Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Are Kate Hudson and Chris Martin a thing now?

kate hudson chris martin

Jeez, Chris Martin sure gets around, eh? After getting rid of Goop, he swiftly moved on to Jennifer Lawrence and NOW may be bumping uglies with 3-months-single Kate Hudson. At least that’s the rumour on the street since they’ve been hanging out at the beach together, apparently.

They brought a whole gaggle of kids with them – their kids, obviously, and what seemed to be a couple friends – and it’s likely that their playdate in Malibu was totally casual and between friends. OR MAYBE NOT. Who knows. Kate and Gwyneth are good friends, apparently, and have been for years, making it less likely that either of them would shit where they eat, so to speak.

I feel like these two are a bit long in the tooth in terms of their Hollywood experience to hit up a public ass Malibu beach together if they were trying to be low key about a potential romance.

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Scott Disick checks into rehab

scott disick

It’s not a secret that Scott Disick has had a serious alcohol problem for years. He’s tried rehab before, he’s tried quitting cold turkey on his own, and he always ends up going back to the bottle (and God knows what else). Unsurprisingly, not even having kids with the so-called love of his life was enough to light a fire under his ass to really get help. However, he’s ready to try again with something a little more alternative.

From TMZ:

Disick checked into Rythmia Life Advancement Center in Costa Rica. He says, “I realize my issues are bigger than me and I’m ready to truly remedy this struggle I continue to battle.”

Scott was in Atlantic City over the weekend where he did multiple shots of tequila right out in the open. He then went on a rant onstage and ended the night at 8 AM, where he was stumbling in the hotel lobby without shoes. At 5 PM people went to his room to do a welfare check when he was MIA.

Scott has had multiple problems with alcohol and has vowed to maintain his sobriety, especially after his girlfriend Kourtney gave him an ultimatum.

As for his treatment, he says he is doing Iboga treatment, which involves roots from a small African tree that supposedly helps people battle addiction.

As for the facility, Rythmia is located on a private estate offering a “luxurious world-class experience” including a five-star restaurant, full-service spa with mud bath, and fitness center.

Huh. Well, I guess this will do for now, and then in a few months he’ll host a party in Vegas and get drunk off his ass again. Oh, is that too cynical? Sorry, I guess I just can’t take anything anyone in this family does seriously anymore… not that I ever did, but you know what I mean.

I suppose bonne chance to him. Hope it sticks this time.

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Justin Bieber got roasted and it was… eh, mediocre

justin bieber roast

Justin Bieber‘s Comedy Central roast won’t air until the end of the month, but these things are pre-taped so it’s already on film and we know plenty of the jokes that will be part of the broadcast. Are they funny? Eh, vaguely. What I’m hoping is that they’ve saved the best stuff for the actual show, because if this is all they’ve got to offer, I think we’re all better off hitting up Netflix or something that night.

Buzzfeed published some of the jokes from the evenings, so here are a few… uh, highlights?

Kevin Hart:

kevin hart justin bieber

“Tonight we’re going to give what his parents and the legal system should have done years ago,” host Kevin Hart said. “We’re going to give this boy an ass-whoopin.’”

“Ebola patients hear about ‘Bieber fever’ and say, ‘I’m gonna go ahead and ride this one out.’”

Jeff Ross:

“Selena Gomez wanted to be here, but she’s dating men now. Is it true you dumped her because she grew a mustache before you?”

Ludacris:

“Justin Bieber wants to be black so bad, he’s actually seen Kevin Hart’s movies in theaters.”

Chris D’Elia:

“You have it all. Except love, friends, good parents, and a Grammy.”

Hannibal Buress:

“They say that you roast the ones you love, but I don’t like you at all, man. I’m just here because it’s a real good opportunity for me.”

“Actually you should thank me for participating in this extremely transparent attempt to be more likeable in the public eye. And, I hope it doesn’t work.”

Snoop Dogg:

snoop dogg

“You bought a monkey!” Snoop Dogg said. “I mean, that monkey was more embarrassed than the one that started the AIDS epidemic.”

There are more quotes at the source, but frankly, it seems a bit dire. Bieber made his own speech at the end, as well, which was supposed to be very sincere and heartfelt, I suppose:

“There was really no preparing me for this life. I was thrown into this at 12 years old,” he said.

“I didn’t know what I was getting myself into. There were moments I am proud of. And there are moments I am disappointed with myself for. But the things I have done don’t define who I am. I am kind-hearted person who loves people. And through it all, I have lost some of my best qualities. For that, I’m sorry.”

“I am looking forward to being someone you can all be proud of,” he said. “Someone close to me once said, ‘It’s how you rise from a fall that truly defines you as a man.’ I’m excited for that challenge. And I want to say thank you for taking this journey with me.”

Huh. Well, I guess we just have to go with that, even though it’s bullshit.

Can we talk about the most important aspect of this story, though? What the hell is going on with his hair? I mean, it’s so awful. Who told him to do that? He’s obviously trying to grow it out, but to WHAT?

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A drunk driver plowed into Jennifer Aniston’s front yard

jennifer aniston

Well, Jennifer Aniston certainly had a rough weekend. On Saturday night, a drunk driver plowed into her front garden, taking out some plants. No one was hurt and Jen may not even have been there, but still – scary!

From TMZ:

Law enforcement sources tell TMZ … it happened at around 8:30 PM at her Bel Air estate.  It’s unclear if Jen was home,  but her rusty trusty security guy instantly called 911.

When cops arrived the driver told them he was not behind the wheel, but security footage from the home clearly showed otherwise.  The guy flunked the field sobriety tests and was arrested.

Can I just say, what the fuck is wrong with people continuing to get behind the wheel of a car when they’ve had a drink? WHY DO THEY DO IT? Get a cab! Take the bus! Get a life! You know, instead of taking someone else’s.

Also, I suppose it makes sense that Jennifer Aniston has a security guy, but do ALL celebrities have security once they reach a certain level? I can’t imagine having to go through life like that, with someone having to watch your back 24/7.

Glad everyone’s okay, anyway.

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Is Kim Kardashian jealous of Kylie Jenner?

kylie jenner kim kardashian

Kylie Jenner is well on her way to becoming her older sister’s Jr. She’s virtually transforming into Kim Kardashian and she’s only 17 – imagine where she’ll be in five years! This thought is apparently what’s been bothering Kim, and she’s seriously worried about Kylie becoming a better looking version of herself!

From XPosé Entertainment (whatever!):

A source shared: ”Kim’s been moaning to her mom for months now that Kylie’s slowly morphing into a better-looking version of her – and she’s not happy about it.”

She was so upset she even confronted the 17-year-old television personality about stealing her style but Kylie completely ”denied” it.

The source added to US’ OK! magazine: ”She fronted up Kylie and tore into her for copying her style and her look. Kylie denied it, of course, but she really does look more like Kim every day…

”Kim’s got a huge ego and thinks Kylie’s a threat to her brand… It’s because Kylie’s a much better looking version of her – and she knows it.”

This comes just days after it was reported that Kylie is looking to outshine her older half-sister by going into the music business.

The insider shared: ”If Kylie feels competitive with anyone it’s Kim. She feels they have similar body types and looks. Kim is doing modelling, fashion, television and much more which is exactly what Kylie wants. She doesn’t want to be put in a box and only do one thing.

”She wants to be like Kim, but even bigger and more diverse – getting into music and producing as well.”

Oh, dear. Obviously this whole quote is bullshit, but I actually can see this being true. Kylie is hot on Kim’s heels, and Kim’s desperate to stay relevant (much like her husband), so I can see why she’s feeling a bit concerned. The entire family is a hot mess, but bless ‘em.

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Taylor Swifts $40 million legs have been ruined by a cat

taylor swift

Thank goodness Taylor Swift took out $40 million worth of insurance on her infamous legs, because they were very nearly RUINED by one of her cats this weekend. Taylor has 2 little furry friends, foldy-eared cats (yep, that’s an official name, lolz) called Olivia and Meredith. It was Meredith who shredded poor Taylor to smithereens this weekend, and Taylor took to Instagram to poke fun at the insurance rumours, proving she’s in on the joke and has a pretty good sense of humor, too.

GREAT WORK MEREDITH I WAS JUST TRYING TO LOVE YOU AND NOW YOU OWE ME 40 MILLION DOLLARS

A photo posted by Taylor Swift (@taylorswift) on

Touche, Taylor. Touche. Luckily, it seems like she’ll make a full recovery.

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Was Katy Perry just not noble enough for Russell Brand?

russell brand katy perry

I don’t think anyone was particularly surprised when Katy Perry and Russell Brand‘s whirlwind relationship/marriage went down the tubes. They seemed in some ways like kindred spirits, but in many others like an odd couple whose differences would never really be reconciled. Up until now, however, it seemed unclear what was REALLY behind the split. Was it cocaine? Was it sex addiction? It seems like it was neither, in fact. Instead, according to a new documentary about Brand’s life, it seems like Katy just wasn’t quite noble enough for him.

The documentary, entitled BRAND: A Second Coming, was filmed over 7 years and is getting its first screening at SXSW. Since it took place over so many years, of course Katy is involved in parts and at one point, the pair sit down together for a joint interview, which The Daily Beast wrote up as follows:

In a scene in BRAND, he visits protesters sans Perry while on break from filming his studio romantic comedy Arthur. Then the comedian, who at one point tried to direct the documentary himself, sits with his wife in their home for an interview that goes south.

Struggling to answer Brand’s query about the existential pickle of money and fame, Perry demurs. “I think you’re a genius and you make me look good, and that’s why I picked you,” she chirps. (If any single sound bite goes viral from this film, it might well be Perry declaring, “I control the pussy” to the camera in a baby voice as she abruptly ends the interview.)

Following their split, a deflated Brand ponders why the marriage failed. “We were going in different directions,” he sighs. “Possibly opposite directions.”

Yikes. I mean, sure – if Russell was in a phase where he wanted to be more philanthropic and shun the trappings of fame, obviously that’s going to conflict with Katy’s career, which was on the rise x 500 during their relationship. I don’t think there’s anything inherently wrong with either, but it certainly wasn’t going to mix. The world may never know!

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