Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Stacey Dash Is Losing It

Stacey Dash, AKA Dionne of Clueless, is maybe losing her mind. No, screw maybe, her endorsement of Mitt Romney proved that she’s well gone. It’s not so much that she endorsed him, it was her bizarre reasoning. Continuing on her merry path of odd adventures, she’s starring in her own web series titled, Stacey Dash Is Normal. I think they’re going for that “Hey, she’s ‘just like us’ she does weird stuff too!” with a touch of irony considering that in this episode, “The Dip”, she is not completely normal. Totally get it. But it is sadly not very funny. She’s a beautiful and talented woman. And this web series isn’t doing her any favors.

Case in point, skip to 1:43 seconds in the video where she masturbates in front of her dog in what is supposed to be a comedic scene but is just awkward and weird. I get that’s supposed to be the point, but there’s Larry David Curb Your Enthusiasm awkward and there’s “What the eff am I watching?” awkward. However, most of the YouTube commenters disagree and think the show is “hilarious.”

So tell me: what do you think? Am I wrong here?

Just Because: Some Beautiful Toddlers and Tiaras Magic

We’ve all seen Toddlers and Tiaras, right? I mean, I feel like it’s about three years too late to ask that question, seeing as how I started watching it after our very own Sasha called it her new favorite show back in 2009, but I reckon it’s still valid. And even if you haven’t seen it, I’m sure you can appreciate this hilarious clip anyway. Happy Saturday, you know?

On this delightful day, why don’t you take a moment to share with us one of your favorite YouTube videos? Things are a little chill right now, a little relaxed, I think we can all take some time to add a little sprinkle of hilarity into our lives.

Chris Crocker: From YouTube Star to Porn Star

Chris Crocker transformation

Please, mom, stop reading right now.

Self-made celebrity Chris Crocker—that’s right, the “Leave Britney Aloooone” guy—has been experimenting with a new, scruffy look. And it works? Like, it totally works. Not only does the kid look great, he’s looking androgynous-male-model great.

Chris Crocker is evidently aware of his own ugly-duckling transformation story, and that’s probably why he’s been posting his own nude photos to his NSFW Tumblr. Today, Gawker announces that Chris Crocker is on his way to a feature-length porno, shooting (aaaaauuuuggghh) this summer.

So, um, I guess that’s it, then: I’m about to fulfill my longstanding nightmare of posting a pile of Chris Crocker’s dickshots to the Internet, just as Chris Crocker himself always intended. I… I’m sorry. I’ll, uh, catch you on the flip-side. Good luck.

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Friday Fun: I Figured Out How To Make You All Millionaires

You know how the National Enquirer is always running headlines like, “Woman Sees Face of Jesus in a Dorito?” OK, well, I have a feeling that there’s going to be a lot more headlines like that after watching this video on how to make a Grilled Cheesus. That’s right: A grilled cheese sandwich with the face of our Lord and Savior. Fine, the face of the guy that my grandmother used to tell me was my Lord and Savior before I went to college and stopped believing in anything having to do with organized religion. Sorry, Katy Perry’s mom.

This video teaches you in seven simple steps how to make a delicious grilled cheese sandwich that has God’s son’s face on it, and if y’all aren’t busy this weekend, I would try it out and see if you can sell the pics to some sort of print rag for cold hard cash before everyone catches on to how easy this is.

Ugh. And now I want to go on a Kirstie Alley-style grilled cheese binge. Thanks, Internet.

Sassy Gay Friend Does Black Swan, Owns My Heart

Everybody’s seen the Sassy Gay Friend videos, right?  I can’t tell because I was still in college when the first three came out, the Shakespeare ones, and all the nerdy theatre kids wouldn’t stop quoting them for months, myself included.  We used them for study tools (it’s much more fun to analyze plays when you do it from the point of view of a Sassy Gay Friend), we quoted the clips at parties (“did you seriously just throw up in the bushes?  You’re a stupid bitch.”), and we did Sassy Gay Friend versions of every play we did (and let me tell you, Greek tragedies really lend themselves to that sort of thing).

But lately, Sassy Gay Friend has been branching out from his Shakespeare roots, and finally he’s made it to contemporary movies. And that means I can make you guys watch them.  I think we’ve all grown from this.

Man Whips His Nephew With a Belt For Acting ‘Gangster’ on Facebook

Well, this video is kind of a must-watch…

From what I can tell, this teenager posted something to his Facebook wall that implied he’s more rough and tumble than he actually is. After his uncle discovered the post, he called him down to the family webcam to get his lashings, as well as a lecture on not making the family seem like they’re from something they’re not.

It doesn’t look like the kid’s hurt (I mean, he’s bigger than the dude delivering the beating), but it does look like he’ll think twice before trying to give the illusion that he’s a gangster again. That said, an angry, shirtless man beating his nephew with a belt over a Facebook wall post IS just about the most gangster thing I’ve ever seen, sooooo….

Day Maker: Father-Daugher Edward Sharpe Cover

Let’s take a quick break from the timely gossip to have a sniffly moment in front of our laptops, shall we?

A friend IMed me a link to this father and daughter (Jorge & Alexa Narvaez) doing an acoustic cover of Edward Sharpe and The Magnetic Zeros’ song “Home” last night and it’s kind of a killer. Like, I’m already writing a movie about these two in my head and it’s everything that Somewhere should have been. When Alexa turns to her dad halfway through and says, “One day I’m gonna whistle?”, I think I died.

Get these two a record contract, a variety show, a made-for-TV movie and an Ellen appearance like YESTERDAY, Hollywood.