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Um, Awkward

6This Is Miley’s Idea of Sexy, and Donald Trump Loves It

miley cyrus

This little Miley Cyrus story is a double shot of ridiculousness (just so save us from writing two separate stories). First, we have Miley’s photoshoot for her upcoming album, Bangerz, which is sure to be full of trashy, pseudo-”urban” tryhard bullshit. Then, we have the fact that Donald Trump – yes, Donald Trump – has come out and posted a message on Vine, of all fucking places, telling her to “ignore the haters” and claiming that anyone who criticises her is just “jealous”. Yeah, nope. Also, ew.

Let’s start with these photos first. What kind of ’80s nightmare is this shit? I don’t understand what she thinks she’s going for here (besides ’80s nightmare, that is) – it’s just awful. The plaid pleather pants? The slicked back hairdo? The trench coat with nothing else on? Girl, no. Sit the hell down.

As for Donald, I can’t even give any commentary there because I’m that confused/disgusted that this is even a thing that happened. I’ll just embed his Vine here and you can take it as you will (an old man, who probably jerks off to Miley’s VMA performance every night, trying to stay relevant?):

And here are the other Bangerz photos, just for you:

August 30, 2013 at 7:30 am by Jennifer

1Oops! Brandy Sings For 40 People In 90,000 Person Stadium


I love me some Brandy. She may not be all that smart, but she makes amazing music (yes, still) and hello, she was MOESHA. That’s why this story is a painful one for me to report. While in South Africa, Brandy was part of the Nelson Mandela Sport and Culture Day at the FNB Stadium. That’s great, right? Only problem is, no one seemed to be aware that she was part of the show and they all left, leaving the 90,000-capacity stadium with only 40 people in it.

That’s right: Brandy performed two songs for 40 people. Ouch.

Here’s what her fellow artist Kabomo had to say about it:

Tough break, Brandy.

August 21, 2013 at 2:30 pm by Jennifer
Filed Under: Brandy, Um, Awkward

0What? Why? Matt Damon Gets Mistaken For Mark Wahlberg


Matt Damon has revealed that he gets mistaken for Mark Wahlberg all the time, and apparently vice versa. I’m a little confused on this one because while they look similar in the fact that they’re both handsome (to most, I guess?) white guys who are rich and work in Hollywood, their actual facial structure isn’t all that similar, is it?

From Absolute Radio (via DS):

“I’ve talked to Mark about this because he gets people [that] come up and say, ‘I love you in The Bourne Identity‘.

“So Mark and I have a deal. If we’re mistaken for one another, we have to be as polite as possible.”

That’s kind of strange, but people are kind of stupid, so I guess that makes sense. Matt even said that he’s signed Mark’s autograph before for fans who think that’s who he is.

“Oh yeah, yeah. You have to be as nice as possible. If they keep the thing going, you have to keep it going.”

Well, that’s nice of him, I suppose, not to shatter people’s dreams.  Do you think they look alike? Not just “vaguely similar”, I mean alike enough for you to mistake one for the other?

mark wahlberg matt damon lookalike

August 20, 2013 at 10:30 am by Jennifer

6Please Pray for Katy “Devil Child” Perry!

katy perry devil

It’s a tale as old as f-cking time that Katy Perry‘s parents are ultra right-wing, religious nutsos, but it’s mostly all good in the hood because her booming bank account got them to keep their f-ckery to a minimum. Except every once in a while, they get a little ornery and start smack-talking their daughter in the press and predicting hellfire for all who dare to listen to Katy’s music (there’s a joke in there for the Katy haters – I cater to all tastes). Anyhoo, their latest bout of verbal diarrhea saw her pops calling her a “devil child” and saying all her fans are worshiping false idols. Oh, brother.

From The Sun:

In a string of bizarre sermons, he urges congregations to “pray for Katy”, whose hits include I Kissed A Girl And I Liked It.

Keith and wife Mary are currently touring American churches as star speakers.

The pair, who have made millions off the back of their famous daughter, show a video making Katy out to be a “devil child” who needs “healing”.

Speaking in Santa Fe Springs, California, Keith ranted: “They ask how can I preach if I produce a girl who sang about kissing another girl?“I was at a concert of Katy’s where there were 20,000. I’m watching this generation and they were going at it. It almost looked like church.“I stood there and wept and kept on weeping and weeping. They’re loving and worshipping the wrong thing.”

Katy’s parents ask for donations, saying they need “not one or two dollars, but 20s” so they can go to Switzerland.

Haha! Uh, can’t Katy give them money to go to f-cking Switzerland or something? Plus, that family was certainly never poor, so can’t they afford going to Europe? Even I went overseas last year and I’m barely scraping middle class. I can’t believe some people are this corny. Keith, give it up, bro. Katy escaped your cultish lifestyle and is having the time of her life. If you want that trip to Switzerland, you need to cool your jets, my man.

May 2, 2013 at 7:30 am by Jennifer

0Did Mariah Carey Almost Get Sacked From ‘Idol’ For Jennifer Lopez?

mariah carey jennifer lopez

Mariah Carey was a big get for American Idol, a dying show that no one really cares about anymore. By all measures, her presence on the judges’ panel should have made the ratings skyrocket – especially given her “feud” with Nicki Minaj, which has been far less exciting than we’d all hoped. In any case, higher ratings have been elusive and apparently, Idol producers considered getting rid of Mariah in favour of bringing back former judge Jennifer Lopez. Oh, snap!

Team Mariah caught wind of this, apparently, and threatened to sue the show, which threw a wrench in the whole operation. Of course, Nigel Lythgoe over at Idol has denied this was ever in the works, but I think we all know better.

From The Hollywood Reporter:

“This is just another ridiculous Idol judge rumor, likely started by talks of Jennifer performing on the finale,” a Fox spokeswoman tells THR in a statement. Producer Fremantle NorthAmerica declines to comment. A rep for Carey denies these allegations. Idol producer Nigel Lythgoe tells THR: “I have not been included in any conversation regarding replacing Mariah with Jen this season.”

American Idol kicked off its 12th season on solid enough footing. Earning a 6.0 rating with adults 18-49 and 17.9 million total viewers in its January return, the 17 percent dip was less precipitous than some of the bigger drops in recent years. But the months since have been less kind. The Wednesday performance show is currently averaging a 4.3 rating with adults 18-49, its worst performance since its inaugural season in 2001. And it is dropping nearly every week.

Well, obviously it’s dropping every week – no one gives a shit about American Idol. It’s a dated format now that produces very few stars anymore and people aren’t watching because of it. Obviously shows like The Voice are doing well (though they don’t fare well with producing real-life stars at all and never have) because it’s a shake-up of the traditional talent show genre, but whatever.

Apparently Idol producers want to gut the entire panel for next season, which begs the question: WHY IS THERE GOING TO BE ANOTHER SEASON OF AMERICAN IDOL? Christ almighty, let it die.

April 24, 2013 at 9:30 am by Jennifer

4A+ For Reese Witherspoon And Her Publicist: Reese Releases Humble Statement About Arrest

reese witherspoon mugshot photo

Reese Witherspoon, America’s Sweetheart or whatever, was arrested with her husband for drunk driving and disorderly conduct. And unlike Amanda Bynes and Lindsay Lohan, Ms. Witherspoon knows how to give good statement. Her publicist is very smart. Her statement, via TMZ:

Out of respect for the ongoing legal situation, I cannot comment on everything that is being reported right now. But I do want to say I clearly had one drink too many and I am deeply embarrassed about the things I said. It was definitely a scary situation and I was frightened for my husband, but that was no excuse. I was disrespectful to the officer who was just doing his job. The words I used that night definitely do not reflect who I am. I have nothing but respect for the police and I am very sorry for my behavior.

By “the things I said” she was referring to the classic “do you know who I am/what my name is” line.

I’m not saying let’s throw her a parade for saying exactly what someone should after being arrested for drunk driving, but I’m saying it’s refreshing to see a celebrity own up to their mistakes and take full blame. Unlike Lindsay “It Was Totally My Assistant’s Fault, Swearsies” Lohan.

Their separate hearings are scheduled for May 22 and 23 in Atlanta. Sorry for the quality of that mugshot, it’s the best one that’s out there right now that isn’t the side by side one with her husband.

Here’s some photos of Witherspoon and Mr. Witherspoon leaving their NYC hotel yesterday (August 21), right as the DUI news was about to burst. She looks smug as hell, but take a photo at the right time and anyone can look like anything.

April 22, 2013 at 5:30 pm by Catherine St. Ives
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