Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Um, Awkward

Ben Affleck’s penis looks better in 3-D, apparently

ben affleck

Frankly, I don’t want to see Ben Affleck‘s penis in any dimension, but since he gets it out in Gone Girl, he’s been doing a lot of interviews to promote the film and questions are always asked about the full-frontal nudity. It’s apparently a short scene (no pun intended) but totally necessary to the character or whatever – and it looks better in 3-D!

From MTV News:

“I try to get it in every movie,” Affleck joked, after MTV pointed out that the movie includes what may be the first onscreen appearance of his Affl-ick. However, in this case it was director David Fincher who insisted on shining a bright light where the sun don’t shine, all in service of a film that captured the no-holds-barred cynicism of its source material.

“It’s ironic, because David [Fincher] said to me from the beginning, this is a warts and all movie. It can have no vanity. You have to see the naked underbelly of this character,” Affleck continued. And yes, when he says “naked underbelly,” he means it literally as well as figuratively.

“There’s some brief, ah, very brief nudity, I think,” Affleck hedged. But when reminded that people might well be going to see “Gone Girl” for literally no other reason than to get a glimpse of his wang, he capitulated.

“The penis is in there!” Affleck said. “It’s IMAX penis! You’ve gotta pay fifteen bucks to see it in 3D… it’s better in 3D.”

Uh… LOL, I guess?

I’ve read the book so I’m not quite sure if I want to see the movie, especially since hearing that they completely rewrote the entire climax of the story for the movie version. How is that a thing that you do? I know it has to be good for cinema, but… wouldn’t you just not adapt it if the main crux of the story didn’t fit?

Anyone else read the book? Do you plan on seeing the movie?

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Chris Pratt and Ariana Grande ‘SNL’ promos are here!

ariana grande chris pratt

Chris Pratt is hosting the season premiere of Saturday Night Live this weekend, and the musical guest is none other than America’s (least) favourite diva, Ariana Grande. NBC put out promos for the episode yesterday, and needless to say, they are… uncomfortable at best. Ariana has the personality of paint on a wall, and you KNOW homegirl was fuming that SNL dared to film the right side of her face.

I love that even in the still, she’s got her face sorta turned to the left so the camera catches more of that angle. I wish I knew why she was so nuts and what the deal is with the other side of her face. It’s not like she’s got some droopy eye or some shit, so I’m guessing this is pure Hollywood special snowflake insanity.

Chris Pratt will probably be funny, though!

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Kylie Jenner is going to be the next Katy Perry

kylie jenner

There’s never been a better time to invest in foam earplugs, because apparently Kylie Jenner has decided that music is her calling and is planning to embark on a singing career to become the next Katy Perry. God help us all.

From Radar Online:

“Kylie has found her calling in life — to be a singer!” a close friend of the Keeping Up with the Kardashians star tells Radar exclusively. “She is in training right now with vocal coach and producer, Tim Carter.”

Carter produced Jenner pal Willow Smith’s smash hit, “Whip My Hair,” and also has worked with Kanye West BFFs Jay Z and Beyonce, making him a natural fit for the wannabe pop tart. Other of his celeb clients include Sofia Richie and up and coming singer N0vel.

The source reveals, “Kylie is now working on her first single! She is telling everyone that she knows she is going to be the next Katy Perry.”

And though her half-sister Kim’s foray into pop stardom was dead on arrival, the source insists, “Kylie has a great voice.” Plus, BFF Justin Bieber can certainly give her pointers.

“She realized that she can’t compete with Kendall when it comes to modeling,” the source continues. “So she has chosen to turn to music. The whole family is really supportive of the decision, and Tim has already been to Kris’ house to start the lessons!”

LOL, uh, okay. I just HAVE to believe this is bullshit. I know she’s rich, but she can’t be THAT delusional. Why doesn’t she release her own makeup brand or something? She’s already put MAC’s Whirl lip pencil on permanent sell-out, so she could definitely make some money that way. People love her look. But she needs to stay away from the music world.

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Pamela Anderson has been writing divorce poetry

pamela anderson rick salomon

Can someone take the internet away from most celebrities? Like, especially after big life events like break-ups/divorce? Pamela Anderson announced this week that she was divorcing husband Rick Salomon (again), and that realization has got her creative juices flowing, I suppose, because now she’s writing terrible divorce poetry and posting it on Facebook.

This is a long one, so I’ll just give you a taste here and then you can read the full thing behind the cut.

Smoldering…
I know it’s bad for you…
But, this is when I wish,
I had a cigarette-
something I’ve never tried- (light up)
some kind of relief..
I wish it was Italy 40 years ago–
The moon rising over the Amphitheater–
to tremendous applause… like Herzog (clap)
Europeans don’t seem to care about silly
smoking laws?,
We do what we want anyway -
behind closed doors–
Our true character, collective complexities.
childish activities -
patterns- genetics? Attention deficit-
- …SEX … a lost art– a sickness–
Perversions-
Lost sensuality -
The cruel smell of orange blossoms…
I love being in love– but expectations,
make it impossible to be happy-
or satisfied…
I’ve tried… so hard..
maybe it’s not in fashion–
Tradition…just seemed so romantic…,
I guess it’s a used up ideal –
for the old fashion…
not modern…
Female security… lost-
no way–
Coded, and loaded Cell phones,
Computers –
Ordering sex on line-
is like ordering a book on Amazon–
and … snooping eats you alive–

Oh dear. So basically he was cheating… again. I mean, do people never learn? Anyhow, let’s let Pamela continue with her poetic flow. It’s SO LONG!

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Miley Cyrus made a drug and nudity-filled movie with Moby and Wayne Coyne

miley cyrus

First of all, where the hell has Moby been lately? You know, besides sitting alone in his apartment thinking about what a great artist he is and how no one understands music like he does. He seems to come out of hiding long enough to collaborate with Miley Cyrus and getting-weirder-by-the-day Wayne Coyne on a new music video/movie that’s trippy in all the wrong ways and is in no way worth watching. But please, I encourage you to do it anyway:

If this is what art is now, God help us all.

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Has Jason Biggs always been such a dickhead?

jason biggs

I feel like I just tried to forget Jason Biggs was a thing that exists in the world for many years, and I succeeded until I started watching Orange is the New Black and then I couldn’t anymore. Then he started doing interviews because he actually booked another job after American Pie, and every time he opens his mouth to speak, it’s just a whole lot of bullshit that comes out.

Nevermind that he’s classless enough to talk shit about women’s bodies (as if he’s anything to look at – newsflash: no thanks) and exploit the Jewish community, but now he’s bragging about how his wife let him have a threesome with a prostitute but he didn’t really enjoy it because he wanted to see some lesbian action and it didn’t really happen. This talk all happened on The View, by the way.

“We are very open people, we are real people. My wife is amazing. This is not a habitual thing on our part. We don’t have a group of prostitutes who come in and out of our house on a regular basis.”

“I didn’t have a good time in the end,” he admitted. “It took three ladies over the course of three different days. Let’s just say I didn’t complete the mission. My wife found the whole thing to be quite hysterical even while it was happening. She was actually on the bed, watching, eating a bag of chips, laughing, so as you can imagine, I wasn’t really performing to the best of my abilities. Also, said prostitute wasn’t engaging with my wife the way I hoped she would and so it all kind of fell apart, and the rest is in the book.”

Apparently Candace Cameron-Bure asked his wife about this when she was on the show a few days prior because she wrote about the experience in her new book. Candace is a pretty strict Christian, so obviously she’s going to disagree with the decision and she said as much during the broadcast. Jason’s response? Classy as ever:

“Candace, I love her, but she was asking for more details,” he told the show’s hosts. “I think she just wanted us to demonstrate with her.”

Oh yes, definitely. Because she disagrees with what you do, it must just be because she wants you so badly. The fuck is with this asshole? How can ANYONE like him?

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Lana Del Rey on feminism: ‘I’m not relevant enough to discuss it’

lana del rey

Lana Del Rey is a bona fide weirdo. We’re all on the same page about that, right? She was a wannabe popstar who turned moody chanteuse who sings only about pickup trucks, California, excessive drinking and blue jeans… and we love her for it. However, her reticence to discuss actual life issues – especially ones that effect her as a woman and, you know, every other woman in the world, seems kind of bizarre and confusing to me. According to Lana, however, she doesn’t want to talk about things like feminism because she’s not the person to ask.

From The New York Times:

“For me, a true feminist is someone who is a woman who does exactly what she wants,” she said. “If my choice is to, I don’t know, be with a lot of men, or if I enjoy a really physical relationship, I don’t think that’s necessarily being anti-feminist. For me the argument of feminism never really should have come into the picture. Because I don’t know too much about the history of feminism, and so I’m not really a relevant person to bring into the conversation. Everything I was writing was so autobiographical, it could really only be a personal analysis.”

I mean, I sort of get that. At the end of the day, she’s not an academic or a policymaker or anyone else who SHOULD be held accountable. However, she is a woman and a human being, so she’s 100% relevant. Anyone who’s living and breathing and walking on this earth is relevant, particularly women.

Ah, whatever.

You might also be (not) surprised to learn that Lana really wants to die because she thinks it’ll be a “relief”:

She has also been denounced for video clips that culminate in her death: by drowning, by falling, by choking. The video for “Born To Die” ends with her in a boyfriend’s arms, inert and covered in blood. She agrees that her videos have often been “exploring ways to die,” she said, adding: “I love the idea that it’ll all be over. It’s just a relief, really. I’m scared to die, but I want to die.” The title song of “Ultraviolence” ventures into precarious territory. In an arrangement that melds Baroque dirge and wah-wah guitar, the singer describes herself as “filled with poison but blessed with beauty and rage,” and goes on to quote a fraught 1962 song from the Crystals, “He Hit Me (And It Felt Like a Kiss).”

I don’t think I’ll ever understand Lana Del Rey… and maybe that’s the point.

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