Michael Welch, who played Mike Netwon in the first three Twilight movies, has gotten divorced from his wife Marissa Lefton, reports TMZ. Lefton is a former child actress — she played Annie at three years-old in Father of the Bride. The two were married in 2008, separated in December of 2011, and made the divorce official this month. On Valentine’s Day. The same day that Kris Humphries‘ lawyer dumped him. News of the divorce is just coming to light (no pun intended). Hey, you try finding non-Oscar related news the night after/early morning of the Oscars. Seriously though, divorce sucks and he seems like a good guy. He’s a spokesperson for The Thirst Project, a nonprofit organization that “informs and empowers students regarding the global water crisis.”
They are both 25. DAMN it sucks to get divorced so young.
Come on, it’s ok, you can tell me! I know you want this baby doll. And if you don’t, let me give you a few details, and then I’m sure you’ll change your mind.
This is one of those reborn dolls, you know, the ones that look super realistic and sometimes women with emotional problems are shown on television treating them like real children. It’s available on Etsy for just $850, which actually isn’t that outrageous considering all the work that goes into these things. You’re intrigued, right?
But let’s get to the real seller: it’s a vampire baby. In fact, it’s Edward and Bella’s vampire baby. Yes, this is a creepy Twilight doll that will haunt your dreams, and for a small fee of $850, it can haunt the rest of your whole life. And then for your birthday, maybe you can get a Taylor Lautner real doll so you can really get freaky. Like actually, unstably freaky.
Or am I the only one, my many facets considered a triune of … you know what? What-the-f-ck ever – I like these damn movies, and even though my twenty-one year-old self would be slapping the shit out of my twenty-eight year-old self, there are just some things that you can’t change and guys? This is one of them. Mark it on your calendars. Commemorate it in a scrap book. But you’ve got to tell me: are there any other Twilight fans out there who are excited about this business? Because if I feel like I’m the only one, well, then I’m going to have to start posting Breaking Dawn Part II stuff like it’s my damn job.
One girl I know I can count on to sate her Twilight thirst along with me? This one.
The best part of the video? Her main YouTube page, where it says in the description, “Holy mother of melty shitbags.” Can I borrow that? Use it? Market it, maybe? I love random outbursts of profanity, and while I thought that one I came out with a few years ago while driving down the highway and some schmoe in a fancy Aston Martin blew past me and almost tossed me and my nine-year-old car off the road was the ultimate (“SHITBAG BALLSUCKER!”), this’ll do just fine, my friends. Just fine.