Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Um, Awkward

Kylie Jenner is going to be the next Katy Perry

kylie jenner

There’s never been a better time to invest in foam earplugs, because apparently Kylie Jenner has decided that music is her calling and is planning to embark on a singing career to become the next Katy Perry. God help us all.

From Radar Online:

“Kylie has found her calling in life — to be a singer!” a close friend of the Keeping Up with the Kardashians star tells Radar exclusively. “She is in training right now with vocal coach and producer, Tim Carter.”

Carter produced Jenner pal Willow Smith’s smash hit, “Whip My Hair,” and also has worked with Kanye West BFFs Jay Z and Beyonce, making him a natural fit for the wannabe pop tart. Other of his celeb clients include Sofia Richie and up and coming singer N0vel.

The source reveals, “Kylie is now working on her first single! She is telling everyone that she knows she is going to be the next Katy Perry.”

And though her half-sister Kim’s foray into pop stardom was dead on arrival, the source insists, “Kylie has a great voice.” Plus, BFF Justin Bieber can certainly give her pointers.

“She realized that she can’t compete with Kendall when it comes to modeling,” the source continues. “So she has chosen to turn to music. The whole family is really supportive of the decision, and Tim has already been to Kris’ house to start the lessons!”

LOL, uh, okay. I just HAVE to believe this is bullshit. I know she’s rich, but she can’t be THAT delusional. Why doesn’t she release her own makeup brand or something? She’s already put MAC’s Whirl lip pencil on permanent sell-out, so she could definitely make some money that way. People love her look. But she needs to stay away from the music world.

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Pamela Anderson has been writing divorce poetry

pamela anderson rick salomon

Can someone take the internet away from most celebrities? Like, especially after big life events like break-ups/divorce? Pamela Anderson announced this week that she was divorcing husband Rick Salomon (again), and that realization has got her creative juices flowing, I suppose, because now she’s writing terrible divorce poetry and posting it on Facebook.

This is a long one, so I’ll just give you a taste here and then you can read the full thing behind the cut.

Smoldering…
I know it’s bad for you…
But, this is when I wish,
I had a cigarette-
something I’ve never tried- (light up)
some kind of relief..
I wish it was Italy 40 years ago–
The moon rising over the Amphitheater–
to tremendous applause… like Herzog (clap)
Europeans don’t seem to care about silly
smoking laws?,
We do what we want anyway -
behind closed doors–
Our true character, collective complexities.
childish activities -
patterns- genetics? Attention deficit-
- …SEX … a lost art– a sickness–
Perversions-
Lost sensuality -
The cruel smell of orange blossoms…
I love being in love– but expectations,
make it impossible to be happy-
or satisfied…
I’ve tried… so hard..
maybe it’s not in fashion–
Tradition…just seemed so romantic…,
I guess it’s a used up ideal –
for the old fashion…
not modern…
Female security… lost-
no way–
Coded, and loaded Cell phones,
Computers –
Ordering sex on line-
is like ordering a book on Amazon–
and … snooping eats you alive–

Oh dear. So basically he was cheating… again. I mean, do people never learn? Anyhow, let’s let Pamela continue with her poetic flow. It’s SO LONG!

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Miley Cyrus made a drug and nudity-filled movie with Moby and Wayne Coyne

miley cyrus

First of all, where the hell has Moby been lately? You know, besides sitting alone in his apartment thinking about what a great artist he is and how no one understands music like he does. He seems to come out of hiding long enough to collaborate with Miley Cyrus and getting-weirder-by-the-day Wayne Coyne on a new music video/movie that’s trippy in all the wrong ways and is in no way worth watching. But please, I encourage you to do it anyway:

If this is what art is now, God help us all.

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