Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Robert Altman Dies, World Continues Per Normal

It’s been on a hundred sites already but I like the guy who runs the site linked to below so if you’ve got to read serious news about Robert Altman passing away do so here.

Now we return to normal haterade speak, Robert Altman was never my guy, but if I had a dime for every time someone said some random movie was “Altman-Esque” I’d be living on Goddamn planet dime. Truly he hasn’t had a worthy film in a long time, I mean you’re looking at MASH (1970) or The Player (1992) if you wanted to be hurtful and break it down.

Worst of all, Prairie Home Companion was his last film and it was so average that critics couldn’t even work up a good lather about it. It was kind of like “eh.”

Some say a little part of him died on set during that shoot because Lindsay Lohan wouldn’t bang him. For any director that’s got to be the beginning of the end.

We’ll miss you Mr. Altman. And we’ll keep “Altman-Esque” going strong here in the movie community.

Man, I just read that back for editing purposes and it’s mean even for me. I’m going to go bathe and think about what I’ve done.

Oscars, why do you hate me?

Every year I get sucked into the Oscar debate and every year I end up bitter. It’s not so much the idea of the Oscars that bothers me, it’s the execution. The awards are based solely on appearance and buzz, they have nothing to do with actually watching movies. Why? Because, by and large, the voters don’t watch the movies. Why not? Because they aren’t movie reviewers, they’re actors, writers, and directors, and they are busy pursuing their careers. Asking them to look at the 50 movies nominated would be like asking them to carve out a month of their time. It’s silly talk. So I don’t even blame the voters. Who do I blame? The system. There’s got to be a better way than this. Someone call Public Enemy.

Along comes this article in which USAToday takes an early look at the competition. I’m happy we’re taking an early look, I like looks, the only problem is that of the eleven films listed five of them don’t even merit a rental. Here are some quick hit thoughts for venting purposes:

Little Children: Not a good film. It’s a film that’s made for snobs, long and boring with no real point. It’s like they put it in an entertainment sucker-outer. No noms for you!

Flags of Our Fathers: Very poor. Long, boring, pointless, cliched, hackneyed, silly, infuriating. A good example of how to make a classically poor over sentimental monstrosity. I liked it otherwise.

Babel: Probably the worst film of the decade. This isn’t even a joke.

Volver: This film isn’t horrible, but it is being graded on a huge curve because it’s from Spain and in Spanish. Oscar will slot it into the best Foreign Film category and then quickly forget it.

Stranger Than Fiction: A very average effort. It’s a failed romantic comedy and a failed drama. Let’s not call it one of the five best in anything other than “Will Ferrell’s 2006 movies” (where it would rank 3rd).

Reading this back I’m not even sure why I’m so mad. I guess I just want my people to see good cinema. The good news is that article mentioned Dreamgirls too so there is officially a groundswell.

Rant over.

American Idol Oscar Talk?

In my alternate life I am a really big-time movie reviewer, think Ebert without an alarming predilection towards a coronary. Anyway, in this lofty position I get to screen movies before the general public and I recently caught Dreamgirls. I won’t really get into the movie other than to say it’s really, really good, and this is coming from a guy who would rather not see movies that fall anywhere near the “musical” category.

What I do want to mention is that there is now officially a buzz around former Idol contestant Jennifer Hudson, she plays one the main characters in Dreamgirls. This is buzz (and it’s now industry buzz, not just “me” buzz) in the sense that she’s locked and loaded for at least an Oscar nomination and most likely will enter the award show season as the prohibitive favorite. Normally I would make some snarky comment here but she’s deserving in this case. So deserving in fact that after I was reminded she’d been on American Idol I did one of those cartoon like shaking of head, eye bulging moves. She was so effective that I completely blanked on her Idol performance, those two performances had about as much in common as the Dalai Lama and an actual llama (the llama in this case being American Idol).

And I now return you to snarkiness as I point out that the fact that Justin “don’t call me pepperoncini” Guarini didn’t get the first Idol Oscar nomination is shocking, absolutely shocking.

Curses. After that I feel so guilty that I’m compelled to put in a link to Justin’s official site.

The Bachelor Spotted!

Ok, so this is a bit redundant but last night I spotted the Bachelor Prince Lorenzo Borghese with a woman who was definitely Sadie or Jennifer, the women that he is choosing between tomororw night. These things never work out but I know that he is supposed to pretend to date her for a few months at least, or at least until the show is over. I have photos of him and a mystery blond canoodling which will be up tomorrow and T got a little drunk last night.

The Mile High Club Just Got Dangerous

For those who are unfamiliar with the term “mile high club” it essentially means doing it in the airplane bathroom. It is best done on an international flight when all the lights are out and nobody can tell what you are doing. (Don’t ask if I say this from experience). The dumbest thing to do is to try to get some nookie on the airplane in plain sight. A couple, who I’m guessing had had too many cocktails at the airport bar, did just that on a Southwest flight and now are paying the consequences. According to an article on Breitbart, they were seen “snuggling and kissing inappropriate…making other passengers uncomfortable,(the man) was observed nuzzling or kissing Sewell on the neck, and … with his face pressed against Sewell’s vaginal area. During these actions, Sewell was observed smiling.”

I guess the flight attendant asked them to stop and the man threatened her with “serious consequences” if they were not left alone.

At landing, they were charged with violating the Patriot Act and could be charged with 20 years in jail. That seems a bit extreme, don’t you think? Makes you think twice about getting busy in the air. Sad, air travel used to be so much fun.