Is it just me, or did it seem like the impending divorce between Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith was all we heard about last summer? Like, I remember seeing blind item after blind item about these two, all about how Will and Jada were both bearding for each other, and all these rumors about custody battles and break up announcements and so many things. Surely other important things happened last summer, right? There had to be something else … right. Courtney Stodden happened last summer. It’s all coming back now.

But the point is that for all we heard about this divorce, it never happened. And not only did it never happen, but Will and Smith seem to be doing super together, based on this sweet little song that Jada did for Will on Valentine’s Day!

She posted the song on her Facebook, along with this little note:

With the major losses we have experienced in the last few weeks we should remember our lives are worth living fully. Therefore our risks are worthy. Our mistakes are worthy. Our traumas are worthy as well. The very paths we are told not to tread are the paths that hold the keys to our deepest understanding of love for our lives and ourselves. Self love is the gateway to truly loving another…deeply. We were born to be loved and to love fiercely.

Will, I love you. Happy Valentine’s Day. This is for you.

And here’s the song, “Burn.”

Did you like it? Because I kind of like it quite a bit. I’m a total sap though, so it’s really no surprise. I’m just glad that Will and Jada seem to be doing so well though, because after Seal and Heidi, my heart really can’t take another big break up. I mean, I know that Will Smith is supposed to be this big douchebag and all, but if he walks around without his wedding ring and obnoxious ass yellow fingernail polish, my childhood will be ruined, along with what’s left of my belief in true love. So if you disagree about the state of this relationship, please just leave it be, ok? At least until I can listen to this song and weep a few more times.

“There will never be a reunion … as I will never do anything with an a—hole like Will Smith. He is still an egomaniac and has not grown up. This constant reunion thing will never ever happen in my lifetime unless there is an apology, which, he doesn’t know the word.”

—Janet Hubert, AKA Aunt Vivian #1, does not care for Will Smith, according to TMZ.

Last week, Emily caught you up on the goings-on of the cast of Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, and I gotta tell you, my first, honest thought was “Phew! What a relief, that all the major players are still alive!” Especially Uncle Phil, y’know? Oh, Uncle Phil. I worry about you sometimes.

So most of the cast recently reunited for a charity event, and there they all are in the snapshot, together again, looking like One Big Happy. And I admit, I didn’t initially notice anybody was missing.

Aunt Vivian! Aunt Viv is missing! Both Auntie Vivs are missing! THIS IS TERRIBLE.

And here is something I never knew: Janet Hubert, who was Bel-Air’s Original Vivian, was fired in 1993. She was fired unceremoniously, and her role, swiftly recast.

And she’s still angry, apparently. As Will Smith tells it, the former costars have never seen eye-to-eye, but it’s like, come on, Aunt Viv! You’ve been hanging onto that grudge for 18 years! Your grudge can legally smoke and vote! Give it up, lady.

If you do, then you might not want to look at this picture taken last week, because damn, the Banks family is looking kind of rough.

In this picture, we have little Tatyana Ali, all grown up, Karyn Parsons, Alfonso Ribeiro, who is always a good time, James Avery, and Will Smith, who you don’t need an update on.

What do you think this family has been up to since we last saw them, 15 years ago? Did Ashley ever become famous? Did Hilary’s talk show do well in New York? Did Carlton like Princeton? Did Will ever get with Tyra Banks? WHERE’S GEOFFREY?

“Why so sour, Sarah?”

Why? Well, first, it looks like they spliced together sixty-odd different frames from the previous Men in Black movies in order to accomplish the completion of this trailer, so, good for you movie guys, on being industrious and efficient and using your budget well.

Second. IS THAT ADRIEN F-CKING BRODY at the :25 mark? IS IT? How did no one tell me that he was in this movie?! Probably because it wasn’t. And he isn’t. And now I’m even more biased against this film.

Third. It gets way better after :45, because there’s apparently a K – Tommy Lee Jones – impersonator ’round the compound, willing to spread secrets like spilled molasses in cheap cabinetry on a hot day, though everyone (aside from J – Will Smith – of course) thinks K’s been dead for 40 years or something. Original, right?

In all seriousness, though, I’m probably only being a grump of a grump today because it seems like it took the film execs so damn long to stop dragging their feet over this movie. Frankly, it doesn’t look awful, and I did love the other films in the series, so I’m probably going to see it. It’s got time-travel in it, so really, how bad could it be?

So I just spent a very long time at the post office, waiting to pick up a package. The clerk took my little orange slip and wandered off, and I literally never saw her again. Thirty minutes later—that’s 30 real-world minutes, not 30 “feels-like” minutes—a guy peered out at me and asked me if I needed anything. I was fuming, of course, because all of this occurred after I got off the phone with State Farm (I’m on Month Two of begging an adjuster to look at my car, which was brand new, was in a catastrophic hailstorm, and now resembles Edward James Olmos). I HAVE HAD IT UP TO HERE.

Wait, what? What’s that you say? Will Smith and wife Jada Pinkett Smith may have split up? That doesn’t sound like the happy couple at all!

But that was the News of the Day, thanks to InTouch‘s report that the couple has separated after 13 splendiferous years of marriage. Thirteen years! That’s such a long time! Thirteen years is like standing in line at the post office annex 113,000 times!

But InTouch‘s report, based on claims from an anonymous source, was three whole sentences long. (And the story still managed, somehow, to go ‘viral’ instantly.)

The couple’s reps immediately went into Damage Control mode. First, a “source close to the spouses” blasted the rumor, Us reported. Next, Will and Jada’s son Trey denied the story on his Twitter account. Then Jada’s rep, Karynne Tencer, issued a statement to Entertainment Tonight (Pink is the New Blog remains skeptical, however). Then Will and Jada issued a joint statement, flatly denying the story. TMZ:

The statement reads, “Although we are reluctant to respond to these types of press reports, the rumors circulating about our relationship are completely false.”

The two add, “We are still together, and our marriage is intact.”

Um, how bad did InTouch Weekly step in it? Pretty freaking bad—the latest word is, the couple’s motherloving legal team is now involved. Nice “exclusive,” InTouch.

I don’t know about you guys, but I’m just STOKED about this. I may make an event out of it – buy some sugary treats from the convenience store, jam them inside my pants, and try to pass it off like I have enormous saddle-bags while sneakily sneaking them past the pimple-faced teenager at the ticket kiosk and into the movie theater. I may actually go SEE this movie. And eat GUMMY WORMS.

Will Smith, who can do no wrong in my eyes, was photographed in New York City this past week filming Men in Black III scenes. It seems like this movie’s been in development for way too long, and I don’t know how much more I can take of watching MIB and MIB II on TBS. I mean, they’re on all the fucking time.

Are you guys excited about this? Does your excitement include sugar-encrusted gummy worms, too?

Oh snap, you guys. If this is true, fuck … I’ll be so disappointed in the Fresh Prince that I won’t be able to watch reruns at 2 AM anymore when I’m having fits of insomnia and the desire for shitty takeout Chinese food and that?  Is bad.

According to author Terry McMillan, Will and wife Jada are pushing their kids to succeed in the entertainment field in order to capitalize off of their fame, because apparently they don’t have enough money or something. McMillan took to her Twitter earlier in the week saying:

The Smith children already act like child stars. There’s an arrogance in their demeanor and behavior. I find it incredibly sad. It feels like the Smith children are being pimped and exploited. Or, they’re already hungry for fame. What about 4th grade?

A lot of A-list movie stars shielded their children from the Hollywood-world until they were old enough to decide. Look at those who didn’t. Look at Lindsay. Phoenix. To name but a few. They miss out on childhood. It’s more important than fame.

These kids don’t already know what they “love”. Total bullshit. They’re not prodigies. They think Hollywood is real.

Why don’t they do a remake of The Little Rascals and call it a day? Or, come up with an original film with some ethnic pride. Come on.

Okay. I’ve said enough about the Smith children. I’m not debating about them. It’s just my opinion. People can justify anything, though.

In 4th grade my son came home complaining that the kids in his school said I was famous and rich. I told him that was not true. That some of my books were popular but not everybody liked them. That we could afford a vacation. “Oh” he said, and went back & repeated it. I wanted him to think of me as his mother. He didn’t read any of my novels until he was 15. He only read 26 pages. Was bored.

Have a wonderful Wednesday everybody. I raised my son. I’m not wasting another minute worrying about how Will & Jada are raising their kids.

P.S. I loved the Karate Kid.

First of all, what business is it of hers to question someone’s motives in parenting? We talk a lot of pretty fucking rude smack here at Evil Beet, but it’s a HUGE rarity that you hear any of us doling out parenting advice or talking down to a celebrity who’s a bad parent (unless their last names are Lohan … or Sheen … or … you get the point). Is this woman in the right to be blasting someone over something that’s, like, REALLY not her business?

And on the other hand, I mean, you look at these kids and the talent that they both have (Willow moreso than Jayden, I personally think), and it’s totally nuts. These kids are barely older than my daughter, and they’re all business-savvy and talented and racking in tons and tons of dough probably. Maybe Will and Jada aren’t pushing these kids to do what they’re doing – maybe they just see the ‘fun’ that Mommy and Daddy are having and want to look for another way to connect – but I have a feeling that there’s going to be trouble for these kids down the road. Childhood stardom doesn’t always work out too well, in case y’all didn’t know.

At any rate, McMillen later apologized for her cutting words:

I apologize for using the word pimp and exploit in referring to the Smith children. It was insensitive of me and wrong. Twitter is not the best forum to express some things. I didn’t know folks would take my opinion so personally. It is amazing, though, how fast an unflattering comment gets retweeted versus one that’s flattering. I’m done with this issue. My opinion isn’t going to change anything.

There are a lot more important things going on in the world right now. My Mama used to say: “They’ll talk about you if you do. And talk about you if you don’t. Let ‘em talk.” Some folks look for a reason to criticize you. They’re getting off on it and are saying much worse things than I did. I’ve got work to do. I hope everybody who has something important to do today besides worry about the Smith children, does it.

And for those of you who were so offended by what I said or thought I was being disrespectful, unfollow me.

What do you guys think? Does she need to drink a nice, steaming cup of shut-the-fuck-up, or are you more intrigued about these two child stars than ever? Here’s just one of the bottom lines in this sitch: don’t ever trust an opinion that comes off a thirty-part, segmented diatribe that occurs on Twitter, you know?

All I’m sure of is that I thought it was going to be a total pain in the dick to categorize this post under all of these different names, but you know what just dawned on me? WILL Smith, WILLOW Smith … JADA Pinkett Smith, JADEN Smith. THEY WERE ALL GROUPED RIGHT TOGETHER, practically.

Tuesday morning WordPress WIN, you guys.

Check the gallery below to conjure up more memories from your own childhood…

Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith have been offered roles in an upcoming revival of Tennessee Williams’ A Streetcar Named Desire.  If they accept, Will would play Stanley while Jada would play Stella.  And that is just too much awesome.

I absolutely love Will Smith.  I think he’s a magnificent actor; Stanley doesn’t seem like an easy role to play, but I have little doubt that he could do it beautifully.  All acting ability aside though, how crazy would it be to see the Fresh Prince do the famous “STELLA!” bit?

And now your life is complete. Thank Barry Sonnenfeld or your lucky stars or something.

Although Smith confirmed, like, years ago that he’d be willing to do a third installment of the Men in Black series, sources state that they had a hell of a time getting Tommy Lee Jones to commit a return to his recurring role, but no one’s really sure why.  Jones’ latest movies include In the Electric Mist (uh, didn’t see it), The Company Men (again, didn’t see it) and No Country For Old Men (which was great, but it was done in 2007).  You wouldn’t think he’d be so reticent  to recap his role as Agent Kay in a franchise that made almost a billion dollars in ticket sales between its two movies.

The movie’s set to release around the end of May, 2011.

Think this’ll do as well as the other two did in theaters, considering it’s been what, eight or nine years since the sequel was released?

John Travolta is on his way to the Bahamas to testify in the extortion trial of paramedic Tarino Lightbourne and his lawyer, Pleasant Bridgewater, who is a former Bahamian senator. The two are accused of trying to blackmail Travolta out of 25 million dollars after his son Jett’s death.

Tarino administered emergency aid to Jett when an ambulance was called to the Travolta family’s Bahamian retreat on January 2nd after Jett reportedly had a seizure then fell and hit his head in the bathtub. Allegedly, Tarino and Bridgewater later threatened to release information about Jett’s death to the press unless Travolta payed up.

I’m not at all sympathetic with someone who would attempt to blackmail a grieving father right after his son’s death, but it does make me wonder about the circumstances surrounding Jett’s death if some lowlife thought it would be worth $25 million to Travolta to keep the details a secret. If you remember, the Travoltas had always maintained that Jett had an illness known as Kawasaki Syndrome that they claimed caused Jett’s seizures. Many in the press claimed the illness was actually autism– a disease that Scientology does not acknowledge and for which Jett would not have received the treatment he needed.

The trial is slated to begin on Monday. It’ll be interesting to see what comes out of it.

In other Scientology news, Will-I-am-not-a-scientologist-Smith had some interesting deductions show up on his 2008 tax return. He donated over $100,000 to Scientology groups last year. That’s a lot of scratch for someone who’s not a level 3 grand inquisitor of the luminous realm (or whatever the hell their crazy titles are). 411mania also offers up this little nugget:

Smith also recently replaced the headmaster of his Southern California private school, The New Village Leadership Academy, with a new headmaster who has completed Scientology courses in the past.

Wait. Will Smith owns a private school??? How did I miss that one?

I’m highly suspicious of a couple, any couple, when one or both of them spend all their time talking about how much intercourse they have.  I think people who are truly happy together don’t have to constantly be telling everyone how truly happy they are.  Will and Jada Smith are always talking about how they keep their marriage alive by doing it at their friends’ houses and now Jada is back on the Too Damn Much Information plan, by talking about their pre-Oscar tryst with Shape magazine:

“When you have three kids, you’ve got to take your opportunities when they come. In a limo, on the way to the Academy Awards this year, Will started looking at me in this way that drives me wild. We started kissing passionately, and the next thing I knew, well, let’s just say we missed the red carpet and I ended up with almost no makeup on.”

God, it’s just so much more than I ever needed to know about those two.  Of course, I’ve inspected all the Oscar night pictures and I don’t think they look all that sexed up.  Examples in the gallery for your inspection.