So you guys all know how upset I was when I found out that bitch-ass Bieber and Mariah Carey were teaming up to desecrate “All I Want for Christmas (Is You)”, and I’m here to tell you flat-out – it does not get better. It does, however, get worse. Bieber and his mentor, Usher, have gotten together, those knuckeheads, to ruin “The Christmas Song”, as in “Chestnuts Roasting on an open fire …”

You know, this is killing me, friends. I positively live for Christmas, and Justin Bieber is making everything – EVERYTHING! – all about him. The nerve!

Also, does no one else see the irony of Bieber singing of “tiny tots” with their eyes “all aglow”? No? Alright then.

Oh. And nice, uh, cameo, Usher.

Remember when Usher was married to Tameka Foster, the woman who was made famous for popping out a few Usher juniors and getting the shadiest liposuction ever?  Well, add another little achievement to her list, because she’s also banged Usher on camera, and that certainly deserves a mention.

According to TMZ, someone’s going around, trying to sell the tape, and they sent in a little sexy snippet from the video as a preview, I guess. TMZ also says that it’s definitely Usher and Tameka, and that “the people in the video are both givers,” so you can let that little mental image satisfy you until the tape leaks.

Would you want to see the Usher sex tape?  I think I would. The way I imagine it, Usher is a tender and attentive lover, and he soulfully sings “Nice and Slow” the whole time.  I expect I’ll be disappointed when the real tape comes out and he’s singing a really creepy version of “U Got It Bad” instead.

So the giant of goodwill, Usher, allowed one of his rabid fans up on stage at a performance in Madison Square Garden.  So nice of him, right?  Wait.  The lady was so stoked to be lounging on the same La-Z-Boy as her main man that she got overzealous, tried to pull off a sexy straddle, and ended up kicking Usher in the face with a big old boot. Adding insult to injury, the boot hadn’t been in style since 1992.

See? Karma is a total bitch, Ush. You bring Justin Bieber into this world, and this is precisely what you get. Don’t expect it to be the last, either, boy.

The kick is around the 5:23 mark – you can scroll through all of the early BS unless you’re one of The Ones Who Like Usher.

Jennifer Hudson performed today at Michael Jackson’s memorial service.  Here she is backstage with Usher casually resting his hand on her belly.

Now I know what people mean when they refer to that pregnant glow — I certainly never had it, but Jennifer looks beautiful and healthy!

In a year that has brought so much loss to Hudson, I’m excited for her impending arrival.  She’ll never know so deep a love as the one she will have for this little tot.

It looks like the divorce between Usher and Tameka Foster is going to go down in history as your typical, hideous blood bath.

According to the National Enquirer, Usher has requested a DNA test for the younger son that he had allegedly fathered with Foster.  According to one of those pesky “unnamed source” people, Usher believed that Tameka was cheating during the time that the child was conceived.  Also, he travelled quite a bit for work, leaving little time for procreation.

Sigh.  How many After School Specials and Lifetime movies do we have to watch before we learn that it only takes one time?  I remember when I was twelve I read a letter in Dear Abby from a girl who got pregnant without even havingsex.  I’m actually pretty convinced that was a fake letter, but I still get nervous around heavy petters. 

Anyway, time will tell if the six-month-old Naviyd is his.  Either way, it’s safe to expect many more accusations to be flying in each direction before this runaway train screeches to a halt.

Usher and his wife Tameka Foster have split up.  If you remember correctly, Usher’s mother was furious that her baby boy was marrying Foster and even boycotted the wedding.  And when you have a last minute boycott, wedding cancellation and secret reschedule, those are all pretty strong signals that your marriage is doomed from the start.

Another sign that your marriage is over?  When your wife goes into cardiac arrest in a Brazilian hospital during liposuction and you weren’t even aware she was out of the country.

Usher and Tameka have two sons and, according to sources, have been living separately for almost a year.

So, as you all probably know by now, Usher’s wife, Tameka Foster, was in Brazil to have lipo on her tummy, and went into cardiac arrest after being put under general anesthesia. Tameka had just given birth to the couple’s second son two months ago.

Now, everyone wants to talk about how the stomach isn’t ready for lipo that soon after giving birth, which is neither here nor there, because the lipo was never performed, you guys. The problem was with the general anesthesia. I have two questions:

1) Why on earth did she go to Brazil to have a simple, legal procedure like lipo performed?
2) Why was she under general anesthesia for lipo? Many, many doctors in the U.S. will perform this procedure under twilight anesthesia, which is equally comfortable and presents a far, far lesser risk for the patient than general anesthesia.

I feel like there’s something we’re not being told here.

Usher cancelled his scheduled Saturday night appearance at Clive Davis’ pre-Grammy celebration due to a serious family emergency.  As it turns out, the crisis stems from plastic surgery gone wrong.

Usher’s wife, Tameka, underwent some sort of plastic surgery procedure in Brazil.  Since she popped out two kids in thirteen months, I’m voting tummy tuck, boob lift, lipo…oh screw it, full body overhaul.  Anyway, Usher has travelled to South America as well as Cedars-Sinai neurosurgeon, Gabriel Hunt.  A neurosurgeon?  This cannot be good.

What the hell was she doing in Brazil?  In the evil recesses of my brain, I can’t help but wonder if this wasn’t some sort of surgery/resort vacation bargain set up by Usher’s mother.  You know, the one refused to attend Usher and Tameka’s wedding.

Prayers to Usher and his family that this turns out okay.

This is a very cool idea. Usher is looking for a teenage aspiring teen filmmaker to direct a video for his next album, due out next year.

“It gives me another way to give back, inspire young people and also reinvent music videos,” the Grammy winner said in a statement.

Teens ages 13-18 can learn more and apply here. The deadline is January 31. In March, 20 finalists will be flown to LA. They’ll have a week to work in two teams directly with their star to conceptualize and create their videos. Both vids will debut in April, and fans will have the opportunity to vote for their favorite.

Winners of the contest receive Usher concert tickets, Apple laptops and editing software.

I, for one, am just glad that Usher’s doing this before R. Kelly got the same idea.

Congratulations to Usher and his shim of a wife, Tameka Foster.

“Usher and Tameka Raymond welcomed their second son, Naviyd Ely Raymond, on Wednesday, Dec. 10, 2:33 a.m. weighing 5 lbs., 13 oz.,” says the rep. “Tameka and the baby are doing fine.”

Naviyd joins older brother Usher Raymond V, who turned 1 on Nov. 26. The parents married in 2007. Tameka, 37, also has three sons from a previous relationship.

Holy shit, this chick has birthed five boys in a row?

What are the odds?

I’m telling you people: This “woman” has a Y chromosome.

Usher and his shim of a wife, Tameka Foster, are expecting another kiddo, one of his close friends confirms.

The couple already have one son, Usher Raymond V (nicknamed “Cinco”), born in November 2007.

I guess I should be excited for the couple, but I really hate this chick he’s married to. I think she’s butt-ugly and all I hear is what a diva bitch she is. I’m still bitter on behalf of Chilli.