Today's Evil Beet Gossip

It’s Never Too Early in the Day to Have Your Mind Blown

Good morning! What are you having for breakfast? Personally, I’m thinking yogurt.

In this totally ’80s commercial, Müller Rice rescues a house from from certain demolition. Müller’s dairy truck saves Knight Rider‘s K.I.T.T. from a parking ticket (is that really William Daniels’ voice?). And thanks to the power of Müller Yogurt, all the corporate zombies turn into “Mr. Men” characters. Seriously.

I’ve already said too much! I’ll just leave this here, then.

Courtney Stodden Just Needs to Stop

photo of courtney stodden and doug hutchinson pictures photos sex pics
Remember how these two weirdos got their reality show? They did. And about that, now they’re shopping around for a network to pick it up. Naturally, they headed to MTV, home of Jersey Shore and Teen Mom fame. And really, what could be more appropriate? Maybe Courtney could even mentor these girls. Let the teen moms know that if they keep f*cking around, keep heading to the bars and beating the shit out of their gross boyfriends when they should be home raising their damn kids, that said kids might turn out to be like Courtney herself. But hey. I mean, maybe that’s exactly what they want – a slutty little cashcow so they can stop cashing welfare checks and start cashing royalty checks.

Ashton Kutcher Defends His “Integrity”

This would be the “statement” prompting us to forget everything that Ashton allegedy did with Sara Leal by trying to confuse us with big words like “integrity,” “media,” bastardize,” and “truth.” You can’t fool us, though, Ashton – we know what those words mean no matter how you try to intertwine them and craft them into a veritable tapestry of crafty mastermindery.

My favorite part was this, though:

“We really have to take it upon ourselves to instill a level of honesty in our works and the media we create and we share with each other. And be certain we are doing our own diligence to ensure what we’re saying is for the benefit of another…using our full capacity to share the truth.”

Right. The truth. Got that? DO YOUR DILIGENCE.

J Woww Has a Really Impressive Halloween Costume

photo of hot j woww boobs pics halloween photos pic
That’s it: it’s not even Halloween yet, but I’m nominating little Jenni Farley here for “Best Costume.” Why? Come the f*ck on. Do you really even have to ask that? Does Snooki have some kind of weird venereal disease that makes her lower half look shorter and squatter than her upper half? Does The Situation have deep, penis-shaped grooves in both palms and feet?

Some things just are, guys, and you just can’t question it.

Is the Honeymoon Over Already?

photo of kris humphries wearing no ring moving boxes pics
Well lookee here. We have Kris Khumphries, *moving boxes from his New York City hotel room “home,” which is shared with wife Kim Kardashian. Oh, that, and he’s not wearing his ring, either. Why the long face, Kris? Why the small box? Moreover, why marry a woman who can’t even purchase a flat in NYC and has to stay in a long-term hotel room instead?

If it’s that last bit that steered you off course, friend, I can’t say I blame you. I think Kim‘s all hot and stuff, and would just love to learn all of her dirty little secrets, but that living-out-of-a-hotel-room part would definitely be the deal-breaker for me, too.

Good luck on your travels, bro!

*Incidentally, all of the Kardashians are moving out of the hotel since the NY version of their show wrapped, but that still doesn’t explain why boyfriend here’s not wearing his everlasting symbol of pure, perfect love.

Afternoon Delight

photo of doug hutchinson and courtney stodden pics

Lindsay showed up to the morgue early, shocked some dead people. [Cele|bitchy]

Celebrity reactions to Ghaddafi’s death. [Starpulse]

She has no friends of her own, so she scalps her mom’s friends. [Lainey Gossip]

Courtney Stodden‘s begging MTV. [The Superficial]

Kate Winslet loves the no-bra thing. [The Frisky]

Sarah Silverman throws the n-word around. [Huff Po]

Charlie Sheen is laughing at Ashton Kutcher now. [TMZ]

Have you seen Paranormal Activity 3 yet? This is why you should. [Socialite Life]

Beyonce raising another man’s child? [Bossip]

Still taking out Stacy Keibler. [The Blemish]

Breaking Dawn wedding sneak peek! [theBERRY]

Ginnifer Goodwin gets hotter and hotter. [Caught on Set]

Snooki hates The Situation. [Popbytes]

Models re-snap their childhood photos. [OMGBlog]

Christina Aguilera: way inappropriate. [INFDaily]

John Travolta thinks chicken should be reserved just for him. [Lainey Gossip]

That Movie Angelina Jolie Directed is Ready to Go

Remember she talked it all up, that Big Directorial Debut of hers? It’s apparently about to rock. The flick is called In the Land of Blood and Honey, and is about a love affair between a Serbian male and a Bosnian female during the 1992 Bosnian war. The movie debuted today internationally, but won’t hit US theaters until December 23rd. What a nice, happy, FESTIVE movie to take in on your Christmas break, no doubt.

Seriously, though, I’m impressed. I think this looks like an amazing trailer. And what more could there be? I felt like the entire film was caught on that seemingly-long preview, and whatever’s not included has to be even better. That’s usually the way it works, anyhow.

Anyway, what do you guys think of the trailer? Is Angelina ready to make the big jump from acting (mediocre) to directing (maybe not-so-mediocre)? And isn’t it just super that Brad supported Angie so hard through this extensive process?