidding about the lightbulb thing, either. When I was super-duper single, my apartment was a steady stream of men, all of whom were lifting my TV, installing my air conditioners, and being handy. (As opposed to being “handsy,” if you know what I mean.)

Late last week, Ryan and Scarlett went to dinner together, Page Six reports, during which Scarlett “kept caressing his face” and Ryan “would rub her back periodically.” Gee, I guess the truth is out: everyone is in love with everyone.