Will Smith appeared on the Graham Norton show on BBC where he was interviewed about his upcoming Men in Black III movie that’s totally not going to suck (and by “totally not going to suck,” I mean “it’s completely going to suck, and it’s going to suck NADS”).

And, you know, if I could forget for one minute that Will Smith shoved—possibly rightfully so, but that’s a debate for another day—and then backhanded—completely unnecessary, sorry—a dude for kissing him on the red carpet—in public!—then I’d go ahead and say, “Aw, man, how cute! How endearing!” but instead I’m going to roll my eyes and say, “Aw, man, how obnoxious. How intentionally hokey and not all all funny.” Especially those jammin’-out faces he was making. Please.

Will Smith, I’d go and hide out for a few days if I were you. Because I’m totally not digging your vibes lately, and all of his negativity really isn’t doing much for your credibility.

From Blind Gossip:

This actress – who worked much more several years ago than she does now – has found the perfect way to annoy her controlling husband. He always insisted that she not step foot out of the house unless she was looking her best (full hair, makeup, clothes) because she was a “reflection of his image”.

But now that they have quietly separated, she consistently walks out of the house in casual clothes and messy hair and no makeup (even when her destination isn’t the gym). Of course, the paparazzi are there, just waiting to snap her photo. Her publicist called and said, “Do you realize how much you’re p*ssing him off when you do that?” She replied, “Absolutely!” and giggled. Sounds like it’s just her little way of reclaiming her life.

OK, I read, like, the first four words of this blind item and I automatically solved it. I mean, come on. It’s totally Katie Holmes. I definitely wasn’t surprised, because Katie’s practically made a career out of going out in public all a mess* lately. But the quiet separation part? I completely dig it. I’ve been hoping that Katie might come to her senses and take back some of her independence, but I didn’t think that it’d go as far as a separation.

*Of course she’s not “a mess,” because she’s practically just rocking the look that I do all of the time, and I just cannot fathom un-flat-ironed hair, no makeup, and non-designer dresses as “a mess.” Please.

In related Blind Items, this one kind of goes hand-in-hand with the first. Also from Blind Gossip:

In the late 00?s, his face was starting to sag and lose its elasticity. His face pretty much fluttered in the breeze as he ran. He had lines around his eyes and bags under them.

Now, frankly, this is not a big deal. All faces age. Really! But this ego maniacal liar wants you to believe that he is no mere mortal, and that his looks are all natural because he lives such an extraordinary life. That’s right, People! He’s not like you! He works hard to stay young! He has never had plastic surgery and never will! Or so he claims.

Here’s the truth: He had a nose job when he was in his teens (he had the bridge thinned out). He had his teeth completely redone (although we wouldn’t include teeth in the plastic surgery category). He had his eyeballs replaced. He had a mid-section face lift and lower blepharoplasty (eye job) around 2009. He is currently holding off on upper eye work (because that would drastically change his look). Now he just has regular injections of Botox and Restylane to freeze things up and plump them out. Hey, it’s good work, he doesn’t look “done”, and his face settled in nicely six months after the plastic surgery. But it’s still plastic surgery. And he is still a liar.

I’m saying that these two are related, because in my eyes (ones that I—ugh!—have not had “replaced”) it has just got to be Tom Cruise. I’m saying Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise for both. Thoughts?

So I’m not going to go ahead and say that I *like* Ashlee Simpson, because I pretty much think she’s a total tool in a matter of speaking (honestly, she’s an entire toolkit), but she is looking pretty good in these photos.

I’m also not going to go ahead and say that the nose job she got was the best thing she’s ever done for her face (because this haircut is probably the best thing she’s ever done for her face), but it’s definitely a close second. Not that there was anything particularly wrong with her face the way it was, but the nose job certainly does something a little more different than what she had to begin with. If, you know, you’re into that whole cookie-cutter everyone-looks-the-same look. You know?

Last, you want to know what would make her appearance even better? If she stopped making that stupid faux-”fierce” egg-suck face that she makes, because God. It’s completely atrocious.

How are we feeling about Ashlee Simpson these days? Can we forgive her for her past misgivings of lip-syncing and running out on her generally-endearing husband to pursue a punk-rock career? I mean, I can’t, but that’s not what we’re really talking about here. We’re talking about the look, and I guess I can say that it’s OK. I suppose.

And this is what she looks like going to a baby shower for “friend,” Kristin Cavallari.

From Us Magazine:

Kristin Cavallari’s baby shower looked like a mini-Hills reunion.
The pregnant 25-year-old — who wore a black maxi dress and several gold bangles — was feted by former MTV costars Stephanie Pratt, 26, Heidi Montag, 25, and Spencer Pratt, 28, at a private residence in West Hollywood, a source tells Us Weekly.

“Kristin was glowing and gorgeous. She looked so happy!” a source says of Cavallari, who entertained about 30 guests. “Guys were there, too. It was co-ed.”

Stephanie Pratt and Heidi Montag sighting at Catherine Malandrino Maison Restaurant on May 01, 2009 in West Hollywood.

Attendees were treated to cupcakes and a three-tier sponge cake by Pink Salt Event Cuisine, in addition to being served cocktails. “It was like a fun party,” the source tells Us. Petals L.A. provided the flowers.

And that? Is what Heidi Montag‘s been up to. Hopefully now we won’t have to talk about her for at least another year, huh?

And for those of you who have no idea who Mark Zuckerberg is, just go on Facebook. See Facebook? Facebook. Facebook is because of him. You’re welcome, on behalf of Mark, and I send your congratulations, too.

Yesterday Mark married his girlfriend, Priscilla Chan, at a surprise ceremony that friends and family were told was a graduation party for the newly-accredited Chan. The wedding took place in Palo Alto, and included a guest list of just close friends and family. And you know how he announced the big event? Duh. Facebook status update. The food was served family-style and was catered by the couple’s favorite local sushi restaurant.

Congratulations to Mark and Priscilla! Now go spend that billion you got from Facebook’s IPO!

From People:

The identity of John Truesdale, 40, an Atlanta, Ga., massage therapist, was revealed Saturday by the New York Daily News, whose reporters tracked down the burly, 250-pound employee of the boutique hotel Mandarin Oriental.

“I thought I was supposed to be anonymous,” Truesdale was quoted as saying as he posed for a photograph near his Smyrna, Ga., home. Truesdale, a former high school football player and onetime U.S. Army medic, is a certified nail technician, a licensed massage therapist and a married father, the Daily News reports. “I can’t talk about [the case],” he told the paper.

In his initial lawsuit, Truesdale claimed Travolta sexually assaulted him in the actor’s hotel room “on or about” Jan. 28.

“I can confirm that we do represent Mr. Truesdale, and that we have great confidence in him,” his lawyer Gloria Allred said in a statement released Saturday. “We are conferring with him regarding the next course of action in this matter. Neither our client nor our law firm have any other comment at this time.”

Damn. So Gloria Allred’s all up in this business, now, huh? And hitting on a married 250-lb. former Army guy? I can tell you one thing—John Travolta‘s got some big old balls, and that’s not, you know, anything I personally happened to hear or anything from any male masseurs. I’m sure it’s probably true, because if you’re willing to stick your ass up in the air and wave your anus around like a leftover piece of knockwurst, then you probably have it—GUTS. Or ANUS. Whatever.