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Willow Smith

Willow Smith is done eating government french fries

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Willow Smith is one of the craziest members of a pretty insane family, and her new interview with Teen Vogue is no different. The 13-year-old opened up on a variety of topics, like Cartier (“My whole family, we love Cartier!”), self-expression and her refusal to eat governmental french fries. Oh, dear.

Here are some hilarious bits and bobs, completely without context (because even context wouldn’t help here).

On her fashion sense:

Who knows what tomorrow may bring? “My style is who I am all the time,” she says, “and who I am always changes.” For proof, look no further than her hair, which in the past few years has been green, pink, and now blonde. “My hair is super-, super-, super-, superhard to destroy,” she says with a laugh. “It’s a survivor.” As for the new shade, she proudly reports: “Blondes do have more fun!”

On why she’s not putting out an album:

“I have enough songs to make an album,” Willow says, “but most of the songs I don’t like.” She assures that new stuff is coming soon—just don’t ask Willow to characterize her sound. “It’s going to be something outlandish, something that nobody can imagine, something that comes from me and only me. Something we need right now.”

On her divine wisdom about the world:

Willow recently started tweeting to her 3.5 million-plus followers on topics as far-ranging as world peace (“We all need to learn how to harmoniously live on this planet without frying it like those systematic French fries the government feeds us”) and her trouble with homework (“Teacher: Why don’t you have your homework? Me: Too busy learning about life.”). “I just felt like people needed to hear what I had to say, man,” Willow reveals. “I feel like I can really give people a different view on things.”

It’s hard to berate Willow for her extreme ignorance and arrogance. After all, she’s only 13 and she’s privileged as hell, so of course she’s going to be completely disconnected from the real world and yet think she understands it better than anyone else actually living in it. What does a 13-year-old rich girl who grew up with famous parents and endless amounts of money understand about “government french fries” when two paragraphs earlier, she was giddily exclaiming her family’s love for Cartier? There’s a massive disconnect there that of course she won’t be able to see because she’s a child, but it’s a bit frightening when you think of the type of adult she might become if no one gives her a dose of reality anytime soon.

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Willow and Jaden Smith sleep with snakes, apparently

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Look, I get that Will and Jada Pinkett Smith are supposed to be the “cool parents” – like Amy Poehler in Mean Girls – when it comes to raising Jaden and Willow Smith, but something’s gotta give, here. These kids are fucking WEIRD, way too grown for their own good and will either need serious counseling to become functional adults or they’ll just go off the rails and live in some wilderness commune as they wait for Xenu to come back and rescue them on his spaceship.

The latest from the Smith camp is that apparently Willow and Jaden are “obsessed” with snakes, to the point that they sleep with them every single night.

“Willow is obsessed with snakes,” a source tells Us Weekly, adding that Jaden, 15, “cuddles” with them in bed.

“She has 10 sleeping in her room,” the source adds of the 13-year-old, “and some aren’t in cages!” She isn’t the only Smith family member who adores the serpents. Her brother Jaden refers to his sister’s pets as his “girlfriends,” the insider tells Us. “They slither into his bed and curl up with him!”

Apparently the snake love has become a family affair, as even Jada told Redbook:

“I’ve always loved snakes but was afraid of them,” she told Redbook magazine. “But Willow had wanted this one snake forever. She’d go into the pet store and pick it up and wrap it around her. I’d never touched a snake before, and I put out my hand, and Beauty [mimics the snake slithering up her arm]. I’ve been in love with her ever since. I said to Willow, ‘You did Mommy a big favor. You helped me overcome a fear.’”

Welp… okay then.

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Will & Jada Pinkett Smith don’t care if Willow Smith is in bed with a 20-year-old

willow smith moises arias

Willow Smith is only 13 years old, but it seems like young madam is growing up a bit before her time. Because parents Will & Jada Pinkett Smith are “cool” Mom & Dad, there don’t seem to be many rules in place when it comes to what she can and can’t do, which is why the above photo – which shows Willow in bed with 20-year-old Hannah Montana star Moises Arias, is really no big deal to them. I wasn’t even allowed to have a boy set foot inside my bedroom at 13 (though my mother was certainly misguided in her worries, lolz), so this seems extra insane to me.

From TMZ:

Sources connected to the Smith family tell TMZ … Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith believe their daughter is “very mature” … enough so to make her own decisions, as long as they don’t clearly cross the line.

The Smiths have known Moises for years, and he’s best friends with 15-year-old Jaden.

Bottom line … Will and Jada have NO issue with the pic.

Newsflash: no matter how “mature” your 13-year-old daughter is, she’s a child, not an adult, and she is not capable of making fully rational and intelligent decisions about what she does and does not do sexually. I mean, seriously? Sure, maybe this dude is just a “family friend” and this is totally harmless, but it all just seems inappropriate as hell to me. Kids are too damn grown.

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