The Victoria’s Secret Swim Party was held in LA last night, and the Angels and their angels were out in full force. Thanks for that.
Today is one of those God-awful 50-degree rainy days here, and all I want to do is wallow in my ‘I want to go and play outside’ disappointment with a pint of Ben and Jerry’s Brownie Batter. That, and my six-hundred year-old afghan that my great-great-great-great-grandmother’s aunt’s cousin’s daughter knitted back when women were regular women and not golden Amazonian goddesses who emitted fat-free rainbow sprinkles and platinum-coated unicorns from their every orifice.
That should make me feel better about all of these photos, right?
What says Valentine’s Day, erections, starvation for two weeks, and then binging on chocolates, wine, and frou-frou baked goods better than Victoria’s Secret models strutting their stuff on the ‘sexiest’ holiday of the year?
Nothing. Really. There’s no hidden joke there – the answer’s simply ‘nothing.’
Stay tuned to EB for a special, sexy Valentine’s Day surprise to be unveiled this Saturday, February 5th, 2011!
Did any of you waste your time watching the Victoria’s Secret fashion show last night? I have friends that, like, make a specific and deliberate homage to their sofas and televisions during these magical times of year when the VS Angels do their little thing on the catwalk – they do it all up with fat-free air lattes and flavorless rice cakes, complete with guilt-free, genetically engineered seedless strawberries. It’s A Big Event for them. Me, I’m glad I didn’t buy into the hype, because I heard (and saw) that this year was especially disappointing and frankly, odd.
Katy Perry performed her latest single, ‘Firework,’ looking aptly like a firework, and as the VS models traipsed along the stage donning weird circus-like garb and lip-syncing the lyrics to Perry’s song, I felt kind of ashamed, like I was watching someone close to me have an embarrassing public nervous breakdown in a really inappropriate place like a confined area for public transportation, but doing nothing to quash it.
‘The sexiest night in telvision.’ Huh. More like, ‘The sexiest and most uncomfortable night in television,’ but not a good type of uncomfortable like the way climbing the rope in school used to be.
And where were you? ‘Cause if you weren’t there, then you weren’t really anywhere, now, were you.
Three of VS’s hottest, Adriana Lima, Lily Aldridge, and Candice Swanepoel, were photographed yesterday promoting the brand and mugging the hell out of the cameras for everyone in sight. Oh, and they were also promoting the release of the new VS fragrance, Bombshell. But I’m sure no one noticed that a bit.
Transformers director Michael Bay somehow got tapped to direct a Victoria’s Secret commercial and to his credit, he managed to get through the whole thing with out a single model being blown to pieces with nothing left on camera but an indestructible lace thong in a crater. However, it’s generally the cheesiest commercial I’ve seen in a long time for anything, let alone women’s underwear (which, unless we’re talking Sears catalog stuff, is fairly impossible to make stupid looking.)
It’s not that he doesn’t deliver exactly what we expect him to: flashy, bright images of ridiculously hot girls doing badass looking things to a soundtrack of heavy metal music, it’s that he blows at making me want this product. And isn’t that the point of a commercial? All I keep thinking is “Why is that font so immature looking?” and “Wait a minute, what is he trying to say here?” What the hell are these chicks supposed to be doing, you guys? Walking through the desert and laying on beds and playing pool and hanging out in houses with beaded door curtains. I don’t get it. Is this a celebration of all things “bad ass”, but in underwear? As ONTD said, “It’s very early 90s, don’t you think?”
This happened on Tuesday, so I’m sorry it took so long to get them to you, but I absolutely obsess over the runway pics from this show. First, because the lingerie is always so gorgeous and creative and exciting. Second, because looking at the bodies on these models reminds me why I bust my ass in the gym and make the turkey chili I saw on The Biggest Loser and tell the girl at the sandwich shop to fuck off when she tells me the chips come free with the sandwich and drink. It’s total inspiration, and it makes me push myself harder. (That’s what it does for me. I understand a lot of you are going to masturbate to it, and that’s a totally acceptable use of these photos, too.)