I don’t know anything about football. There’s a ball — it’s brown — and weird pitchfork-style things sticking up from the ground and men run and, as I’d tell my college boyfriend whenever he’d promise me we’d go shopping when the game was over, the number-one rule of football is that the clock must never be running. Every girl knows what I mean. “Ten minutes left” means “two hours left” because the number-one rule of football is that the clock must never be running. Never ever ever. If the clock is running, something terrible happened.

Anyway.

This guy Tony Romo is good at the football game.

Except for when his new girlfriend, Jessica Simpson, is in the stands.

Then Tony Romo sucks at football.

He had the worst game of his career this weekend, with Jessica there.

Although it’s nice to see a girl make a guy choke; it’s usually the other way around. ;)

Jess and Tony are still going strong, sucking face at Cacee Cobb’s 30th birthday party at Teddy’s.

At first, the singer – wearing a form-fitting black dress and spike heels – and her new beau kept things low-key in a secluded booth. But as the night wore on, the two were spotted with their arms around each other. Then, after a few seconds of conversation, they leaned in for a kiss – right in the middle of the crowded club.

Also, I guess Cacee’s still going strong with Scrubs star Donald Faison. Cute!!!

According to a source:

“Joe and Tony have been friendly for a while. Joe is a huge Dallas Cowboy fan, and Tony has always had a crush on her – he even said on his Web site like a year ago that it was his dream to date her. Jessica has been in Nashville and Dallas recording her new country album. When Tony found out, he called Joe and said, ‘I know she’s not dating anyone right now, can I take her out for a drink at least?’ Jessica said it was OK for Joe to give Tony her number and they hit it off. They’ve been dating for a couple of weeks now, and Jessica is so happy. She’s been texting everyone about how great he is.”

I think Papa Joe must have smelled some publicity. I can’t imagine he had any other reason for letting such a manwhore — I mean, the guy got a lapdance from Britney — date his daughter.

Seriously, I felt something rubbing on my leg at like 3 am last night and woke up screaming, “Stop it, Tony Romo!”

My cat just stared at me.

But seriously this dude is just having sex with everything in the Los Angeles area.

Up now: Jessica Simpson, with whom he spent Thanksgiving in Texas. InTouch is reporting that he’s her boyfriend, but somehow I doubt that. I don’t think he’s anyone’s boyfriend. I think he’s just trying to have sex with more celebrities than Matt Leinart. I think that’s his goal.

From a tipster:

I was surprised today when Tony Romo was kissing a pretty brunette woman when he finished his press conference about his new 67 million dollar contract. People there said the same woman was at the game he played the Sunday before last, leaving in his SUV. After being linked very recently with Sophia Bush and then partying with Britney, I am wondering if this woman lives in a hole and doesn’t hear what all he is up to or maybe she has 67 million reasons not to care.

Romo — who also dated Carrie Underwood and was spotted on the receiving end of a lap dance from Britney Spears this weekend — signed a 6-year extension to his contract with the Dallas Cowboys today, to the tune of $67 million dollars.

Tony, Tony, Tony.

You’re gunning for Paris Hilton, aren’t you?

What any normal person would do:

She found a professional football player and hit the club!

After the custody hearing, Britney and Alli Sims went to Ketchup, where Tony Romo (who’s been linked recently to Sophia Bush and Carrie Underwood) was having dinner.

The threesome later headed to Les Deux, where they chilled in the VIP room.

Tony Romo is the new Matt Leinart!

Look for Paris Hilton to be all over this dude in the coming weeks.