Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Stacey Dash Is Losing It

Stacey Dash, AKA Dionne of Clueless, is maybe losing her mind. No, screw maybe, her endorsement of Mitt Romney proved that she’s well gone. It’s not so much that she endorsed him, it was her bizarre reasoning. Continuing on her merry path of odd adventures, she’s starring in her own web series titled, Stacey Dash Is Normal. I think they’re going for that “Hey, she’s ‘just like us’ she does weird stuff too!” with a touch of irony considering that in this episode, “The Dip”, she is not completely normal. Totally get it. But it is sadly not very funny. She’s a beautiful and talented woman. And this web series isn’t doing her any favors.

Case in point, skip to 1:43 seconds in the video where she masturbates in front of her dog in what is supposed to be a comedic scene but is just awkward and weird. I get that’s supposed to be the point, but there’s Larry David Curb Your Enthusiasm awkward and there’s “What the eff am I watching?” awkward. However, most of the YouTube commenters disagree and think the show is “hilarious.”

So tell me: what do you think? Am I wrong here?

Viral Video: The Smell of Napalm in the Morning

This video is really blowing up! (Pun intended? But it really is going viral. It appeared on The Daily What, Laughing Squid, and Neatorama almost simultaneously.)

You know that famous line in Apocalypse Now, right, kids? “I love the smell of napalm in the morning,” that’s how the movie’s most memorable sentence goes.


Kilgore’s quote “I love the smell of napalm in the morning” (written by Milius) was number 12 on the AFI’s 100 Years… 100 Movie Quotes list and was also voted the fourth greatest movie speech of all time in a 2004 poll.

…In a 2004 poll of UK film fans, Blockbuster listed Kilgore’s eulogy to napalm as the best movie speech. The helicopter attack scene with the Ride of the Valkyries soundtrack was chosen as the most memorable film scene ever by Empire magazine (although the same track was used earlier in 1915 to similar effect in The Birth of a Nation).

Indeed, something about Robert Duvall’s speech—and that one line in particular—must have plucked a chord in the popular consciousness, because variations on that sentiment have shown up again and again. The line crops up in everything from kids’ cartoons to crime procedurals.

But at this point, it isn’t even a great punchline; it isn’t clever. The reference is just lazy writing, a type of Mad-Lib from the guys in a sitcom’s writing room.

Still, it’s fascinating, isn’t it? That so many fictional people would seize on that line to reiterate unto perpetuity? Hmm. I’ll be waiting for the “You complete me” supercut next.

Watch This: The Best Rick Perry Parody Ad Yet

Hey! Come over here! I want you to meet someone.

Reader, this is a friend of mine. His name is The Best Video on the Whole Internet.

I know, I know, it’s kind of audacious of me, but I thought you two would really hit it off. Video, meet Reader. I’ve heard Reader is super into those Funny or Die videos, which are all the rage. You two are gonna have a lot to talk about, I just know it.

(You can watch the original Rick Perry “Strong” campaign ad here; meanwhile, six great parodies are embedded here.)

A Very Special Episode of ‘Kids React’: Let’s Talk About Bullying Already

I missed the last few episodes of “Kids React,” and I’m still waiting for this Sunday’s (they’re weekly, and this week’s isn’t online yet). But maybe we really should take a look at last week’s episode. I’m a child of the ’80s and/or ’90s, so I’m a sucker for “Very Special Episodes,” you guys.

This time, instead of screening some awful Lady Gaga clip, the Fine Bros show their panel of kids that one viral video in which a larger, much abler teen—then-10th-grader Casey Heynes—violently plunks his comparatively runty tormentor onto the concrete.

Remember that video? It’s maybe eight months old now, but damned if it didn’t strike an ugly, vindictive chord in every adult geek I know. And I’ll tell you the honest truth: I have that video saved to my laptop. I remember I felt conflicted in watching it, but I really was glad Heynes finally got his drop-kick in. (So this probably isn’t a healthy or useful attitude to have, OK.)

Most episodes of “Kids React” are funny, but even when they aren’t, they’re always illuminating. And over the months, I’ve become really attached to some of these precocious little squirts. So when my favorite mouthy, tousled tow-head (Jake, now 12) talks about his own bullying experiences, it kind of drives a stake into my weak, pale little heart.

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Watch This: a Montage of “HOLD ON” Movie Moments

Any action movie worth half its budget has that ‘cliffhanging’ scene. You know the one: someone slips off a window ledge, or maybe out of a helicopter, and now his or her life tenuously hangs in the balance. “Hold on!” the hero shouts. The damsel-in-distress’s fingers are slipping, one by one. “Grab my hand!” the hero pleads.

This is pretty corny, but I’ve always found the ubiquitous cliffhanging scene to be really cerebral, all taut with suspense. I think it’s because, during my elementary school gym class days, I could never do a single pull-up. (Most girls seemed to whiff out around pull-up #2, thank you.) And then I’d watch the “HOLD ON!!!” scene in movies and think to myself, Well, gosh, in that situation, I’d just let go of whatever I was holding onto. And I knew I was doomed since, after all, attempts to cross the monkey bars tended to end with me falling into the woodchips, massaging my arms and yowling with humiliation.

Above, you’ll find a montage of classic HOLD ON!!! movie moments, including (SPOILER!) that scene in The Good Son where Mom has to decide whether to let go of Macaulay Culkin or Elijah Wood. (OH NO!) The video is set to “Hold On,” the 1990 pop ballad that marked the debut of Wilson Phillips.

Viral Video: This Baltimore Woman Is Definitely Prepared for Hurricane Irene

I grew up in a part of coastal Texas where they gave out “hurricane tracking maps” every year at all the local H-E-B grocery stores. Then, on the nightly news, the weathermen would give the coordinates of each new tropical storm, and you could follow along! Parts of my hometown are still in ruins from a hurricane that blew through before I was even alive.

I guess what I’m saying is, maybe this lady has the right idea. (No, what I’m really saying is, stay safe, East Coast.)

Just For LOLs: Education Connection Spoof

You guys have all been subjected to that commercial, right? Literally one of the most annoying and dumb commercials on all of television these days. Like, “No shit you’re uneducated, lady.”

Yesterday I was browsing through my Tumblr dashboard when I saw that my girl Jackie Johnson and some of her friends put together this spoof of the commercial and it’s so spot on and hilarious that I had to share it with you guys. Sex offenders aren’t something to make light of, but absolutely idiotic people singing and low-budget production? That’s my LOL wheelhouse.