Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Um, Awkward

Kim Kardashian cropped North West out of her selfie and the internet went crazy

kim kardashian north west

I don’t know why anyone on God’s green earth would be surprised that Kim Kardashian is vain and self-centered enough to crop her own child out of her selfie because it was harshing her duck lips vibe, but apparently they were because that’s exactly what happened yesterday.

Kim posted the above photo on Instagram yesterday, where you can clearly see a little sliver of North West. Her followers went INSANE, calling her selfish, saying how this is a sign that Kim has lost her last grip on reality, etc. I mean, she is and she has, but are any of us HONESTLY, seriously shocked that a woman who’s dumb enough to think it’s totally fine to sit on your phone taking pictures of yourself all night when you’re supposed to be on a date wouldn’t crop her kid out of her pictures to preserve her ~sexiness~? COME ON.

Here’s Kim’s response to the drama:

kim kardashian twitter

Well, that says it all – we can’t have accessory children get in the way of our vanity when we’re really feeling ourselves!

I mean, look, I don’t think it’s some cardinal sin or anything that her kid isn’t in a selfie, but I just think her total indignation over this thing is laughable. She honestly has no idea why people would think there’s an issue with it – which, let’s be honest, is more an issue in principal than in reality, but whatever – and it’s yet another display of her utter cluelessness.

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Mariah Carey better start wishing for more at Christmas

mariah carey

I grew up absolutely idolizing Mariah Carey. I had every single album on cassette, I knew every word to ever song, I loved her. She was an amazing singer and there was no one else like her. Then she divorced Tommy Mottola and started exploring more than straight pop. I was on board! ‘Shake It Off’ and ‘We Belong Together’ are two of the most amazing songs ever.

However, they still don’t compare to her earlier work – especially ‘All I Want For Christmas Is You’. Everyone knows and loves that song. Seriously, everyone in the world, even if they hate Christmas or don’t celebrate Christmas or whatever. The song is an earworm and it’s amazing. Unfortunately, the same cannot be said for Mariah’s live performance of the beloved track on the televised lighting of the tree at Rockefeller Center.

I won’t spoil you too much, but she basically missed every single high note, was all over the place pitch-wise and it was just a hot mess. It wasn’t her worst live performance by far, but oh man, it wasn’t good. Here ya go:

There was also apparently a lot of drama surrounding this performance because Mariah was actually due to pre-tape her performance but turned up three hours late since she was on the phone to her divorce attorney for a long ass time, so network execs sent her home and she eventually decided to wing it and do it live. Props for that, but I can see why they wanted to pre-tape…

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Ben Affleck’s penis looks better in 3-D, apparently

ben affleck

Frankly, I don’t want to see Ben Affleck‘s penis in any dimension, but since he gets it out in Gone Girl, he’s been doing a lot of interviews to promote the film and questions are always asked about the full-frontal nudity. It’s apparently a short scene (no pun intended) but totally necessary to the character or whatever – and it looks better in 3-D!

From MTV News:

“I try to get it in every movie,” Affleck joked, after MTV pointed out that the movie includes what may be the first onscreen appearance of his Affl-ick. However, in this case it was director David Fincher who insisted on shining a bright light where the sun don’t shine, all in service of a film that captured the no-holds-barred cynicism of its source material.

“It’s ironic, because David [Fincher] said to me from the beginning, this is a warts and all movie. It can have no vanity. You have to see the naked underbelly of this character,” Affleck continued. And yes, when he says “naked underbelly,” he means it literally as well as figuratively.

“There’s some brief, ah, very brief nudity, I think,” Affleck hedged. But when reminded that people might well be going to see “Gone Girl” for literally no other reason than to get a glimpse of his wang, he capitulated.

“The penis is in there!” Affleck said. “It’s IMAX penis! You’ve gotta pay fifteen bucks to see it in 3D… it’s better in 3D.”

Uh… LOL, I guess?

I’ve read the book so I’m not quite sure if I want to see the movie, especially since hearing that they completely rewrote the entire climax of the story for the movie version. How is that a thing that you do? I know it has to be good for cinema, but… wouldn’t you just not adapt it if the main crux of the story didn’t fit?

Anyone else read the book? Do you plan on seeing the movie?

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Chris Pratt and Ariana Grande ‘SNL’ promos are here!

ariana grande chris pratt

Chris Pratt is hosting the season premiere of Saturday Night Live this weekend, and the musical guest is none other than America’s (least) favourite diva, Ariana Grande. NBC put out promos for the episode yesterday, and needless to say, they are… uncomfortable at best. Ariana has the personality of paint on a wall, and you KNOW homegirl was fuming that SNL dared to film the right side of her face.

I love that even in the still, she’s got her face sorta turned to the left so the camera catches more of that angle. I wish I knew why she was so nuts and what the deal is with the other side of her face. It’s not like she’s got some droopy eye or some shit, so I’m guessing this is pure Hollywood special snowflake insanity.

Chris Pratt will probably be funny, though!

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Kylie Jenner is going to be the next Katy Perry

kylie jenner

There’s never been a better time to invest in foam earplugs, because apparently Kylie Jenner has decided that music is her calling and is planning to embark on a singing career to become the next Katy Perry. God help us all.

From Radar Online:

“Kylie has found her calling in life — to be a singer!” a close friend of the Keeping Up with the Kardashians star tells Radar exclusively. “She is in training right now with vocal coach and producer, Tim Carter.”

Carter produced Jenner pal Willow Smith’s smash hit, “Whip My Hair,” and also has worked with Kanye West BFFs Jay Z and Beyonce, making him a natural fit for the wannabe pop tart. Other of his celeb clients include Sofia Richie and up and coming singer N0vel.

The source reveals, “Kylie is now working on her first single! She is telling everyone that she knows she is going to be the next Katy Perry.”

And though her half-sister Kim’s foray into pop stardom was dead on arrival, the source insists, “Kylie has a great voice.” Plus, BFF Justin Bieber can certainly give her pointers.

“She realized that she can’t compete with Kendall when it comes to modeling,” the source continues. “So she has chosen to turn to music. The whole family is really supportive of the decision, and Tim has already been to Kris’ house to start the lessons!”

LOL, uh, okay. I just HAVE to believe this is bullshit. I know she’s rich, but she can’t be THAT delusional. Why doesn’t she release her own makeup brand or something? She’s already put MAC’s Whirl lip pencil on permanent sell-out, so she could definitely make some money that way. People love her look. But she needs to stay away from the music world.

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Pamela Anderson has been writing divorce poetry

pamela anderson rick salomon

Can someone take the internet away from most celebrities? Like, especially after big life events like break-ups/divorce? Pamela Anderson announced this week that she was divorcing husband Rick Salomon (again), and that realization has got her creative juices flowing, I suppose, because now she’s writing terrible divorce poetry and posting it on Facebook.

This is a long one, so I’ll just give you a taste here and then you can read the full thing behind the cut.

Smoldering…
I know it’s bad for you…
But, this is when I wish,
I had a cigarette-
something I’ve never tried- (light up)
some kind of relief..
I wish it was Italy 40 years ago–
The moon rising over the Amphitheater–
to tremendous applause… like Herzog (clap)
Europeans don’t seem to care about silly
smoking laws?,
We do what we want anyway -
behind closed doors–
Our true character, collective complexities.
childish activities -
patterns- genetics? Attention deficit-
- …SEX … a lost art– a sickness–
Perversions-
Lost sensuality -
The cruel smell of orange blossoms…
I love being in love– but expectations,
make it impossible to be happy-
or satisfied…
I’ve tried… so hard..
maybe it’s not in fashion–
Tradition…just seemed so romantic…,
I guess it’s a used up ideal –
for the old fashion…
not modern…
Female security… lost-
no way–
Coded, and loaded Cell phones,
Computers –
Ordering sex on line-
is like ordering a book on Amazon–
and … snooping eats you alive–

Oh dear. So basically he was cheating… again. I mean, do people never learn? Anyhow, let’s let Pamela continue with her poetic flow. It’s SO LONG!

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Miley Cyrus made a drug and nudity-filled movie with Moby and Wayne Coyne

miley cyrus

First of all, where the hell has Moby been lately? You know, besides sitting alone in his apartment thinking about what a great artist he is and how no one understands music like he does. He seems to come out of hiding long enough to collaborate with Miley Cyrus and getting-weirder-by-the-day Wayne Coyne on a new music video/movie that’s trippy in all the wrong ways and is in no way worth watching. But please, I encourage you to do it anyway:

If this is what art is now, God help us all.

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