See, Mama Shakur doesn’t want any of that nonsense. She’s had to go through all sorts of things with her little angel, Tupac – the fact that his friends smoked his remains, conspiracy after conspiracy surrounding his murder, and, you know, the murder itself – and it turns out that a sex tape is just pushing it a little too far:

TMZ spoke with a spokesperson for Pac’s estate, who was VERY clear, “We will sue anyone who tries to sell a Tupac tape.”

The rep insists … only the estate has the power to authorize the use of Tupac’s image for commercial use … and there’s NO WAY the sex tape will ever get the proper approval.

We’re told Tupac’s mother, Afeni Shakur, is aware of the tape — and has told her spokesperson, “Get the legal team ready because [we] will not allow someone to put it out.”

The rep tells us … the estate is trying to figure out who is marketing the tape by attempting to identify the individuals who appear on film, including the leading lady, believing one of them might be the culprit.

Really though, thank goodness they’re fighting so hard to keep this tape from being released.  Everybody knows I love me some Tupac, but when I first heard the news of the sex tape, I think I literally gagged.  It just sounds so gross and icky and it makes me uncomfortable to thing of Tupac, the person I consider to be my guardian angel, engaging in such activities.

On the flip side, is anyone super bummed?

Does that kind of creep any of you out? That boyfriend there has this sex tape, and people are only now talking about it, like, almost two decades after he’s been in the ground? I’m making grim faces, guys. Consider me put the eff off. From TMZ:

The tape, shot in 1991, begins with a bunch of groupies in a living room during a house party. Tupac walks into the room with his pants down to his ankles, his shirt off … sporting several chains.

Tupac — whose head is shaved — pulls one of the women toward him, and she begins performing oral sex. As she does her thing, an unreleased song of Tupac’s is playing in the background, as Tupac is singing along and dancing, wiggling his hips.

And it gets even better. As the woman services Tupac, who is holding a cocktail in one hand and a blunt in another, Money B from Digital Underground walks over to him. Tupac puts his cocktail arm around Money B, continues singing and dancing … and the woman never stops.

That’s impressive. I mean, I can hardly walk and chew gum at the same time without looking stupid or choking or drooling or something. This woman, whoever she is, can give head while someone’s dancing and rapping? Plus, she’s holding a blunt AND a cocktail (har har) in each hand? And it appears to be no thing to either one of them? None of these things are bit distracting? Well. I guess I’m in the right line of business, then, friends. Hopefully no one from my hosting company ever walks into my house and expects this kind of treatment, because I’m just putting it out there right now: I’m just not that talented.

You guys know that I will take any opportunity to talk about Tupac. He’s my favorite rapper, hands down, and if it weren’t for the fact that he’s been dead for 15 years come September, you’d probably see at least a mention of him every other week or so. He’s magnificent, ok? He’s the Lindsay Lohan of my heart, and I will sing his praises for the rest of my days.

Anyway, you know his friends, The Outlawz? They’re a hip hop group that Tupac founded, and yes, they smoked Tupac’s ashes:

The Outlawz — most famous for the Biggie Smalls diss track “Hit ‘em Up” — said, “Yeah, it’s definitely true” … claiming it all went down at a beach memorial for Pac — and his mom was present at the time.

The rappers claim the idea was inspired by a lyric in one of Tupac’s songs in which he said, “Last wishes n**gas, smoke my ashes.”

So … the Outlawz say they simply followed Pac’s request — explaining, “We twist up some of that great-granddaddy California kush …and mixed the big homie with it … so you know, [Tupac is] flowin’ through our system.”

First of all, poor Tupac, right?  Second of all, is this an actual thing that people do in the world?  I remember when I wrote that story about Courtney Love snorting Kurt Cobain‘s ashes, I found it incredibly disturbing, and also did you see that episode of My Strange Addiction where the woman was eating her husband’s ashes? Is it too much to ask that we just leave the remains of the dead alone, or at least outside of our bodies?

On Wednesday, prison inmate Dexter Isaac confessed to the 1996 murder of Tupac Shakur. He alleges that he was hired by another conspirator, music producer James “Jimmy Henchmen” Rosemond, to gun Tupac down.

But if you’re a foreigner—or a kid—maybe you don’t know who Tupac is! Never fear: Next Media is here to help.

You’ve heard of Next Media Animation, haven’t you? That’s the Taiwanese studio that reenacts current news stories—using bleeding-edge computer-rendered graphics—for Chinese news. The studio first achieved notoriety last summer with an animation of Tiger Woods’ car crash.

(LOL at bizarro-skinny Biggie Smalls.)

While Dexter Isaac’s confession is suspect—he also implicates Diddy, and he’s likely trying to shave some time off that life sentence he’s already serving—a federal grand jury apparently trusts Isaac’s information enough to charge two of Jimmy Henchmen’s friends with the 2009 shooting death of Lowell Fletcher, a friend of 50 Cent.

P.S. Oops! How embarrassing. Though a hit on Tupac’s life was first attempted in 1994, he wasn’t murdered until 1996. I’ve corrected the year, above. Sorry, and thanks!

Remember that LA Times story we called bullshit on, like, weeks ago?

The LA Times called bullshit on it today, too.

“In relying on documents that I now believe were fake, I failed to do my job,” said Chuck Philips, the reporter behind a story accusing Sean “Diddy” Combs of being behind a shooting of Tupac. “I’m sorry.”

The Deputy Managing Editor made a statement of his own: We should not have let ourselves be fooled. That we were is as much my fault as Chuck’s. I deeply regret that we let our readers down.”

So there you go.

I was right, the mainstream media was wrong.

Hooray! ;)