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Um, Awkward

2Pamela Anderson has been writing divorce poetry

pamela anderson rick salomon

Can someone take the internet away from most celebrities? Like, especially after big life events like break-ups/divorce? Pamela Anderson announced this week that she was divorcing husband Rick Salomon (again), and that realization has got her creative juices flowing, I suppose, because now she’s writing terrible divorce poetry and posting it on Facebook.

This is a long one, so I’ll just give you a taste here and then you can read the full thing behind the cut.

Smoldering…
I know it’s bad for you…
But, this is when I wish,
I had a cigarette-
something I’ve never tried- (light up)
some kind of relief..
I wish it was Italy 40 years ago–
The moon rising over the Amphitheater–
to tremendous applause… like Herzog (clap)
Europeans don’t seem to care about silly
smoking laws?,
We do what we want anyway -
behind closed doors–
Our true character, collective complexities.
childish activities -
patterns- genetics? Attention deficit-
- …SEX … a lost art– a sickness–
Perversions-
Lost sensuality -
The cruel smell of orange blossoms…
I love being in love– but expectations,
make it impossible to be happy-
or satisfied…
I’ve tried… so hard..
maybe it’s not in fashion–
Tradition…just seemed so romantic…,
I guess it’s a used up ideal –
for the old fashion…
not modern…
Female security… lost-
no way–
Coded, and loaded Cell phones,
Computers –
Ordering sex on line-
is like ordering a book on Amazon–
and … snooping eats you alive–

Oh dear. So basically he was cheating… again. I mean, do people never learn? Anyhow, let’s let Pamela continue with her poetic flow. It’s SO LONG!

(more…)

July 11, 2014 at 10:00 am by Jennifer

1Miley Cyrus made a drug and nudity-filled movie with Moby and Wayne Coyne

miley cyrus

First of all, where the hell has Moby been lately? You know, besides sitting alone in his apartment thinking about what a great artist he is and how no one understands music like he does. He seems to come out of hiding long enough to collaborate with Miley Cyrus and getting-weirder-by-the-day Wayne Coyne on a new music video/movie that’s trippy in all the wrong ways and is in no way worth watching. But please, I encourage you to do it anyway:

If this is what art is now, God help us all.

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July 9, 2014 at 7:00 am by Jennifer

1Has Jason Biggs always been such a dickhead?

jason biggs

I feel like I just tried to forget Jason Biggs was a thing that exists in the world for many years, and I succeeded until I started watching Orange is the New Black and then I couldn’t anymore. Then he started doing interviews because he actually booked another job after American Pie, and every time he opens his mouth to speak, it’s just a whole lot of bullshit that comes out.

Nevermind that he’s classless enough to talk shit about women’s bodies (as if he’s anything to look at – newsflash: no thanks) and exploit the Jewish community, but now he’s bragging about how his wife let him have a threesome with a prostitute but he didn’t really enjoy it because he wanted to see some lesbian action and it didn’t really happen. This talk all happened on The View, by the way.

“We are very open people, we are real people. My wife is amazing. This is not a habitual thing on our part. We don’t have a group of prostitutes who come in and out of our house on a regular basis.”

“I didn’t have a good time in the end,” he admitted. “It took three ladies over the course of three different days. Let’s just say I didn’t complete the mission. My wife found the whole thing to be quite hysterical even while it was happening. She was actually on the bed, watching, eating a bag of chips, laughing, so as you can imagine, I wasn’t really performing to the best of my abilities. Also, said prostitute wasn’t engaging with my wife the way I hoped she would and so it all kind of fell apart, and the rest is in the book.”

Apparently Candace Cameron-Bure asked his wife about this when she was on the show a few days prior because she wrote about the experience in her new book. Candace is a pretty strict Christian, so obviously she’s going to disagree with the decision and she said as much during the broadcast. Jason’s response? Classy as ever:

“Candace, I love her, but she was asking for more details,” he told the show’s hosts. “I think she just wanted us to demonstrate with her.”

Oh yes, definitely. Because she disagrees with what you do, it must just be because she wants you so badly. The fuck is with this asshole? How can ANYONE like him?

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June 20, 2014 at 10:00 am by Jennifer
Filed Under: Jason Biggs, Um, Awkward

2Lana Del Rey on feminism: ‘I’m not relevant enough to discuss it’

lana del rey

Lana Del Rey is a bona fide weirdo. We’re all on the same page about that, right? She was a wannabe popstar who turned moody chanteuse who sings only about pickup trucks, California, excessive drinking and blue jeans… and we love her for it. However, her reticence to discuss actual life issues – especially ones that effect her as a woman and, you know, every other woman in the world, seems kind of bizarre and confusing to me. According to Lana, however, she doesn’t want to talk about things like feminism because she’s not the person to ask.

From The New York Times:

“For me, a true feminist is someone who is a woman who does exactly what she wants,” she said. “If my choice is to, I don’t know, be with a lot of men, or if I enjoy a really physical relationship, I don’t think that’s necessarily being anti-feminist. For me the argument of feminism never really should have come into the picture. Because I don’t know too much about the history of feminism, and so I’m not really a relevant person to bring into the conversation. Everything I was writing was so autobiographical, it could really only be a personal analysis.”

I mean, I sort of get that. At the end of the day, she’s not an academic or a policymaker or anyone else who SHOULD be held accountable. However, she is a woman and a human being, so she’s 100% relevant. Anyone who’s living and breathing and walking on this earth is relevant, particularly women.

Ah, whatever.

You might also be (not) surprised to learn that Lana really wants to die because she thinks it’ll be a “relief”:

She has also been denounced for video clips that culminate in her death: by drowning, by falling, by choking. The video for “Born To Die” ends with her in a boyfriend’s arms, inert and covered in blood. She agrees that her videos have often been “exploring ways to die,” she said, adding: “I love the idea that it’ll all be over. It’s just a relief, really. I’m scared to die, but I want to die.” The title song of “Ultraviolence” ventures into precarious territory. In an arrangement that melds Baroque dirge and wah-wah guitar, the singer describes herself as “filled with poison but blessed with beauty and rage,” and goes on to quote a fraught 1962 song from the Crystals, “He Hit Me (And It Felt Like a Kiss).”

I don’t think I’ll ever understand Lana Del Rey… and maybe that’s the point.

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June 13, 2014 at 10:00 am by Jennifer

8Here’s a video of Justin Bieber telling a racist joke

justin bieber

Justin Bieber wants desperately to be black now, but it seems he wasn’t always so kind to anyone with darker skin (and perhaps he still isn’t – he’s an ignorant idiot, so I wouldn’t be surprised). A video has surfaced showing a 17-year-old JB sitting with a group of friends and someone who appears to be his mother (??) as he tells an awful racist joke (not that there any non-awful ones). I won’t even print what it is here, but here’s the clip and you can watch for yourself:

And there you have it. Apparently Bieber’s camp was forking out big bucks trying to keep this tape from being leaked, but here we are anyway. As The Sun has it (via Metro):

A source said: ‘This video is Justin Bieber and his camp’s worst nightmare. Even after the year he’s had – when he’s never been far from controversy – this tops the lot.

‘Justin has been taken under his wing by some of the best in the industry and they won’t stand by him after this.

‘This will be a real kick in the teeth – showing his true colours on film.’

Well, I didn’t need to see his true colours on film to know what they were, but whatever. He’s an arrogant, ignorant little piece of shit. Fuck this kid – he needs to go away forever.

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June 1, 2014 at 6:00 am by Jennifer

150 Cent tried to throw the first pitch at the Mets game… ouch!

50 cent

50 Cent is a lot of things – he’s a great businessman, a pretty solid rapper, a hilarious Instagrammer, former Chelsea Handler lover… We can’t all be good at everything, and when it comes to sports, it seems like 50 needs to stick to his day job. He was invited to throw the first pitch at the Mets game at Citi Field in New York last night, and it was sort of a disaster. Okay, not even “sort of” – it was awful.

I’m not sure why this went so wrong, but oh man, that was BAD.

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May 28, 2014 at 2:00 pm by Jennifer
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