Today's Evil Beet Gossip

You Guys Really Hurt Chris Brown’s Tattoo Artist’s Feelings

A photo of Chris Brown

Yeah, I know, this tattoo again. Is it Rihanna‘s beaten face, is it a sugar skull, is it some weird hybrid? Is it everything or is it nothing? Is it both? Is it neither?

Whatever it is, you guys need to stop talking about it, because you’re really starting to make Chris Brown‘s tattoo artist angry.

From E! Online:

“I hate when people misinterpret what I do,” veteran tattoo artist Peter Koskela, the man behind Brown’s latest piece of body art, exclusively tells E! News. “It was really a blow to me to think that people would think so little of a person that I would actually put a picture of a beaten woman on his neck. That was crazy to me, that he would come to me and say, ‘Hey, I want Rihanna’s face on me.’”

Well, it sounds especially absurd when he puts it that way.

“I would never promote any kind of domestic violence like that,” Koskela continued. “Even if he asked me to do it, I would have bounced right there. I don’t do racist tattoos, I don’t do gang-related tattoos and I don’t do anything hurtful. That is just the motto I live by. The other tattoo artists might, but I just don’t.”

Uh, not to be mean or anything, but maybe do a better job? If hundreds of people think the tattoo is of a woman’s beaten face, then maybe that’s because it kind of looks like a woman’s beaten face. But it’s not on you, tattoo guy, it’s really not. It’s on Chris Brown, who, any way you look at it, decided to tattoo the image of an abused or dead woman right on his neck. Nobody looked at the tattoo and thought “man, that Peter Koskela, what a giant dick.” Rest easy, friend. Your name is not tarnished.

But I’ll let it be known right now, if you also did Chris Brown’s other most recent tattoo, this business:

A photo of Chris Brown

If you did that, then I’ll scream it from the rooftops, Peter Koskela is a giant dick. What an awful tattoo.

Rob and Kristen Are Back Together, According to A Totally Reliable Tabloid

A photo of Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart

Ugh, I’m such a bitch. Here we are with this brand new story about how the beautiful bond between Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart has finally been mended, and I go naysaying the whole thing. I mean, it’s from The Sun, and it’s not like The Sun has never had one single true story. I think. Maybe.

Anyway, here’s the story, and I’ll let you guys decide how true it is, all right?

TWILIGHT hunk Robert Pattinson and love cheat co-star Kristen Stewart have become an item again — just months after he walked out on her.

R-Patz, 26, was last night revealed to have had a heart-to-heart with the tearful Hollywood beauty, 22, and forgiven her “stupid mistake”.

A source told how the smitten Brit had set up home with the brunette once more — adding: “They pretty much decided they couldn’t live without each other. Kristen poured her heart out to Robert and told him it was a one-off and a mistake.”

Betrayed R-Patz quit their Hollywood home in June over snaps of Kristen cheating on him with another Brit — married film director Rupert Sanders, 41. Heartbroken R-Patz went to stay at Reese Witherspoon’s California ranch, where Kristen’s dad John begged him to patch things up with his daughter. R-Patz — already shaken by Twilight fans’ online vitriol against her — finally relented.

Just days ago, Kristen — who wore one of her ex’s tops to fly to Toronto, Canada, to plug her new movie On The Road — jetted back to join him at the ranch.

The source confirmed: “Rob sees it as Kristen made a really stupid mistake. After a lot of long tearful talks, they’ve worked it out. Rob can see how truly sorry Kristen is and has totally forgiven her. They really do love each other.”

The pair have now moved into a secluded pad in the same Los Angeles compound where Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have a place.

Kristen and R-Patz are due to appear on the red carpet together in November for the final Twilight film Breaking Dawn — Part 2.

The source said: “For now they are focusing on themselves.”

This is just the best. The consistent use of “R-Patz” and the introduction of Kristen Stewart as R-Patz’s “love cheat co-star,” and the very chill way they apparently “pretty much decided that they couldn’t live without each other” make for a very compelling story, it’s true, but I don’t know. I just don’t buy it. I think the glory days of R-Patz and K-Stew are over, I really do.

Where are your hearts on this matter?

Now Everybody’s Mad Over This Picture of Kate Gosselin’s Kid

A photo of Kate Gosselin

Can I help some of you guys out for a minute? Because I have some advice that might change your whole entire life. Are you upset about something right now? Are you mad about something, or is something just bothering you? I want you to really think about it. Now, in the grand scheme of things, is it really that big a deal? Is it really so huge and awful that it casts a shadow over every good, positive thing in your life? If it’s not, then there you go, but if it is, think about this: is it something you can change? Can you do anything about it? If you can, then do it. If you can’t, then it’s done, and so there’s no reason to worry about it, is there?

Now let’s apply that logic to this photo that Kate Gosselin posted to Twitter of her 11-year-old daughter playing in her heels. Is it that big a deal? No, it’s a kid playing in her mom’s heels. Does it affect you at all? No, you do not know Kate Gosselin, you do not know her child, this is not illegal or wrong in any way. Can you do anything about this? No, it’s been posted on the internet, it’s done. Let this one go, friends.

But a lot of people are having trouble with that part, the “let it go” part. Because lots of people, even people who are somehow Kate Gosselin fans, are outraged about this photo. Here are some comments the photo received:

What Mom would showcase her 11 yr old’s legs to 100,000 Twitter followers with all the pedophiles out there, wearing Mom’s high heels!

Kate wants us to think that she has a little girl playing dress up in mommy’s shoes. Maddie is 11, a young lady, not a little girl playing, and deserves privacy, not to have her legs in high heels on display. Horrible mothering instincts, as usual.

This is an uproar…If you’re suppose to protect your kids why showcase her legs on to the world, how pathetic.

I didn’t get why everyone was upset over that photo of Jessica Simpson‘s baby, and I don’t get why everyone is upset over this. I’m definitely not a fan of Kate’s, but I just don’t think this photo is something to get mad about. It’s a kid playing in heels. It’s just like, you’re making me defend Kate Gosselin, world. Check your priorities.

To make myself feel better, I put together a video of my cats playing and definitely not hurting each other:

Have we all calmed down yet?

It’s Time to Pretend Like We Care About American Idol Again

A photo of Nicki Minaj

After a big mess of speculation and lies and false hope (Kanye was never even in the running, was he, you cruel dream-crushers?), the good (?) people over at American Idol have finally finalized the judges panel for the upcoming twelfth season. Are you excited? Well, try, all right?

First is dear Mariah Carey, whose spot was officially announced months ago. This one shouldn’t be a surprise, because what else does Mariah have to do these days, besides tend to dem babies? Her presence should be fun though. I think she’ll be interesting to watch.

Second is Old Faithful, Randy Jackson. He’s been there since the beginning, and he’ll be there till the end. At one point, producers wanted Enrique Iglesias instead, but in the end, they went with Randy. Which is great, because I honestly have no idea what else Randy Jackson does.

Third, and here is where it starts to get interesting, is Nicki Minaj. This decision is definitely my favorite, because Nicki is a crazy bitch, and I think it will be really funny/embarrassing to see her try to make everything all about her. Can’t you just see her going into one of her alternate personalities while some really talented kid is experiencing her one shot at fame? Ugh. Also, you know the diva antics between her and Mariah will be insane. Yeah, I’m kind of looking forward to this one.

Oh, and the fourth judge is Keith Urban. You know, because … I don’t know. Because country music. Whatever.

Are you psyched or what?

There Might Be Photos of William and Kate Having Sex, Hope You Love It!

A photo of Kate Middleton

It’s been two whole days since we first saw Kate Middleton, current Important Person and future More Important person, topless. How is the world holding up? You haven’t noticed any signs of the apocalypse, have you? No? Well, that’s probably because the bomb hasn’t dropped yet. The “bomb,” of course, being the photos of William and Kate boning. Ewwww.

From TMZ:

The editor of the French magazine that ran topless photos of Kate Middleton is suggesting she has SEX PHOTOS of the Royal couple in her possession but has decided not to run them … yet.

Closer editor Laurence Pieau revealed the bombshell today while defending her decision to publish the topless pics of Kate … saying “I won’t hide the fact that there are more intimate pictures that exist that we haven’t published and will not publish. These images are full of joy, not degrading.”

She didn’t specifically say sex pics … but she didn’t have to. It’s pretty clear what she meant.

So why would she even tell the public about the unseen “intimate” photos?

She could be trying to paint herself as a heroic figure who SAVED the Royal fam from further humiliation … or she just issued a thinly-veiled WARNING to Buckingham Palace: Back off the lawsuit, or else.

Too far, Closer editor Laurence Pieau.  Too far. And if that wasn’t too far, then the news that popular porn site YouPorn wants the photos bad and is making it known that they have an “open checkbook” certainly is. So, once again, ewwww.

Here’s my thing about all of these photos: I think they’re weird and creepy. It’s not like Kate was on a beach or at a hotel, she was staying at a relative’s private estate in France, and she was just hanging out with her husband, and some creepy old photographer hung out in some tree a couple miles down the road (look, judging by the quality of the photos, he was either really really far away or he needs to invest in a better camera if he wants to do this for a living) and took pictures. It’s not wrong because of who Kate Middleton is, it’s wrong because it’s a complete invasion of privacy. I’d feel the same way if there were pictures of Lady Gaga snorting a line off Terry Richardson‘s junk inside her own apartment. It would be like if you were walking around your own house naked and someone saw a crack in the blinds and snapped some photos. It’s weird. Please stop.

Unfortunately, no amount of weirdness can stop me from loving that one topless photo of Kate, the one up at the very top. She looks like she’s doing a little topless jig, and I will never not think that that’s the best thing that Kate Middleton has ever done.

UPDATE: Some Italian magazine claims to have over 200 new pictures that they plan on publishing tomorrow. The royal legal team is aiming to stop it. Will they succeed? Will tomorrow bring new photos of the royal titties? Only time will tell!

Let’s All Just Look at Pictures of Snooki’s Baby And Go “Aww”

A photo of Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi

AWWWWWW!

Snooki posted that photo on Twitter a few hours ago with the caption “I love you.” Here’s another photo that she posted, one that was published with her interview in People magazine:

A photo of Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi

Aww, you guys! Aww!

I mentioned this earlier this week, but I’ve been watching Snooki and J-Woww, and I absolutely love it. I know that the whole pregnancy thing, which is pretty much the main storyline, wasn’t planned at all, but I think it’s great. I love Snooki, I truly do, and I just really enjoyed being able to watch her go through this huge transformation. If you haven’t seen it, I highly recommend it. You get to see Snooki be responsible, more of her relationship with Jionni (which doesn’t seem nearly as bad as I feared it was), and classic moments like J-Woww pausing during a huge fight with her boyfriend to ask him “what’s a stalemate?” It’s really something special.

And just to keep the adorable train going, here’s a few tweets from Snooki about little Lorenzo:

I have the coolest kid ever.

Is it weird in already thinking about what Lorenzo is going to wear to prom? -_- I’m so annoying.

Watchin Lorenzo sleep on this lovely Saturday night

Omg. Lorenzo just peed and pooped on us while we were changing his diaper. #amazing

Chillen with my Lorenzo. he’s starting to smile! Ugh

I love my son.

Up with Lorenzo. he makes me so happy!!

Ugh just looking at Lorenzo and I start crying happy tears! I’ve never been so happy in my life!!!

Awwww!

Hottest Stories of the Week

Lana Del Rey wipes herself for GQ, calls it hot. [Click for More]

Peaches Geldof drops her baby, but not her phone. [Click for More]

Guess who got a stupid tattoo! [Click for More]

Jon Hamm’s penis, exposed. [Click for More]

Kate Winslet’s screen test for Titanic. [Click for More]

Jennifer Lawrence has a gross dress? [Click for More]

Caption This! [Click for More]

Chis Brown got a beat-Rihanna tattoo. [Click for More]

Demi Lovato took Fez back. [Click for More]

Alison Pill’s nude leak. [Click for More]

Jessica Simpson’s got people all mad over her baby. [Click for More]

Lindsay Lohan is ruining Scary Movie 5. [Click for More]

Miley and Liam: trouble in paradise? [Click for More]

LEAKED: Kate Middleton nudes. [Click for More]