Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Jacob Black (Or, You Know, Taylor Lautner) Says Breaking Dawn Will Make You WEEP

Isn’t it something like a hundred days ’til Breaking Dawn is here? Are any of you seriously freaking out yet? Will you go see it in theaters? I only just got into the Twilight franchise over the past few months, and in that time I’ve seen all of the movies to date, and, of course, have read all of the books (I’m considering going through them a second time to prepare for the new movie, just ’cause that’s how I do), so I’m looking forward to seeing the next installment. I’m not going to, like, run out on opening day or anything, but I’ll probably see it within the month it comes out.

Oh, also? Taylor Lautner gets hotter and hotter regularly. Seriously. I remember when all this Twilight hubbub started and I was completely creeped out by so many of my friends drooling so hard over him. But now? Well. I’m whistling a different tune these days, that’s for damned sure.

Morning Wood

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A nude statue was erected for Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez. [The Superficial]

In defense of Miley and Liam. [Lainey Gossip]

Top 20 highest-earning rappers of 2011. [Bossip]

Kim Kardashian‘s really showing everything off these days. [Starpulse]

Tom Cruise gropes Katie Holmes in public. Gross. [TMZ]

What did Ali Lohan do to get more famous than Lindsay? [The Blemish]

James Franco‘s sex tape disaster. [LA Times]

Pop culture’s 20 greatest dancing GIFs. [Pajiba]

Guess the supermodel in the unflattering photo. [Socialite Life]

Suri Cruise is getting SO BIG. [INFDaily]

Ashton Kutcher‘s making WHAT? [Cele|bitchy]

This is Kate Hudson’s new “jewelry line.” [theBERRY]

13 of the craziest penis accidents ever. [The Frisky]

Quotables: Vivienne Westwood Says Kate Middleton Looks “Hard”

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“I think she’s got a problem with eye make-up. The sharp line around her eyes make her look hard. Either she should be smudgy or wear none. It seems to me, that her image is ‘ordinary woman’. Therefore, High Street shopper. And I just think she should be an extraordinary woman, wherever she gets her clothes from.”

First of all, I know Vivienne Westwood is, like, this amazing, revered designer and stuff, but if you don’t trust your own advice, there’s not much else to say about that. Has Vivi taken a look at her own makeup as of late, or is she leaving that solely up to our own artistic interpretation? While I don’t necessarily disagree with her comments regarding Kate‘s eye makeup, I’m not quite sure this one’s the best judge either.

Also. I’m not one of those dedicated, Duchess Kate-loving die-hards, but I do think she’s a pretty cool chick. Therefore, so-the-hell-what if she wants to be perceived as “ordinary woman”? I think, if that’s what she’s doing for, it’s admirable.

Some Photos of a Bunch of Attractive People at The Help Premiere

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Is it me, or does this movie look insanely good? What? You’ve never even heard of it? Well it hits theaters today, so you better check out this trailer and GET SOME:

Seriously. Awesome. And could Emma Stone be any more lovable? And this movie. I saw the trailer the other day for the first time while I was sitting in a doctor’s office, waiting for my husband to get a colonoscopy. Good times, huh? So, I don’t know if it was the effect of all that anesthesia running through the air purification system or what, but this movie looks like it could end up being one shelved next to the others in my massive “favorite movie” collection.

You guys going to go see this business?

Charlie Harper Gets Hit by a Train, Talks About It

photo of charlie sheen pictures photos gross gold teeth dirty photo

For all of you not in the know, Charlie Harper is Charlie Sheen‘s character on Two and a Half Men, and his character will be killed off this upcoming season in order to free a vacancy for Ashton Kutcher.

Did you guys know how Charlie’s getting written out? Um, here.

From TMZ:

Harper married Rose — the neighbor/stalker he flew to Paris with last season — but things went downhill quickly when she found him in the shower with another woman.

In the episode, we’re told Rose speaks at the funeral and recounts what happened to Charlie … saying the day after the shower incident she and Charlie were waiting for a Paris subway when Charlie “slipped” and the subway literally blew him apart in a “meat explosion.”

The strong inclination was that Rose pushed him and got away with it.

And what does Charlie Sheen have to say about it? Well, this:

“I am honored that it took something as large and violent as an oncoming train to terminate my character. Anything less would have been an insult!”

Hm. I’m not exactly sure that’s what they were going for, there, Charlie-boy, but you do what you’ve got to do to get yourself through this season, OK?

… And meat explosion? Well that’s just gross.

Wow! Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino Will Hit on ANYBODY

Jesse Eisenberg and Mike Sorrentino on Leno 8/9/11

Last night, Mike Sorrentino and Jesse Eisenberg were both guests on Leno—Sorrentino was promoting the new season of Jersey Shore, of course, while Eisenberg was out in support of his new comedy, 30 Minutes or Less.

So when Jay Leno asked Sorrentino to illustrate his pick-up lines on, say, young Mr. Eisenberg, Sorrentino was only too willing.

And since none of us watches Leno, I’ll just post the clip! Here’s the Situation, demonstrating his command of the Italian tongue (heh):

A transcript of Mike Sorrentino’s sweet nothings:

Leno: OK, let’s suppose that Jesse is an attractive Italian woman—what would you say? Jesse, sitting and minding his own business, having a drink at the bar, what would you say?

Jesse: [reaches for his coffee cup]

Mike: Um, I would have to say—

Jesse: [sips demurely]

Leno: You see? See, the perfect actor, having a drink.

Mike: You know what? I would have to say, “Ciao, signorina.” That means, uh, “Hello, miss,” in Italian.

Jesse: I, uh, I don’t think I would respond to that.

Leno: Really!

Mike: Yeah, and then I’d go—I would proceed to “go in,” which means I would go in for some sort of compliment. And I would say, “Che dolce,” which means, “You are sweet.”

Jesse: [mumbling] Oh, yes.

Leno: I like that. OK.

Mike: And from that particular point, “Andiamo alla casa!” Let’s go to the house!

Quotables: If You’re Worth Your Salt, Then You Can Deal With Jeremy Irons Groping You

A photo of Jeremy Irons

“[Political correctness] has gone too far. There are too many people in power with too little to do, so they churn out laws to justify their jobs. I hope it’s a rash that will wear itself out. Most people are robust. If a man puts his hand on a woman’s bottom, any woman worth her salt can deal with it. It is communication. Can’t we be friendly?”

- Jeremy Irons enlightens us all.

I bet a lot of you guys didn’t know this, huh? I don’t know why, it makes perfect sense – why would you flip out or even be moderately pissed if all some innocent guy does is grope you? It’s communication, get it? Who needs words when you can just physically violate someone?