Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Mariah Carey Sure Isn’t Wasting Any Time Squeezing Every Last Drop of Publicity Out of ‘American Idol’

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If you’re wondering whether or not this is Mariah Carey’s promotional photo for ‘American Idol’, then yes, you are right, and I have to commend you on knowing the flaky Mariah Carey so well. Or I have to slap you, one or the other. I’m not sure yet.

This is, indeed, Mariah’s ‘AI’ photo, and it’s just as ridiculous and over-the-top as you’d expect it to be. Like, did technology become so advanced that she’s going to look like this live on the show? Is there going to be a cloud of Photoshop and CGI following her around the stage and the judges’ chairs every second of the production, making her look like this? Because we all know that Mariah Carey just doesn’t look like this anymore—this is Mariah Carey of ‘All I Want for Christmas (is You)’ fame. This isn’t 2012′s Mariah Carey. This is 2012′s Mariah Carey:

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Contrary to what she wants you to believe, she *has* aged.

What’s even more ridiculous? The early whispering about Mariah’s ‘Idol’ rider. From Page Six:

When Mariah Carey was named the newest, $18 million judge on “American Idol,” staffers at the Fox show began bracing for the dreaded and possibly endless list of diva demands, we’re told. The pop princess is famously demanding on her backstage riders, which have included such necessities as baskets of puppies, furniture with “no busy patterns,” “vases of white roses” and a “tea service for eight.”

She once insisted, “I don’t do stairs,” while other wild reports have said Carey has previously demanded a chauffeur for her dog, “confetti shaped like butterflies” as well as 20 white kittens at a London appearance.

But, a source close to Carey says she won’t require anything out of the ordinary on “Idol,” and adds that the show itself has many of its own branded requirements for stars to use the products of certain sponsors.

“It’s all standard stuff, nothing out of the ordinary,” the source said of Carey’s “Idol” requirements. “It’s not like they’ll need to put a new roof on the building. It’s standard lists, whether it’s for water, soda, veggies, snacks. It’s all fairly normal.”

So no puppies this time. Then again, Carey’s tagline on Twitter declares, “Citizen of the World Dahhhling!”

Please. If Britney gets sixteen thousand cases of cola on demand, then you can bet that Mariah’s gonna get her puppies and kittens and sparkly butterflies, because that’s just how it goes, folks.

Another Michael Jackson Kid Is Speaking Out

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We know that Paris Jackson, Michael’s spunky daughter, isn’t afraid to talk about (or slap) members of her family over this mess surrounding Katherine Jackson. But now Prince, Michael’s oldest son, has taken to his own Twitter to let us all know his particular side of the story.

Here’s his big long tweet:

I would first like to start off by thanking the fans that have always stood by me and my family, my dad really appreciated your support and I still treasure it to this day. As I am sure everyone is well aware of the events that have been going on. I have been holding off on backing up my sister and her tweets avidly because I was waiting for the time to reveal my side.

As long as I can remember my dad had repeatedly warned me of certain people and their ways. Although I am happy my grandma was returned, after speaking with her I realized how misguided and how badly she was lied to. I’m really angry and hurt.

The following image is of a group chat I had started to several family members. This group text message I had started was replied to but they didn’t know that I could see the responses. For this whole time, they denied us contact to our grandmother. If you continue with your lies I will continue with the truth.

And here’s the image he posted of that group chat:

A photo of Prince Jackson's tweet

I think this is going to get super fun/terrifying here in the next couple days. I mean, if Michael’s siblings are willing to treat his children so horribly just while they’re trying to mastermind a way to get his money, then what will they do now that Paris and Prince are making their actions known? At this point, I can’t imagine any way for Janet, Jermaine and friends to come out of this in any sort of positive light, so I think they’ll just go for gold, don’t you?

Lastly, do you think that Tom Cruise and his crazy cult will send the Jackson family and Kristen Stewart a fruit basket or flowers for taking the heat off of his divorce?

BREAKING: Robert Pattinson Has Left Kristen Stewart

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From People:

Robert Pattinson has packed his bags.

Following Kristen Stewart’s public apology for having a fling with her Snow White and the Huntsman director Rupert Sanders, the 26-year-old actor has left the Los Angeles home he shared with Stewart, PEOPLE has confirmed.

“I’m not sure they’ll be able to recover from this,” a source says of the couple of three years, who met making the Twilight trilogy.

In seclusion and not in contact with Stewart, 22, the British star “is heartbroken and angry,” says the source.

A “devastated” Stewart, meanwhile, described Pattinson as “the person I love and respect the most” in her apology following revelations of her indiscretion with Sanders, 41, a married father of two.

“Kristen really loves Rob more than anything,” says an insider. “He’s all that matters to her right now.”

Oh, he’s all that matters to her NOW, eh? Well I frankly think that’s a case of too little, too damn late, now, right? Bitch makes me sick. I know you’re hurting, Rob, but you’re probably doing the best possible thing. I think. I don’t know. What a f-cking mess.

Image via Vanity Fair

Vintage Quotables: Robert Pattinson Doesn’t Understand Cheating

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“But there’s a thing I’ve never got: That is, why do people cheat? I can understand the impulse. But not how you can keep two relationships going at the same time for long. I’m not the casual-affair kind of guy. If I choose to be with someone, it’s because I really want it. When I have a relationship, I’m 100 percent into it.”

- Poor Robert Pattinson discusses cheating in the April issue of Vanity Fair.

Keep in my mind that this quote appeared in the April issue, which means that Robert gave this quote while his girlfriend may or may not have already been cheating on him. Poor Robert Pattinson.

Also, just for funzies, check out this quote that Kristen Stewart gave in the June issue of Elle:

“Maybe because my life is so perfect, when I see the other side of life, it just seems like, almost like I want…” Stewart struggles for words. “You can learn so much from bad things. I feel boring. I feel like, Why is everything so easy for me? I can’t wait for something crazy to f-cking happen to me. Just life. I want someone to f-ck me over! Do you know what I mean?”

Well, here you go, girl. Something crazy is happening to you now, and someone did f-ck you over. Her name was Kristen Stewart. BOOM.

Stars Without Makeup: Hey Christina Aguilera!

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It’s Christina Aguilera! And her creepy, bloat-faced boyfriend, Matthew Rutler, who’s looking, dare I say it, a little worn out. Is Christina keeping him up late at night? Well I don’t know, but one thing is for certain—it’s not pancake makeup that’s keeping him up, whatever that means. It’s a thinly-veiled reference to the fact that Christina—oh my God—has left the building without her customary seventeen layers of acrylic and shimmer powder and polyurethane on, and we should celebrate that, really, because it’s like Christmas in that it happens maybe once a year (twice, if you’re one of those freaks who celebrate Christmas in July).

Can we also talk about how epic the singing competition shows are going to be this year? We’ve got Mariah Carey on ‘American Idol’, Christina Aguilera on ‘The Voice’, and Britney Spears on ‘X-Factor’. Which show do you think’s going to bring in the highest ratings? I mean, I don’t even watch these crap shows and I’m curious to know which of the three is going to blow the other two out of the water.

Who’s going to reign this year?

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PHOTOS: Kristen Stewart Emerges After Cheating Goes Public

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So I was thinking about this so hard last night, that I actually *dreamed* about this sad old situation. Yeah. I did. I dreamed that I was on my way to Taco Bell (?) and I pulled up to a stoplight, where, in the vehicle next to me, Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson sat, arguing vociferously over why she had to go and let this skeevy married-with-children dude kiss her boobs and act like a sixteen-year-old in the back of Dad’s borrowed car, Dad who trusted you so much not to put a ding in it that he didn’t even think to tell you not to have nasty makeout sessions with rat-faced film directors. My bad, Dad.

In the dream, Robert was crying and pulling all sorts of faces while Kristen sat in the driver’s seat, sticking out her jaw and chewing gum and rolling her eyes and I really, really wanted to punch her in her stupid head for being so stupid, because really. What a dick move, you know?

And the longer I sat in the car, watching this unfold, the angrier I got. And the angrier I got sitting in my driver’s seat, the more I wanted to punch her in her stupid head for being so stupid. And the more I wanted to punch her in her stupid head for being so stupid? Well. I acted upon it. I pushed my car door open, climbed out (right at the longest red light ever) and started banging on Kristen’s window, which was up, even though it was ninety-some degrees out and it looked like her air conditioning vents were busted (her bony ass probably f-cked it up while she was grinding on that married-with-children dude the other day). She looked up at me with mild disinterest and then dropped her gaze to her fingernails, which were chewed and ragged and gross. I could tell that she wasn’t about to open any doors for me, so I reached down and pulled on the car door handle, and to my luck, it was open.

From there, I proceeded to drag her out of the car, slap her in the face, tell her what a stupid, stupid bitch she is and that no amount of ‘Snow White and the Huntsman 2′ offers could ever get me to forget what she did, and then I hopped into her contaminated Mini Cooper and drove off with Robert Pattinson in the passenger seat. And he was happy.

Whatever. I didn’t say the dream had any particular point.

Check out the photos of Kristen’s post-scandal face. I just don’t even get it.

Katherine Jackson Speaks!

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Well, this is suspicious.

As you can see, Katherine Jackson finally made a statement yesterday, surrounded by her most shady children. She was still at the spa in Arizona, but she said she was coming home.

She also said that she was “devastated” that she lost custody of her grandchildren, and that she absolutely wasn’t kidnapped because her children “would never do a thing to me like that, hold me against my will,” and “it’s very stupid for people to think that.” Oh, and you know how poor Paris Jackson thought she was missing? It was because Katherine never called because “I just gave up my phone and I didn’t want to have any phone calls while I was there.” Right.

So, ok, Katherine left her grandchildren at home without telling them where she was going or even that she was leaving, she didn’t call them because she just didn’t want to, and now she’s “devastated” that she lost custody of them? What? These kids are 15, 14, and 10, you can’t just leave them to go chill at a spa for a couple weeks, even if it’s on doctor’s orders. Oh, and doing an interview where no one is allowed to ask questions and where the people who have allegedly kidnapped and brainwashed you are standing over you, pointing to the piece of paper you’re supposed to be reading from? That’s not going to do a whole lot to dispel any rumors, girl.

Oh, and good ol’ Joe Jackson? We were wondering about him yesterday, but now we know that he’s been squatting in the house where Katherine and Michael Jackson’s kids had been living before all this recent craziness, so we can go ahead and check Joe off our list of people to worry about.