I don’t know if you guys remember, but former SNL cast member Victoria Jackson is out of her damn mind. If you don’t remember, let me just tell you that she told her daughter that she couldn’t say the word “fart” because it would lead to heroin use. Got it? Ok, then let’s hear all about how the Muslim Brotherhood is infiltrating the government:
“I just went to a briefing in Washington DC, across the street from the Capitol, at the Longworth building at 8:30 am two days ago and it changed my life. For six hours, I saw pictures and names and dates and facts and Islamic law books and Korans, Surahs for six hours and they proved to me… that the Muslim Brotherhood has infiltrated our highest positions in government and this is serious.”
While she says that the meeting forever changed her, Jackson has already long claimed that Muslims — led by secret Muslim and terrorist sympathizer President Obama — are quietly taking over the United States government. She also has famously taken umbrage with gays and “Glee,” including a highly publicized string of attacks last March.
“This new al-Qaida magazine for women has beauty tips and suicide-bomber tips! Gimme a break!” she wrote in a blog post for World Net Daily. “That is as ridiculous as two men kissing on the mouth! And I don’t care what is politically correct. Everyone knows that two men on a wedding cake is a comedy skit, not an ‘alternate lifestyle’! There I said it! Ridiculous!”
“Michelle [sic] Bachmann and Rick Santorum are the only GOP candidates so far to acknowledge the above facts and warn against the present threat of Islamic Law replacing our Constitution,” Jackson concluded in her blog post on the ex-FBI briefing. In a Fox News appearance early in December, she called Bachmann “my girl” and said, “Very few people in America are informed and educated as I am.”
Oh my goodness, what? There are too many bits of absurdity in here, I don’t even know where to start. She’s going to briefings in D.C.? Michele Bachmann is “her girl”? “That’s a comedy skit, not an alternative lifestyle”? You know I love me some crazy, but even crazy has its limits.
December 28, 2011 at 3:30 pm by Emily
“Man, that Glee gay kiss thing sure caused an uproar. The show is written so well, with such great characters, it’s a shame they have to sprinkle immorality all over it. Inside Edition asked me “Why Glee? Why now?” I said, “Why now? I have a column for the first time. And why Glee? I just watched it last night for the first time. Now Wife Swap calls! My agent thinks they’d swap me with a gay couple. That would be great because then I could show the world that I love gay people and I’m not the homophobic hate-monger the media are making me out to be. The other perk is that I could afford that Tacoma pick-up truck I want and pay off my credit card.”
You know how you let people know that you’re not homophobic? You refer to a homosexual kiss as immoral. I’m so glad that Victoria Jackson stopped making people laugh so she could focus on giving us such great pearls of wisdom.
On the flip side, how great would it be if Victoria showed up on Wife Swap? Exactly how terrified would the other wife be upon reading Victoria’s manual? And can you even imagine that little table talk at the end where everyone talks about what they’ve learned? It would be the closest thing to entertainment that Victoria’s produced in years!
April 12, 2011 at 3:30 pm by Emily
“Did you see Glee this week? Sickening! And, besides shoving the gay thing down our throats, they made a mockery of Christians — again! I wonder what their agenda is? Hey, producers of Glee — what’s your agenda? One-way tolerance?”
My gay husband and I were talking about this earlier today: Don’t you hate it when you love a celebrity and then find out that they’re some sort of crazy conservative? Not just a regular conservative, but like, the really extreme kind? That happened to us last year with Dixie Carter and we were straight-up devastated.
March 19, 2011 at 3:30 pm by Molls
In a recent blog she wrote for website Big Hollywood, former SNL cast member Victoria Jackson proved she’s either stopped taking her pills, or started taking some really funky new ones when she penned this meandering, nonsensical diatribe about farts, the word ‘fuck’, and… White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel.
See if you can make any sense out of it.
Rahm Emanuel. (I’m shaking my head slowly). It’s not his real name you know. “Emmanuel” means “God with us” and that is not his real name. It’s Auerbach. Look it up. And…Rahm means “high” or “lofty.” Mark Levin calls him “the creepy ballerina.” I think he looks like the devil. I’m just saying. He talks like the devil. I’m sure you heard that he called the Democrats “F—ing retards.” Everyone got mad at the Retard word and no one got mad at the “F” word. My dad said that people only make fun of the reproductive and excretory systems of the human body and no one should because God made the human body and it is a masterpiece.
What is it with all these people throwing the “F” word around like a basketball?
I never heard the word until I was about 23 and entering show business. Show business people say it all the time. It’s vulgar and stupid. It’s what kids on the playground say to prove they are tough because they are really insecure. My brother said it comes from the German word “fricktin” – to plow.
My daughter when she was 8 asked me if she was allowed to say F-A-R-T. I said, “Absolutely not. Even if we weren’t Christians, it is not lady like. Besides, when do you ever need to say it? When someone does one you are supposed to pretend you didn’t smell or hear it. That’s polite.”
“Pleasssse Mommy,” she pleaded. “Everybody says it. Even my teachers.”
“Well, we don’t say it. We say Putt Putt. Aubbie is a nut. She has a rubber butt. And every time she turns around it goes putt putt. My Mom taught me that.”
“What?! Everyone would make fun of me if I said that.”
“Why do you have to be like everyone? Why don’t you be a trendsetter? Call it a razzamatazz. I bet everyone will copy you. But, wait, when do you have to say this?”
“Jasmine talks about it all the time.”
“Oh. Jasmine who stole your lunch money and talks about sex?”
“Can I say Fert?”
I finally said, “Honey, if you start with the bad words, like F-A-R-T, it leads to F-U-C-K and that leads to cigarettes, and that leads to alcohol, and that leads to pot, then coke, and then heroin.”
“Mommy, you think if I say Fert, I will become a heroin addict.”
“Yep…or worse, Rahm Emanuel. Good Night!”
I would say she’s been possessed by the vengeful spirit of Courtney Love, but the spelling is too good. Also, Courtney Love isn’t dead yet (somehow).
February 21, 2010 at 2:19 pm by Kelly
Here’s a group of Hollywood celebs — albeit Z-listers — urging Minnesotans to vote against former SNL-er Al Franken, who’s running for Senate in that state (and who, based on recent polls, may actually win the damn thing).
Among them is another ex-SNL-er, Victoria Jackson, best known for going totally off the deep end with insane religious fervor in the past decade or so. Honestly, whomever you support in this election, the political musings on Victoria’s personal website are fucking insane. Some choice quotes:
“I hope that America realizes that Obama is a communist before it’s too late.”
“Thank you God above for giving us George W. Bush, and for giving us John McCain and Sarah Palin.”
“I don’t want a political label, but Obama bears traits that resemble the anti-Christ and I’m scared to death that un-educated people will ignorantly vote him into office.”
“I wouldn’t want to be Obama on Judgement Day, but I especially don’t want him to be the leader of my country.”
“Come On America! Wake Up! How stupid can you people be?! One of the leading Islamic Extremist organizations, Hamas, endorsed Obama! HELLO!”
Crazy, crazy, crazy bitch.